Friendship In Thailand

[transam]

In my experience it is hard to make real friends with other foreigners in Thailand because they tend to fall in 3 categories:

1. Acclimated ex-pats- have wife or family, job and responsibilities, their life is complete with no time or energy for new people.

2. Bar stool warriors- they are happy to tell you everything wrong with Thailand and are experts on everything, even though they know no Thai people they have not paid for company and have mastered a total of 5 words in Thai and spend all day impressing everyone with their ability to say "aloy mak mak, suway mak mak, aloy nit noy, mak mak nit noy, aloy nit mak,,,," (these people would be friendless in their own country also).

3. Temps - Those here for 3-6 months either for holiday or work, who seem sincere in their enthusiasm, but mostly want peopl to do whatever for them then they go home and your efforts are never reciprocated

I am sure there are decent, smart, respectful foreigners living here who would be good friends, I just haven't met them..

As far as Thai people, I prefer female friends. Once they know you are not wealthy and you don't want to have sex with them, Thai women can be very good friends. In my experience I stay away from Thai men as they tend to have a superior (covering their inferior) attitude and love to play "make the farang look stupid" or "lets see what we can get from the farang". Again, you mileage may vary...

No. 4 Me.

Me No. 7

Hmmmmmm, 5 & 6 might be interesting stuff eh.

[EmptyBasementBin]

For a Thai, a friend is someone they met once. In a lot of cases, the name of the "friend" is unknown.

True. It's often quite surprising, until you really get to understand the culture.

The noob can be amazed by seeing a Thai close to them meet and converse and be friendly with the someone everyday for 6 months. Then when asked what's their name? What city are they from? they don't know.

Edited July 16, 2012 by EmptyBasementBin

[mauGR1]

In my experience it is hard to make real friends with other foreigners in Thailand because they tend to fall in 3 categories:

1. Acclimated ex-pats- have wife or family, job and responsibilities, their life is complete with no time or energy for new people.

2. Bar stool warriors- they are happy to tell you everything wrong with Thailand and are experts on everything, even though they know no Thai people they have not paid for company and have mastered a total of 5 words in Thai and spend all day impressing everyone with their ability to say "aloy mak mak, suway mak mak, aloy nit noy, mak mak nit noy, aloy nit mak,,,," (these people would be friendless in their own country also).

3. Temps - Those here for 3-6 months either for holiday or work, who seem sincere in their enthusiasm, but mostly want peopl to do whatever for them then they go home and your efforts are never reciprocated

I am sure there are decent, smart, respectful foreigners living here who would be good friends, I just haven't met them..

As far as Thai people, I prefer female friends. Once they know you are not wealthy and you don't want to have sex with them, Thai women can be very good friends. In my experience I stay away from Thai men as they tend to have a superior (covering their inferior) attitude and love to play "make the farang look stupid" or "lets see what we can get from the farang". Again, you mileage may vary...

No. 4 Me.

Me No. 7

Hmmmmmm, 5 & 6 might be interesting stuff eh.

That's nothing !.... 8 & 9 are real aliens !

[StreetCowboy]

It seems to me that all of you are male ... no female responses so far?

I have been living in Bangkok for about 6 years by now, and I struggle making friends with Thais! I had a boyfriend for a few years, but he was almost the only person I got along with. Right now, I have acquaintances, but only few good Thai friends.

For a Western women, it is often difficult to get along with Thai girls. With most of them it is really hard to have a conversation about more serious issues that go beyond beauty, cuteness, clothes etc.

Sometimes we just have to lift our game

SC

[StreetCowboy]

Maybe if you need local friends, you shouldn't have moved here.

I have generally maintained the friendships that I have had from elsewhere, and tried to get on with colleagues and neighbours without worrying about whether they are friends or not. If, after two or three moves, we are still in contact, then presumably we are friends, since we are no longer colleagues.

SC

[StreetCowboy]

...

If a fake friend is someone i can have a cup of coffee and a friendly conversation, without having much emotional involvement, i am happy i have quite a lot of choice, here and elsewhere.

My only enemies are aging and potential illnesses, but i guess that's for everyone.

I tried to be friendly with everyone, and i get plenty of reward for that...Just been to buy a bottle of milk at 7/11, got at least 5 people smiling and giggling at me in 3 minutes time, [sC: My bold] i am still smiling now...

Yep, so superficial, but heart warming nonetheless

Have you checked your flies?

SC

[mauGR1]

...

If a fake friend is someone i can have a cup of coffee and a friendly conversation, without having much emotional involvement, i am happy i have quite a lot of choice, here and elsewhere.

My only enemies are aging and potential illnesses, but i guess that's for everyone.

I tried to be friendly with everyone, and i get plenty of reward for that...Just been to buy a bottle of milk at 7/11, got at least 5 people smiling and giggling at me in 3 minutes time, [sC: My bold] i am still smiling now...

Yep, so superficial, but heart warming nonetheless

Have you checked your flies?

SC

Flies ? Do you mean the insects ? Well i don't have any flies, except 1 or 2 in the garden No, i have never checked them.

[mauGR1]

Have you checked your flies?

SC

Oh, i got the joke now SC, actually i like to wear sport pants without flies..I hope nothing's wrong with that.

My gf often complains when i forget to check the flies, i don't know why she's always looking down there. she never complains about hairs in my ears.

[metisdead]

Posts using Thai language have been removed as well as the posts that replied. This is an English language forum, English is the only acceptable language, except in the Thai language forum where Thai is allowed. The posts were also trollish in nature.

[bina]

for male thais, friends are people u hang out with; pi/nong (family or extended or village, or same area that u have grown up with them) are what WE consider 'real friends' (the ones that u can borrow/lend from; askt o do favours or get favours from ; will come to the hospital/house for emergencies)... probably a big difference among country and city folks; and those with higher education, etc...

bina

a bit similar to here, where good friends are guys u went to school with, and then through army... family is first, army/school friends are second, work/hobby are just 'guys to hang out with'....and very difficultu for a stranger, especially a stranger not speaking the language too well, to join up with.

[kennedy]

My best friend in Thailand other than my wife, is a Thai army Col..He graduated from college in the states with an engineering degree.My wife got upset with me when I came home at 3:am one morning. Once the two of us start talking we don't think about the time. My wife and him are like sister and brother.

[Trembly]

There's puean (friends / someone you just happen to be doing something with for example workmate : puean-ruam-ngaan or classmate : puean-rien) and then there are puean-sanit (a friend you would confide in) / puean-see (bosom buddies) and in Isan, xiaow (best mate).

There is also a differentiation between puean-gin (someone you might share a meal or drink with) and puean-tai (someone you would die with)

To say that Thais consider family to be what westerners consider real friends is to forget about human nature, and is frankly ill-informed presumptuous <deleted>

A Thai might do all kinds of things and put up with all kinds of nonsense for their family, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they really get along with and like the family they are doing it for. Attending emergencies, lending / borrowing money from, being your partner in crime, giving you a place to stay while you divorce, these are all things that xiaow / puean-sanit / puean-see / puean-tai would do and not just because they happen to be related to you.

If someone is your xiaow / puean-tai then you will not turn them away no matter what the time of the day is. It doesn't matter if its rice harvesting season, it doesn't matter if you're having an argument with your wife while the kids are crying, it doesn't matter if you haven't seen each other for 10 years. If he dies you will personally take steps to ensure that his kids are fed, housed and schooled. If your xiaow /puean-tai calls on you you will have time for them, and vice versa.

Notwithstanding the fact that ability, intelligence and character are no respecters of circumstance, the difference between rich and poor regarding friendship probably only exists in so much as poor people having more likelihood of going through situations where having a real friend means a real difference between life and death.

Edited July 19, 2012 by Trembly

[mauGR1]

There's puean (friends / someone you just happen to be doing something with for example workmate : puean-ruam-ngaan or classmate : puean-rien) and then there are puean-sanit (a friend you would confide in) / puean-see (bosom buddies) and in Isan, xiaow (best mate).

There is also a differentiation between puean-gin (someone you might share a meal or drink with) and puean-tai (someone you would die with)

To say that Thais consider family to be what westerners consider real friends is to forget about human nature, and is frankly ill-informed presumptuous <deleted>

A Thai might do all kinds of things and put up with all kinds of nonsense for their family, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they really get along with and like the family they are doing it for. Attending emergencies, lending / borrowing money from, being your partner in crime, giving you a place to stay while you divorce, these are all things that xiaow / puean-sanit / puean-see / puean-tai would do and not just because they happen to be related to you.

If someone is your xiaow / puean-tai then you will not turn them away no matter what the time of the day is. It doesn't matter if its rice harvesting season, it doesn't matter if you're having an argument with your wife while the kids are crying, it doesn't matter if you haven't seen each other for 10 years. If he dies you will personally take steps to ensure that his kids are fed, housed and schooled. If your xiaow /puean-tai calls on you you will have time for them, and vice versa.

Notwithstanding the fact that ability, intelligence and character are no respecters of circumstance, the difference between rich and poor regarding friendship probably only exists in so much as poor people having more likelihood of going through situations where having a real friend means a real difference between life and death.

Very good contibution Trembly, keep them coming

[Trembly]

Having said that, it is also quite telling that when there is an age gap of more than a few years between two real friends they will often take to introducing each other as pee/nong (brother or sister) in a tone that is more emphatic (to convey that this here is someone who I actually consider to be my brother, not just someone I know who happens to be older or younger than me) or even pee-rak/nong-rak (dear brother or sister).

Example : "Hey fellas, I just want to introduce you to Tong, my nong-rak. Tong was in Pattani with me and he probably saved my <deleted> life . . ."

Edited July 19, 2012 by Trembly