Married - Seperated (Not Divorced) - Getting Back Together?

[jambco984]

Hello and good morning.

I have been married for a year and a half and 5 weeks ago told the wife I don't want to be with her as there were too many strains on the relationship, long working hours, never seeing each other the all so familiar jealousy.

She went living with her folks and I was alone in our 3 bed house.

Since the split I have gone OTT drinking with friends and being a waster.

I seen a light at the end of the tunnel when one day I had just had enough and realised I wanted my wife back (is this the right move).

I call her we meet all is fine and dandy. She is yet to move back in we are taking things slowly.

I have laid out some new things I want to change if we give it another go, binning off the well paid but crap job is one of them.

Has anyone had experience of breaking up and getting back together and it being a success??

I'm afraid if we give it another go everything will just turn to s**t again.

All USEFUL comments are much appreciated. Funny comments also taken in. People out to be of the venom tongued variety can pass on by ;-)

Cheers

jambco984

[Mario2008]

Nothing uncommen about breaking up and getting togehter again.

My grandparents did the same thing when they were in their 60ties, the strain of my grandfather always at home after retirement being too much. But after almost 2 years seperation they got together again.

Yes, you should work out your differences and also understand that cultural differences lead to a lot of misunderstanding. Simple misunderstanding of what a word means can lead to confusion.

Looks like you are on the right track.

Good luck.

[ThaidDown]

Not had personal experience of this but if its of any help....

"is this the right move" Do not think any one except you is in a position to answer that, sorry

"binning off the well paid but crap job .." Personally unless you had another job to go to or a alternative source of income I would really think hard about that, obviously look for another job, but getting back together is probably going to be stressful enough, without the further complication of no income.

"I have laid out some new things I want to change" Fine but have you asked your wife how she wants you to change. I think it takes 2 to make a marriage although some on here subscribe to the "Do what you're told wife or get outI" maybe works for some.

And yes I am married.

[SOTIRIOS]

binning off the well paid but crap job is one of them.

...can you explain the meaning of this, please?

[jambco984]

binning off the well paid but crap job is one of them.

...can you explain the meaning of this, please?

My wife earns a decent (for a thai) paypack each month but i never see her. That is binning off telling her I want her to quit her job.

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[jambco984]

Not had personal experience of this but if its of any help....

"is this the right move" Do not think any one except you is in a position to answer that, sorry

"binning off the well paid but crap job .." Personally unless you had another job to go to or a alternative source of income I would really think hard about that, obviously look for another job, but getting back together is probably going to be stressful enough, without the further complication of no income.

"I have laid out some new things I want to change" Fine but have you asked your wife how she wants you to change. I think it takes 2 to make a marriage although some on here subscribe to the "Do what you're told wife or get outI" maybe works for some.

And yes I am married.

I have asked her what she wants to do regards me changing. Personally i think im a saint haha. She will get back to me on that one.

Yeah only i can answer the big question.

It was the wife i was referring to quitting her job. She wants to finish if it means we can be together.

Lots of questions but i think my best course of action is to take it slowly.

We are both 27 so i do treat her as my equal not do as i say woman attitude

Thank you everyone

Great help

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[rijb]

You're not treating her as an equal. You initiated the separation. Now, you are ordering her to quit het job. If she's smart she won't come back.

[Bangkokhatter]

it is hard to make a marriage work when your in the situation of both of you working, especially if the wife works much longer hours. My marriage broke up mainly due to our time off not coinciding and we ended up leading separate lives. It's something i regret and should have tried harder for a solution.

If you want to make it work you are going to have to work hard at it and that will mean BOTH of you making compromises.

I wish you luck

[rotary]

Quitting jobs to be together never works because the person who quits their job always feels they are the loser. Make some compromise yes, but quitting jobs to be together is a recipe for a big problem,

Edited July 23, 2012 by rotary

[jambco984]

You're not treating her as an equal. You initiated the separation. Now, you are ordering her to quit het job. If she's smart she won't come back.

Ordering, heavy word isn't it??

She wanted to quit the job but it was always, next month, next month kind of attitude. I don't think I am selfish in asking to spend time with my wife.

If you were smart you would see I'm genuine and not a <deleted>. I asked for peoples opinions but only useful ones. So jog on with your last sentence.

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[jambco984]

it is hard to make a marriage work when your in the situation of both of you working, especially if the wife works much longer hours. My marriage broke up mainly due to our time off not coinciding and we ended up leading separate lives. It's something i regret and should have tried harder for a solution.

If you want to make it work you are going to have to work hard at it and that will mean BOTH of you making compromises.

I wish you luck

Quitting jobs to be together never works because the person who quits their job always feels they are the loser. Make some compromise yes, but quitting jobs to be together is a recipe for a big problem,

Thanks chaps both useful and worthy of a good think ;-)

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[henryalleman]

You're not treating her as an equal. You initiated the separation. Now, you are ordering her to quit het job. If she's smart she won't come back.

This is a very sensible remark. He should be happy that his wife has a good job en should support her in doing that. I've got the feeling that hess a rather egocentric man.

Maybe she is afraid to hurt your feelings that she actually likes her job very much, because its secures her independence.

Edited July 26, 2012 by henryalleman

[transam]

binning off the well paid but crap job is one of them.

...can you explain the meaning of this, please?

My wife earns a decent (for a thai) paypack each month but i never see her. That is binning off telling her I want her to quit her job.

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BUT, in farang land that is how most folk live and work to get by. Why should it be different here. Love is love, thats why your tied the not.

[jambco984]

Ok ok i deserve these comments i should be more open and im loving how i am now egocentric.... Nice.

Judge a book by its cover cock.

Im a teacher and have good time off. My wife works Tuesday-Sunday. Her day off is Monday. She goes to work before me and comes home at 9pm?? Time for bed do it all again. Is that a life any of you saints in wedded bliss would entertain. I dont think so.

Before wifey took this job we got on great and had lots of time for each other. Now we dont see each other and shes entitled to a whopping 6 days holiday a year. Yes shes thai you have to accept she isnt going to be entitled to farrang hols and benefits in this country.

I dont lord it over her. All i want is compromise to find a happy medium. Oh and by the way she hasnt finished work yet. I didnt pin her hands behind her back and force her to quit. Its just what i want. She tells me what she wants and then take it from there.

But as I have had s**tty replies from gobs**tes then i will reframe for asking for genuine help.

Faith in foreigners in Thailand restored. Yes a good bunch of you are not worth any words.

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[TommoPhysicist]

IMHO, the bad sign is that you blinked first (asking her back), it would have been much more comfortable for you (in the long term) if you had waited for her to ask to come back.

Asking her to quit her job.

Another really bad idea, after a while having her hanging around the house 24/7 will become very tiresome, for both of you. Don't do it. How about her asking her employers to change her working days before she quits?

Edited July 28, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[rijb]

A teacher?! I would have guessed marriage counselor.

[jambco984]

IMHO, the bad sign is that you blinked first (asking her back), it would have been much more comfortable for you (in the long term) if you had waited for her to ask to come back.

Asking her to quit her job.

Another really bad idea, after a while having her hanging around the house 24/7 will become very tiresome, for both of you. Don't do it. How about her asking her employers to change her working days before she quits?

Thanks for this. Yeah I want compromise and so does she. Since I initiated the break up we have called each other everyday and we have remained on good terms then the next step was to get back together (I think).

I never wanted to break up in the first place but circumstances at the time were just too much and well that was that. Yes I am no saint but I have always been loyal and loving to my wife.

The time apart gave great thinking time and breathing space to see what we both wanted.

Background on wifeys job, she works at a supermarket as back office staff and loves it. Yes the freedom is great for her and I respect she wants independence its just I know what we had before she took this job and it was great. I get 8 weeks paid hols a year so either work more or sit around twiddling my thumbs waiting for her to come home. We had been all over South East Asia together but now we never get out of the province.

It's a tough one but we will see.

Thank you

[jambco984]

A teacher?! I would have guessed marriage counselor.

Yes, I am often being mistaken for a marriage counselor but this is a common mistake made by bafoons