Married But Found Love Again

[BlimeyCharlie]

I everyone, don't know if anyone can help or point me in the right direction of someone who can. I fell in love with a Thai woman who has a 2 year old son and they have both been living with me in the UK for just over 6 months. We have known each other longer but unfortunately we have both recently seperated from our partners. Although i left my wife some time ago and it was very ammicable, my girlfriends has been very difficult. She has been married to a man that has treat her like nothing more than a possesion. He has mentaly abused her and threatend her into loving him, even though they have spent most of their married 2 years sleeping in different rooms.

This is just a brief description of the problems my girlfiend has had to endour but we now don't seem to be able to get any help for me and my girlfiend to be together. Her visa runs out this February, and although she wanted to stay in this country to be with me, there seems to be no way around it. Social services, local law centres and solictors don't seem to care. They just see this as we have left our partners to be together which isn't true. He has witheld her sons passport who is also Thai. The only consolation we have had is that because there is a child involved, my girfriend will not have to go back until the situation is resolved over her son. Although he has made no attempt to see or ask and even care for his son.

Im beating around the bush with this post so i apologise. Just thought i would paint a picture.

As we have now got into our heads that my girlfriend will now have to go back, i have decided i will go back with her. Can anyone advice me on what i need to do to be able to live in Thailand. Can i get some form of long term visa. Would i have to set a business up just to live there?. My girlfriend owns her own home in Bankok so its not as if we dont have anywhere to live. Unfortunately we are both still married and i don't think her husbad wants her to be happy, so getting married would be in the distant future.

Basically i want to live in Thailand with her and i'm giving everything up to do it.

Any advice is welcome.

Many Thanks

[pnustedt]

From my understanding of UK divorce law your g/f (and yourself) would have two options in seeking a divorce, either by way of a year's separation or because of unreasonable behaviour by the spouse. The former is normally the most straightforward. You say the g/f has been with you 6 months so there should not be too long to wait until she can file for divorce. After the divorce you would need to wait a few weeks for the divorce to become absolute and then you would be free to remarry. You would not even need to be in the country whilst the process is carried out.

Get a solicitor who specialises in family law - family assets will also need to be allocated, maybe a problem if your g/f's spouse is being difficult.

You say the son is your g/f's son - I assume he is also the husband's son? His welfare will be the most important aspect the divorce court will wish to take into account. Try to think of his needs before you decide what you want to do, giving everything up and living in Thailand may not be the best course of action for him.

[lopburi3]

You have no right to live in Thailand so any long term visa is out of the picture. The best you could hope for would be a multi entry non immigrant visa requiring 90 day visa trips which could cover a little over one year and then require, probably, a return to the same Consulate to obtain another (if still available). The other option would be to set up a business and obtain business visa and then extension of stay. That would require funds to set up and a working business/funds. A 3rd option is investment of 3 million baht though immigration run program. If over age 50 the retirement option is also available if you have the pension/funds.

Believe you will find it very hard to live here without income of some kind - and in most cases that would have to be from outside Thailand unless employed or running a business.

[chownah]

There is yet another option which is often overlooked....you actually don't need a visa at all. If you are a UK citizen you have the right to enter Thailand for up to 30 days without a visa. You are given an Entry Card when you arrive and it is stapled into your passport. All you need to do if you want to stay for more than 30 days is to go to a border with another country(when your 30 days are up), officially go through immigration to leave Thailand and enter the other country, go back through immigration again to leave the other country and re-enter Thailand, and upon doing so Thailand will issue you a new Entry Card which will give you an additional 30 days.......I've been doing this for over 4 years and it is no problem.

[creation2474]

I everyone, don't know if anyone can help or point me in the right direction of someone who can. I fell in love with a Thai woman who has a 2 year old son and they have both been living with me in the UK for just over 6 months. We have known each other longer but unfortunately we have both recently seperated from our partners. Although i left my wife some time ago and it was very ammicable, my girlfriends has been very difficult. She has been married to a man that has treat her like nothing more than a possesion. He has mentaly abused her and threatend her into loving him, even though they have spent most of their married 2 years sleeping in different rooms.

This is just a brief description of the problems my girlfiend has had to endour but we now don't seem to be able to get any help for me and my girlfiend to be together. Her visa runs out this February, and although she wanted to stay in this country to be with me, there seems to be no way around it. Social services, local law centres and solictors don't seem to care. They just see this as we have left our partners to be together which isn't true. He has witheld her sons passport who is also Thai. The only consolation we have had is that because there is a child involved, my girfriend will not have to go back until the situation is resolved over her son. Although he has made no attempt to see or ask and even care for his son.

Im beating around the bush with this post so i apologise. Just thought i would paint a picture.

As we have now got into our heads that my girlfriend will now have to go back, i have decided i will go back with her. Can anyone advice me on what i need to do to be able to live in Thailand. Can i get some form of long term visa. Would i have to set a business up just to live there?. My girlfriend owns her own home in Bankok so its not as if we dont have anywhere to live. Unfortunately we are both still married and i don't think her husbad wants her to be happy, so getting married would be in the distant future.

Basically i want to live in Thailand with her and i'm giving everything up to do it.

Any advice is welcome.

Many Thanks

Very risky gambling i would say...

[rio666uk]

Dont worry about visas - dont think about setting up businesses or anything else for a moment... although its all very noble what you say i feel i should share some experience with you...

From my own experience in UK divorce, you need to demonstrate that you and your wife have been separated for 2 years and have both signed a petition for decree nici - meaning that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

Proceedings can happen before 2 years - if the divorce will be based on grounds of adultery or domestic violence etc (you should seek legal advice on this).

It is advisable to find yourself a good solicitor that deals with matrimonial issues - I would go for one of the larger firms, they tend to be more expensive but spend less time fking about to-ing and frow-ing.

As I say above, your wife could petition for divorce on the grounds of mental bullying - however proving this and getting her husband to agree to this would be another story - You will need to take some good legal advice on this... I will not comment further as im not a legal professional, i did however discuss various things at length with my solicitor at the time, so am aware that there are things that can be done - at a price I might add.

Until proceedings are underway, I would not suggest moving to thailand. I had to return from thailand after 8 months to wrap things up... for what its worth it took a further 6-7 months from the end of the initial 2 year separtion to getting the decree nici, and another 4 weeks before getting the decree absolute. Cost in UK was between £700-£1K each.

The legal costs were low as we had already sorted out finances, such as the house, bank accounts and joint monies and debts.... also we had no kids - which made things relitively easy.

I would stress again - buggering off to Thailand will cause you more longterm headache until your divorce/s are either in hand or complete.... You should use this time to consider your future together and more importantly your future as a farrang in Thailand - unless of course you have a $hit load of cash to take over and spend your days supping beers next to your pool.

I wish you all the best.

Edited January 17, 2006 by rio666uk

[markuk]

Dont worry about visas - dont think about setting up businesses or anything else for a moment... although its all very noble what you say i feel i should share some experience with you...

From my own experience in UK divorce, you need to demonstrate that you and your wife have been separated for 2 years and have both signed a petition for decree nici - meaning that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

Proceedings can happen before 2 years - if the divorce will be based on grounds of adultery or domestic violence etc (you should seek legal advice on this).

It is advisable to find yourself a good solicitor that deals with matrimonial issues - I would go for one of the larger firms, they tend to be more expensive but spend less time fking about to-ing and frow-ing.

As I say above, your wife could petition for divorce on the grounds of mental bullying - however proving this and getting her husband to agree to this would be another story - You will need to take some good legal advice on this... I will not comment further as im not a legal professional, i did however discuss various things at length with my solicitor at the time, so am aware that there are things that can be done - at a price I might add.

Until proceedings are underway, I would not suggest moving to thailand. I had to return from thailand after 8 months to wrap things up... for what its worth it took a further 6-7 months from the end of the initial 2 year separtion to getting the decree nici, and another 4 weeks before getting the decree absolute. Cost in UK was between £700-£1K each.

The legal costs were low as we had already sorted out finances, such as the house, bank accounts and joint monies and debts.... also we had no kids - which made things relitively easy.

I would stress again - buggering off to Thailand will cause you more longterm headache until your divorce/s are either in hand or complete.... You should use this time to consider your future together and more importantly your future as a farrang in Thailand - unless of course you have a $hit load of cash to take over and spend your days supping beers next to your pool.

I wish you all the best.

When i did this it was adultery or unreaseonable behaviour. It was easier to accept unreaseonable behaviour on my part rather than wait 2 years - even though i hadnt been unreaseonable. Once a marriage has really broken down then i think the quicker the better if there are no children involved.

[rio666uk]

When i did this it was adultery or unreaseonable behaviour. It was easier to accept unreaseonable behaviour on my part rather than wait 2 years - even though i hadnt been unreaseonable.

I too had the option of doing this - however one of you has to agree to holding your hand up and admitting that you're the one at fault and its because of your actions that you are going down this road..

At the time my solicitor said that this was perfectly acceptable as long as I understood that at some later point, my wife, should she choose to, "could" persue claims for more money or the court could land me with all costs... despite us having a amicable separation - I decided to take your bog-standard divorce.

Although my situation was not as the OP's... if it had been, then yes get it over with asap and move on.

[Rinrada]

When i did this it was adultery or unreaseonable behaviour. It was easier to accept unreaseonable behaviour on my part rather than wait 2 years - even though i hadnt been unreaseonable.

I too had the option of doing this - however one of you has to agree to holding your hand up and admitting that you're the one at fault and its because of your actions that you are going down this road..

At the time my solicitor said that this was perfectly acceptable as long as I understood that at some later point, my wife, should she choose to, "could" persue claims for more money or the court could land me with all costs... despite us having a amicable separation - I decided to take your bog-standard divorce.

Although my situation was not as the OP's... if it had been, then yes get it over with asap and move on.

Good advice and move on...

Now its generally accepted that there is nobody to blame for a marriage breakdown but when it does happen (from personal experi) better to get out and as said move on.

With me I used the old Nationwide Building Soc.and managed to extend my mortgage...sort of Home Improvement Loan because no matter what the outcome is...its still gonna cost you dough.

I award your x-wife the sum of.....£XXXXX.......Nice guy that judge isnt he........pssst..(legal advisor).....A/H.....No dont think you FULLY understand.........He makes the AWARD...YOU pay it......Wot and after that you pay ME.....

but you said..................

Ye gotta laugh....

[BlimeyCharlie]

Thanks you for your advice people. My girfriend was married in Thailand and she is under the impression that she can get divorced preatty quickly. Presumably her husband would have to agree and go to Thailand to get a devorced, but im sure he will make things as difficult as possible for her. I'm not also sure if she could take the same stance and argue unreasonable behavior.

Someone pointed out taking the childs interest as a priority. We have done this and i am preasently paying for his schooling in the UK, which her husband has taken no interst in whatsoever. We wish to try our lives in Thailand as understandably my girfriend hasn't seen her family or her dieing grandfather who her husband refused to let her see. Im hoping that by living over there we can see how our lives pan out and still have the option of returning to the UK should things not work out.

One possiblity we do have is building property. I'm aware as a foreigner i can't do this but i believe there is nothing stopping my girfriend and her family doing this, and I becoming an employee

One other thing. I run a small business in the UK installing intelligent lighting and audio systems into exclusive properties. Would there be any problems if i was to restart the business in Thailand but trade to the UK?

Sorry for the 20 questions but im looking into every possiblity of securing some sort of life for us.

Thanks again for your advice.

[elliss]

" you left your wife a while ago ,very amicable "

i was in a similar situation, dead marriage , good friends .

we discussed the situatuation , had no reason to throw stones at each other ,

decided. on the splitting of our assetts , and went for a

d.i y. divorce . easy pips .

today , i am still wandering , seems it,s meant to be .

and my ex. wife , is the beneficiary , in my will .

and we lived happily ever after .

[rio666uk]

Thanks you for your advice people. My girfriend was married in Thailand and she is under the impression that she can get divorced preatty quickly. Presumably her husband would have to agree and go to Thailand to get a devorced, but im sure he will make things as difficult as possible for her.

I understand that divorce in thailand is a shotgun affair... so yes the only problem would be getting her husband over there - and if hes as much of an a$$hole as you say... i cant see him being up for that - unless you pay for his flights of course - in which case he may fancy a trip to thailand

One possiblity we do have is building property. I'm aware as a foreigner i can't do this but i believe there is nothing stopping my girfriend and her family doing this, and I becoming an employee

I would think carefully before funding this sort of project - there's a saying that goes "dont invest what youre not prepared to lose".

One other thing. I run a small business in the UK installing intelligent lighting and audio systems into exclusive properties. Would there be any problems if i was to restart the business in Thailand but trade to the UK?

No - spose not, but you would need to look into if you would qualify the need for work permits etc... have a look in the visa, residency forum.

all the best

[Rinrada]

My girfriend was married in Thailand and she is under the impression that she can get divorced pretty quickly.

Assume Ex husband is Thai....or is he British?

Presumably her husband would have to agree and go to Thailand to get a devorced, but im sure he will make things as difficult as possible for her.

Does he live in LOS or UK?

We have done this and i am preasently paying for his schooling in the UK, which her husband has taken no interst in whatsoever.

Thought you said that he was only 2 years old?

We wish to try our lives in Thailand (fair enough) as understandably my girfriend hasn't seen her family or her dieing grandfather who her husband refused to let her see.

Assume you mean HIS grandfather?...why sho he stop her seeing her OWN family?

and finally...

Your G/F sons dad is with holding his sons passport...again Assume you mean Thai PP...or...where is he with holding it?

few more questions ...but think enough for now.....

[BlimeyCharlie]

Hi. Yes he does live in the UK.

Her son his 2 years 6 months who i am paying for his nursery to be exact.

With regard to him stopping her seeing her grandfather and family. When there relationship had broken down he said if she goes back to Thailand to see her family he would not garauntee her return. He was so ashamed to be with her because she is young and a beuatiful woman, and he his quite old and not that much to look at. No offence intended but he sound so insecure because other men looked at her and looked at them as an odd couple and assumed the reasons why they would be together that he locked her up as a possesion. She had no friends no communication with family. I only got to know her as a friend of mine runs a Thai restaruant in Manchester and she was looking for work. This is the only place he would allow her to go. She stood up to him eventually knowing that things would be difficult for her. She happy now with me and i'm the same. I have no children but i teach her son as my own and i will do anything for them.

Thanks

[the_heart_thief]

Congratulations, Charlie! You deserve to be happy. I hope your visa problem "gets-fixed" soon. I admire your views, and I'm glad there are still people like us who still believe in Love, in Magic.

The world is full of cynics. Experience is indeed a great teacher.

Life's too short!

In the end, everything is a gamble. Life actually is! We all take "calculated risk" from time to time. We do it every day. And if you risk it all for love, the game itself is worth it. (You may lost, but so f ucking what?)

Edited January 17, 2006 by the_heart_thief

[Rinrada]

Point is that Visa Problems Dont just get fixed they come along and smack you straight in the kipper and all the wishfull thinking in the world wount simply get rid of the "problem"...you gotta work on it and in the case of "Charlie" here ..double bubble is the name of the game.

Couple of more questions...

..whats the status of your G/F hubby/hers and the sons VISA/resident/ status?

[the_heart_thief]

Point is that Visa Problems Dont just get fixed they come along and smack you straight in the kipper and all the wishfull thinking in the world wount simply get rid of the "problem"...you gotta work on it and in the case of "Charlie" here ..double bubble is the name of the game.

Couple of more questions...

..whats the status of your G/F hubby/hers and the sons VISA/resident/ status?

Just like everyone else, we all have to work inorder to achieve our goals, but sometimes it only takes a little bit of faith to "move mountains."

[Rinrada]

With respect..Faith my aunt Fanny.....

[BlimeyCharlie]

Point is that Visa Problems Dont just get fixed they come along and smack you straight in the kipper and all the wishfull thinking in the world wount simply get rid of the "problem"...you gotta work on it and in the case of "Charlie" here ..double bubble is the name of the game.

Couple of more questions...

..whats the status of your G/F hubby/hers and the sons VISA/resident/ status?

My girfriend doesn't have any entitlement to state benefit, or child benefit. Her husband has made no attempt to help or there son. This is not because we are now in a relationship, it broke down long before, he just got bored. Didn't like the financial commitments he had made with these type of marriages, and now he doesn't want to share any responsibilty for his son. He use to blackmail my girfriend by saying if she left him he would send her back to Thailand, and that he would have to as the Police would lock him up, scare tactics. This is a 46 year old man who apparently has never had a girlfiend. Any normal person would eventually accept that the relationship had broken down, and that for the interest of the child it would be best for them to stay in the UK. He just wants to make sure he doesnt have to pay any finicial help to them.

I have since been told that if her husband doesn't want anything to do with his son, i could actually adopt him and this would then enable my girlfriend should we deside to, stay in the UK. This obviously has to be desided in court.

Ps what do you mean by saying doubble bubble.

[mpdkorat]

Point is that Visa Problems Dont just get fixed they come along and smack you straight in the kipper and all the wishfull thinking in the world wount simply get rid of the "problem"...you gotta work on it and in the case of "Charlie" here ..double bubble is the name of the game.

Couple of more questions...

..whats the status of your G/F hubby/hers and the sons VISA/resident/ status?

My girfriend doesn't have any entitlement to state benefit, or child benefit. Her husband has made no attempt to help or there son. This is not because we are now in a relationship, it broke down long before, he just got bored. Didn't like the financial commitments he had made with these type of marriages, and now he doesn't want to share any responsibilty for his son. He use to blackmail my girfriend by saying if she left him he would send her back to Thailand, and that he would have to as the Police would lock him up, scare tactics. This is a 46 year old man who apparently has never had a girlfiend. Any normal person would eventually accept that the relationship had broken down, and that for the interest of the child it would be best for them to stay in the UK. He just wants to make sure he doesnt have to pay any finicial help to them.

I have since been told that if her husband doesn't want anything to do with his son, i could actually adopt him and this would then enable my girlfriend should we deside to, stay in the UK. This obviously has to be desided in court.

Ps what do you mean by saying doubble bubble.

Is your girlfriend married to an English citizen

Does she now have a resident visa in the UK

Is the son 100% Thai or half English

Does she have the right to work in the UK yet

Your girlfriend does have rights, and there is no reason why she can not divorce in the uk

[BlimeyCharlie]

Point is that Visa Problems Dont just get fixed they come along and smack you straight in the kipper and all the wishfull thinking in the world wount simply get rid of the "problem"...you gotta work on it and in the case of "Charlie" here ..double bubble is the name of the game.

Couple of more questions...

..whats the status of your G/F hubby/hers and the sons VISA/resident/ status?

My girfriend doesn't have any entitlement to state benefit, or child benefit. Her husband has made no attempt to help or there son. This is not because we are now in a relationship, it broke down long before, he just got bored. Didn't like the financial commitments he had made with these type of marriages, and now he doesn't want to share any responsibilty for his son. He use to blackmail my girfriend by saying if she left him he would send her back to Thailand, and that he would have to as the Police would lock him up, scare tactics. This is a 46 year old man who apparently has never had a girlfiend. Any normal person would eventually accept that the relationship had broken down, and that for the interest of the child it would be best for them to stay in the UK. He just wants to make sure he doesnt have to pay any finicial help to them.

I have since been told that if her husband doesn't want anything to do with his son, i could actually adopt him and this would then enable my girlfriend should we deside to, stay in the UK. This obviously has to be desided in court.

Ps what do you mean by saying doubble bubble.

Is your girlfriend married to an English citizen

Does she now have a resident visa in the UK

Is the son 100% Thai or half English

Does she have the right to work in the UK yet

Your girlfriend does have rights, and there is no reason why she can not divorce in the uk

Hi

Yes she is married to a Britich Citizen.

She she doesn't have a resident visa, she is on a married visa which runs out this February. She has only been here to years.

Her son was born in Thailand and lived there for 6 months and has been in the UK for the last 2 years.

She can work up to her visa ending, but she is not entitled to any state benefits.

We has been told from various agencies that there is nothing they can do. Although her husband was mentally abusing her, it was indoors and there is no outside proof. The onlt thing we have is that her huband put her details on a website dating agency stating that she was seperated. He told her it was so that she could learn English and have friends, as he would let her have real friends that she could socialise with. We have proof of this as he had to pay for her to go on there. This is the type of man she has had to live with.