Used And Abused Or Just Stupidity? How Would You Have Handled The Situation?

[mauGR1]

To Beetlejuice........I do feel for you being ambushed as you were.

There have been some good comments, but most relate to the luxury of hindsight. Sure after the event we can all take time to sit back and analise the situation and think of what we should've done.

But BJ was caught in one of those awkward moments and just let his good manners take over, which I think given the situation was the right thing to do.

With so-called friends like that, they all eventually just become distant memories and as we all get older, we find that our true friends become fewer but truer.

Also can't believe so many comments focused on the tip...........some just missed the heart of the OP completely.

Ah well this is TV.

edit: typo

Good summary, but i think Mr. Beetlejuice's good manners where wasted in this case..IMO some people don't deserve good manners.

[TommoPhysicist]

I have been caught out once.

I really can't understand how anyone can get caught out more than that.

As for going out to a restaurant with Thais (excluding immediate family), why would any foreigner do that? You get to sit in a corner, totally ignored by everyone while they expect to eat and drink at your expense.

If my wife wants to eat out with her cousins, etc. I hand her 500bht and discover a previous engagement that I can't avoid.

[farang000999]

I think in Asian cultures it is often accepted the highest ranking person will pick up the check. My general observation is that bills are rarely split. The only Thais I ever see splitting bills are school children.

Of course, when a farang is brought to the village or to meet the friends of his wife, it is like taking a prize pig to a county fair. He is taken there to be shown off and to have money extracted. The Thai dragging him around gets the face of having landed a buffalo.

[WebBangkok]

50 baht tip? should of been a 5000 baht tip.

Cheapskates!

[WebBangkok]

I know a guy who I would go out drinks with, his wife would come in, order drinks and even get takeaway from the pub while hiding and try and stick you with the bill or at least half of it.

Yes, he is back in town, some of you might know him lol as he does it a lot

[dindong]

A good friend of mine was invited to meet his fairly new Thai girlfriends family.

They arranged to meet at a local restaurant.My friend doesn't drink or smoke.

the food arrived and so did the rest of her family,cousins,nephews, neighbors,etc over 20 people.

The beer flowed and so did the whiskey.

Someone ordered a few packets of cigarettes and when the food ran out, someone had an idea to phone KFC for some chicken and chips for late arrivals.

After this,my friend got up and paid for what he ordered,fried rice and a soda and left.

The girl has not spoken to him since.

[Berkshire]

Situations like that are not uncommon.

Whenever someone hands over the bill with that typical "farang must pay" grin, I grin back, check the bin for a few seconds, place 1000 Baht "for the missus and me", and hand it back.

Problem solved.

And if it's a farang who hands over the bill?

Note: For the benefit of the OP, trying to keep this thread on-topic.

[WebBangkok]

A good friend of mine was invited to meet his fairly new Thai girlfriends family.

They arranged to meet at a local restaurant.My friend doesn't drink or smoke.

the food arrived and so did the rest of her family,cousins,nephews, neighbors,etc over 20 people.

The beer flowed and so did the whiskey.

Someone ordered a few packets of cigarettes and when the food ran out, someone had an idea to phone KFC for some chicken and chips for late arrivals.

After this,my friend got up and paid for what he ordered,fried rice and a soda and left.

The girl has not spoken to him since.

lol........ come on...

Is this what he said?

[theblether]

Not entirely relevant to the OP, I've already stated that the OP was ambushed and is right to be furious..........

As a rule of thumb I believe it is important that your Thai partner "protects" you from this type of abuse, ( maybe abuse is the wrong word, being taken advantage of is probably better ). I would say that it's incumbent upon you to let your partner know what you find to be acceptable, and of course, unacceptable. It then falls to them to navigate you through the minefield of social etiquette in Thailand.

Early in my relationship my lady and I flew to Bangkok on a mini-vacation, when there we we met her best pal and ended up in a very decent restaurant. Her pal brought her partner and naturally the bill fell to me.....no problem. The next night found us back in the same restaurant, same circumstances, fine. At a later date I found myself back in Bangkok with my lady and we had another repeat performance. As usual the bill fell to me, her best pal obviously loves this restaurant and can't afford it on her wages.

So!!......the next day I just pointed out that I would not be allowing a repeat performance, I would not be paying again, and if an arrangement was made to have dinner with the best pal and partner again that night then they would be paying their way. Message was duly delivered, ( I think it went down like a ton of bricks ) and that night we found ourselves in one of those market cafe kind of areas which I particularly love, and of course it was cheap.

It was slightly awkward when the various bills for payment came in, ( it was one of those places where you pick food from various vendors, what do the Thais call them? ), however I consoled myself in the knowledge that I was removing a rod from my back.

Another occasion just after Songkran I was invited to meet Ya, my ladies father passed away years ago and she was going along to pay merit to Ya. It was a lovely day, lovely meeting, and it was arranged that Ya and family would attend the restaurant that my lady manages that night. My ears pricked up at that, till my lady said don't worry, you are not paying. ( I would say her family are middle class incidentally ). Right here's a bizarre thing......I wouldn't have minded paying as I hadn't met the family before, however once again not wanting to make a rod for my own back I let it go. I did send 2 bottles of whisky to the table though......I didn't want them to think I was a total tight *rse.

Anyway the point is, try to avoid making a rod for your own back by ensuring your partner knows what you find to be acceptable.

Jaust sayin'

ps.....contrary to popular myth, we Scots do pay our way and more, and I am usually the first at the bar but I'm the last to accept having the p*ss taken out of me

[DowntownAl]

My GF and I were invited out to dinner one night in CM by a friend or hers so we could meet the friends new boyfriend from BKK. We met, had a nice dinner, a few drinks and some good conversation. When the bill arrived, and trying to be a bit of a gentleman, I reached for my credit card in order to at least pay half the bill. My GF put her hand on mine and firmly, but quietly said, no pay, we were invited. I always liked that girl. Anyway, as far as your situation, I would have looked incredulously at the fellow, and said no, absolutely not! I am not paying for your friends and family. I will be happy to pay for myself and my date but that's it. And I really don't care how he would have responded. I will add the proviso that I would not have done this in front of the others, not so much to protect the “friend” but to avoid embarrassing them since this situation was not of their doing. But, to put you in a position where you are paying for his family is completely unwarranted and very boorish.

[Plucky]

His wife tries to get take away from the pub and land it on your collective bill. What an awful person she is.

I once took a girl on a date who ate heartily then ordered loads more to take away at the end. As she was petite I asked why. Her reply "parents like Chinese too". This was in the west. Needless to say she was not invited for a repeat event.

[DLock]

BJ, it was a setup from the start and the only person who didn't know was you.

We've all been there and I know how you felt.

In your case, I probably would have just divided the bill by the amount of people and handed over that amount and got up and left.

[ttthailand]

I have a friend who is a big spender but really does not have too much. I was stopping by where he works and suggested we go out to lunch and I buy. We ordered lunch, maybe 700 baht total but he also order a bottle of wine...2,000 baht.... I paid but never make that mistake again. I have also been out with him and one of his gfs and he has ordered all kinds of stuff and then suggested we split the bill. I don't think he understands what he does and thinks it is fine. You kind of have to know this guy to understand....I now avoid going out to eat with him. Going out to bars we get two bills.

So it is not just you this happens to. I think people sometimes think just because we are farang it is up to us to foot the bill or split with other farang for the Thais. I don't agree but have seen it many times.

[Plucky]

I would love to hear the other side from people which are serial scrooges. Not condoning it but never the less it would be interesting.

[SiameseOracle]

@DingDong

Pure magic.

[crazygreg44]

I thinking tipping 50 baht on a 9000 baht bill is over the top.

it was 50 Baht each, the OP wrote, so a 100 Baht tip for a 9000+ Baht restaurant bill is KHEE NIEOW !!! VERY annoyingly small a tip for those who worked all night to keep your mood in full swing !

I use to count how many staff are whizzing around to serve our table and never give less than 40 BHT for each of them on a diner the OP described.

Rubbish - this is half a nights wages - this ain't the USA.

50 baht is a very nice tip.

so what is the minimum wage in Thailand since July this year ? It's 300 BAHT per day. 40 Baht each Staff is "half a wage" ???

[Thongkorn]

I would have paid my Portion of the bill and let the rest sort it as i have done in the past, true friends and family would never do this to me, so you would not lose any friends.

[chrisinth]

I thinking tipping 50 baht on a 9000 baht bill is over the top.

it was 50 Baht each, the OP wrote, so a 100 Baht tip for a 9000+ Baht restaurant bill is KHEE NIEOW !!! VERY annoyingly small a tip for those who worked all night to keep your mood in full swing !

I use to count how many staff are whizzing around to serve our table and never give less than 40 BHT for each of them on a diner the OP described.

Rubbish - this is half a nights wages - this ain't the USA.

50 baht is a very nice tip.

so what is the minimum wage in Thailand since July this year ? It's 300 BAHT per day. 40 Baht each Staff is "half a wage" ???

300 baht in 7 provences. That is for fully employed and not part-time...................

That is the main reason they rely on the tips.

[Dancealot]

So let me get this straight. You were invited to a dinner in Changmai and your Swiss friend took the bill from someone who offered to pay and without asking you nominated you to pay 50% and your reaction was: "how much is it?"?

Can you explain to us exactly how(what did he say) he nominated you?

[chiangmaikelly]

it was 50 Baht each, the OP wrote, so a 100 Baht tip for a 9000+ Baht restaurant bill is KHEE NIEOW !!! VERY annoyingly small a tip for those who worked all night to keep your mood in full swing !

I use to count how many staff are whizzing around to serve our table and never give less than 40 BHT for each of them on a diner the OP described.

Rubbish - this is half a nights wages - this ain't the USA.

50 baht is a very nice tip.

so what is the minimum wage in Thailand since July this year ? It's 300 BAHT per day. 40 Baht each Staff is "half a wage" ???

300 baht in 7 provences. That is for fully employed and not part-time...................

That is the main reason they rely on the tips.

Who tips the farmers and factory workers and those who work outside of the service sector? Don't be silly no one in this country relies on tips.

[barky]

I like to know beforehand if I'm paying,

Me too. If it is not family, everyone should pay for what they ate themselves.

Agree! This should be all sorted BEFORE anyone orders. I almost never get caught.

[ikis]

as a western we don't have face to lose, so solution would've been a laugh and 2000thb on the table. "why would i pay for your wines and s*it, get real"

[maprao]

Is he a Thai Visa Forum Member? Maybe he will read your post and realize his blunder!

[mauGR1]

Is he a Thai Visa Forum Member? Maybe he will read your post and realize his blunder!

No chance, only gentlemen here.

[scorecard]

You mentioned he wasn't a very close friend, perhaps a longer extension to that friendship may well be considered in future.

When you were volunteered, bearing in mind, he was not a close friend and you knew none of the others, you might have quickly ventured a larger contribution than was your share, but no where near half and headed for the bar like the Devil take the hindmost.

Or, quickly said, 'i'll pick up 20%, so who else is going to contribute?', with a quick eye contact with all present, followed quickly by 'let's split the other 30% across all the rest of the group', that's about 280Baht each (or whatever), please pass your money up to 'Harry', here's my 20%.

[473geo]

Indeed embarrassing

Bettlejuice had a thoroughly enjoyable evening, should have taken the bill....... paid it....... and finished off with a round of sambuca

Where is your style man?

[Beetlejuice]

Yesterday afternoon, my wife phoned my friend’s wife and explained that I am not a happy bunny and that I feel quite annoyed about the whole deal.

After my wife finished her conversation on the phone, she told me that the guy is out shopping at this time and that his wife will explain everything and ask him to call me later on in the evening. (This all happened yesterday). And no prizes for guessing that the call never transpired, which is more or less what I expected.

Just another one of life’s little testing experiences, but at least I will never be stupid enough to get caught out like that again, a lesson well learnt.

[Beetlejuice]

Indeed embarrassing

Bettlejuice had a thoroughly enjoyable evening, should have taken the bill....... paid it....... and finished off with a round of sambuca

Where is your style man?

There wasn`t any sambuca, otherwise I may have considered it.

[473geo]

Indeed embarrassing

Bettlejuice had a thoroughly enjoyable evening, should have taken the bill....... paid it....... and finished off with a round of sambuca

Where is your style man?

There wasn`t any sambuca, otherwise I may have considered it.

I knew you had it in you.....great thread though, really brought out the more 'careful' members.........I have made a list, have you?

[MAJIC]

Well Beetlejuice! Considering two thirds of the diners were his relatives,I guess you were well and truly stitched up,and he would most certainly be crossed off my list of friends for eternity.