Popular Post Geekfreaklover Posted October 14, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 14, 2012 The sad fact is monetary kindness is often seen as a weakness to be exploited. Those that are dependant on hand-outs usually lose respect for themselves and those doing the handing out. Just my 5 satang... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macksview Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 The sad fact is monetary kindness is often seen as a weakness to be exploited. Those that are dependant on hand-outs usually lose respect for themselves and those doing the handing out. Just my 5 satang... got to agree with you on this, thats why my father in law would never lose his pride by depending upon hand outs from a farang, he buys me things and i buy things for him. i said in an earlier post, he has mentioned how embarrasing it is to see a farang being followed by an issan tribe, paying everything for them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 (edited) For me I agreed to send 10,000 baht per month to her parents nearly 10 years ago and has never stopped and they have never asked for more so personally I'm ok with our arrangement. Bugger me! They must be the richest family in the village bar none. I give my MIL 3k a month, and she had to sign her farm over to her daughter (my wife) in return. The siblings will inherit nothing as they contribute nothing.When MIL dies my wife will own two farms. If I give out money, my (immediate) family get something in return, no exceptions. Edited October 14, 2012 by TommoPhysicist 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrTuner Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 I like the way it is here. Mother-in-law lives with us when her husband is back in Germany (health problems, unfortunately) and sister-in-law too, although she's mostly staying with her boyfriend these days. Other in-laws visit often, I especially like wife's uncle, who is a funny and helpful dude. Wouldn't mind having folks over more often. Money is not an issue for any of them, grand-grandmom owned a large piece of land which gave the 10 kids she had a good start and they've done good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pormax Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 Well I'm probably gonna get flamed or piss*d on or whatever, but in my opinion, if you have the means, you have the ability to help a senior family member and you then choose not to, that's just plain bloody selfish in my book, and even worse is if you think their are other motives or "hooks" then frankly I think you are very sad and should be pitied for having that view and finding yourself in that situation, just because you may have been the victim, dont automatically assume everyone else is or will be one too, that you contemplate there are ulterior motives, then perhaps you should be looking more closely at your own mistakes, decisions and attitude and wonder if its those very same attributes that's bringing you the grief and sour attitude that makes you want to pull down anyone who actually is making a happy life for themselves and their families in Thailand. Personally I wouldnt find it anything to brag about to say I dont help do this or that, we all know you are the Lord and master and no one can tell you what to do, but dont mock those that actually care a little more about others than just themselves. Well said, great post! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billd766 Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 Well I'm probably gonna get flamed or piss*d on or whatever, but in my opinion, if you have the means, you have the ability to help a senior family member and you then choose not to, that's just plain bloody selfish in my book, and even worse is if you think their are other motives or "hooks" then frankly I think you are very sad and should be pitied for having that view and finding yourself in that situation, just because you may have been the victim, dont automatically assume everyone else is or will be one too, that you contemplate there are ulterior motives, then perhaps you should be looking more closely at your own mistakes, decisions and attitude and wonder if its those very same attributes that's bringing you the grief and sour attitude that makes you want to pull down anyone who actually is making a happy life for themselves and their families in Thailand. Personally I wouldnt find it anything to brag about to say I dont help do this or that, we all know you are the Lord and master and no one can tell you what to do, but dont mock those that actually care a little more about others than just themselves. Well said, great post! I agree with you 100%. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post soi41 Posted October 14, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 14, 2012 well if i make you sick,, fell free to take your self off and be sick, you maybe havnt got the money to help This coming from a guy, who frequently brags about making 20k a day in his posts here and at the same time only gives his MIL 10% from the as frequenly mentioned pigfarm. And feels good about himself by giving the grandparents an egg or two, and on a good day even a tomato from the greenhouse! This is charity for the benefit of the giver only, not very much thought for the reciever. And all be BS about the importance of the family-unit in Thailand. The only thing of importance in this country is mammon, to that extent that parents are pimping their kids and killing familymembers over money. But keep up the good deeds guys by donating peanuts to your older inlaws, who knows it might buy you salvation in the end? Hope for your sake, that the bubble doesn't burst, so you will be asking for good lawyers here in a couple of years. Btw. This poster is happily married to a Thai lady for many years, mentioned just to prevent replies about my "bitterness" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 To be honest, I personally don't care what other people do with their money, why on earth should I? The clue to that rhetorical question is 'Their Money". What i do object to is the assertion that by dishing out the cash they are in some sense morally superior to those who do not. On a whole bunch of levels I'm not sure giving anyone money for free helps them, helps the family or does anything beyond establish a dependence which clearly was not their before the benefactor turned up. But as Soi41 points out, it may do a lot of good for a Farang wishing to massage his self image and reinvent himself in Thailand - OK, I'm good with that, but please leave out the moral superiority. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post 473geo Posted October 14, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 14, 2012 Apart from forums, I doubt those generous with their assistance feel the need to justify their actions......however those who choose protect their cash probably do require constant self appraisal and justification All a matter of balance, sometimes a small gesture goes a long way, sometimes a poorly thought response can do irreparable damage...... The solution does not lie in saying 'yes' or 'no'..........but when to say 'yes' or 'no' 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 The solution does not lie in saying 'yes' or 'no'..........but when to say 'yes' or 'no' When people ask you for money, and you get nothing in return, the answer should always be 'NO'. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Chittychangchang Posted October 14, 2012 Author Popular Post Share Posted October 14, 2012 This thread is not about charity, sin sod or " I never give a satang to my in-laws and i'm proud of it"etc, etc It's about looking after your family the same as family orientated people do anywhere in the world. For instance i wanted my wife to be free of worries about her parents when we relocated to farangland with our children so i set up a small frog farm on their land. It's enough for them to earn a living with part-time hours and everybodies happy. It's not about the amount you contribute financialy! As that in some cases can breed dependence, resentment etc. It's about working together for the good of the whole family. Off course there is going to be posters out there that have been burnt and/or disagree. Let's try and keep this one positive 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaggy1969 Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 Shame on you lot that only want to pick fault in an others good deed or warmheartedness . I am not sure what pleasure you get from it.As far as I can gather the posters are giving what they give to make someone else's life a little better ......what's the harm in that? Shaggy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barefoot1988 Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 pretty straight forward, i take care my in laws the same way they take care my wife since young. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob8891 Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 well if i make you sick,, fell free to take your self off and be sick, you maybe havnt got the money to help This coming from a guy, who frequently brags about making 20k a day in his posts here and at the same time only gives his MIL 10% from the as frequenly mentioned pigfarm. And feels good about himself by giving the grandparents an egg or two, and on a good day even a tomato from the greenhouse! This is charity for the benefit of the giver only, not very much thought for the reciever. And all be BS about the importance of the family-unit in Thailand. The only thing of importance in this country is mammon, to that extent that parents are pimping their kids and killing familymembers over money. But keep up the good deeds guys by donating peanuts to your older inlaws, who knows it might buy you salvation in the end? Hope for your sake, that the bubble doesn't burst, so you will be asking for good lawyers here in a couple of years. Btw. This poster is happily married to a Thai lady for many years, mentioned just to prevent replies about my "bitterness" You have a real hard neck taking the p1ss out of guys who show love, care and support for their familes. You might be happily married to your wife, but my question to you would be is your wife happily married to YOU, if these are your real views, or just a bit of braggadicio for the benefit of the band of like minded emotionally stunted co-conspirators. What right do you have to be so childishly negative towards people who show some empathy towards their families? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jvs Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 When i met my gf she was working in a factory in BKK and had been working there for seven years.She worked long days and often seven days a week.travel time to and from work over two hours a day. She mostly ate mama and on her days of she stayed in her room and slept.She managed to send home between two and three thousand baht per month.The big thing about this?she never complained!!! Now she is living with me and there fore she has no direct income to send home to care for her daughter and parents.I help out,i give the family ten thousand every month and fil is building a new house slowly. Once the house is finished my gf will start saving for the education of her daughter. If i stop paying would she leave? Lets not argui further about giving money to people who are too lazy to work,i agree they should not get any. Robblok you say your gf has her own money,does she help out her family? The mil is here now for a holiday,she has been working all day in the garden and helping around the house. I think i am really lucky to have met my gf ,she is the best thing that happened to me. When you finally meet the right one you know you want to help out. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigeonjake Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 rob,, your waisting your time,, it makes me very sad that there is people on here who just dont care what so ever what happens the there wifes/gf family, im not going to get drawn into this kind of talk, ill do what i do and they can get on with living in what world they want to live in, ive allways said it on these threds, live and let live, im not botherd what others do, i live here in a very happy loving relationship with my wife and her family, in sakoe province not issan, not saying anything bad about issan ive got very good freinds there, and still go and see freinds in surin, i do the thing i do because i can, not because it makes me feel good, it may be hard for some to get there head round this, but i am well liked and repected in our village, not because i give money out willy nilly, people in the village have seen me building, yes bricklaying, my own pig stys and house, showing to thai people that you arnt scared of work and work hard gets repect, i was allways told growing up that respect has to be earned not just given, again just my thoughts on this, others will be different, who are we to say who is wrong and who is right on this, its a personal thing, some want to help others dont, thats fine by me, jake 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rsokolowski Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigeonjake Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan. im not in issan, im in sakoe province, it says on my profile, wangnamyen, ive got nothing to hid, ive had pics of me on here, they no were i live,, i do go to surin to see freinds, i used to play golf at the army course there and drink in farang conection, jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rsokolowski Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan. im not in issan, im in sakoe province, it says on my profile, wangnamyen, ive got nothing to hid, ive had pics of me on here, they no were i live,, i do go to surin to see freinds, i used to play golf at the army course there and drink in farang conection, jake Sorry Jake. I knew that but I am always thinking about Isaan because that this where I will be retiring. Where is Sakoe province? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigeonjake Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 its more towards the east, down a little from surin, issan, its beautiful theres lots of national forrests not far from us, with wild elephants,,lol, and if we go towards chantaburi theres beaches there, but they arnt falang typ beaches theres no bars ect, just the beach a couple of food seller stalls that hire mats ect, real nice place, the beach and water very very clean, there are a couple of resorts poped up over the last few years, that are 500bht a nite bungalow typ places, weve stayed there the odd time, but its just as easy for us to drive home its only just over the hour from our place, i cant remember the name of the beach we go to, i just drive there dont look at the signs now, theres a free aquerium place on the other side of the road from the beach, very nice to look round, theres showers there when youve finnished on the beach, 5 bht like i say its a very nice place, i just hope it stays that way and dosnt get built up, jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 (edited) When i met my gf she was working in a factory in BKK and had been working there for seven years.She worked long days and often seven days a week.travel time to and from work over two hours a day. She mostly ate mama and on her days of she stayed in her room and slept.She managed to send home between two and three thousand baht per month.The big thing about this?she never complained!!! Now she is living with me and there fore she has no direct income to send home to care for her daughter and parents.I help out,i give the family ten thousand every month ....... So why are you giving them 5x what their own daughter gave them ?????? Shouldn't you be caring for her daughter, who should live with you ........ that's the normal way in the west. Edited October 15, 2012 by TommoPhysicist 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 it makes me very sad that there is people on here who just dont care what so ever what happens the there wifes/gf family An example of professed moral supriority AND a baseless assumption into the bargain. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taff33 Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Is there any one out there who would like to look after my mil?, you can have her pension. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post robblok Posted October 15, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 15, 2012 rob,, your waisting your time,, it makes me very sad that there is people on here who just dont care what so ever what happens the there wifes/gf family, im not going to get drawn into this kind of talk, ill do what i do and they can get on with living in what world they want to live in, ive allways said it on these threds, live and let live, im not botherd what others do, i live here in a very happy loving relationship with my wife and her family, in sakoe province not issan, not saying anything bad about issan ive got very good freinds there, and still go and see freinds in surin, i do the thing i do because i can, not because it makes me feel good, it may be hard for some to get there head round this, but i am well liked and repected in our village, not because i give money out willy nilly, people in the village have seen me building, yes bricklaying, my own pig stys and house, showing to thai people that you arnt scared of work and work hard gets repect, i was allways told growing up that respect has to be earned not just given, again just my thoughts on this, others will be different, who are we to say who is wrong and who is right on this, its a personal thing, some want to help others dont, thats fine by me, jake Jake, learn to read, write and spell like an adult. Maybe you will get a bit more respect. I have clearly stated that i would help my in laws in case of problems. I just don't give them any money on a day to day base. No salaries, however if there is a real problem i would help. I don't see the point in giving them money, before there was a foreigner they managed. The other family members don't contribute so why should I. Once you start giving more and more is expected from you. You set yourself up for life you take a responsibility that is not yours. I just don't believe in buying love, many of you do i don't. I don't need to splash money around to be respected. You guys are all falling under peer pressure and pressure from the wife. Helping them when there is a problem is ok. Being their retirement plan and getting leached out is not. If you see the other members of the family contribute then yes contribute in an equal way. I have always stated there is a fine line between helping people and being taken for a ride or even paying off the wife to stay with you. I never said anything about who in this thread were buying love or renting a wife. You guys know that best yourself, i don't know the exact details. There are loads of examples of guys getting kicked out of the houses they build when money dries up. Even worse some get killed, why because they bought love from the wrong girl. Just look at the German guy who spend 10 million baht and got kicked out by the in laws. So enjoy your lives but watch your backs. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daftpunker Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan. with your young issan wife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Just an other remark some of you guys are like left wing government providing for people, making them dependent on your money and thus binding them to you. I feel its much better to pay for someone to study or to help set up their own source of income. But i guess that scares the most of you guys because then you can't control them any more because they have their own money. Im helping one of the nephews (the most neglected one) with his studies, pay for some extra classes and i have been thinking of buying him a tablet for studying. That is investment in someones future. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brewsterbudgen Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan. with your young issan wife? I have a young Lao GF and have no problem in helping out her mother financially. If that makes it hard for the likes of Mr daftpunker, all the better! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daftpunker Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan. with your young issan wife? I have a young Lao GF and have no problem in helping out her mother financially. If that makes it hard for the likes of Mr daftpunker, all the better! lao issan dosent make much difference.If you enjoy being a walking atm up to you.Whats the ag difference between you guys? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUDAS Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 This, IMO, really is quite simple and there is no hard and fast rule about helping out the in-laws financially or any other family member for that matter. I come from an extremely close knit family within which we all rally together during tough times. An example would be my parents offering to remortgage their house many years ago to help me out, thankfully wasn't needed. Without going into details I know for a fact the in-laws would do the same. The in-laws are the grandparents to my children. Could I allow something terrible happen to them for want of some financial aid and then look my children in the eye whilst attempting to justify my actions? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 This, IMO, really is quite simple and there is no hard and fast rule about helping out the in-laws financially or any other family member for that matter. I come from an extremely close knit family within which we all rally together during tough times. An example would be my parents offering to remortgage their house many years ago to help me out, thankfully wasn't needed. Without going into details I know for a fact the in-laws would do the same. The in-laws are the grandparents to my children. Could I allow something terrible happen to them for want of some financial aid and then look my children in the eye whilst attempting to justify my actions? Judas, your not true to your name. All jokes aside that is normal i would help them too if it was needed. I just don't believe in a stream of cash going that way. Unless of course the other sisters and brothers of my wife do the same. I just don't see why marrying a farang would mean jack pot for a whole family. Helping them in need sure. Helping in laws to get in a bit better living conditions like putting a new roof on their leaking home. Sure, but sponsoring them month on month is a different thing. If they are living in a normal house and having food on the table is it then needed to buy them a flatscreen tv and contribute every month. Not saying you do that, just trying to point out differences between helping and taken for a ride. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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