Moving Out Of Thailand (A Confession)

[Theoutsider]

Do what you want. Good luck

[payak]

indonesions love westerners, there clubs are great to, they go off with a bang.

your welcome to it.

[arthurwait]

people treat you how you let them treat you.

That's right. Compared to my ex-girlfriends, I know I've let things go too easily with her. I guess it's cause of her financial background and how much she struggles.

usually what i see here is the girl threaten to leave when they dont get something, next thing the men are on there knees begging for them to stay and giving them what they want and more.

its a gradual process of control, they are good at it, dont allow it, its common mostly amongst men who never really had a decent looking bird outside of thailand.

Look, if she loved you, she would show it, straight up, thais that really love do.

People let you watch them kneeling down betting their wives to stay? Wow where do you see this stuff (outside of TV)?

Of course not, that would be illegal. However I believe some men do secretly do it up the back alleys.

[chiangmaikelly]

admit it most woman here have the men by the balls, everything they do, and they way they live indicates that.

If you have no idea what they are saying how do you know? I mean they did change from silent to talking movies for a reason after all.

[payak]

admit it most woman here have the men by the balls, everything they do, and they way they live indicates that.

If you have no idea what they are saying how do you know? I mean they did change from silent to talking movies for a reason after all.

how many men have you seen supporting half the tribe, there is your answer.

no one likes giving money away, they do it out of fear of losing there young princess.

the woman sit back gettin monthly handouts, who is in charge.

[chiangmaikelly]

admit it most woman here have the men by the balls, everything they do, and they way they live indicates that.

If you have no idea what they are saying how do you know? I mean they did change from silent to talking movies for a reason after all.

how many men have you seen supporting half the tribe, there is your answer.

no one likes giving money away, they do it out of fear of losing there young princess.

the woman sit back gettin monthly handouts, who is in charge.

All the men I know in Thailand or in the West support the family. It is what men do. Well not the new age flouncy kind of guys but real men do and always have. My father supported my family and my mothers family and she was Irish. Maybe that makes a difference. My dad was always in charge. Most of the men I know in Thailand are in charge. The exception is the Thai guys who carry the little dogs. My wife got the loan for our house at the bank but I designed and had the house built.

[payak]

admit it most woman here have the men by the balls, everything they do, and they way they live indicates that.

If you have no idea what they are saying how do you know? I mean they did change from silent to talking movies for a reason after all.

how many men have you seen supporting half the tribe, there is your answer.

no one likes giving money away, they do it out of fear of losing there young princess.

the woman sit back gettin monthly handouts, who is in charge.

All the men I know in Thailand or in the West support the family. It is what men do. Well not the new age flouncy kind of guys but real men do and always have. My father supported my family and my mothers family and she was Irish. Maybe that makes a difference. My dad was always in charge. Most of the men I know in Thailand are in charge. The exception is the Thai guys who carry the little dogs. My wife got the loan for our house at the bank but I designed and had the house built.

supporting the missus who is deserving is fine, if she is in fact deserving, that goes without saying.

it also should be quite obvious im not refering to those woman.

most get more then they need, most are on the take.

[HardenedSoul]

Many foreign men in Thailand are most certainly not in charge within the confines of their relationships. They only think they are because they have greater relative wealth.

Tightening/relaxing the purse strings as a means of control over a woman is ultimately self-defeating since she'll only come to despise them in the long run

[oldgent]

Why are you telling us this?

Semper you are the best one liner on Thai Visa you make me laugh everytime.

[Oww]

Right, and the 60+yr old, european, homosexual men who come here for Thai village 'boyfriends' in their 20's (if not teens)

aren't supporting them and their entire leeching families. Note, if your mother language is English, try to learn how to write it correctly. Yes, I'm referring to you.

[payak]

Right, and the 60+yr old, european, homosexual men who come here for Thai village 'boyfriends' in their 20's (if not teens)

aren't supporting them and their entire leeching families. Note, if your mother language is English, try to learn how to write it correctly. Yes, I'm referring to you.

where did this come from, explain.

[Chads]

Maybe you didn't read through the entirety of the posts I made, understandable cause they are quite long. But anyway I never let any woman be "in charge" of me before. I would try to give them equal say in things (that also means that they should share and pay for things sometimes), and hear out their opinions, but I've never let them run my show (at least financially).

[cheechoo]

sounds like another where the girl had one thing in mind and it wasnt love. When will these clowns ever learn.

Feeling sorry for a girls familys poorness is not a valid reason th move the girl in.................lol.

Maybe you're right. And if you want to call me a clown, go ahead because I don't really know you and neither do you. But I know myself, I've mindfully not spent too much on her, I've enjoyed my stay here, and having her stay with me has given me great company.

Kind of like a dog!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls anywhere do liked to be lavished with WHATEVER, $, gifts, etc. Mayebe her friends all get things and all she gets is companionship..................lol.

[Chads]

sounds like another where the girl had one thing in mind and it wasnt love. When will these clowns ever learn.

Feeling sorry for a girls familys poorness is not a valid reason th move the girl in.................lol.

Maybe you're right. And if you want to call me a clown, go ahead because I don't really know you and neither do you. But I know myself, I've mindfully not spent too much on her, I've enjoyed my stay here, and having her stay with me has given me great company.

Kind of like a dog!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls anywhere do liked to be lavished with WHATEVER, $, gifts, etc. Mayebe her friends all get things and all she gets is companionship..................lol.

Actually all her friends and she herself knows that she gets more stuff than all of them. What I meant is that I have money to spare for her which I do spend on her, and the cost of living in Thailand is low enough so I don't really feel like I've spent a lot in comparison to what I earn/have.

[cheechoo]

Maybe you didn't read through the entirety of the posts I made, understandable cause they are quite long. But anyway I never let any woman be "in charge" of me before. I would try to give them equal say in things (that also means that they should share and pay for things sometimes), and hear out their opinions, but I've never let them run my show (at least financially).

Hell i would get tired of you real fast. To have equal say the girl has to pay 50%... Youve got to be kidding!

[Chads]

Maybe you didn't read through the entirety of the posts I made, understandable cause they are quite long. But anyway I never let any woman be "in charge" of me before. I would try to give them equal say in things (that also means that they should share and pay for things sometimes), and hear out their opinions, but I've never let them run my show (at least financially).

Hell i would get tired of you real fast. To have equal say the girl has to pay 50%... Youve got to be kidding!

I think you're misunderstanding me and maybe I'm not making things clear enough. But that's alright, this is an internet forum and you don't know me in person anyway.

What I mean is that in instances like wanting to buy a bottle of collagen pills just to try them out. I seriously thought she didn't need them but she kept saying her friends think it's really good so I told her ok let's split the cost, but I still think she doesn't need those (especially at her age).

I don't ask her to split costs to "have equal say". I split costs only on things that I feel are a waste of money, and because I don't want to spoil her. And I rarely do it, I've probably only done that like 3 times over the past 8 months, so I think you've misunderstood me.

[mauGR1]

Maybe you didn't read through the entirety of the posts I made, understandable cause they are quite long. But anyway I never let any woman be "in charge" of me before. I would try to give them equal say in things (that also means that they should share and pay for things sometimes), and hear out their opinions, but I've never let them run my show (at least financially).

Hell i would get tired of you real fast. To have equal say the girl has to pay 50%... Youve got to be kidding!

So, are you saying that you have to pay some woman to stay with you..Whatever floats your boats pal...up 2 u.

But some here beg to differ, what's wrong with that ?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Those that want to keep control have to work at it, and keeping that control requires vigilance and self-awareness, and of course a willingness to walk away, to actually walk away if she calls your bluff.

Most guys I know that let their life be led by their woman choose to do so because that's what they're most comfortable with. If they can financially afford to live that way, that's their choice, even if I think they're getting very poor value for money it's none of my business.

Anyway, seems to me OP you've gotten the answers and advice you came looking for with the thread right? Final decision's up to you of course, but all the generalized back and forth on how to handle your women, or let them handle you seems to stray pretty far from the OT.

[meatballs]

Advice. Move to Indonesia and break up with her on the phone. Might save on some hospital bills..

[Grumbles]

Many foreign men in Thailand are most certainly not in charge within the confines of their relationships. They only think they are because they have greater relative wealth.

Tightening/relaxing the purse strings as a means of control over a woman is ultimately self-defeating since she'll only come to despise them in the long run

I'm the boss in my marriage. My wife said I could be.

[tim armstrong]

It's simple Chads, -- If your heart is not in it, don't do it !

[Chads]

Anyway, seems to me OP you've gotten the answers and advice you came looking for with the thread right? Final decision's up to you of course, but all the generalized back and forth on how to handle your women, or let them handle you seems to stray pretty far from the OT.

Yes, thank you all for the advice and comments, especially you, Johnny.

My decision was to observe her behavior for till the end of this year and decide. I could only move after that anyway.

[Styx]

my ex thai girlfriend once adviced me "don't do anything because of someone else you are not comfortable or happy with", actually it's a pretty good advice.

[NeverSure]

Maybe you didn't read through the entirety of the posts I made, understandable cause they are quite long. But anyway I never let any woman be "in charge" of me before. I would try to give them equal say in things (that also means that they should share and pay for things sometimes), and hear out their opinions, but I've never let them run my show (at least financially).

Hell i would get tired of you real fast. To have equal say the girl has to pay 50%... Youve got to be kidding!

Maybe there is a misunderstanding. If I'm providing all of the support in LOS (never get away with this in US) then how much I have and where it is and how much gets spent is my call. The gal would never know what I have or where it is or have access to it. It would appear as needed and any luxuries would appear as I wanted, but then I would act as if it was a sacrifice. If she can't live with that, being well cared for, she can pack because I'd believe she was a gold digger. There is this part of me which would like her to like me for myself and if that isn't enough, she can pack.

[fletchsmile]

If you think so much of her, consider asking her to move to Indo with you. If the answer is no, see where else she might move to.

If she's not prepared to consider moving out of Thailand, that means if you want the relationship to continue you know you're tied to Thailand. Is that really what you want for your future? At only 30 that's a big sacrifice to make.

I love Indonesia, and was offered a job there, while I was in Thailand with a Thai girlfriend. To cut a long story short I took the job. The girlfriend came too to give it a go, even though she thought she might not like it and it was a big step. Turned out she didn't like it there. That's one of the key reasons she is no longer my girlfriend.

On the other hand that she put our relationship first, and stuck it out until our next move is one reason why she's now my wife, and I was happy moving to the next level. I could probably live in Thailand for the rest of my wife. I don't like the idea of having to though. So marrying someone who was willing to try other places and put us first rather than a place was important. Since then we've lived in Korea, Thailand again and Vietnam and she's enjoyed all of them. Dreams are meant to be shared...

Another thing I'd add is I've seen far more women I could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with in Indo, Singapore etc, and I think the odds are higher for meeting your lifetime partner if that's what you want.

So I wouldn't worry too much that you'd be ruining your life irreparably at 30 by leaving a Thai partner behind

On a personal level I also find Indonesians more genuine than Thais, and more friendly, and it is easier to become much less of an outsider there. Indos are more open to the outside world in their outlook on life. That said I've never met anyone I'd rather be married to than the Mrs. even if she is Thai

Edited November 12, 2012 by fletchsmile

[jackr]

So it all went well enough, till I started feeling that my Thai girlfriend is taking me for granted.

They all do that, wives especially.

I certainly wouldn't hang around if you want to be somewhere else anyway. If you did so for her sake and ended up married with kids and it went pear-shaped, you would forever kick yourself. The haughty attitude will not become better with time. Though shallow, I like the move away and phone her up method (above). Muang Thai certainly is not 'all that'... I'd be elsewhere in a jiffy. Go for it!

[Somtumiguana]

I think that if you don't tell her all this, that you are instead choosing to share with strangers on the internet, you are being disingenous to her. She has the right to know what you are thinking about. This "I'll watch her til the end of the year" - like you are some relationship secret police is failed strategy. If you are going to break up - do it already. Otherwise, man up, and have the conversation that you seem scared to have.

[Mitker]

indonesions love westerners, there clubs are great to, they go off with a bang.

your welcome to it.

The OP mentioned earlier he's not a Westerner

[Mitker]

From outside, it just looks like there's not much left of relationship from her side. I wouldn't buy an ounce of the "that's my way of joking, you should feel like I treat you as close partner" stuff. Even after honeymoon ended, no need for treating the BF as an ATM, except if that's the way she sees you.

You are both young with salary, respect should be mutual (even if single income anyway).

It seems like your talking with her has been a nice and polite exchange but didn't go anywhere close to the root of the problem. You should figure out quickly.

As for her being generous with her family, it's a traditional duty in Thai culture and doesn't mean you'll automatically enjoy the same consideration.

And since you don't seem like feeling much anymore neither... I would just join the crowd suggesting you to move away and start something more satisfactory somewhere else with someone else. If you treated her fairly, there's no need for remorse/delay. Life is short indeed.

I would also recommend to plan the split wisely. Horror stories abound, like mentioned before.

But that's all from outside and you only can really know.

[glassdude007]

Thing is, she hates those leeches. She often talks about the problems they cause her mother back home, even to her friends (I can understand Thai). And that's precisely why she wants to move her mum out of that house

Maybe when her Mom moves in with you and your lady,

life will get back to normal for you again....

Enjoy