Giving A Gift

[Baht Simpson]

I return to LOS in March and will be visiting again a delightful old couple who showed me great kindness on my last trip. They live in a small village up north and are clearly not that well off. I would like to give them some sort of token of my appreciation for their kindness and wondered if there was any special protocol for giving gifts to elder Thais.

The gift will be in the form of money or maybe food, whichever is more appropriate I will take advice on this from my contacts.

Many thanks

[gburns57au]

Money

They can then use it to get what they really need or want.

[Kan Win]

Baht,

Give them a T.V. or a Fridge or something useful that the will use each and every day, me tink, that would be the best gift.

Yours truly,

Kan Win

[joe beets]

To western eyes a gift of money may seem crass and unimaginative.

Get over that.

Money will be most appreciated.

jb

[chownah]

I told my Thai wife about your post and when I got to the part about money or food she instantly and firmly replied "money." Then she added that if the couple are not too old then buying a box of beer and inviting some friends over for a small party would be good too (in addition to the money).

Another possibility which my wife approves of is to wait until Songkhran and then you can go to their house and have them bless you (dam hua) and it is the custom when you go to their house and do this you give them flowers, leaves, snacks, fragrant water, incense, and money. These are the traditional things that are offered to the person who is blessing you (at least this is true in the north around where I live). This would be a perfect way to give them some money...but if it is a sizeable amount then be sure that after they bless you that they remove it from the phan (offering tray) immediately to be sure it doesn't disappear. If you think that this idea of going at Songkhran is a good one I suggest that you ask around to be sure that this would be appropriate with this couple.

Edited February 8, 2006 by chownah

[britmaveric]

Def dosh and possibly a bottle of whiskey!!

[rishi]

Yes, money... And doing it properly - it should be handed over in a closed envelope. And you shouldn't be surprised if they don't open it in your presence and you shouldn't be surprised if they never say thankyou... Nevertheless, they'll be very thankful - not just for the money, but also for your consideration.

[Tippaporn]

I can't add much to the good advice already present-ed. Just wanted to add that I think it's a warm-hearted and kindly gesture on your part. Always nice to see a good farang ambassador!

[GuestHouse]

I'd say money yes, but also something more personal. Photos of you and your own family are always a good idea, sort of makes a link.

[sriracha john]

Agree with money (in a closed envelope) together with a personal gift, eg. rice cooker or hot water pot that can be dolled up with a ribbon and/or wrapping at the store where it is purchased.

If they are quite elderly, I'd forego the alcohol at gift-presentation time...

but if you really wanted to have a drink with them later, present it separately later on.

[steveromagnino]

Agree with money (in a closed envelope) together with a personal gift, eg. rice cooker or hot water pot that can be dolled up with a ribbon and/or wrapping at the store where it is purchased.

If they are quite elderly, I'd forego the alcohol at gift-presentation time...

but if you really wanted to have a drink with them later, present it separately later on.

I would not give them large electrical appliances unless you know that they have power and can afford to run them.

Money, in a nice envelope, presented with a thank you to them for the support they have given to you (in Thai of course).

I think a lot of giving the gift in this situation, is also giving them face as well in a Thai way, which is that they are the phoo yai in this situation and you are giving them the gift to thank them, rather than giving it to them because they need it (even though of course they do). Giving it the right way will make an indelible impression with them, and it sounds like they are one of the 'have nots' so they probably don't have much and you are making a good contribution.

Correct procedure in my mind would be to present to them something like this... see them, if they are seated and are significantly older than you, try to wai them deeply if standing, with hands raised high to the forehead, head bowed, and bend at the knees, with the right leg slightly in front of the left or vice versa, if they are seated inside, which is possible given their age, then don't stand over them, instead, go into the side angled seated on the ground stance with your feet tucked to the side and behind you, and wai them; if they are REALLY old then you can wai them with your elbows to the ground and the wai touching the ground, but this is getting a fair bit over the top.

In your own way in the best Thai you have, thank them for all the support they have given you, wish them happiness and good health and present the envelope as a thank you. No need to be too formal, as they may not understand that, however politeness with krap krappom that sort of formality is probably about right. You can say all this to them while waiing. Then present the envelope to her with your right hand, with your left hand supporting your right elbow. Try to appear to make the effort to lower your body slightly if you are standing.

After they take it, they will probably thank you, you should say something like 'thank you' back, rather than the standard 'mai benrai' although that too is fine.

I would not give too much, as some villagers don't know how to look after a lot of money; they may end up living it up, then getting in debt later on after it runs out. Therefore, a bit of money is nice, if you want to give them a lot, then gold or something like that may help prevent a big party. A gift basket of brands and essentials is probably quite useful too.