Thai Women And Jealousy

[mauGR1]

@ BigJohnnyBKK

Wait, i agree with you, sharing details about past relationships is not a good idea.

Only, to say : " none of your business " sounds just very undiplomatic, bordering with downright rude.

Can you suggest a more gracious answer, i am all ears

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Actually this jealousy goes back generations and seems to be built on to the Thai women's head. In earlier days and still happens now somewhat too. Thai husbands have their family and their wife of marriage but along with his wife and family he would have numerous mistresses. In old family photos these mistresses (which there can be several) can be found in the family portrait usually sitting or on the outer side of the family.

In those days everyone would know of this situation but cannot and did not speak about it.

Thai girls in my opinion can't acknowledge that western men these days are different from Thai men years ago. And yes it usually happens to me when she has her period.

You're missing some key points IMO.

The mia noi is often very much part of the family, sometimes not just "extended" but nuclear - sure there may be friction but a proper husband would not tolerate these being allowed to disturb the home's surface tranquility.

And that her children will come first, that's usually the most fiercely contended issue, as the tutor of children in some very wealthy families I can assure you this is very much still part of the culture here.

And why would you want to be different? If you filter out those girls with direct experience with farang men, it's not that difficult to find one that is willing to accept such arrangements, as long as you can assure her of relative security long-term, not just emotionally but most importantly financial stability.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

@ BigJohnnyBKK

Wait, i agree with you, sharing details about past relationships is not a good idea.

Only, to say : " none of your business " sounds just very undiplomatic, bordering with downright rude.

Can you suggest a more gracious answer, i am all ears

What I mean to communicate is "this topic is of no concern to you and you will not be permitted to continue this line of enquiry without serious consequences to the future of our relationship".

What you would consider rude is simply making my position crystal clear in full awareness of the emotional context and desired results in the interest of establishing/maintaining my authority. I have found it appropriate and most effective to speak abruptly in many circumstances where most farang would be giving their power away being "nice" - often interpreted as weakness.

There may be a more conventionally polite way of stating these ideas, but my Thai is not that good.

Edited November 13, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I was in a open relation with the current wife all was well and good until i went too far with one of the other girls. She felt threatened in her position and got jealous. Now open like before is something i can forget about.

She must be a special lady for you to be willing to give up that (to me such a critical) part of your deal.

Was the "too far" at an emotional level, or were you being overly generous with what she considered family money?

Feel free to answer "none of my business" of course.

[jaideeguy]

And to add to the mystery of the Asian woman.......after a fight/argument, they want to make love. The drama just drains me and the last thing I want to do is make love....give me a day or 2 to recover.

Makes me wonder if drama is their twisted way of saying that they are horny??

[mauGR1]

Thai girls are insecure because they got a lot to loose when the guy who provides for them says bye bye. Many guys are the girls meal ticket, they don't have skills enough to keep up the kind of life they are used to now. They know other girls want to take their place. If you got a girl that makes her own money jealousy is a lot less. Unless of course you give reason too.

In fact, except one case, i was never the " meal ticket " for anyone.

While i see your point, IMHO the women's jealousy depends more on emotional security, as they know very well it will be very difficult for them to find partners after they are 40/45 y.o.

BTW, except for the " knife thing " i have had very similar experiences with jealousy in my homecountry.

[fish fingers]

My golden rule is, if you start dating a thai and she says she doesnt trust you, walk away. Trust is so important.

This can mean one of many things, including she might have issues due to previous relationships or she's not trustworthy herself.

If she doesnt trust u in the beginning she will never trust you and/or will probably use it as an excuse to live by her own rules. Many Thai women have double standards when it comes to relationships.

And remember, the one accusing is often the one doing!

Edited November 13, 2012 by fish fingers

[mauGR1]

And to add to the mystery of the Asian woman.......after a fight/argument, they want to make love. The drama just drains me and the last thing I want to do is make love....give me a day or 2 to recover.

Makes me wonder if drama is their twisted way of saying that they are horny??

That's a classic, it seems on emotional level, lust and anger are well connected in some way, yet, it's a mistery for me too.

[akspace]

I really haven't had enough Thai, or Asian, girlfriends to make a generalization. But my Japanese girlfriend was never jealous, no more so then any of my farang girlfriends. However, my Thai girlfriend starts asking questions if I'm going out for drinks after work. If I have to travel for business she assumes I have a girlfriend (or three) in whatever city I'm traveling to. It's never angry accusations, more just questions about exactly who will be there and why I'm going.

She also won't let assumed transgressions go, I had to travel to Bangkok last year and I went without her, now every time she gets angry she brings up my "Bangkok girlfriend". She assumes I have one because I spent 12,000 baht in two days and didn't answer my phone when she called a couple of times.

I'd be curious to know how she knew how much money you had or spent. I'm not flaming you, it's just something I'd never do. When I had gf's in LOS, they had no idea how much money I had or where it was. It just appeared when needed. I wasn't living large either because they were the 90 day stays. The gal always knew I was leaving which may have helped.

But I had a 1 br apt at the Riverside in Chiang Mai and a tiny rented car which I could never find a place to park. I didn't appear to be well off whether I was or no, and the gf's got what I felt like giving them which was mostly room and board and some nice meals and a few perks for a few weeks. Nothing large.

Because I'm honest with my girlfriends.

It's not like I buy her expensive gifts or take her out to fancy restaurants. I've bought her a t-shirt and a cheap bracelet in the 16 months we've been dating. Now recently she has been asking me to pay her rent, but I think it's just a ploy to move in with me.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

And to add to the mystery of the Asian woman.......after a fight/argument, they want to make love. The drama just drains me and the last thing I want to do is make love....give me a day or 2 to recover.

Makes me wonder if drama is their twisted way of saying that they are horny??

Yes, some people honestly don't want peace of mind, many (not just women) are actually addicted to the rush of brain chemicals produced by a good fight, and yes such states are very closely aligned with sexual excitement.

Perhaps conditioned by some critical early childhood experiences I don't know, and don't even care to understand.

In my book such people are simply best avoided.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Now recently she has been asking me to pay her rent, but I think it's just a ploy to move in with me.

Or maybe she just wants you to pay her rent 8-)

This may well be a much better arrangement from you POV, and ultimately cheaper for you than having her move in.

[transam]

If your happy like we are then noooooooo worries.

[TommoPhysicist]

And to add to the mystery of the Asian woman.......after a fight/argument, they want to make love. The drama just drains me and the last thing I want to do is make love....give me a day or 2 to recover.

Makes me wonder if drama is their twisted way of saying that they are horny??

Something about this post makes me think you are just too old.

[robblok]

I was in a open relation with the current wife all was well and good until i went too far with one of the other girls. She felt threatened in her position and got jealous. Now open like before is something i can forget about.

She must be a special lady for you to be willing to give up that (to me such a critical) part of your deal.

Was the "too far" at an emotional level, or were you being overly generous with what she considered family money?

Feel free to answer "none of my business" of course.

Never money, i only go for girls even giks that can support themselves. Else i got a feeling they are after money. Actually this one was quite well off even for European standards. It was the emotional thing that was the problem.

I can still go out and have fun with girls for hire that is not a problem (but i don't because i find that boring, part of the fun is the chase and getting a girl without paying for it renting a girl is just too easy)

[poanoi]

My gf havn't been jealous, with one notable exception ! -my ex, Big time.

(she know i will not suffer another gonorrhea under just about any circumstance)

But i come to realize this no-party family-life is a complete misery,

and once she realized i'd rather be dead than living this ungodly boring life,

she said i can go see my ex whenever i want without even mention it.

Now the only catch is to get my ex in mood again, it don't work out well, at all.

[manly100]

Had an Italian girlfriend and we got on great until one night I came home from work sat down in front of the telly and next thing she’s standing in front of the telly giving me an earful of nonsense I thought it could be a one off so I stopped her and said don’t ever act like that with me again and if she did I would be walking away for good. A few days later she started up again. The next morning I packed and left. And that was that. Hope she played a better game with the next guy.

Years later my TG started up one night with needless nonsense, I put it to her that we planned to spend a long life together but if she acted this way again it would be over and this was her first and last warning. We’re now happily married never a bad word between us. And she’s the perfect wife and mother.

Point being if you don’t lay the ground rules at the first chance you get you will be in for whatever she feels like giving you. Makes you kind of like a soi dog.

Demand unacceptable behavior stops from all your contacts and you’ll end up surrounded by well behaved friends and family. And yes you’d need to practice what you preach.

Had an acquaintance whose girlfriend ask if he ever played around on her and he replied ‘ALL THE TIME” he told her he f and forgets them but quite likes her. Years later their still together and seem happy. Honesty may well be the best policy for those who wonder.

Edited November 13, 2012 by metisdead
: Font resized again. Use the default forum font when posting: Arial size 14.

[TommoPhysicist]

Don't worry about nutters BJBKK

I also admit to having a reluctance to share my assets with temporary sexual partners.

[Rimmer]

Personal attack removed

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I also admit to having a reluctance to share my assets with temporary sexual partners.

And although Romeo will always love fair Juliet, of course nothing is permanent in this all too real world we mere mortals inhabit.

Parting is such sweet sorrow. . .

Edited November 13, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK