lemoncake Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Agree with asking the girl. However her being from a decent family , stayin in hotel is a must especially that you not even romantic yet. If invited for dinner, bottle of either whisky or a nice wine is a must. Do not think chocolates or flowers is a Thai thing but good wine or whisky is. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellodolly Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Id perhaps take a box of chocolates (Cadburys of course) and some nice wine and perhaps flowers for her. Just because they are Thai, doesnt mean you should start buying gold. If its her Mum and Dads house, give her Mum the flowers. Trust me it, its worth more than giving them to her daughter. Not sure about giving mum flowers, They might be a problem if she dosen't care for them. Ask your friend if you can bring some flowers and ask her for a recommendation for a nearby hotel.This way you will not be putting any undo pressure on the family they will know in advance where you are going to stay, 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellodolly Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ). talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink. if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink Why would you act in a manner that Thai people might when you are obviously not Thai?This thing about Farangs trying to act Thai just baffles me,are you going to be wearing a disguise that makes you look Thai? Like in the James Bond film when Sean Connery is made to look Japanese? OH i'm sorry i much be mistaken, i thought that because i am a woman and i was born here just over 30 years ago and went to thai school and university owner business and own land in thailand that this would make me thai.... now how long have you been here? 5 min farang an expert in all thing thai? wake up to your self!!!if you think you know more about thai culture than me then i challenge you to prove your self and your expert knowledge of thai culture. how many Thai girlfriends parents have you had to meet? Us farnangs do it a lot and have some experience gained in the university of life Western life you mean. The biggest problem Westerners have when they move to Thailand is accepting that they are in a different culture and should respect it rather than change it too what is convenient for them. I know people with double digit years still fighting the idea that they are right and the Thai's are wrong. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 [<don't refuse any food or drink offered........> Really! I never eat any of the food that my in laws offer, as I consider my health to be more important than eating red hot ( chillies ) inedible ( to me ) nauseating "food". Just the smell would make me vomit on them! If they cared about me, they would ask my wife what I can eat and offer me that. As for drink. I have learned that it is unwise to drink alcohol with Thais that become violent on the booze. So unless you know what they are like with a few down, not necessarily good advice. As for the food, I would at least try some before refusing. As for the alcohol, what a great way to find out if there are any hidden issues within the family Don't have to try to know. This is "real" Thai food. not the stuff served up in tourist areas, and I can't eat chillies or bits of forest vegetation. As for the alcohol, I found out when the chairs started flying, but not from anything I gave them. They always ask me to join them in a bottle, and I keep declining, with a smile, then I get out of the way. I thought we were giving advice to the OP. Please continue though, as the OP seems to have disappeared. Advice on a public forum isn't just for the OP, but for all those with a similar problem that are looking for advice. In this case, two people said that we SHOULD eat/ try Thai food for whatever reason, and I was pointing out that it isn't always appropriate to eat the food that is offered, and IMO isn't required to do so. In fact, concientous hosts would find out first if their guest can eat what they are offering. Being polite goes both ways. Post modified to allow posting. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Why would you act in a manner that Thai people might when you are obviously not Thai?This thing about Farangs trying to act Thai just baffles me,are you going to be wearing a disguise that makes you look Thai? Like in the James Bond film when Sean Connery is made to look Japanese? OH i'm sorry i much be mistaken, i thought that because i am a woman and i was born here just over 30 years ago and went to thai school and university owner business and own land in thailand that this would make me thai.... now how long have you been here? 5 min farang an expert in all thing thai? wake up to your self!!!if you think you know more about thai culture than me then i challenge you to prove your self and your expert knowledge of thai culture. how many Thai girlfriends parents have you had to meet? Us farnangs do it a lot and have some experience gained in the university of life Western life you mean. The biggest problem Westerners have when they move to Thailand is accepting that they are in a different culture and should respect it rather than change it too what is convenient for them. I know people with double digit years still fighting the idea that they are right and the Thai's are wrong. It all seems a bit heavy, to me. My personal solution to the whole "meet the parents" of a Thai GF was to not meet them. I only did so after meeting my wife to be, and that was a year after we started living together. As far as the OP is concerned, IMO far too soon be be playing that game, and if she insists, run. Post modified to allow posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) Agree with asking the girl. However her being from a decent family , stayin in hotel is a must especially that you not even romantic yet. If invited for dinner, bottle of either whisky or a nice wine is a must. Do not think chocolates or flowers is a Thai thing but good wine or whisky is. How would you ever tell if she was from a decent family? PS Thai villagers don't drink wine. Edited December 28, 2012 by TommoPhysicist 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) Western life you mean. The biggest problem Westerners have when they move to Thailand is accepting that they are in a different culture and should respect it rather than change it too what is convenient for them. If Thai girls want boyfriends with Thai manners, they should be dating Thai boys. Why would anyone even want to meet the Thai family? Especially if you are just using the girl for casual sex. Edited December 28, 2012 by TommoPhysicist 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemoncake Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Agree with asking the girl. However her being from a decent family , stayin in hotel is a must especially that you not even romantic yet. If invited for dinner, bottle of either whisky or a nice wine is a must. Do not think chocolates or flowers is a Thai thing but good wine or whisky is. How would you ever tell if she was from a decent family? PS Thai villagers don't drink wine. simply by what op said. again by what op said they are clearly not villagers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Agree with asking the girl. However her being from a decent family , stayin in hotel is a must especially that you not even romantic yet. If invited for dinner, bottle of either whisky or a nice wine is a must. Do not think chocolates or flowers is a Thai thing but good wine or whisky is. How would you ever tell if she was from a decent family? PS Thai villagers don't drink wine. simply by what op said. again by what op said they are clearly not villagers Yeh, but the OP clearly doesn't have a clue. That's why he's asking us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemoncake Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Agree with asking the girl. However her being from a decent family , stayin in hotel is a must especially that you not even romantic yet. If invited for dinner, bottle of either whisky or a nice wine is a must. Do not think chocolates or flowers is a Thai thing but good wine or whisky is. How would you ever tell if she was from a decent family? PS Thai villagers don't drink wine. simply by what op said. again by what op said they are clearly not villagers Yeh, but the OP clearly doesn't have a clue. That's why he's asking us. he does not have a clue what to bring or what to expect, but from what i understood they are a well educated family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Banzai99 Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 he does not have a clue what to bring or what to expect, but from what i understood they are a well educated family Of course they are, thats why the OP is clueless, she Is so well educated that he has to seek the advice of total strangers on an anonymous forum, many of whom don't have a clue themselves considering they don't live in Thailand. Why does he not ask her, advice from non residents is not needed as they are clueless, he should ask her !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemoncake Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 he does not have a clue what to bring or what to expect, but from what i understood they are a well educated family Of course they are, thats why the OP is clueless, she Is so well educated that he has to seek the advice of total strangers on an anonymous forum, many of whom don't have a clue themselves considering they don't live in Thailand. Why does he not ask her, advice from non residents is not needed as they are clueless, he should ask her !! As i stated in my earlier post that yes asking her is a good idea, however he may not feel comfortable to ask her to appear as fool. I see no problem with OP asking for advice on Thai culture or etiquette on Thai Visa, perhaps those who do not know and do not live in Thailand should not be posting and responding to his question, but sadly then it would not be Thai Visa. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
advancebooking Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'm the OP who raised this thread and I appreciate all the comments. I find it amusing that some users (i.e. lovelaos) get annoyed that I have not made comments for while. Why would this bother you?- its a public forum and the information on this thread is for everyone not just me. I respect the comments above from some of the thai members in particular. I am living in your country and your culture; and I wrote this thread so that I can be respectful to the girl and her family - if Im lucky enough to meet them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrFloyd Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Cash is king . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post simon43 Posted December 28, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted December 28, 2012 Some useful tips: - When eating frog head, make sure you spit out the cranial bones - The tastiest part of steamed fish are the eyeballs, so offer these to your future mother-in-law - Raw buffalo uterus is an acquired taste and best left for an occasion when you have speedy access to a toilet - Practice perching like a chicken and you will be an immediate success with the inlaws - Violence at family gatherings is the norm in village Thailand; care is required only when bullets fly - The local village policeman is always right, especially when drunk - Do not French-kiss the grandmother, unless you enjoy tasting crimson betalnut juice Hope that helps Simon 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post David48 Posted December 28, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'm the OP who raised this thread and I appreciate all the comments. I find it amusing that some users (i.e. lovelaos) get annoyed that I have not made comments for while. Why would this bother you?- its a public forum and the information on this thread is for everyone not just me. I respect the comments above from some of the thai members in particular. I am living in your country and your culture; and I wrote this thread so that I can be respectful to the girl and her family - if Im lucky enough to meet them. Couple of things arise from your post. First of all, I support lovelaos with the comment. There is an element of responsibility starting a thread as an OP and a lot of people 'spend' their good time and years of experience to reply to you. Sure, it's a public Forum and you will get a 'spectrum' of answers ... some direct to the point ... some maybe less then usefull. But do you really ask the original question to educate others ... or to seek an answer for yourself? My Thai girlfriend also invested her time to reply to you ... and you don't get any better experience then that. It's been the most popular comment yet. Have you thanked anyone yet for their time spent? We all wish you good luck with your ventures and maybe, once you have visited, you revisit this thread and reply to us what experiences or advices you found usefull ... . 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'm the OP who raised this thread and I appreciate all the comments. I find it amusing that some users (i.e. lovelaos) get annoyed that I have not made comments for while. Why would this bother you?- its a public forum and the information on this thread is for everyone not just me. I respect the comments above from some of the thai members in particular. I am living in your country and your culture; and I wrote this thread so that I can be respectful to the girl and her family - if Im lucky enough to meet them. Couple of things arise from your post. First of all, I support lovelaos with the comment. There is an element of responsibility starting a thread as an OP and a lot of people 'spend' their good time and years of experience to reply to you. Sure, it's a public Forum and you will get a 'spectrum' of answers ... some direct to the point ... some maybe less then usefull. But do you really ask the original question to educate others ... or to seek an answer for yourself? My Thai girlfriend also invested her time to reply to you ... and you don't get any better experience then that. It's been the most popular comment yet. Have you thanked anyone yet for their time spent? We all wish you good luck with your ventures and maybe, once you have visited, you revisit this thread and reply to us what experiences or advices you found usefull ... . Well said Dave , I advise on tyre pressures but only get flack back. ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoneyboy Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Ruffle the father in laws hair,Thais love that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Ruffle the father in laws hair,Thais love that. I think not, eh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Oh yes, and practise pointing with your lips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David48 Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Oh yes, and practise pointing with your lips. I've got that down to a fine art ... But more effective when combined with both a subtle chin movement. If the message is not understood, then include the eyes. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johpa Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Stay in a hotel or guest house as your relationship is not anywhere near ready for prime time, that is staying at the family home. Bring a fruit plate, no money, no booze. If they do drink, then volunteer to go out and buy the next bottle at the local store as unlike Bangkok, up north they still favor the traditional Thai booze like Sangsom. Be wary, but have a good time as most Khon Muang people are an easy going lot. And enjoy the area around Chiang Rai and go have a lunch up around Chiang Saen or Mae Salomg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildorchid Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ). talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink. if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink Why would you act in a manner that Thai people might when you are obviously not Thai?This thing about Farangs trying to act Thai just baffles me,are you going to be wearing a disguise that makes you look Thai? Like in the James Bond film when Sean Connery is made to look Japanese? OH i'm sorry i much be mistaken, i thought that because i am a woman and i was born here just over 30 years ago and went to thai school and university owner business and own land in thailand that this would make me thai.... now how long have you been here? 5 min farang an expert in all thing thai? wake up to your self!!!if you think you know more about thai culture than me then i challenge you to prove your self and your expert knowledge of thai culture. how many Thai girlfriends parents have you had to meet? Us farnangs do it a lot and have some experience gained in the university of life answer your question is " ONE " ,,, next? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Good Whiskey, even if they don't drink the stuff it is most welcome for the extended family. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 Western life you mean. The biggest problem Westerners have when they move to Thailand is accepting that they are in a different culture and should respect it rather than change it too what is convenient for them. If Thai girls want boyfriends with Thai manners, they should be dating Thai boys. Why would anyone even want to meet the Thai family? Especially if you are just using the girl for casual sex. Very well said. If a Thai girl is dating a farang, why in the world would they expect him to behave like a Thai? There is a difference between being respectful of Thai customs ie don't present the sole of your shoe to the parents, and throwing gifts and money at the family. Of course, if that is what you do back home, by all means do so here. <Why would anyone even want to meet the Thai family?> Never a truer sentence written. I'd be quite happy to never see my extended Thai family again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 One thing l do not do is take my shoes off in another house where the toilet is inside and the floor is water logged, shower in the toilet, cos l wear socks if out. But, l always tell the host l am sorry about the shoes, they smile a no problem. My Mrs says they understand, your a farang and are different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldsailor35 Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 If its Isaan, first take an ATM card, the family will all love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoneyboy Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 One thing l do not do is take my shoes off in another house where the toilet is inside and the floor is water logged, shower in the toilet, cos l wear socks if out. But, l always tell the host l am sorry about the shoes, they smile a no problem. My Mrs says they understand, your a farang and are different. I would make you take your socks off also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 One thing l do not do is take my shoes off in another house where the toilet is inside and the floor is water logged, shower in the toilet, cos l wear socks if out. But, l always tell the host l am sorry about the shoes, they smile a no problem. My Mrs says they understand, your a farang and are different. I would make you take your socks off also. Seems logical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 One thing l do not do is take my shoes off in another house where the toilet is inside and the floor is water logged, shower in the toilet, cos l wear socks if out. But, l always tell the host l am sorry about the shoes, they smile a no problem. My Mrs says they understand, your a farang and are different. I would make you take your socks off also. Seems logical. And show massive cultural sensitivity. and ingrown toenails, and carbunkles, and... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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