Etiquette When Visiting A Thai Family

[wildorchid]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ).

talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink.

if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink

[TommoPhysicist]

I agree with Wildorchid.

If you stay in the family home there will be an expectation of marriage on the part of the family.

If you stay with her, in her room, the family will consider you already married.

But from your OP, I was thinking this visit will likely be taken as a 'promise to marry'.

[David48]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face ......

+1 agreeing with this bit

.

[villagefarang]

Small gifts will always be well received. You can never go wrong there, be it your girlfriend's family, a new neighbour, or any other formal introduction. Don't be extravagant. As stated above, ask your girlfriend what they like (fruit, wine, etc) Cash would most definitely be greeted with bafflement, and be totally inappropriate.

I agree.

My wife always has small gifts for people we visit on our travels, be it in Thailand or overseas. Not being Thai, I suppose you can get away without indulging in this ritual but you will make points, if done properly.

Let me add my voice to the chorus of those suggesting you talk to the girlfriend about this stuff. Admit to being clueless and ask for her advice.

[farang000999]

You have never kissed her and have only known her for a month and are already meeting the family? Are you both 16? Are you sure that the relationship from her perspective is not platonic? Does she realize that you are heterosexual?

[Briggsy]

Try to learn the names of all the family members.

[Khun Aguero]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ).

talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink.

if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink

Why would you act in a manner that Thai people might when you are obviously not Thai?This thing about Farangs trying to act Thai just baffles me,are you going to be wearing a disguise that makes you look Thai?

Like in the James Bond film when Sean Connery is made to look Japanese?

[cdnvic]

No, it's about showing some appreciation to your hosts by learning a little bit about them and their culture, the same way they would if the situation is reversed. It can be fun for both sides if people don't get so strangely defensive about it.

[notmyself]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ).

talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink.

if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink

Why would you act in a manner that Thai people might when you are obviously not Thai?This thing about Farangs trying to act Thai just baffles me,are you going to be wearing a disguise that makes you look Thai?

Like in the James Bond film when Sean Connery is made to look Japanese?

A rather excesive way to put a valid point. A level of respect and understanding of Thai culture and ways is one thing, taking this level of Thainess too far and you will be considered either insulting or a buffoon. I see it every day, the younger generation generally laugh at the person doing it but not so the older generation.

[heatherm]

I don't think you should act "just like you do in the West". Take your shoes off before entering the house, don't put your feet on anything except the floor, and don't flush excessive amounts of toilet paper.

Sent from my GT-P1010 using Thaivisa Connect App

[Mosha]

You must have made an impression with the you lady, and now I think she wants parental approval to step up to dating. Her siblings apparently think you are ok too. As said show respect, keep gifts modest. Sarongs seem to be appreciated. Or delicacies not available in the North. We always take Paklian on visits to family. It doesn't grow much North or South of Ranong and Chumpon. Also some othe ingredient that is a local speciality. Ask what her expectations are of you on the visit, and as said where to stay. As for gossip, they will do that anyway.

[kevvy]

try and learn some basic Thai words this goes a long way . maybe take the family out to dinner too.

[wildorchid]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ).

talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink.

if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink

Why would you act in a manner that Thai people might when you are obviously not Thai?This thing about Farangs trying to act Thai just baffles me,are you going to be wearing a disguise that makes you look Thai?

Like in the James Bond film when Sean Connery is made to look Japanese?

OH i'm sorry i much be mistaken, i thought that because i am a woman and i was born here just over 30 years ago and went to thai school and university owner business and own land in thailand that this would make me thai.... now how long have you been here? 5 min farang an expert in all thing thai? wake up to your self!!!

if you think you know more about thai culture than me then i challenge you to prove your self and your expert knowledge of thai culture.

[lovelaos]

Jai yen yen Khun Wildorchid

[thaibeachlovers]

Why would you take presents ?

Is it because its Christmas ?

Just take yourself and don't fart at the table

Agreed, but do they have a table? My in laws sit on the floor. I had to provide my own chair.

In my experience:

take your shoes off at the door.

Use Khrap after speaking in Thai to them.

BTW, I agree with not taking a present. They'll be getting enough money when you have to front up with the sin sod.

I disagree with waiing, unless you know everything about it. Most farangs don't have a clue how to do it properly. I never do it.

Smiling is a good idea though, anywhere.

[thaibeachlovers]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ).

talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink.

if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink

Why would you act in a manner that Thai people might when you are obviously not Thai?This thing about Farangs trying to act Thai just baffles me,are you going to be wearing a disguise that makes you look Thai?

Like in the James Bond film when Sean Connery is made to look Japanese?

OH i'm sorry i much be mistaken, i thought that because i am a woman and i was born here just over 30 years ago and went to thai school and university owner business and own land in thailand that this would make me thai.... now how long have you been here? 5 min farang an expert in all thing thai? wake up to your self!!!

if you think you know more about thai culture than me then i challenge you to prove your self and your expert knowledge of thai culture.

Regardless, of which of you is right, a farang would have to be barking to start with the gold etc on a first visit. When I went to visit my future in laws, I certainly never gave them anything of value and they didn't throw me out of the house.

There's too much of this "you have to give them gold/ money" malarky. If they think that, they can keep the daughter and support her themselves.

[thaibeachlovers]

I don't think you should act "just like you do in the West". Take your shoes off before entering the house, don't put your feet on anything except the floor, and don't flush excessive amounts of toilet paper.

Sent from my GT-P1010 using Thaivisa Connect App

Shouldn't put toilet paper in the toilet. Even better, use a bum gun if there is one, or the dipper and water if provided.

[thaibeachlovers]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face ......

+1 agreeing with this bit

.

When I lived in the village, the neighbours used to come to visit the MIL and would gossip about me while I was there.

[transam]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face ......

+1 agreeing with this bit

.

When I lived in the village, the neighbours used to come to visit the MIL and would gossip about me while I was there.

Me too, didn't realize l was soooooooooo hansum.

[thaibeachlovers]

This will be a fun thread to follow. Looks like we already have one poster with issues

To the OP, just relax, smile, be yourself, don't refuse any food or drink offered........

Gifts are not expected and if your good lady tells you differently, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

David48 and dancealot have some good advice.

<don't refuse any food or drink offered........>

Really! I never eat any of the food that my in laws offer, as I consider my health to be more important than eating red hot ( chillies ) inedible ( to me ) nauseating "food". Just the smell would make me vomit on them!

If they cared about me, they would ask my wife what I can eat and offer me that.

As for drink. I have learned that it is unwise to drink alcohol with Thais that become violent on the booze. So unless you know what they are like with a few down, not necessarily good advice.

[thaibeachlovers]

Smile,be polite,relax and be yourself. No gifts necessary and no way should you give money. Thai people are very proud and sometimes get offended if you offer money for nothing. I remember giving a few baht to a guy on a phone stand in my wife's village because he fixed the settings and stuck in a new sim card. He handed it back and said to my wife that why would he take money for doing very little. My wife explained that sometimes Falang think that we have to give money for everything but sometimes it makes Thais feel beneath us because we look like we are showing off or can afford to dish out cash.

<sometimes get offended if you offer money for nothing>

My experience is somewhat different. When I visited, my future wife's cousin picked us up at the railway station and drove us to the village. I gave him 1000 baht to cover the petrol, and mistakenly gave him an extra 1000 note. He never gave it back, though it was obviously more than what the petrol cost.

[lovelaos]

This will be a fun thread to follow. Looks like we already have one poster with issues

To the OP, just relax, smile, be yourself, don't refuse any food or drink offered........

Gifts are not expected and if your good lady tells you differently, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

David48 and dancealot have some good advice.

<don't refuse any food or drink offered........>

Really! I never eat any of the food that my in laws offer, as I consider my health to be more important than eating red hot ( chillies ) inedible ( to me ) nauseating "food". Just the smell would make me vomit on them!

If they cared about me, they would ask my wife what I can eat and offer me that.

As for drink. I have learned that it is unwise to drink alcohol with Thais that become violent on the booze. So unless you know what they are like with a few down, not necessarily good advice.

As for the food, I would at least try some before refusing.

As for the alcohol, what a great way to find out if there are any hidden issues within the family

[thaibeachlovers]

This will be a fun thread to follow. Looks like we already have one poster with issues

To the OP, just relax, smile, be yourself, don't refuse any food or drink offered........

Gifts are not expected and if your good lady tells you differently, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

David48 and dancealot have some good advice.

<don't refuse any food or drink offered........>

Really! I never eat any of the food that my in laws offer, as I consider my health to be more important than eating red hot ( chillies ) inedible ( to me ) nauseating "food". Just the smell would make me vomit on them!

If they cared about me, they would ask my wife what I can eat and offer me that.

As for drink. I have learned that it is unwise to drink alcohol with Thais that become violent on the booze. So unless you know what they are like with a few down, not necessarily good advice.

As for the food, I would at least try some before refusing.

As for the alcohol, what a great way to find out if there are any hidden issues within the family

Don't have to try to know. This is "real" Thai food. not the stuff served up in tourist areas, and I can't eat chillies or bits of forest vegetation.

As for the alcohol, I found out when the chairs started flying, but not from anything I gave them. They always ask me to join them in a bottle, and I keep declining, with a smile, then I get out of the way.

[irlguy1]

Smile,be polite,relax and be yourself. No gifts necessary and no way should you give money. Thai people are very proud and sometimes get offended if you offer money for nothing. I remember giving a few baht to a guy on a phone stand in my wife's village because he fixed the settings and stuck in a new sim card. He handed it back and said to my wife that why would he take money for doing very little. My wife explained that sometimes Falang think that we have to give money for everything but sometimes it makes Thais feel beneath us because we look like we are showing off or can afford to dish out cash.

My experience is somewhat different. When I visited, my future wife's cousin picked us up at the railway station and drove us to the village. I gave him 1000 baht to cover the petrol, and mistakenly gave him an extra 1000 note. He never gave it back, though it was obviously more than what the petrol cost.

I shall rephrase then

Most decent non money hungry Thais

[lovelaos]

This will be a fun thread to follow. Looks like we already have one poster with issues

To the OP, just relax, smile, be yourself, don't refuse any food or drink offered........

Gifts are not expected and if your good lady tells you differently, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

David48 and dancealot have some good advice.

<don't refuse any food or drink offered........>

Really! I never eat any of the food that my in laws offer, as I consider my health to be more important than eating red hot ( chillies ) inedible ( to me ) nauseating "food". Just the smell would make me vomit on them!

If they cared about me, they would ask my wife what I can eat and offer me that.

As for drink. I have learned that it is unwise to drink alcohol with Thais that become violent on the booze. So unless you know what they are like with a few down, not necessarily good advice.

As for the food, I would at least try some before refusing.

As for the alcohol, what a great way to find out if there are any hidden issues within the family

Don't have to try to know. This is "real" Thai food. not the stuff served up in tourist areas, and I can't eat chillies or bits of forest vegetation.

As for the alcohol, I found out when the chairs started flying, but not from anything I gave them. They always ask me to join them in a bottle, and I keep declining, with a smile, then I get out of the way.

I thought we were giving advice to the OP. Please continue though, as the OP seems to have disappeared.

[cdnvic]

I thought we were giving advice to the OP. Please continue though, as the OP seems to have disappeared.

Two points:

1. Not everyone has time to login every day.

2. You are also giving advice to everyone asking this question who is led here by Google, Bing, or other searches.

Please don't become preoccupied by the OP's whereabouts.

[marstons]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ).

talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink.

if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink

Why would you act in a manner that Thai people might when you are obviously not Thai?This thing about Farangs trying to act Thai just baffles me,are you going to be wearing a disguise that makes you look Thai?

Like in the James Bond film when Sean Connery is made to look Japanese?

OH i'm sorry i much be mistaken, i thought that because i am a woman and i was born here just over 30 years ago and went to thai school and university owner business and own land in thailand that this would make me thai.... now how long have you been here? 5 min farang an expert in all thing thai? wake up to your self!!!

if you think you know more about thai culture than me then i challenge you to prove your self and your expert knowledge of thai culture.

how many Thai girlfriends parents have you had to meet? Us farnangs do it a lot and have some experience gained in the university of life

[notmyself]

2. You are also giving advice to everyone asking this question who is led here by Google, Bing, or other searches.

Even more so, members may learn something.

I run a forum though only 10% of the size of TV and often get spambot posts. Usually the posts just get deleted but sometimes they include a valid question. I remove the link, ban the member, block the IP but leave the question.

[NeverSure]

2. You are also giving advice to everyone asking this question who is led here by Google, Bing, or other searches.

Even more so, members may learn something.

I run a forum though only 10% of the size of TV and often get spambot posts. Usually the posts just get deleted but sometimes they include a valid question. I remove the link, ban the member, block the IP but leave the question.

I agree that even I have been reading and learning from the thread, but in the US. If you blocked my IP all I would have to do is reboot my modem since my IP is dynamic. If you blocked the block of IP addresses, you would be blocking a large part of the US since I have the largest ISP. Not such a great idea for gaining traffic.

I do like this thread, so carry on.

[notmyself]

If you blocked my IP all I would have to do is reboot my modem since my IP is dynamic. If you blocked the block of IP addresses, you would be blocking a large part of the US since I have the largest ISP. Not such a great idea for gaining traffic.

Never a block of IP's. Bots come back but it's something I have to deal with.

As other members have posted, it's important for the OP and others to be themself rather than project an image which is untrue. It is also important to respect and take account of cultural sensitivities. Better to be thought of as not knowing than I lier.