The Worst Type Of Falang And Thai....

[up-country_sinclair]

Why do people keep telling me to mind my own business when they arent minding their own like you hypocrite.

If you weren't interested in getting replies, why did you start the thread?

Why do people keep telling me to mind my own business

Gee, I wonder.

Edited January 18, 2013 by up-country_sinclair

[krisb]

I'm really confused now ...... You start off with the next door neighbor part ...... now you don't live here , but somehow even though your not the neighbor because you don't live here, you talk to the next door neighbors about this guy enough to know a man you never met well ? How do you talk to the neighbors who aren't your neighbors ?

Im there a few months a year. That must qualify as a neighbour.

Well the either the grandmother's English or your Thai must be excellent, because this is a very complex and nuanced topic for which a rudimentary vocabulary will not be enough.

You tell me to mind my own business but want to know my language skills!..you cant help it can ya?

[krisb]

Why do people keep telling me to mind my own business when they arent minding their own like you hypocrite.

If you weren't interested in getting replies, why did you start the thread?

Im not interested in arguments sorry, it was more my observation. By the way Thais relatively easy to learn, Issan is easier, its not so tonal. My Thai is average, because of tones so my wife says, my Issan is pretty good. Its not like learning mandarin Chinese.

[Scully]

Yes it is common for Thai women from certain backgrounds to send kids to their grandparents to be raised while they apparently try to earn a shekel to send home but I've certainly come across cases where the financial imperative is not the driver behind the decision.

One 41 year old I know had her daughter at 22 and immediately packed her off to stay with the folks while she whooped it up in the bars and clubs of Bangkok. On occasion, we would talk quite a lot about things that troubled her and one of those things was the fact that, since her daughter had gotten older, she only seemed to get in touch with her mum when she wanted something that cost a lot of money; mobile phones, laptop, fashion items etc.

It was all I could do to make her see that the situation was entirely her fault because not only had she failed to shoulder her responsibilities as a parent and kibosh the partying but also because she'd only gone home to visit a couple of times each year for most of the 19 years her daughter had been alive.

The thing is, for an increasing number of these women, it's got jackshit to do with sending money home and almost everything to do with finding a boyfriend/husband of means who doesn't mind if she's got kids from a previous relationship. and, as we all know, these men tend to be foreigners.

This may very well be the situation the woman in the OP is in.

Basically very similar HS.

Look perhaps in my op I should have said a bit more regarding how well we know the family, especially in my wifes instance. My wife is really good friends with this gradmother, has been for a long time. So I understand people telling me mind my own business, up to them. The way I see it I do. I just think the whole thing is not good for the kids that are this young, Sorry if Ive offended anyone here with my observations as it seems alot have taken the side of the mother and husband on this 1.

I assume the mother is sending money from abroad, whether it be from hubby or from her work. This means the kids are fed, clothed and granny doesn't have to live hand to mouth. I can understand your moral views but it really doesn't work like that.

If mum had stayed in the village earning only just enough to feed the kids then you have to say she made the right decision.

[mickjn]

I have known a Thai Lady for many years.She had Thai husband who left her with 2 young kids.She worked hard put them through University never had a man for years. Another Thai man comes on the scene,younger,his wife has gone,so she takes up with him and his 2 kids.One day he just left leaving the kids with her.That was 6 years ago,she looks after the kids like they were her own.She is getting on now,but she will not let the kids go.I give her a few baht and all she says Thank you Papa but not for me for babys.Babys are about 12 and 14 now

[loong]

The Father left the children.

The Mother hooked up with a Farang and pissed off to Norway, leaving the kids at Grandmother's

Who's at fault here?

Just like I said in my op.

Well your topic title starts with "The worst type of Farang"....

Seems to me that your are putting most of the blame on the Farang, but he is not the one that has abandoned his offspring.

Are they sending money?

Maybe the Farang considers his responsibility satisfied if he is sending money each month.

[krisb]

Screw you guys, your much nicer on my other thread.

[harryfrompattaya]

I can not believe that people come to Thailand to look at and approve of what they do. I would suggest you get a hobby

[krisb]

I can not believe that people come to Thailand to look at and approve of what they do. I would suggest you get a hobby

So you only go to Thailand to disapprove of what they do is that it? Or do you sit on the fence? Or just judge those on TVF? Or by your name Id say sit in the bars and not think what are these people doing? Why do they do things? and shake your Harry head ever in disbelief....What part of closed dont you understand Harry from Meuang Pattaya?

Your another cheap shot hypocrite that tells others to mind their business while not minding it themselves!...

Like I said, Kow jai mai.

Edited January 18, 2013 by krisb

[ravip]

So if its not my business, then why are you telling me your 3yo story? and as for the Kansas cliche.

Just amazed at the foreigners who come to live in Thailand and want to tell the Thais how to live their lives.

Hardly surprising foreigners aren't welcome here.

Point is Thommo kids cant look after themselves. Young kids need their mum and dad, and cant understand why they have left them and unless their was no other choice, Its just wrong.

Your feelings are justified and you are 100% correct.

This might be just a one off case.

Any where you get the bad & the good.

[harryfrompattaya]

I can not believe that people come to Thailand to look at and approve of what they do. I would suggest you get a hobby

What part of closed dont you understand Harry from Meuang Pattaya?

Get a hobby stop thinking you are so important

[krisb]

I can not believe that people come to Thailand to look at and approve of what they do. I would suggest you get a hobby

What part of closed dont you understand Harry from Meuang Pattaya?

Get a hobby stop thinking you are so important

No worries Hazzy from Pazzy.

[Loptr]

So, my point is, if you really love your partner, no matter what country they are from, and they have children, no ifs or buts, those kids are part of the deal.

This thread only goes to show that the OP knows f'all about the family dynamic in Thailand. Especially in poor families. Instead of starting threads which show his obvious ignorance of the landscape, my only advice would be to shut up and listen. Watch what goes on around you and try to understand the cultural dynamic. This ain't the west, that's for sure.

[krisb]

So, my point is, if you really love your partner, no matter what country they are from, and they have children, no ifs or buts, those kids are part of the deal.

This thread only goes to show that the OP knows f'all about the family dynamic in Thailand. Especially in poor families. Instead of starting threads which show his obvious ignorance of the landscape, my only advice would be to shut up and listen. Watch what goes on around you and try to understand the cultural dynamic. This ain't the west, that's for sure.

For the love of god, thankyou for being so full of knowledge. Ive been waiting for a mentor like you. My Thai wife and daughter have no idea, but glad you can help us.

Ruu marc.

Edited January 18, 2013 by krisb

[heatherm]

What's better for young kids, a mother who is working full time and sends them to a sitter that doesn't speak Thai in a strange country with zero family or a grandmother who is there 100% for them with no distractions and extended family to help.

My husband and I are trying to have a baby. My mil wants to take care of it. She expected that's the way it would work. We've compromised and she will live with us and be a nanny. It would break her heart if she didn't help with the baby. They think I'm strange to not let her keep it while it's a toddler. It's what they do.

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[krisb]

What's better for young kids, a mother who is working full time and sends them to a sitter that doesn't speak Thai in a strange country with zero family or a grandmother who is there 100% for them with no distractions and extended family to help.

My husband and I are trying to have a baby. My mil wants to take care of it. She expected that's the way it would work. We've compromised and she will live with us and be a nanny. It would break her heart if she didn't help with the baby. They think I'm strange to not let her keep it while it's a toddler. It's what they do.

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Or, they dumped the kids.

btw, good luck with having a bubs!...do you know the Thai idea for having a boy or girl? Worked for us, we had a girl.

Edited January 18, 2013 by krisb

[LarryBird]

not only is it none of your business, you're flat out wrong.

[geriatrickid]

My point is if she has kids, and you marry her, then they are part of the deal. Is that wrong?

Sounds like Im hitting some raw nerves perhaps?

No. I am often involved in business transactions where we will assume the assets but not the liabilities.The same can be said here. It is a prudent approach.Why would I want to pick up some other guy's leftovers, expenses and liabilities? Sure, if I am charitable, ok. However, they are not my kids. There is no moral, nor legal obligation to do so.

These types of loose ends are often the reason for marital discord at some point, where those great kids become difficult adolescents and then lazy adults dependent upon the farang subsidy. Instead of wagging a finger at the farang, why not track down the sperm donor and ask him to take up his responsibility? Why does the Thai father get a pass?

The reality, and I think you know it, is that the mother is sending money back home to care for the kids. That money most likely comes from the farang. The children may be in Thailand, because it is not possible to relocate them to Noway and/or it is in their best interests.

The burden of care lies with the Thai family and not with the foreigner. Your logic is the reason why foreigners that pull up after a car crash to help are often blamed for the car crash.

IMO, those kids are most likely the offspring of a Thai bargirl. That is the type of person that usually has kdis with a father that isn't there and that then goes off to Norway. I don't think the bank teller at SCB does this, nor does the waitress at the Sizzler. The children are most likely better off far away from the mother and her long terrm customer.

[krisb]

My point is if she has kids, and you marry her, then they are part of the deal. Is that wrong?

Sounds like Im hitting some raw nerves perhaps?

No. I am often involved in business transactions where we will assume the assets but not the liabilities.The same can be said here. It is a prudent approach.Why would I want to pick up some other guy's leftovers, expenses and liabilities? Sure, if I am charitable, ok. However, they are not my kids. There is no moral, nor legal obligation to do so.

These types of loose ends are often the reason for marital discord at some point, where those great kids become difficult adolescents and then lazy adults dependent upon the farang subsidy. Instead of wagging a finger at the farang, why not track down the sperm donor and ask him to take up his responsibility? Why does the Thai father get a pass?

The reality, and I think you know it, is that the mother is sending money back home to care for the kids. That money most likely comes from the farang. The children may be in Thailand, because it is not possible to relocate them to Noway and/or it is in their best interests.

The burden of care lies with the Thai family and not with the foreigner. Your logic is the reason why foreigners that pull up after a car crash to help are often blamed for the car crash.

IMO, those kids are most likely the offspring of a Thai bargirl. That is the type of person that usually has kdis with a father that isn't there and that then goes off to Norway. I don't think the bank teller at SCB does this, nor does the waitress at the Sizzler. The children are most likely better off far away from the mother and her long terrm customer.

Owwww, and there it is. The TVF intersection. Turn left for Bar Girl Alley.

[Mr Yim]

krisb, you are 100% spot on mate. There is a world of difference between a Thai mother and father leaving their children with the grand parent(s) whilst they attempt to make a decent living in Thailand, to that of a mother leaving the children with the grand parent(s) so that she can go and live with a western man in his own country. The culture card is always played when it suits the Thai/ "thinks he knows it all" farang. Some things just aint right and this is one of them

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[krisb]

krisb, you are 100% spot on mate. There is a world of difference between a Thai mother and father leaving their children with the grand parent(s) whilst they attempt to make a decent living in Thailand, to that of a mother leaving the children with the grand parent(s) so that she can go and live with a western man in his own country. The culture card is always played when it suits the Thai/ "thinks he knows it all" farang. Some things just aint right and this is one of them

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Thankyou!...on that note Im saying goodnight and case closed. Edited January 18, 2013 by krisb

[stiggy]

In other countries normally of the western variety things get complicated, grandparents deemed to old, housing benefit taken away etc etc if they try and step up and keep the kids in the family.

Whats the alternative they end up waiting for adoption, people have kids then don't want them world over.

Its wrong and thoughtless, but at least in Thai society the old and young are generally kept in the family ( sometimes extended family) and looked after.

[rene123]

It's a cruel world we live in and there's not much we can do about it, except maybe set an example.

The mother obviously chose the money and the easy life over her children.

And the Thai father of the children is more to blame than the Norwegian, who after all maybe got more than he bargained for and didn't know she had children when he hooked-up with her.

Yermanee

I agree with yermanee; the world is cruel. Although most children would be better off with two loving parents, it doesn't always work out that way. I've seen far too many cases of unwanted Thai children being dumped with grandma. And, I've only been here a few months. I would hazard a guess that at least 80% of all women working as prostitutes in Thailand are single mothers with ex-Thai boy friends or husbands. It goes with the territory, and Thailand has no laws that hinder men from getting women pregnant and then buggering off leaving a child behind with no financial support. Add to the mix that most Thai men refuse to wear condoms and that is what will and does happen every day.

However, a child raised in poverty knows nothing different and it isn't until they grow up that they even understand what has happened to them. Add a Buddhist system that brainwashes people into believing about some phony spiritualism and children become unknowing victims. Buddhist monks are not much different than Catholic priests that scam the populace into giving them money rather than spending it on the family that needs it more.

[Roadman]

My point is if she has kids, and you marry her, then they are part of the deal. Is that wrong?

Sounds like Im hitting some raw nerves perhaps?

No. I am often involved in business transactions where we will assume the assets but not the liabilities.The same can be said here. It is a prudent approach.Why would I want to pick up some other guy's leftovers, expenses and liabilities? Sure, if I am charitable, ok. However, they are not my kids. There is no moral, nor legal obligation to do so.

These types of loose ends are often the reason for marital discord at some point, where those great kids become difficult adolescents and then lazy adults dependent upon the farang subsidy. Instead of wagging a finger at the farang, why not track down the sperm donor and ask him to take up his responsibility? Why does the Thai father get a pass?

The reality, and I think you know it, is that the mother is sending money back home to care for the kids. That money most likely comes from the farang. The children may be in Thailand, because it is not possible to relocate them to Noway and/or it is in their best interests.

The burden of care lies with the Thai family and not with the foreigner. Your logic is the reason why foreigners that pull up after a car crash to help are often blamed for the car crash.

IMO, those kids are most likely the offspring of a Thai bargirl. That is the type of person that usually has kdis with a father that isn't there and that then goes off to Norway. I don't think the bank teller at SCB does this, nor does the waitress at the Sizzler. The children are most likely better off far away from the mother and her long terrm customer.

About the best response I have seen and would agree apart from the "most likely". The teller at SCB depending on her prospects, intelligence or is that higher level of education and opportunity, morals and values would rate as possibly not, but I would move the waitress at Sizzler as also most likely, along with millions of other lower socio economic non bar girls, who eek out their own life at a struggle, until they end up pregnant and the father bolts. Pregnant mothers in Thailand don't get the handouts we in the west are familiar with so the Sizzler waitress finds herself with the same choices as that bargirl with little or no income. If I look around me at the multitude of Thai falang relationships that is our social life here I see quite a few of thai women with children in Thailand. There are just as many bargirls as Sizzler waitresses or higher educated with children in Thailand with grandparents especially but also within the 'thai larger family'. The most likely is not a bargirl but someone who is facing years of hardship not only for herself but her kids. I think the risk is that bargirls are then tarred with a hard heart whereas what I see here is most of the thai mothers have their daughters here in NZ with them by about 12 or 13, realising that is the most criticial time that a teen daughter needs their mum. The bargirl does not even show then. What does is the love of a mother wishing for better for her daughter. To the other extent there are a few of both ex bargirls and well educated that frankly one could consider that Darwinism had dealth to before they were able to bred, for the better of all concerned.

I also apply well learnt bussiness principles to my later years personal decisions, and I would say with positive results that I could not have thought off in my stupid younger years. So I accept the 'liability' concept to a degree. The 'charitable' may also confuse. One at times has the love and desires of a father or Dad and charity is only a small part of that equation. I think it is that Dad desire that allows one to turn what someone else may term a liability into what I found was far beyond an asset, being a gift that I am grateful for every day of my life.

For me personnally I find the OP with "take the lass take the kids" works as I wanted not just a partner but a family that I lost some of. But that is only me and my values and choices sitting with the luxury of a well set up life style.

Edited January 18, 2013 by Roadman

[muythai2013]

sounds like to op's point has gone right over most people heads.

she did not run off to work and send money to her children, she dogged it and just left, seen many like her.

they run, send money and talk about what a good mother they are, the truth is most, not all but most did a runner.

this is not the thai way although common, its the way of an immature coward who cannot deal with life.

she managed before mr norway came along.

nothing to do with thai or western views, or how thai's do things and we need to accept it, BS, she clearly is not worthy of having children.

[loong]

sounds like to op's point has gone right over most people heads.

she did not run off to work and send money to her children, she dogged it and just left, seen many like her.

they run, send money and talk about what a good mother they are, the truth is most, not all but most did a runner.

this is not the thai way although common, its the way of an immature coward who cannot deal with life.

she managed before mr norway came along.

nothing to do with thai or western views, or how thai's do things and we need to accept it, BS, she clearly is not worthy of having children.

No, the OP's point has not gone over most people's heads.

He clearly believes that the farang is at fault and should accept responsibility for the wife's children.

So, my point is, if you really love your partner, no matter what country they are from, and they have children, no ifs or buts, those kids are part of the deal.

Maybe the farang has no interest in children and maybe he made that clear to the wife before marrying her.

Maybe he lives in a small apartment with no space for children.

Maybe they are both working full time and it would be difficult to arrange childcare because the children cannot speak Norwegian.

We don't know all the facts. All we know is that the children are being taken care of by their Grandparents and that is an extremely common situation here in Thailand.

[David006]

Point is Thommo kids cant look after themselves. Young kids need their mum and dad, and cant understand why they have left them and unless their was no other choice, Its just wrong.

Says who?

You and your western victorian feminist morality, it's sure working out for the west ....... isn't it.

Millions of single mothers producing feral kids and a disintegrating society, better off with granny in a lot of cases, thinks I.

(Not that I would ever stick my nose into another families business)

Guess the OP is upset because he has little exposure to the real world at large.

Many upper classes and nouveau riche always had/have a nanny ....seen and not heard?

He does not know the story so assumes it is unfair, cruel etc...just maybe the kids are quite happy and are better off than being in a foreign country being babysat while mum and dad work?

Same situation with SIL for a few years ( yes I thought the same as OP and whinged to the wife)..then when the young daughter got to be a teenager, by request from BIL, wife and I got her a passport and and arranged visa...now she lives in Germany with mum and new dad....happy happy .......soo you don't know!

Hell!! me I have three frickin teenage step kids......AAAAAH!!!!

Off topic but what I find sad is the little kids out at 2am selling flowers on the street and in bars....

[mjj]

Hhmmmmmm. My view.

If you have a child, whether you are the mother or father, it is your duty to provide for them as much as you can. This is not just a financial responsibility, but an emotional and supportive duty. Sometime life can throw curve balls that mean some of our obligations can be restricted.

If someone chooses to have children and doesn't step up, I personally think they are a scumbags. Just my view and I'm sure they don't care about my view. This applies to parents that dump their kids or parents leave their kids to be brought up by a nanny.

As I said this is just my view. On another thread someone said when they left their partner, they left her with the kids as it is a mother job to bring up kids. This is not my view. Should any disaster happen to my marriage, my son will be coming with me and I would make sure he could see his mum whenever he wanted.

Absent parents is not a good idea, unless it is the only way. We may all be humans, but some of us are very different animals.

[David48]

mjj ... May I ask if you are entering a relationship in Thailand where you will be raising your gf's/wifes children who are not your biological children?

[krisb]

Point is Thommo kids cant look after themselves. Young kids need their mum and dad, and cant understand why they have left them and unless their was no other choice, Its just wrong.

Says who?

You and your western victorian feminist morality, it's sure working out for the west ....... isn't it.

Millions of single mothers producing feral kids and a disintegrating society, better off with granny in a lot of cases, thinks I.

(Not that I would ever stick my nose into another families business)

Guess the OP is upset because he has little exposure to the real world at large.

Many upper classes and nouveau riche always had/have a nanny ....seen and not heard?

He does not know the story so assumes it is unfair, cruel etc...just maybe the kids are quite happy and are better off than being in a foreign country being babysat while mum and dad work?

Same situation with SIL for a few years ( yes I thought the same as OP and whinged to the wife)..then when the young daughter got to be a teenager, by request from BIL, wife and I got her a passport and and arranged visa...now she lives in Germany with mum and new dad....happy happy .......soo you don't know!

Hell!! me I have three frickin teenage step kids......AAAAAH!!!!

Off topic but what I find sad is the little kids out at 2am selling flowers on the street and in bars....

You dont know me or my upbringing. To say Ive had little exposure to the world is a wild guess at best.

Everyone keeps saying I dont know the full story. This is not the case. We know the family very well as Ive already said. We know the families and kids full story.

Im glad for you that you support 3 teenage step kids, good man.