Don't Tell Mates The Thai Truth

[ozzy111]

About 2 weeks ago a good friend of mine who I will add does not live here full time but returns month on month off he works in the mines in OZ, said to me over a few beers he had suspisions about his wife running around on him and asked me if I had seen or heard anything.

Now I live and work here full time and can speak thai a resonable level which means I have quite a few thai friends and am connected to the "bamboo telephone" so to speak and knew for a fact she has a Thai boyfriend that helps her spend all his hard earned money.

I have a poilcy not to tell any friend/ falang what I may or may not know or hear as really I feel it's not any of my business and I have already had one bad experiance with this kind of thing once before, anyway this freind of mine would'nt let up on this so I decided to tell him the truth.

The main reason I decided to tell him is basicly because I though we were good enough friends that he would be greatful for this info (I've know the guy almost 10 years) and also on top of the 40K he gives her each month he was about to spend about 2mil THB on a house for her, so to cut to the chase I tell him he goes into full denial, trys to fight me and hasn't spoken to me since just crazy.

So I guess the moral to at least my story is 'Don't tell Mates the Thai Truth" they really just don't want hear it.

[cbrer]

Which is more important to you:

Having him talk to you.

Or possibly save him from losing 2m in a house (plus probably a lot more financially, emotionally, and possibly physically)

?

The idea of sitting back and watching a mate of 10 years lose his house and everything else because you still wanted him to be a mate is beyond comprehension.

I think you need to look at yourself mate.

[krisb]

Funny how thats his reaction at you especially from a grown man. Sometimes maturity doesnt start at any particular age. Surely its just his way of dealing with it in the beginning. I would have done the same and told him. Gotta ask how did you know his mrs was cheating?

Now lets see how many would say you should have minded your own business.

[robblok]

God that you told the truth i know of many a sponsored girl that messes around even if she lives full time with a guy.

Friend of mine has a few of those girls that he ses. Personally i dont see it as a problem as the girls are offering it he does not set out to find these kind of girls but where he lives there are many.

Too many fools around thinking they are in high demand while it is their money.

[richard_smith237]

He is not a good friend to you if he reacted like that.

But equally so, you were not a good friend if you kept that information from him.

With friendship comes a level of responsibility and reliability - otherwise you are simply acquaintances.

[cbrer]

So don't tell mates that they're being robbed and cheated and a lot worse is probably about to happen.

Man am I glad that you aren't one of my mates.

[barrybankruad]

So he 'shot the messenger', I'm not surprised. It happened to me many years ago, I told a mate that his wife was cheating on him, even whilst he was here, had to have an abortion as she wasn't sure whether my mate or her Thai, opium addicted boy friend was the father etcetera. He never forgave me for telling him, even when he later married another Thai woman and took her to Australia. Relations were still strained right up until he died of lung cancer some months ago.

I too live here full time. As the OP stated the 'bamboo telephone' works full time and you soon get to know what is going on. At this moment in time I know of at least two ferangs who are being cheated on by their wives. One of whom I have known for well over 10 years. How did I find out? his wife's own mother told my wife what was going on as she didn't approve of what her daughter was doing.

I decided not to tell him, primarily as he has a couple of kids to whom he is devoted, and secondly I don't want a repeat of what I (and the OP) had. Did I do right, is it my business? or should I let him go on being cuckold? This is always a tricky one, there really isn't an easy answer.

[David48]

Maybe it's own version of 'loss of face'?

Personally, I believe you did the right thing and given the same scenario, I most likely would have acted the same as you.

Not a criticism ... but the one thing I would have done is worked on the delivery method.

Softened the blow.

Maybe showed him where to look, gave him the map and let him make the discovery himself.

That said ... easy said then done ... and everything is easier in hindsight.

Rest easy ... you did the right thing ...

[Kilgore Trout]

About 2 weeks ago a good friend of mine who I will add does not live here full time but returns month on month off he works in the mines in OZ, said to me over a few beers he had suspisions about his wife running around on him and asked me if I had seen or heard anything.

Now I live and work here full time and can speak thai a resonable level which means I have quite a few thai friends and am connected to the "bamboo telephone" so to speak and knew for a fact she has a Thai boyfriend that helps her spend all his hard earned money.

I have a poilcy not to tell any friend/ falang what I may or may not know or hear as really I feel it's not any of my business and I have already had one bad experiance with this kind of thing once before, anyway this freind of mine would'nt let up on this so I decided to tell him the truth.

The main reason I decided to tell him is basicly because I though we were good enough friends that he would be greatful for this info (I've know the guy almost 10 years) and also on top of the 40K he gives her each month he was about to spend about 2mil THB on a house for her, so to cut to the chase I tell him he goes into full denial, trys to fight me and hasn't spoken to me since just crazy.

So I guess the moral to at least my story is 'Don't tell Mates the Thai Truth" they really just don't want hear it.

With a response like that, sounds like this a hole is getting what he deserves

A fool and his money is soon parted

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[rsokolowski]

I agree that you did the right thing. If you consider him your friend to not tell him is a betrayal. That being said just because you know that someone's GF or wife is not being faithful does not mean that you have a responsibility to spill the beans, but if you consider someone a friend then I think you have a responsibility if you know something. If you think you know something that is a different issue. I think the post on method of delivery was a good one, at least something to think about..

[WilliamCave]

A friend of mine meet a girl in pattaya and she had a job selling sunglasses. He told her about me and when I said I would go to pattaya to meet them she didn't want t meet me. Maybe because I have lived here long enough to understand certain things, as to how she could own a 1.5 million baht car big Kawasaki racing motor cycle spoke Russian very well and a few other languages had lots of gold sent her mom 10 baht a month . And her salary every month was about 12 baht

I did tell my friend she had many men like him sending here money but he was love struck I told him were does she get the money to buy all theses things? He didn't like what I said but he listened , when he told me she had 3 mobiles I said really !

Thank full he did find out a week later when he was in her car she forgot 1 of her mobiles there and he went through it and found many men were sending her money.

He actually meet the other guy after he dumped her she was with an Irish guy. My friend went and told him and showed him every things pictures , the Irish guy was thank ful to my buddy with no remorse.

And the Irish guy was going to marry her with a million baht dowry

So it can work out tell them and hopefully they are mature enough to handle it.

And he is still a friend today and said thanks

[klikster]

You did the right thing. He reacted badly.

Don't let one man's immature reaction change how you live your life.

[briboy]

when my OZ wife was plaing around, (in a small constructon camp i might add) i was shatterd beound belief, i could`nt believe what i found out, as usual i was the last to find out, apparently the whole camp knew of it, i was P....D off that no one had the balls to front me and say what they knew or just dropped a couple hints, it hurt, really hurt at the time, now i have a lady there, if anyone hears anything on the jungle drums, i hope that they at least tell me that there maybe a drama, post #7, if i know who you are talking about as i suspect i may, bloody hell for what and what a shame..........

do unto others as you would want others do to you..........

bob

[cbrer]

Isn't it interesting that most of these stories come down to one thing.

Clever Thais, stupid Westerners.

[Jezz]

This isn't about a friend, just a guy I met once or twice who doesn't come this way now. He used to visit his Thai GF occasionally and also went to several other countries to visit GF's there. The Thai girl, living with her Thai husband, who approved of the foreign boyfriend for obvious financial reasons, played a rather clever game with him. She pretended she was unmarried and living with her mother in a very basic village home with no facilities, but in reality she and her husband have a decent home just along the road. The boyfriend used to visit at the mother's home, then pay a lot of money to a Thai chap to drive him and his GF to a motel each night throughout his stay.

What he didn't know was the 'taxi driver' just happened to be the husband! Guess you might say being taken for a proper ride.

Edited February 3, 2013 by Jezz

[TommoPhysicist]

In these situations you must never tell the truth, it will always end up your fault.

If they have to ask, they already know your answer, so just tell them that.

If they push the answer must be, "Mate I don't even trust my own wife not to mess around, I hardly know your wife".

The real answer should be ..... if your wife is attractive, she will have a lover.

Now how happy did reading that make you all .... I know, I shouldn't have written it ..... get the idea?

Edited February 3, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[TommoPhysicist]

Isn't it interesting that most of these stories come down to one thing.

Clever Thais, stupid Westerners.

I prefer 'manipulative women', 'gullible men'

More sexist, but less racist.

[twinpin]

Tommo It makes me one happy man My wife is ugly as sin. But she is a good cook, keeps herself and the house clean

[jbrain]

Which is more important to you:

Having him talk to you.

Or possibly save him from losing 2m in a house (plus probably a lot more financially, emotionally, and possibly physically)

?

The idea of sitting back and watching a mate of 10 years lose his house and everything else because you still wanted him to be a mate is beyond comprehension.

I think you need to look at yourself mate.

But in this case, as with 99% of similar events, the OP loses a long time mate and that guy loses the house anyway. So there is no winner, only losers.

[TommoPhysicist]

Tommo It makes me one happy man My wife is ugly as sin. But she is a good cook, keeps herself and the house clean

But don't tell her that, else she will be a woman with a mission to prove something.

[Dancealot]

Isn't it interesting that most of these stories come down to one thing.

Clever Thais, stupid Westerners.

I prefer 'manipulative women', 'gullible men'

More sexist, but less racist.

Clever nuance, there..

'manipulative women', 'gullible men' seem to attract. However 'manipulative women', 'strong men' seem to attract as well .

And all these relations end up with trouble.

[nidieunimaitre]

Tommo It makes me one happy man My wife is ugly as sin. But she is a good cook, keeps herself and the house clean

Does your wife know about your mia noi?

[MrRed]

If these guys leave themselves open to this kind of extra marital abuse or even unmarried while sponsoring everything then they deserve much of what is coming to them,they should sharpen up on there Clouseau skills and know the lady 100% before committing themselves into a relationship and having children.

It is not anybody else's business to tell them as i before have encountered they don't like the truth as it is a loss of western style face.

[Jimbo]

I have a mate who used to live right across the street from me. He had to go back to his home country to make some money and the moment he left, his wife started seeing a cop. I was a bit scared at first to tell my friend in case I would get into trouble with the Thai cop, however I did tell him in the end as he asked me to check if she was cheating on him. He was very grateful and he was able to cut his losses.

His wife suspected it was me however my mate never told her it was me. Funny thing that happened is that the cop dumped the wife as soon as the money stopped comming in from overseas so now she is all alone begging my mate for a second chance. No way!

Edited February 3, 2013 by Jimbo

[manxninja]

A sad but true story.

Me and a friend came to thailand at the same time eight years ago.

The thai go-go lady he met was rotten to the core, i could see that the first night he met her.

Over the next eight years she had two children both thai and continually lied and stole his money.

Over these eight years he would not listed to a word a said about her even when i got a taxi driver in her village to pop up to buriram and explain to him that she lives in the house my mate paid for with her thai husband.

To cut a long story short he lost about 300k and has now had a complete nervous breakdown. He still has a photo of the thai and her kids in his wallet.

When dealing with farangs and thai relationships sometimes as much as you want to help the person simply wont listen to reason .

When the money runs out they find out the hard way.

[cardholder]

100% - You did the right thing.

[TommoPhysicist]

I wouldn't want anyone to tell me if my wife was messing around.

I wouldn't want anyone to tell my wife if I was messing around.

Mind your own business!

[MrRed]

A sad but true story.

Me and a friend came to thailand at the same time eight years ago.

The thai go-go lady he met was rotten to the core, i could see that the first night he met her.

Over the next eight years she had two children both thai and continually lied and stole his money.

Over these eight years he would not listed to a word a said about her even when i got a taxi driver in her village to pop up to buriram and explain to him that she lives in the house my mate paid for with her thai husband.

To cut a long story short he lost about 300k and has now had a complete nervous breakdown. He still has a photo of the thai and her kids in his wallet.

When dealing with farangs and thai relationships sometimes as much as you want to help the person simply wont listen to reason .

When the money runs out they find out the hard way.

If that was 300k baht then he got off lucky but something tells me it is probably 300 pound English?=15 million baht and a very hard lesson on a relationship here with a bar girl.

[MrRed]

I wouldn't want anyone to tell me if my wife was messing around.

I wouldn't want anyone to tell my wife if I was messing around.

Mind your own business!

You don't know?

[Dancealot]

I have a mate who used to live right across the street from me. He had to go back to his home country to make some money and the moment he left, his wife started seeing a cop. I was a bit scared at first to tell my friend in case I would get into trouble with the Thai cop, however I did tell him in the end as he asked me to check if she was cheating on him. He was very grateful and he was able to cut his losses.

His wife suspected it was me however my mate never told her it was me. Funny thing that happened is that the cop dumped the wife as soon as the money stopped comming in from overseas so now she is all alone begging my mate for a second chance. No way!

You 2 appear to be real friends and that's what really matters.

That's the crux of your story to me. Very cool.

Thanks for your contribution Mr. Jimbo