Failed Relationships And Repeating Past Mistakes...

[rene123]

How many here have repeated the same mistakes in Thailand that they made in failed relationships back in Europe, North America or Australia?

I understand how easily it could happen. After being down in the dumps after a marriage, or long time relationship ends, you come to Thailand for a holiday and to clear your head. Then, you meet someone in Thailand that you find very attractive, and biology takes over. From everything I've studied, on the rebound romances seldom last. The ones that do are usually the ones where everything starts slowly and gradually builds into a friendship BEFORE the sex thing enters the picture. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sex, but it does seem to cloud the brain and make sensible reasoning almost impossible.

I used to listen on the radio to a female psychologist called Dr. Joy Browne and was very impressed with her replies to the phone in public that asked questions from "What kind of toothpaste should I use?" to intimate details usually reserved only for close couples. I can't say I ever disagreed with anything Dr Browne suggested. One suggestion was to stay celibate for a year after any long term relationship breakdown. I've tried to follow that suggestion and I think it has worked. At least it has for me. As much as I've been tempted, I'm slowly getting my head back in a clear thinking mode.

By the way, Dr. Browne has written several bestselling books. Just Google her name to see who I am talking about.

[thaibeachlovers]

When the little head takes over, logic and reason are lost. Celibacy is indeed the only way.

[rct99q]

"what kind of toothpaste should I use?" - This person is dispensing valuable information here. Why just the other day I was thinking to myself, after 40 some odd years of buying toothpaste, I need help in this matter. So I phoned in and low and behold I have been using the wrong toothpaste! Seriously. It appears what I have been buying is not actually toothpaste but something called preparation H which I assumed was for the prevention of halitosis.

Thank you Dr. Joy Browne, you changed my life!

[rene123]

Thanks for the laugh, rct99q. Some of the questions really were that stupid and that was just one I remembered, but Dr Browne always had a good answer. She didn't have much time for fools or jerks and her dry wit was usually cutting.

[loong]

You may find that some of the Gentlemen that arrive in Thailand have already been celibate for a year - and not through choice

Maybe celibacy drives one crazy?

[villagefarang]

I always found copious amounts of gratuitous sex more therapeutic than celibacy. Letting the pressure build tends to lead one to figuratively, if not literally, stew in ones own tormented emotional juices.

By following this path I was able to avoid making stupid moves and put off marriage until I was 45. By that time I knew women, and myself, well enough to make a better choice than I might have done earlier on.

[transam]

My thought on your logic. Any creature on the planet has one thing on his/her mind...........

The reproduction thingy. Humans are no different to any other creature. BUT, us humans have been blessed with the need with the constant reproduction act. A natural thing, look for a ''mate'', do your stuff and see what happens. Think there is noooooo longevity in a relationship other than perhaps the bell rings for both to continue. Thats why we have oooooodles of divorces amongst us folk, the bell stops ringing. Do what is natural, if you don't the perspective ''partner'' might do the natural elsewhere whilst you are still thinking about it.

[DiamondKing]

Yep I learned a lot I learned that I don't like the attitude of western women and I much prefer the asian mentality of taking care of the breadwinner and the close family ties within.

Would never ever marry a westerner again because I am happily Married for 7 years with a FANTASTIC thai family that takes care of me and me of them.

WIN WIN

DK

PS Im a self admitted Chauvenist Pig and I like it that way a women's place is in the kitchen

Edited February 10, 2013 by DiamondKing

[rct99q]

My apologies as I remembered an old t.v. show called WKRP in Cincinnati and the "ask jennifer" episode.....anywhooo

But just to show you what can happen....met my wife while we were both working at a guest house in Thailand. Started slow, going out to the market, shopping, walks in the park (I know sounds corny). First real date (dinner date) her uncle and aunt came along. Subsequent dates other family members came along (they always paid their own dinners, never once asked me to pay!). This went on for about 10 months maybe a little longer. Close to the one year mark we celebrated by going to concert and was surprised it was just me and her. Great night, one to remember.

That was 3 years ago. Got married 2 years ago and never been happier. Had it just been about jumping into bed and doing the mambo she would never have gone out with me and I would possibly be as miserable as "some" (I have to assume a very small minority) of the people who write in on TV each day.

[transam]

My apologies as I remembered an old t.v. show called WKRP in Cincinnati and the "ask jennifer" episode.....anywhooo

But just to show you what can happen....met my wife while we were both working at a guest house in Thailand. Started slow, going out to the market, shopping, walks in the park (I know sounds corny). First real date (dinner date) her uncle and aunt came along. Subsequent dates other family members came along (they always paid their own dinners, never once asked me to pay!). This went on for about 10 months maybe a little longer. Close to the one year mark we celebrated by going to concert and was surprised it was just me and her. Great night, one to remember.

That was 3 years ago. Got married 2 years ago and never been happier. Had it just been about jumping into bed and doing the mambo she would never have gone out with me and I would possibly be as miserable as "some" (I have to assume a very small minority) of the people who write in on TV each day.

It takes two too mambo. Suuuuuuuure you were ready too but...............................

[David48]

DK

PS Im a self admitted Chauvenist Pig and I like it that way a women's place is in the kitchen

DK ... you have such a way with words.

Usually when I want to know my place ... I refer to a map.

Each to their own ...

.

[Oscar2]

Yep I learned a lot I learned that I don't like the attitude of western women and I much prefer the asian mentality of taking care of the breadwinner and the close family ties within.

Would never ever marry a westerner again because I am happily Married for 7 years with a FANTASTIC thai family that takes care of me and me of them.

WIN WIN

DK

PS Im a self admitted Chauvenist Pig and I like it that way a women's place is in the kitchen

the "Asian mentality of taking care of the breadwinner" is a thing of the past. it no longer exists. Asian women are driven, want careers, independence and so forth. maybe 10-15 years ago... i've never known a Thai or any other Asian woman who pampers men. every male i know here in Thailand; both Thai and farang, concurs.

[villagefarang]

My wife pampers me while being very modern and taking excellent care of herself at the same time. So I guess I do not concur.

Edited February 10, 2013 by villagefarang

[loong]

Yep I learned a lot I learned that I don't like the attitude of western women and I much prefer the asian mentality of taking care of the breadwinner and the close family ties within.

Would never ever marry a westerner again because I am happily Married for 7 years with a FANTASTIC thai family that takes care of me and me of them.

WIN WIN

DK

PS Im a self admitted Chauvenist Pig and I like it that way a women's place is in the kitchen

the "Asian mentality of taking care of the breadwinner" is a thing of the past. it no longer exists. Asian women are driven, want careers, independence and so forth. maybe 10-15 years ago... i've never known a Thai or any other Asian woman who pampers men. every male i know here in Thailand; both Thai and farang, concurs.

My very first relationship in Thailand, 13 years ago was with such a woman. She wasn't the best looking and she was overweight, but we did click.

She was very very poor and she took extremely good care of me.

At first I really appreciated the way that she looked after me, but then it got a bit boring and I was enticed by a pretty face and a perfect body.

This woman was quite prepared to accept my indiscretions as long as I returned to her.

I felt guilty because I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop enjoying the occasional benefit of a pretty girl.

With the guilt eating at me, I ended the relationship. Being able to enjoy the company of other women when in a relationship was so alien to me that I couldn't handle it.

STUPID STUPID STUPID

[rene123]

I think you touched on a very good point, loong. Making your spouse feel special after a long relationship is something I think many people lose and it can cost them. I also agree with the boring bit. That happens with most relationships. After looking back, I don't think I made my ex-husband feel special enough. That is why I found him in bed with another woman. But, maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough. I'll never know. I actually blame the woman more than my ex.

[villagefarang]

I think you touched on a very good point, loong. Making your spouse feel special after a long relationship is something I think many people lose and it can cost them. I also agree with the boring bit. That happens with most relationships. After looking back, I don't think I made my ex-husband feel special enough. That is why I found him in bed with another woman. But, maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough. I'll never know. I actually blame the woman more than my ex.

Always blame the cheater, not the one they cheat with. It is always good to accept some culpability when a relationship fails, as nothing happens in total isolation, but he made the choice to do something that he knew would hurt you. I agree with the “maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough” part.

By making your partner feel special everyday, you also reinforce and strengthen your own feelings for them. A little positive reenforcement goes a long way.

Edited February 10, 2013 by villagefarang

[transam]

Yep I learned a lot I learned that I don't like the attitude of western women and I much prefer the asian mentality of taking care of the breadwinner and the close family ties within.

Would never ever marry a westerner again because I am happily Married for 7 years with a FANTASTIC thai family that takes care of me and me of them.

WIN WIN

DK

PS Im a self admitted Chauvenist Pig and I like it that way a women's place is in the kitchen

the "Asian mentality of taking care of the breadwinner" is a thing of the past. it no longer exists. Asian women are driven, want careers, independence and so forth. maybe 10-15 years ago... i've never known a Thai or any other Asian woman who pampers men. every male i know here in Thailand; both Thai and farang, concurs.

My very first relationship in Thailand, 13 years ago was with such a woman. She wasn't the best looking and she was overweight, but we did click.

She was very very poor and she took extremely good care of me.

At first I really appreciated the way that she looked after me, but then it got a bit boring and I was enticed by a pretty face and a perfect body.

This woman was quite prepared to accept my indiscretions as long as I returned to her.

I felt guilty because I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop enjoying the occasional benefit of a pretty girl.

With the guilt eating at me, I ended the relationship. Being able to enjoy the company of other women when in a relationship was so alien to me that I couldn't handle it.

STUPID STUPID STUPID

Perhaps you have ruined a ladies life for your eeer stuff. Perhaps you used a lady for your stuff. Hmmmmm, l must think about this a bit more.

[loong]

I think you touched on a very good point, loong. Making your spouse feel special after a long relationship is something I think many people lose and it can cost them. I also agree with the boring bit. That happens with most relationships. After looking back, I don't think I made my ex-husband feel special enough. That is why I found him in bed with another woman. But, maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough. I'll never know. I actually blame the woman more than my ex.

Relationships go sour for various reasons and it is not always easy to put the finger on the problem.

I married young in the UK and had my first child at age 21.

I worked and worked and worked when my wife was pregnant in order to get the money together to buy stuff for the new baby. My working all hours put a strain on our marriage. She was going through all the hormonal stuff and we were living in a cramped little basement flat.

Not long before the baby was due, we went out and bought all the stuff for our baby.

We got home and I helped my wife indoors as she was so huge and had difficulty getting down the narrow steps.

I just sat down for 5 minutes, but fell asleep as I was so tired.

Maybe I had forgotten to lock my van, I don't know, but it was stolen that night and with it all the baby stuff as I hadn't unloaded it.

I used the van for work, so without the van, I had no means of earning an income. I had no money and in a few weeks our baby would be born and we had nothing for him.

Thank God for family, they really rallied and helped us out. But there was a tremendous strain on our marriage at that time.

It was a difficult time as my Mother was dying of cancer and with the drugs was incoherent most of the time. When we introduced her to her new Grandson is one of the most precious memories of my life.. For a short while, my Mum was lucid and her pleasure at seeing him was so obvious, it was my old Mum back, if only for a short while. She died when my son was 2 weeks old.

Wow. This post has gone in a different direction than was intended when I started to type. Wuss that I am, I am suffering from emotional overload.

To cut a long story short(ish), our marriage never recovered from those difficulties. I was depressed and didn't put the effort into the marriage.

My wife found solace in the arms of another man, and I can't blame her for that, because I was a wreck.

We have remained good friends to this day and I always visit with her and do things together with her, my Son and our Grandchildren when I visit the UK

[TommoPhysicist]

Relationships go sour for various reasons and it is not always easy to put the finger on the problem.

I married young in the UK and had my first child at age 21.

I worked and worked and worked when my wife was pregnant in order to get the money together to buy stuff for the new baby. My working all hours put a strain on our marriage. She was going through all the hormonal stuff and we were living in a cramped little basement flat.

Not long before the baby was due, we went out and bought all the stuff for our baby.

We got home and I helped my wife indoors as she was so huge and had difficulty getting down the narrow steps.

I just sat down for 5 minutes, but fell asleep as I was so tired.

Maybe I had forgotten to lock my van, I don't know, but it was stolen that night and with it all the baby stuff as I hadn't unloaded it.

I used the van for work, so without the van, I had no means of earning an income. I had no money and in a few weeks our baby would be born and we had nothing for him.

Thank God for family, they really rallied and helped us out. But there was a tremendous strain on our marriage at that time.

It was a difficult time as my Mother was dying of cancer and with the drugs was incoherent most of the time. When we introduced her to her new Grandson is one of the most precious memories of my life.. For a short while, my Mum was lucid and her pleasure at seeing him was so obvious, it was my old Mum back, if only for a short while. She died when my son was 2 weeks old.

Wow. This post has gone in a different direction than was intended when I started to type. Wuss that I am, I am suffering from emotional overload.

To cut a long story short(ish), our marriage never recovered from those difficulties. I was depressed and didn't put the effort into the marriage.

My wife found solace in the arms of another man, and I can't blame her for that, because I was a wreck.

We have remained good friends to this day and I always visit with her and do things together with her, my Son and our Grandchildren when I visit the UK

Did you just copy this song?

Edited February 10, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[MAJIC]

I think you touched on a very good point, loong. Making your spouse feel special after a long relationship is something I think many people lose and it can cost them. I also agree with the boring bit. That happens with most relationships. After looking back, I don't think I made my ex-husband feel special enough. That is why I found him in bed with another woman. But, maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough. I'll never know. I actually blame the woman more than my ex.

Relationships go sour for various reasons and it is not always easy to put the finger on the problem.

I married young in the UK and had my first child at age 21.

I worked and worked and worked when my wife was pregnant in order to get the money together to buy stuff for the new baby. My working all hours put a strain on our marriage. She was going through all the hormonal stuff and we were living in a cramped little basement flat.

Not long before the baby was due, we went out and bought all the stuff for our baby.

We got home and I helped my wife indoors as she was so huge and had difficulty getting down the narrow steps.

I just sat down for 5 minutes, but fell asleep as I was so tired.

Maybe I had forgotten to lock my van, I don't know, but it was stolen that night and with it all the baby stuff as I hadn't unloaded it.

I used the van for work, so without the van, I had no means of earning an income. I had no money and in a few weeks our baby would be born and we had nothing for him.

Thank God for family, they really rallied and helped us out. But there was a tremendous strain on our marriage at that time.

It was a difficult time as my Mother was dying of cancer and with the drugs was incoherent most of the time. When we introduced her to her new Grandson is one of the most precious memories of my life.. For a short while, my Mum was lucid and her pleasure at seeing him was so obvious, it was my old Mum back, if only for a short while. She died when my son was 2 weeks old.

Wow. This post has gone in a different direction than was intended when I started to type. Wuss that I am, I am suffering from emotional overload.

To cut a long story short(ish), our marriage never recovered from those difficulties. I was depressed and didn't put the effort into the marriage.

My wife found solace in the arms of another man, and I can't blame her for that, because I was a wreck.

We have remained good friends to this day and I always visit with her and do things together with her, my Son and our Grandchildren when I visit the UK

A sad but worthwhile Post,no doubt we all have had regretable life happenings that just won't stay buried,and on occasions pop up from the subconscious, unannounced and unwanted.....Such is life.

[loong]

I think you touched on a very good point, loong. Making your spouse feel special after a long relationship is something I think many people lose and it can cost them. I also agree with the boring bit. That happens with most relationships. After looking back, I don't think I made my ex-husband feel special enough. That is why I found him in bed with another woman. But, maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough. I'll never know. I actually blame the woman more than my ex.

Relationships go sour for various reasons and it is not always easy to put the finger on the problem.

I married young in the UK and had my first child at age 21.

I worked and worked and worked when my wife was pregnant in order to get the money together to buy stuff for the new baby. My working all hours put a strain on our marriage. She was going through all the hormonal stuff and we were living in a cramped little basement flat.

Not long before the baby was due, we went out and bought all the stuff for our baby.

We got home and I helped my wife indoors as she was so huge and had difficulty getting down the narrow steps.

I just sat down for 5 minutes, but fell asleep as I was so tired.

Maybe I had forgotten to lock my van, I don't know, but it was stolen that night and with it all the baby stuff as I hadn't unloaded it.

I used the van for work, so without the van, I had no means of earning an income. I had no money and in a few weeks our baby would be born and we had nothing for him.

Thank God for family, they really rallied and helped us out. But there was a tremendous strain on our marriage at that time.

It was a difficult time as my Mother was dying of cancer and with the drugs was incoherent most of the time. When we introduced her to her new Grandson is one of the most precious memories of my life.. For a short while, my Mum was lucid and her pleasure at seeing him was so obvious, it was my old Mum back, if only for a short while. She died when my son was 2 weeks old.

Wow. This post has gone in a different direction than was intended when I started to type. Wuss that I am, I am suffering from emotional overload.

To cut a long story short(ish), our marriage never recovered from those difficulties. I was depressed and didn't put the effort into the marriage.

My wife found solace in the arms of another man, and I can't blame her for that, because I was a wreck.

We have remained good friends to this day and I always visit with her and do things together with her, my Son and our Grandchildren when I visit the UK

A sad but worthwhile Post,no doubt we all have had regretable life happenings that just won't stay buried,and on occasions pop up from the subconscious, unannounced and unwanted.....Such is life.

Thanks for understanding.

I really don't understand why my post went in that direction. Maybe because my Son's birthday is next week.

[MAJIC]

I think you touched on a very good point, loong. Making your spouse feel special after a long relationship is something I think many people lose and it can cost them. I also agree with the boring bit. That happens with most relationships. After looking back, I don't think I made my ex-husband feel special enough. That is why I found him in bed with another woman. But, maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough. I'll never know. I actually blame the woman more than my ex.

Relationships go sour for various reasons and it is not always easy to put the finger on the problem.

I married young in the UK and had my first child at age 21.

I worked and worked and worked when my wife was pregnant in order to get the money together to buy stuff for the new baby. My working all hours put a strain on our marriage. She was going through all the hormonal stuff and we were living in a cramped little basement flat.

Not long before the baby was due, we went out and bought all the stuff for our baby.

We got home and I helped my wife indoors as she was so huge and had difficulty getting down the narrow steps.

I just sat down for 5 minutes, but fell asleep as I was so tired.

Maybe I had forgotten to lock my van, I don't know, but it was stolen that night and with it all the baby stuff as I hadn't unloaded it.

I used the van for work, so without the van, I had no means of earning an income. I had no money and in a few weeks our baby would be born and we had nothing for him.

Thank God for family, they really rallied and helped us out. But there was a tremendous strain on our marriage at that time.

It was a difficult time as my Mother was dying of cancer and with the drugs was incoherent most of the time. When we introduced her to her new Grandson is one of the most precious memories of my life.. For a short while, my Mum was lucid and her pleasure at seeing him was so obvious, it was my old Mum back, if only for a short while. She died when my son was 2 weeks old.

Wow. This post has gone in a different direction than was intended when I started to type. Wuss that I am, I am suffering from emotional overload.

To cut a long story short(ish), our marriage never recovered from those difficulties. I was depressed and didn't put the effort into the marriage.

My wife found solace in the arms of another man, and I can't blame her for that, because I was a wreck.

We have remained good friends to this day and I always visit with her and do things together with her, my Son and our Grandchildren when I visit the UK

A sad but worthwhile Post,no doubt we all have had regretable life happenings that just won't stay buried,and on occasions pop up from the subconscious, unannounced and unwanted.....Such is life.

Thanks for understanding.

I really don't understand why my post went in that direction. Maybe because my Son's birthday is next week.

It may be your subconscious telling you it's time to address the issue,and it's best to talk about it (all be it on an anonymous Forum), instead of allowing it to Rankle and festure away buried,any further.

Edited February 10, 2013 by MAJIC

[Semper]

@rene123

After being down in the dumps after a marriage, or long time relationship ends, you come to Thailand for a holiday and to clear your head. Then, you meet someone in Thailand that you find very attractive, and biology takes over.

Who is the lucky one? Does he know that you're leaving next month?

[rene123]

@rene123

After being down in the dumps after a marriage, or long time relationship ends, you come to Thailand for a holiday and to clear your head. Then, you meet someone in Thailand that you find very attractive, and biology takes over.

Who is the lucky one? Does he know that you're leaving next month?

We've been separated for close to two years now, Semper. It was only on the suggestion of a friend of my father's that I returned to Thailand. I thought to myself "Why not?" There was nothing keeping me back home at the time. We never did have children.

[daoyai]

I think you touched on a very good point, loong. Making your spouse feel special after a long relationship is something I think many people lose and it can cost them. I also agree with the boring bit. That happens with most relationships. After looking back, I don't think I made my ex-husband feel special enough. That is why I found him in bed with another woman. But, maybe he just didn't value our marriage enough. I'll never know. I actually blame the woman more than my ex.

If you must blame, blame "nature", as humans we live with the duality of nature and culture, monogomy is not a natural state, even animals that 'mate for life", have sex and offspring by different suiters. As for "love'? it never dies, it just moves on.

[rattler]

I always found copious amounts of gratuitous sex more therapeutic than celibacy. Letting the pressure build tends to lead one to figuratively, if not literally, stew in ones own tormented emotional juices.

By following this path I was able to avoid making stupid moves and put off marriage until I was 45. By that time I knew women, and myself, well enough to make a better choice than I might have done earlier on.

Good point I did the same, didnt marry for the first time until 42! Advise everyone follow this route because when you are young choices you make often turn out badly

[scorecard]

Lots of interesting stories here, here's another one, fully real:

Pretty ignorant farang has two failed marriages in a western country, departs for a holiday with his mates to Phuket which he believes is part of Bali.

Meets a very beautiful girl, employed you know where, asks her to come and live with him and he rents an apartment. Farang throws away the ticket home, does nothing about visa extension.

Then decides Phuket is not the right place for their relationship and decides on advice from long-term sex tourist farang that it would be better to live in Pattaya away from the girls family (who are near Phuket).

Farang now gets convinced by a Thai who owns a small newspaper that reporters don't need a work permit. Still does nothing about his expired visa.

By now he has learned that the very beautiful girl has a vile temper, empties his pockets regularly while he's asleep and wastes money continuously, smashes furntiture regularly, slaps and punches his face often, destroys his work papers when she has temper tantrums, several times she exploded in restaurants and hit waitresses, etc.

Farang decides to 'teach her a lesson' by bringing another girl home and insisting that the first one watch.

Farang gets stabbed several times during the 'activity' by the first girl, police arrive take him to hospital then to immigration detention centre.

First girl has now disappeared and has taken ALL of his money and left his passport torn to shreds on the apartment floor. He has about 200Baht in his pocket in the detention centre.

His family at home fund a return ticket.

He's back in Pattaya again 6 months later to find his 'first sweetheart' and start again.

True story.

Edited February 11, 2013 by scorecard

[rene123]

Crazy story, scorecard. The sex must have been fantastic for the guy to try it a second time. But, abused women in Canada very often keep repeating the same mistake over and over again. They subconsciously choose wife beaters as mates. It usually relates back to an abusive childhood.

[SteeleJoe]

My apologies as I remembered an old t.v. show called WKRP in Cincinnati and the "ask jennifer" episode.....anywhooo

But just to show you what can happen....met my wife while we were both working at a guest house in Thailand. Started slow, going out to the market, shopping, walks in the park (I know sounds corny). First real date (dinner date) her uncle and aunt came along. Subsequent dates other family members came along (they always paid their own dinners, never once asked me to pay!). This went on for about 10 months maybe a little longer. Close to the one year mark we celebrated by going to concert and was surprised it was just me and her. Great night, one to remember.

That was 3 years ago. Got married 2 years ago and never been happier. Had it just been about jumping into bed and doing the mambo she would never have gone out with me and I would possibly be as miserable as "some" (I have to assume a very small minority) of the people who write in on TV each day.

Similar to my story in terms of slow "courtship" etc ... Been together over 20 years now.

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa ap

[villagefarang]

There is no accounting for the stupid choices people make and then to top it off they cry “Why me?”. The mind does boggle sometimes.

Edited February 11, 2013 by villagefarang