Your Bike Is My Bike, What Would You Have Done?

[Bluetongue]

My stepson who is 16 takes the family motorbike to school. His older brother has his own which has been blinged and hotted up. Before the 16 year old started riding I observed his brother's practice of letting any other person ride his motorbike without asking. Like I went to watch him play football and he left his motorbike with the key in it and at various times in the afternoon various males aged between 14 and 40 took off on it to go who knows where. I've seen it during the day being whizzed around locally by people I dont recognise. He has had to rebuild the motor twice in two years at great expense on one occasion to me. At least part of this need has been caused by these others thrashing it. He is 26 up to him from now on, its currently getting fixed again and he has spent more money on it than a new one would cost.

Now the other motorbike which is a 125 is getting flogged daily too. His daily journey should be a 25km round trip but it comes home with 50 a 100 even 200ks on it. The brakes and suspension are shot and it has had 2 small crashes. Now I know what happens, he, like his brother lets anyone ride it and they do. He denies the crashes, even tried to blame one on me. The missus and I go shopping at the market in the afternoon and yesterday I see this greasy punk riding our bike whizzing past the market while talking on his phone. Anyway two minutes later he was in the market and did a u turn right in front of me, I was standing, he nearly fell off, then rode 10 meters up the lane and got off leaving the key in it. He was looking at some shoes. I saw red and walked up, removed the key and walked away. I was sure at the time that he saw me do it. About ten minutes later after I had sauntered back to the car I noticed the motorbike had been pushed away and my stepson had appeared and was in anxious conclave with my wife. They conducted a search for the key for about 5 minutes until I decided I'd better walk over and my wife said "hes lost the key to the motorcycle" I pulled it out of my pocket and told her that I didn't want his friends riding our motorbike. Like this is gonna work but anyway he knows now I disapprove. End of story but I can only assume the other kid did not tell the stepson of my involvement otherwise the wife would have come straight over, the other kid either didn't see me or just lied perhaps thinking that the stepson was in trouble. I am the only farang in cooee distance here.

I dont know what it is with vehicle use here, last night to top it off a BIL asked me if he could borrow my car to go to Phichit for a funeral, only about a 1500k round trip and about 3 days. Nah, I said, I need it.

[rene123]

People, and especially young people, will get away with anything and everything they can... until the parent puts a stop to it. If it was me I would lock the bike up and let the young man find his own transportation to school. Motorbikes are not toys and too many people treat them as such. The accident rate in Thailand proves that case.

However, that is a problem for you and your wife to agree upon. If it is only you then you only have one option. Sell the bike or just give the bike to the kid so he can destroy himself on it. No more insurance or repairs or fuel for the bike.

[Semper]

Why is a 26 year old son living in your house? Kick him out I say, and your problems are over.

[krisb]

Least if Im ever up your way, I have a bike I can borrow anytime...

[MissFarmGirl]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

[chonabot]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

But these other people are not family

[jambco984]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

No helmet and no drivers license is also "our way, our thinking" is that OK when 4 people are on a bike and they have an accident, maybe die?

No excuse for being disrespectful and this is what the 2 lads are doing.

If my Dad gave me a bike at a young age it would never leave my sight especially the key. If it was stolen and I had left the key in the bike my Dad would go crazy. Leaving the key in anything makes me mad.

He is giving money to the boys to help them from A-B and they dont seem to care.

No more money is the secret even if they get pi**y with you.

Take it easy out there folks

[HughJass]

buy him a cheap piece of sh1t Honda Dream and tell him the other bike is not to be ridden by anybody except u and the wife....when it gets wrecked by his friends he will learn a valuable lesson

[johna]

Are they your biological sons ? if so the problem is how you brought them up

[mauGR1]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

Very interesting point of view ; some young people in the West, at least in my country, think the same way.

My brother at 16 used to lend his motorbike to any friend who asked for it..

Once 2 ' friends ' almost killed an old man with said motorbike, riding while drunk.. other 2 ' friends ' carelessly finished to destroy that motorbike in 1 month, after several small accidents and a total lack of maintainance.

Moral of the story, better don't lend motorbikes or cars, unless in a case of real emergency.

[jbrain]

He is giving money to the boys to help them from A-B and they dont seem to care.

You think there is a possibility that the OP is a foreigner, who just has to pull the money from the trees in his homecountry, and his stepsons are Thai ?

[NeverSure]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

In my country in the West, vehicles are shared among family members. But it is stressed how the vehicle is cared for.

But letting any non-family member, especially random kids use and abuse it? Unheard of in my lifetime.

If I had a kid who was abusing any vehicle I paid for, he'd lose his privilege. If I bought him a vehicle and he and or his friends abused it, then when it quit running it would just sit, broken. I wouldn't fix it. Fixing it would be his responsibility, including earning the money for it. I'll bet that then he wouldn't let random people tear it up.

How else are kids to learn?

[theblether]

Nothing gutted me more than the look on my 10 year old boys face when someone stole his bike.............

Nothing irritated me more than when the same son neglected and wrecked his bike at 16.........................

You couldn't see me for dust in the first instance, racing to the cycle shop to get my beautiful boy a replacement..............

In the second instance, he still doesn't have a bike 6 years later.....................

The Bank of Dad is forever open to my kids in times of need, and forever closed in times of greed and neglect.

It's as simple as that.

[smokie36]

Why is a 26 year old son living in your house? Kick him out I say, and your problems are over.

Bit harsh dad....I only popped in to sort out my granny's lottery tickets <deleted>.

[smokie36]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

This is the way I was raised too MissfarmGirl..in fact I never ever owned a bike of my own. Unless the one I used broke...then it was mine when it needed to be fixed!

[David48]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

Gentlemen, please let me explain something so the about comment is read in perspective.

MissFarmGirl is Thai.

I'm sure she is not trying to change your thinking but more, maybe, understand how Thai people think about some things. Remembering that all Thais don't think the same, they are not the Borg ... or, as she oftens says to me ... Honey, remember, we are all different.

Below, I'll tell a story that relates to the OP and it might put it in a fresh light of understanding.

OH ... if long stories that explain the facts and relationships bore you ... please fast forward to the next comment ...

Edited February 16, 2013 by David48

[David48]

Recently I had the pleasure of staying at the gf's Parents Farm for a few months and yep ... we all slept under one roof.

The children all still live at the Farm in either the Farmhouse or other nearby dwellings. As does the Aunt, her children and her grandchildren, the gf's sisters and their children ... plus other Adults and children.

Only one of my gf's sisters has a large converted garage which she calls home.

Humble enough, but watertight and secure and with it's own wet bathroom.

Like many single parents in Thailand, the children’s grandmother takes care of the daughters kids, so the house above would usually be empty. Not so in a Thai Family. To make the tale easier to comprehend, we will call the gf's sister who has the house ... Miss T

In the separate larger main Farmhouse, there are only a few bedrooms. Who ever doesn't sleep in the bedrooms sleeps in the communal sleeping areas in the open living area. Of the permanent bedrooms in the house only one is sacrosanct ... the mother's bedroom, and that is out of necessity. When Miss T is not at the Farm, her youngest child sleeps with the Farm mother and the eldest child in a communal sleeping area.

So, when I went to stay at the Farm, we were offered, out of respect, to stay at Miss T's home ... I declined as then, I didn't feel comfortable with using someone else personal possession. We slept in an upstairs bedroom.

continued below ...

.

[David48]

What happened with Miss T's home then amazed me ...

It was almost a 'Hotel Home' ... who ever had the highest priority for a bed for the night slept there ...

Sure, the front door was locked ... but everyone knew where the key was.

Usually Miss T would return to the Farm for the week-end. Depending on work commitments, sometimes a Friday night, but always a Saturday night ... on the Sunday, she washed/ironed her kids clothes etc.

This occupational schedule left Miss T's home available during the week.

Sometimes the eldest child (15) would stay in the Miss T's home with her gf.

Sometimes, my gf's other sister Miss H, if her boyfriend was staying overnight, they would sleep there.

But Miss T returned to the Farm she always stayed there ... until one night when she slept in the communal sleeping area with her kid and Miss H and her boyfriend continued to sleep there and not vacate the property.

The reason being that Miss H's boyfriend was renovating his home and they weren’t able to overnight there.

So, Miss T gave up her home to allow Miss H and her bf to sleep there.

Think of it as using a material thing on an 'as needs' basis.

Now, the ladies reading this might ask the question ... if no-one has a permanent bedroom ... where do they keep their clothes? Apart form the Farm Mother and Miss T ... all the humble wardrobes line the external walls in the communal living area ... hence ... the quite often swapping of clothes between family members ...

I'm sure that many of the members who live in a larger Thai family household would have witnessed this first hand.

.

[David48]

^^ Apologies for the length of this story ... but it's a complex social structure I witnessed, thus needs to be told in it's entirety for better comprehension.

Also it's not maybe a social structure that you, as the single male (or female) adult in a Thai family might witness. Assuming a family unit of you, your wife and your children. With you as the head of the family ... social structure changes.

So, when MissFarmGirl wrote ... "sometimes one person buy but the whole family use" that is exactly what she is saying.

Maybe also the above story may shed a little light on why your older Thai stepson has this attitude to 'his' bike.

Maybe, just maybe he doesn't view it as 'his' bike, but rather an asset over which he has control and is happy to share and lend to all who ask him. This reasoning would explain his actions.

There is a bit of the ole chestnut of 'Thai Face' involved there also as he gains more face as he lends the bike more and more. Again, maybe ... I'm not the stepson.

I'm not trying to change any readers opnion on anything, just provide a story, a social structure and attitude which might explain the older stepsone's attitude to a material object which is in complete contrast to how you and I were raised.

I agree with theblethers approach on how he dealt with his son

But also I was raised the same as smokie36. With my mum's words being ... Johnny, share your toys ... the more you share, the more you have ... presuming of course that others shared their toys also.

It did my head in when I first witnessed the OP's conundrum first hand ... but such is life in Thailand sometimes ...

What I did find was, once the Family was told that something that was 'owned' by me was not to used by others, they generally respected that

... but don't get me started about my food in the fridge ...

.

[rattler]

Its quite simple the kid is a useless idle bum taking u for a ride ( no pun intended)

That said Thais and maintenance dont go together, I dont think Ive evr seen a bike with a chain with oil on here ever??

[rattler]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

In my country in the West, vehicles are shared among family members. But it is stressed how the vehicle is cared for.

But letting any non-family member, especially random kids use and abuse it? Unheard of in my lifetime.

If I had a kid who was abusing any vehicle I paid for, he'd lose his privilege. If I bought him a vehicle and he and or his friends abused it, then when it quit running it would just sit, broken. I wouldn't fix it. Fixing it would be his responsibility, including earning the money for it. I'll bet that then he wouldn't let random people tear it up.

How else are kids to learn?

They dont in Thailand and this lets them continue doing it indefinitely.

[Scottythai]

I would let the 16 year old find a different way to school for the rest of the year. I think he is not matture enough to be give the respect to something your family has bought and maintians. After the yea see if he is ready for it again. If no then tell him to get a job and save for his, then he can do as he wishes with it.

[Bluetongue]

People, and especially young people, will get away with anything and everything they can... until the parent puts a stop to it. If it was me I would lock the bike up and let the young man find his own transportation to school. Motorbikes are not toys and too many people treat them as such. The accident rate in Thailand proves that case.

However, that is a problem for you and your wife to agree upon. If it is only you then you only have one option. Sell the bike or just give the bike to the kid so he can destroy himself on it. No more insurance or repairs or fuel for the bike.

Thought about that, not really a viable option in a non-urban area. It would I think create other problems for me

[Bluetongue]

Why is a 26 year old son living in your house? Kick him out I say, and your problems are over.

Yeah being the tough guy has been tried, it doesn't really work either, once again more problems

[Bluetongue]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

The whole family shares things, not crazy thinking for me. I have used their motorbikes and cars many times for small trips. But this other kid is completely unknown to me

[Bluetongue]

Are they your biological sons ? if so the problem is how you brought them up

My post refers to them as stepsons

[Bluetongue]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

Very interesting point of view ; some young people in the West, at least in my country, think the same way.

My brother at 16 used to lend his motorbike to any friend who asked for it..

Once 2 ' friends ' almost killed an old man with said motorbike, riding while drunk.. other 2 ' friends ' carelessly finished to destroy that motorbike in 1 month, after several small accidents and a total lack of maintainance.

Moral of the story, better don't lend motorbikes or cars, unless in a case of real emergency.

I agree with you but the point of the post is that many people here dont. Its easier said than done.

[Bluetongue]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

In my country in the West, vehicles are shared among family members. But it is stressed how the vehicle is cared for.

But letting any non-family member, especially random kids use and abuse it? Unheard of in my lifetime.

If I had a kid who was abusing any vehicle I paid for, he'd lose his privilege. If I bought him a vehicle and he and or his friends abused it, then when it quit running it would just sit, broken. I wouldn't fix it. Fixing it would be his responsibility, including earning the money for it. I'll bet that then he wouldn't let random people tear it up.

How else are kids to learn?

In this case although I knew what was going on until I actually saw another kid riding it I couldn't prove anything, as far as the maintenance goes it gets done, but I have to point out what is needed to him, he doesn't think of doing it himself. As other people mainly me use it all the wear and tear cannot be put down to him. He earns money for fuel.

[Bluetongue]

Its quite simple the kid is a useless idle bum taking u for a ride ( no pun intended)

That said Thais and maintenance dont go together, I dont think Ive evr seen a bike with a chain with oil on here ever??

Not really the case, mate if life was simple it would be meant to be easy. He is many things but I would not say useless idle bum and I've seen a few of those. Chain oil here is applied with a toothbrush and it is used engine oil.

[Bluetongue]

I not understand everything you write but

sometimes one person buy but the whole family use

I know this crazy thinking for you

sorry but this our way, our thinking

In my country in the West, vehicles are shared among family members. But it is stressed how the vehicle is cared for.

But letting any non-family member, especially random kids use and abuse it? Unheard of in my lifetime.

If I had a kid who was abusing any vehicle I paid for, he'd lose his privilege. If I bought him a vehicle and he and or his friends abused it, then when it quit running it would just sit, broken. I wouldn't fix it. Fixing it would be his responsibility, including earning the money for it. I'll bet that then he wouldn't let random people tear it up.

How else are kids to learn?

They dont in Thailand and this lets them continue doing it indefinitely.

agreed so what would you do?