Teenagers And Sexual Assault

[loong]

I am in shock, shaking with rage as i write this.

I just don't know what to do.

My Missus has found out from the schoolteacher that my 7 year old step-daughter was held down and assaulted by 3 boys aged about 13 or 14 years old.

They removed her underwear, but did not actually rape her. Apparently she managed to kick out and escape,

She never said a word to me about it, but some other kids knew about it and they told the teacher.

My Missus didn't tell me about this at first, she is afraid that I would kill the boys. She has not told me who they are.

She has seen the parents and the parents have said that they have hit the boys and seem to think that should be the end of it.

The boys are old enough to know that what they have done is wrong. It seems to me that teenagers in society today are increasingly not having to bear any consequences for their actions.

The Missus and I have decided that it is best to get the police involved and hope that they will do their job.

When my stepson was 15 years old, he had consensual sex with a 16 year old girl. That cost me some money to make that problem go away. A relatively small amount and so I paid up although I believed that both parties shared equal fault.

I am absolutely certain that if he had assaulted a 7 year old when he was 14 that the demands were money would have been astronomical.

We are not looking for any financial compensation, why should the parents suffer unduly, I know how difficult it is to control this narcissistic generation of teenage boys.

I don't know, but I can guess that this is not an isolated incident. What I am sure of is that a slap on the wrist is not enough to prevent them from sexually assaulting other children and next time it could include rape.

I doubt that the police would jail these boys, but would hope that they would at least scare the shit out of them and maybe make them think before attacking another child.

Thankfully, my litle girl isn't showing any symptoms of mental scarring and seems the same happy well balanced girl that she always has been. But I am no expert about things like this.

At the moment I am swinging between rage, dizziness, tears and feeling that I am going to throw up.

[Mario2008]

I'm sorry to hear about this. This is a very hard situation to be in.

Yes, the boys should be punished and maybe contact the Paveena foundation to make sure they do get punished. The foundaiton is led by a former female senator and when she gets involves it normally means the police wil act.

http://www.pavenafoundation.or.th/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=44&Itemid=85〈=en

Your girl might be all right now, but often things go in fases. First there is terror, then there is relief and then the fear starts again, etc. Just check for indicators like is she sleeping well, start peeing in bed etc.

But everybody reacts to these kind of things differently, some wil have great stress about it while others will not and anything in between. The Paveena foundaiton cna also assist with getting help for your daughter if required.

What you should avoid at all cost is projecting your own fears and sorrow on your daughter. That will only make her situation more difficult for her.

As for the boys, as said they need to be punished and receive some sexual education. But htis is a group thing. Often as an inividual they will not do this, but under group pressure from their peers they can go much further as they don't want to lose face.

Do contact the Paveena foundation and see what they can do.

[Mario2008]

1 post advocating violence deleted.

[loong]

Thankyou Mario

I think that is very good advice about not projecting my fears and anxiety onto my daughter.

[Mario2008]

And also the hardest thing to do.

Do contact the Paveena foundation, they can help a lot and give some sound advice. They are specialised in these kind of situations so know what to do and who to turn to.

[scorecard]

And also the hardest thing to do.

Do contact the Paveena foundation, they can help a lot and give some sound advice. They are specialised in these kind of situations so know what to do and who to turn to.

As always excellent, focused, balanced and meaningul comment and suggestions from Mario. Thank you Mario.

[ShadowDweller]

I would have your daughter checked by a doctor to make sure she did nor suffer more physical abuse than you are being made aware of.

[loong]

Thanks again Mario,

I will discuss about the Pavena foundation when the Missus gets home. She is reporting the attack to the police today.

I realise that when I was told about this this morning, my head started swimming and so I really didn't take everything in. I'm not sure even when this happened. I was thinking a day or 2 ago, but it may be longer.

Taking note of what you said, she did wet the bed twice recently and that is very unusual.

Missus wants me to keep her in when she comes home from school. I'm not sure about this. If I don't allow her to go out and play with her friends, she may feel that she is being punished for something that was not her fault and I don't want her to feel that way.

Usually, you think that a village environment is safe as everyone knows everybody else and wherever the children play, there is always an adult nearby. Lots of "Grandmothers" in this village.

[loong]

I would have your daughter checked by a doctor to make sure she did nor suffer more physical abuse than you are being made aware of.

I get what you say, she has been checked by her Mother. I am worried that an examination by a doctor could add to any trauma.

To be honest, I can't really think straight and I reaally don't know what is for the best. I want to keep this as least damaging to my daughter as possible.

[Payboy]

She has seen the parents and the parents have said that they have hit the boys and seem to think that should be the end of it.

OP, I think you should pursue this matter to the full extent with the school authorities as well as the law to prevent similar attacks on future victims.

[bangkockney]

Really sorry to hear that Loong, what a horrible thing to happen.

What's the school's position on this? Will they also be taking action against the boys? I would of thought expulsion would be on the cards.

[Mario2008]

Thanks again Mario,

I will discuss about the Pavena foundation when the Missus gets home. She is reporting the attack to the police today.

I realise that when I was told about this this morning, my head started swimming and so I really didn't take everything in. I'm not sure even when this happened. I was thinking a day or 2 ago, but it may be longer.

Taking note of what you said, she did wet the bed twice recently and that is very unusual.

Missus wants me to keep her in when she comes home from school. I'm not sure about this. If I don't allow her to go out and play with her friends, she may feel that she is being punished for something that was not her fault and I don't want her to feel that way.

Usually, you think that a village environment is safe as everyone knows everybody else and wherever the children play, there is always an adult nearby. Lots of "Grandmothers" in this village.

Starting to wet the bed gain is a regression and common as a result of stress at that age, which is understandable. That she didn't talk about what happend means that she doesn't wan't to border you and her mother with it. She might be afraid for your reactions, like upsetting you very much, making you angry at her etc.

That means that you need to create an enviorement in which she feels she can tell things. Talking with her in a mannerr in which you make it clear to her that you are not in away upset with her or angry at her, but that she should always tell if she has problems because you are there to help her is very important.

But if she sees it upsets you, she might not do that.

Indeed keeping her at home, while understandable, is not a good move for the reasons you mentioned. But also because it will make her less confident in the future. It is more important that she learns how to handle herself and that she knows she can always tell her parents if she is in trouble.

The Pavena foundation has contacts with doctors experienced in these cases who can examine her.

[loong]

My knowledge of the assault is sketchy to say the least. My brain had difficulty taking in what I was told.

I don't know where the assult happened. I don't know if it happened at school, so I don't know if the school is involved any more than one of the other kids initially telling a teacher.

It didn't occur to me that it may have happened at school. She is as eager to go to school as she always is, so I think probably not.

Thanks people. I know some may not agree with me posting about this here ( as in the removed post)

But you really have no idea just how much this has helped me to calm down and get a grip.

I can't be there for my daughter if I am an emotional wreck myself, so you, by helping me get a grip are also helping my daughter.

I'm very grateful.

[Mario2008]

In these cases one tend to focus on the child and forget the parents. But there is more than 1 victim, and the parents also need help in dealing with this situation. For themselves and for their child.

[HeavyDrinker]

My knowledge of the assault is sketchy to say the least. My brain had difficulty taking in what I was told.

I don't know where the assult happened. I don't know if it happened at school, so I don't know if the school is involved any more than one of the other kids initially telling a teacher.

It didn't occur to me that it may have happened at school. She is as eager to go to school as she always is, so I think probably not.

Thanks people. I know some may not agree with me posting about this here ( as in the removed post)

But you really have no idea just how much this has helped me to calm down and get a grip.

I can't be there for my daughter if I am an emotional wreck myself, so you, by helping me get a grip are also helping my daughter.

I'm very grateful.

Indeed and apologies.

Bear in mind that schools here do not have the same ideals of Student Welfare as we know it in the West.

I can't imagine how you feel, however were I in your shoes I would get the authorites involved ASAP. It may be too late for your daughter, however if the miscreants can be bought to task it may well prevent this happening to another child.

[HeijoshinCool]

Today is my last day after a first (and last) year of teaching. I did this in part to learn more about Thai culture.

One thing I've learned is that the punishment amongst children never rises anywhere near to the level of the offense, so you would likely be wasting precious energy and thought and time seeking appropriate punishment for the offenders.

Healing for all and ensuring this is never repeated by far take precedence.

Oh, and, your daughter's pretty cool for fending off three older boys. Tell her that. Maybe she'd like to take some self-defense lessons?

Keep cool, Loong.

Edited February 28, 2013 by HeijoshinCool

[HeavyDrinker]

For me, the bottom line is that you can't be "Thai' on this matter.

<deleted> to "Maipenrai" or 'face'. Report it and get these perverts away from other vulnerable people.

[loong]

Today is my last day after a first (and last) year of teaching. I did this in part to learn more about Thai culture.

One thing I've learned is that the punishment amongst children never rises anywhere near to the level of the offense, so you would likely be wasting precious energy and thought and time seeking appropriate punishment for the offenders.

Healing for all and ensuring this is never repeated by far take precedence.

Oh, and, your daughter's pretty cool for fending off three older boys. Tell her that. Maybe she'd like to take some self-defense lessons?

Keep cool, Loong.

I'm not really about seeking appropriate punishment for the offenders. But a slap from their parents is just not anywhere near enough. They need a shock and hopefully the police can do that.

Even out in the villages here we are now seeing gangs of teenagers 30 or more strong attacking and beating anyone that they don't like the look of. Somebody has to make a stand and start to take control. Things are only going to get worse.

[HeavyDrinker]

Today is my last day after a first (and last) year of teaching. I did this in part to learn more about Thai culture.

One thing I've learned is that the punishment amongst children never rises anywhere near to the level of the offense, so you would likely be wasting precious energy and thought and time seeking appropriate punishment for the offenders.

Healing for all and ensuring this is never repeated by far take precedence.

Oh, and, your daughter's pretty cool for fending off three older boys. Tell her that. Maybe she'd like to take some self-defense lessons?

Keep cool, Loong.

I'm not really about seeking appropriate punishment for the offenders. But a slap from their parents is just not anywhere near enough. They need a shock and hopefully the police can do that.

Even out in the villages here we are now seeing gangs of teenagers 30 or more strong attacking and beating anyone that they don't like the look of. Somebody has to make a stand and start to take control. Things are only going to get worse.

Which is exactly why you have to make a stand here pal!

[HeijoshinCool]

Today is my last day after a first (and last) year of teaching. I did this in part to learn more about Thai culture.

One thing I've learned is that the punishment amongst children never rises anywhere near to the level of the offense, so you would likely be wasting precious energy and thought and time seeking appropriate punishment for the offenders.

Healing for all and ensuring this is never repeated by far take precedence.

Oh, and, your daughter's pretty cool for fending off three older boys. Tell her that. Maybe she'd like to take some self-defense lessons?

Keep cool, Loong.

I'm not really about seeking appropriate punishment for the offenders. But a slap from their parents is just not anywhere near enough. They need a shock and hopefully the police can do that.

Even out in the villages here we are now seeing gangs of teenagers 30 or more strong attacking and beating anyone that they don't like the look of. Somebody has to make a stand and start to take control. Things are only going to get worse.

I know you're not. And with 25 years as a cop, I'm not about letting bad guys get away with anything, but there's a time to fight, and a time to stand down.

In the west, okay, get the cops involved, but here, I just think it's a waste of time unless you have specific knowledge that leads you to reasonably believe a complaint to the police will result in positive action and, just as importantly, positive results, and most importantly NO negative results. You used the word "hopefully," so I'm guessing this is not the case.

Don't forget the law of unintended consequences. I know nothing of your lives where you live, but where I live, while I could reasonably expect some locals to support me, I know some would try to kill me. Just last week two more people were shot and killed over a piece of land, (one was a young boy) and this is a small town. But it is the wild west of Thailand. I am friends with two of the cops. They admit they are in fear of being killed, shot in the back. Indeed, one was last year---for confiscating a motorbike from a 12 year old.

What I'm saying is your daughter managed to get away this time. Have you considered what might evolve if you take this matter to the next step? This is day one. Keep cool for a few, then start the decision-making process.

Look what happened to that Puyai Ban when he tried to stop toxic dumping in his village.

Look what happened to the college law professor when he committed battery on a woman for not backing up her car. 1000 baht fine?

And, no, Heavy Drinker, I'm no wuss. I worked the streets of LA for almost three decades. But my child's FUTURE welfare would come first before someone else's child's punishment. You can't be everywhere all the time.

And none of us can put ourselves in Loong's shoes, because we don't have intimate knowledge of the thousands of details in his life that have to be considered at once, to make a good decision.

Having roving gangs of 30 beating people, seems to me to be both a sign of ineffective police power, and of a time to move on. Not an environment for a child. I'm working on getting out of where I am for the same reason. Just waiting for the GF.

Take care of your girl, Loong.

[sbk]

One thing that needs to be made very clear, aside from the legal advice etc.

I know you are angry, I am angry too. Do NOT let your daughter see your anger, she will assume its aimed at her and that she did something wrong. Don't sweep this under the carpet with her, or she will think that she did something wrong and you are ashamed of her.

[loong]

We had a power cut here shortly after my last post and it's just come back on.

I've made sure that our little girl feels the love and she is doing ok, I'm happy to say.

The police will do nothing! They say that the boys are too young for them to do anything.

I find that unbelievable. Basically the police are saying that boys in their early teens can do anything that they like with no consequences.

Talking to other villagers, I am surprised at the lack of shock and outrage. Almost to the point of "What's all the fuss about?".

It makes me wonder if abuse by teenagers is so common that it is almost expected.

Parents of a little girl about 5 or 6 years old have told the Missus that they found her to have bleeding from her vagina some time ago. Took her to the doctor and the doctor told them that somebody had had sex with her. The parents didn't know who, but I am surprised that the doctor did not report this to the police. Well, maybe he did, but the police can't be bothered.

I will contact the Pavena foundation and ask their advice.

[Mario2008]

Good for you tp persue it.

When Pavena gets involved she won't take a no can't do for an answer from the police and this sounds more seriously with at least one other gilr being abused.

Children under 7 years old cannot be prosecuted, from 7 tillthe age of 14 a special regime is in place. Basically, they will not be prosecuted but will recieve help, like courses or visits from parol officers.

[MartyC]

Terrible story, I feel for you and your family, personally I would try and get pictures of the evil miscreants and put them on a poster stating 'ข่มขืน' (rapists) and put up 100 of them all around the village. That should get someone's attention!

[loong]

Terrible story, I feel for you and your family, personally I would try and get pictures of the evil miscreants and put them on a poster stating 'ข่มขืน' (rapists) and put up 100 of them all around the village. That should get someone's attention!

I cannot do that, I do not know the identity of the boys involved.

The police have made it clear that they will not do anything because of the age of the boys, but any vigilante action will result in arrest and prosecution.

My Missus knows who have done this, but she will not tell me because she is afraid of what I might do.

[ChinChanGamble]

I would just like to offer my own sympathy to you and your family. Clearly posting on TV was a good thing, you will get help nowhere else, and now you and anyone else who reads the thread will be aware of pavena if this situation arises for them.

Again my sympathy goes out to you and your family and I hope some justice will prevail.

[NeverSure]

People go through stages when traumatized and that will include the daughter and parents. The daughter might still be in a stage of denial, but it is with her for life. She may go through a stage of guilt, wondering what she did to cause it even though she did nothing. There can be a stage of anger and so on.

Please get her some help so she can talk it through and sort it out. You don't want her to stuff it out of mind in denial and have it fester there in the subconscious for life.

I couldn't raise a child in rural Isaan if that's where you are. I won't say why for fear of getting into trouble. I just wouldn't.

[jrmaanda]

"The police will do nothing! They say that the boys are too young for them to do anything.

I find that unbelievable. Basically the police are saying that boys in their early teens can do anything that they like with no consequences."

I am sorry for your grief, and though I am quoting you, this question is not for you, but for all the blood-thirsty posters who are longing to see these 14-year-olds harshly punished. How can you logically expect them to be held accountable for their sexual behaviour when the law clearly states that if an 18-year-old had consensual sex with them, he should go to prison on the grounds that 14-year-olds are too young to be able to make responsible decisions. I have no doubt eitherthat logic would not be allowed to stand in the way of your baying for the said 18-year-old's blood, you miserable, vindictive lot.

[loong]

Seems that on occasions the police will seek arrest warrants for teenagers in cases such as this.

http://www.pattayadailynews.com/en/2013/03/01/sakaeo-man-and-teens-charged-with-raping-girl/

I am wondering just how commonplace this is in Thailand.

[Mario2008]

It happens too often and while the police is right in that they will not be send to jail, they can be prosecuted and made to undergo a program.

i doubt the police will say the same as they said to your wife to mrs. Pavena.