Are You Faithful To Your Partner?

[mbkudu]

pc is password protected

ha ha

Sorry, let me rephrase that: P**S OFF MATE!

As I said before it was deleted: "Please take care of your niece, she needs you. Remember, school holidays,..." Or maybe, maybe, you do not care?

Belive me Bluecat, I do care. I will provide for her as long as she needs me.

When she doesn't need me or want me for that matter, she's on her own. The relationship has been very comfortable for the three of us, but every relationship has its ups and downs. We're in for the long haul. It is impossible to just cast someone aside who is part of your family. How many Farangs have you seen make all kinds of promises to girls and then give them the boot or simply,

"Go home."

[chonabot]

Post deleted by Admin (improper langauge)

Dear George,

I do appologise for the minor explative. Maybe I should have said, "Urinate off mate." Or maybe the good old Brit standard, "Bugger off mate." I don't like the F

word like some people who have posted on this subject. I think it is archaic and rather base. Maybe they are Americans. Americans are always saying F*** this

and F*** that, A****le this, A****le that. I am American, so I have first hand

knowledge. Americans are still going through a primeval stage of speech development. They often lack enough colorful vocabulary, unlike Brits and Aussies for example, to express themselves in any other fashion than the one they know.

I don't like the word, <deleted>; especially written on a wall. I am assuming that most

posters on this site have read, "Catcher in the Rye." If you have, then you know what I am talking about. This computer is nothing more than a glass "Wall" for us to scribe our frivalous scribblings upon.

This post , I liked , actually I still like!

[D80]

wow...

I'd just got back from my Easter break... seems like I've missed out a bit!

I don't want to pick on mbkudu here but I've just never seen his sort of arrangement before (I didn't get to read the deleted post though..)! I mean, I have read/heard about these sort of things...but never EVER with any kind of approval from the Thai family themselves.

mbkudu,

I am really interested, again, I'm not trying to pick a fight... you said you really care for your niece... do you think this arrangement between you guys (you, your wife and your niece) has done anything to her psychologically?

I am a Thai woman with a western partner myself. I also have nieces and nephews. I cannot imagine this sort of arrangement happening at all. I mean, God help my husband if he ever tries anything like that!

But seriously though... I'm just trying to understand the situation here. You said when she doesn't need you or want you anymore, she's on her own. So, if one day she turns around and refuses to have sex with you anymore, will you still support her through uni?

I've got a few questions when I read about the arrangement you have. Again, I really really don't mean for it to be 'fighting talk'. These are my genuine questions. I mean, I care for my nieces and nephews on my Thai family side as much as those on my husband side. If any one of my nephews ever needs me to help him through uni or any other difficult time in life... I could never ever even imagine getting sexual relationship in return from him even if he is not directly related to me. This is precisely because I care for him that I would not do such thing. To me, apart from the morality of the whole thing and my own belief in this subject, such an arrangement would surely damage him in some way. I don't think I only feel that way because I am a woman.

Have you ever thought of just supporting your niece through uni without having sex with her? Do you think it would have been better 'for her' if you had done so? Do you worry that she might see her body as merely a currency? Aren't you afraid that she will think the only reason anyone is nice to her is to get sexual gain from her? What would that do to her self confidence? How would this arrangement effect the way she sees and values herself? I don't know how to put it in a gentler term, sorry. I just tried to imagine being in her shoes.... If one of my uncles, not related by blood, pays for my studies and has sex with me as well.. how would I have felt....

I be honest, I imagine I would feel pretty rotten inside...no matter how ok things may look on the surface... but that's just me...

Oh, I remember now! I've also read this sort of story once from the stickman website. This guy married his wife and later on got her niece as mia noi as well. The wife actually arramged it for him. I don't remember the details... I don't know if that's your story or not.

I've got to say one thing though... when I read that story I remembered thinking how the guy seemed to think this is normal practice in Thailand.... Well.... I can't speak for the whole country but as far as I know, having been born and grown up in Thailand, it isn't normal practice.

And about the stigma thing....ohhh yesss... people do talk... and there is still heavy stigma to this sort of practice... it just goes on more behind your back rather than upfront. Having a mia noi is one thing...bringing it to the family or even having one from the family member is quite another to most Thai families I know.

Anyhow, forgive me for being such a pain.... I am genuinely interested to hear the answers to my questions. I'm not trying to fight or anything.

Thanks in advance!

[ChiangMaiThai]

What is it, I ask, that would allow someone to marry their partner, promising to honor him/her, and then feel that it is still necessary to "cheat", to have mistresses, mia nois, prostitutes in addition to the person he/she is meant to be with for the rest of their lives????

Perhaps it is the twisted notion set forth by society that one man and one woman will be together forever and be completley satisfied. The longer you stay with a partner, the more society pressures you to make it official and get married. As if it needs to be said again, the fact that half the people going into marriage will end up in divorce court should be more than ample evidence that the very idea of marriage is flawed from the beginning.

Nothing else in the world could boast such a failure rate and continue to attract so many takers.

[mbkudu]

No, I did not write anything in Stickman, and to tell you the truth I'm tired of explaining myself any further. The relationship we have is different I know, but it works and that is that, ok?

[ChiangMaiThai]

No, I did not write anything in Stickman, and to tell you the truth I'm tired of explaining myself any further. The relationship we have is different I know, but it works and that is that, ok?

I imagine a number of married people here envy you, but they'll never admit it.

[mbkudu]

The original question was: Are you faithful to your partner? My answer is yes, and I will stick to that answer regardless of how anybody views the morality of my

situation.

[Bluecat]

Belive me Bluecat, I do care. I will provide for her as long as she needs me.

When she doesn't need me or want me for that matter, she's on her own. The relationship has been very comfortable for the three of us, but every relationship has its ups and downs. We're in for the long haul.

I heard this kind of promise hundred of times and believe me, I saw it broken hundred of times also (and I'm not that old).

But anyway, as you rightly said, it is your life and as I said before, I will refrain to further commenting,...

[mbkudu]

Does this mean that we're breaking up? I hope we can still be friends.

[Padkapow Guy]

Can somebody give a definition please?

What is faithful?

Only after that is clarified, I think we can give a clear vote.

Faithful is when you don't get caught.

[D80]

Oh,well..

mbkudu,

Sorry if I made you feel like you have to explain yourself. I am genuinely curious about these things. But it's your personal life and if you don't really want to help enlightening me with why and how people make these decisions, then that's up to you.

I want to make it clear that I try my best not to judge. As long as your arrangement doesn't hurt anyone and it involves all consensual adults, then that's up to you. I choose the way I live my life with one partner as it works best for me. If you read my original questions, they are all about whether someone will be hurt in the process. Personally, I decided that if I am to be unfaithful, particularly when it involves a member of my family (albeit unrelated by blood), I will definitely hurt someone. And that is why I don't do it. If that doesn't apply to you, then that's your life.

A little note to ChiangMaiThai,

I don't envy people who choose a different lifestyle. I am perfectly happy with my decision. If you and others around you are happy with yours, then again, that's your life. Each to his own. So, please don't take my curiousity of how different relationships work as my jealousy/envy for your situation.

It seems none of the people who choose to be with more than one partner sexually when they are married want to help people like me (who choose differently) to understand how and why they come to their decision. I really do wonder whether it all boils down to sexual satisfaction or if there are any other reasons; and what thoughts had individuals put into making their decision to have multi-sexual partners when married. I've only seen 'sexual gratification' as the reason people give on here. So, I suppose I will just have to assume that that was the only reason (well, at least the nly one that people are prepared to talk about anyway).

All the best to you all (especially to your niece, mbkudu).

[mbkudu]

Hello D80, I will try to explain a bit more only because you seem very curious yet polite. One thing to remember is that there is always a risk of getting hurt in any relationship whether it's a couple or whatever. People that choose not to enter any type of romantic relationship are most likely afraid of that hurt so don't take that risk. You said that you are quite satisfied in your relationship with one person.

If you are positive that there are only the two of you, then that is good. Do you ever have doubts that your significant other is true only to you? Take a good look at most of the posts on this site and tell me how many men there are that talk about considering a fling or openly discuss it on this forum. Could one of them be or someday be your partner? It is always a possibility.

By my wife, her neice and I being open with each other about our desires and needs, we are eliminating much of the risk that so many of us fear. Of course not all risk of hurt can ever be eliminated, but it's always better to be open about these things to avoid the sorrow and violence that is usually the result of deception.

[D80]

mbkudu,

Thanks for the reply. I guess we just look at things differently.

Yes, I am satisfied with what I've got now, positive. And I am sure my partner is as well.

[Bluecat]

Jeez, D80. Are you Mbkudu's niece?

[davethailand]

Jeez, D80. Are you Mbkudu's niece?

[dragonmasterzip]

A few pages back there NedKelly said , behind your back.

I think this is very much the issue.

When I married my wife, I told her I would never leave her. I would take care of her no matter what.

Now when she met me, she had to share my bed with 5 different women. I am a man who believes in test driving before purchasing a car ;-)

By the time we reached marriage, my wife was the only one around. I liked her. I loved her. I got horny everytime I was near her. I enjoyed talking to her. We enjoyed each other's sense of humor.

WE got married and We got pregnant and She started throwing up. Clearly, thought she was Japanese, there was some British qualities, for while the sun never set, it was morning someplace and she had morning sickness 24 hours a day.

It is very difficult to maintain an erection when your partner keeps getting up to toss her cookies.

HER solution: Was for me to take a lover. She had a friend from where she used to work. This young lady had broken up with her boyfriend. She was lonely and she had mentioned to my wife how she missed the sex and cuddling.

So my wife told me she thought it best if I took her friend as my lover.

My wife invited her friend to dinner. In between upchucks, she told her friend she would consider it a favor if she would have sex with me and even sleep over, until she found a new boyfriend.

Her girlfriend was shocked.

But my wife is not a woman to be dissuaded from an idea. She explained I would never leave her. I needed sex and she was not able to give me the sex I needed. She was happy if her friend fell in love with me and even stayed for the rest of her life with us, had children and everything.

Her friend and I spent the night together in my office which had a pull out bed. She was quite nervous in the morning until my wife asked if I was any good in bed and they got into a technical discussion, while I cooked breakfast.

I believe her friend was more impressed that I could cook really well, than our evening together, but she visited us 3 or 4 times a week. She and I occassionally went out to dinner and took a few small trips (I was reluctant to do this because I wanted to be there to take care of my wife).

All during this I never felt unfaithful to my wife.

After about 5 years and a number of lovers, (her friend found the man of her dreams and got married) my wife's sex drive started to return. But she insisted I keep my lovers because she knew some of them were in love with me. She had them over for dinner, sometimes met them for coffee or lunch. She also during this period discovered she had an interest in women as well as me.

Occassionally, I arranged for a group of men for her. She did not want a "love affair", she felt it would get messy. She always was happy with the idea of any of the women I was with joining us permanently, but felt another man would be a problem. She did however like the worshipping and sense of being the center of attention of a group of men and the abundant sex, but was like getting to eat a whole chocolate cake, not someone one wanted to do very often.

Near the end of her life, she did fall in love with a man. He was married. As soon as she knew what she was feeling, she came to me and we talked about it. He was Japanese and it was just one of those cultural things.

I felt a big old wave of fear. I asked her could she keep her agreement with me that we stay together NO MATTER WHAT? She said yes.

The guy was in love with her. Who would not be, my wife was beautiful, intelligent, charming, elegant, and turned men's heads wherever she walked.

So I took him out to lunch and explained the situation and told him I was OK.

Can we say FREAK OUT?

They met for lunch. My wife was not sure what to do about his wife. Eventually the whole thing fizzled.

All of this made us closer. The fact was my wife was interested in my happiness. I was interested in hers.

When ever I met a woman, I was wearing my wedding ring. They all mentioned it. I would hand them my cell phone and tell them to call my wife, if they felt they needed her permission.

My wife died from cancer a couple of years later.

Now I am engaged. I have made it clear I will have lovers to my new fiancee. She has brought them to our bed.

I have told my daughters when they start having lovers, they should look to older men for their first lovers, because these men will be more experienced. I know they will pick men who are of high quality because my daughters a picky women.

I have explained who the other women have been during the times they were growing up and my lovers would stay over or I would be out all night. They have eaten dinner with these women, even asked them to help them pick out Mommy's birthday present.

I recommend to my daughters if they marry a powerful man, more likely he will have a higher than average sex drive. It is better for my daughters to bring home their husband's lovers than to let him go find them himself. I feel he will see those women as an extension of his wife (my daughter). I say this because this was how I felt about every woman my wife introduced me to. We never had any trouble with any of them, whereas a few of the women I found, kept hinting it might be time for me to leave my wife.

I expalined I would never leave my wife. I had given her my promise, my word. Anhd if I would leave her, how could this woman trust me to keep my word to her.

So I answered YES.

I was never unfaithful to my wife. I kept every major promise I made to her. Minor ones (yes I promise I will be there on time), I was not perfect, but got better over time.

I have been a widower for 5 years. It took me 3.5 years to find my current fiancee. I would rather live unmarried for the rest of my life than to try to live some lie.

I have a dominant personality. I plan to have more than one woman. They will know about each other and will share the same bed. I am upfront about it.

99.9% of the women in the world may reject this way of living. I am not looking for hundreds of women a few will do.

personally I think the ideal relationships would be Me with 2 wives serving me and each of them having two men serving them and those men having two each women serving them or a man and woman for the bisexual mix.

If we grew up with this as the social norm, I think there would be a whole lot less BS.

Everybody serves somebody

[mbkudu]

Wow! Makes my situation look like nothing.

[maerim]

Three of four husbands unfaithful

The other one tells lies.