Why Do Farang And Thai Split Up

[Bluecat]

Many farang in this country are living or have been living at one time or another with a Thai partner ( being girlfiend, wife, boyfriend, husband).

Some of them (or maybe many of them) split up after some time,...

Same reasons than a farang-farang break-up?

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Many farang in this country are living or have been living at one time or another with a Thai partner ( being girlfiend, wife, boyfriend, husband).

Some of them (or maybe many of them) split up after some time,...

Same reasons than a farang-farang break-up?

Neither partner has even a basic understanding of the others cultural considerations, and this leads to troubles between them. Also, you have to consider that a lot of the relationships begin in bars. In the west the figures are that approx 50 per cent of marriages fail.

[Bluecat]

Same reasons than a farang-farang break-up?

Some I think are more "typical" Thailand,...

1. They jump into a relationship without knowing each other,...

2. They can not properly communicate together and hence probably never succeed to know each other,...

3. When the novelty of the "difference" dies out, they can only separate,...

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Same reasons than a farang-farang break-up?

Some I think are more "typical" Thailand,...

1. They jump into a relationship without knowing each other,...

2. They can not properly communicate together and hence probably never succeed to know each other,...

3. When the novelty of the "difference" dies out, they can only separate,...

Also valid points. I have no idea what the failure rate really is.

[mrvietnam2001]

Just to let you in on something. My wifes little business, http://www.loveofasiavietnam.com has matched dozens of sincere foreign men and women from Vietnam since 2000.

Not one has split up.

Now grant it, I am the gatekeeper and get the initial communications and frankly I delete or refuse at least 20% of the inquiries/orders because of the off color nature or obvious attempts at taking advantage.

From that, 90%+ of the fellows who have signed up to the personal matchmaking have been successful in meeting someone who closely matches their profile applications. The other 7% or so either weren't really serious to begin with, or had personal issues arise so they didn't pursue it as completely as they should/could and hence didn't find someone.

And out of the 90+%, there are dozens who have found that special someone, many of which are married and living now in the USA, Holland, Canada, Germany, Switzerland, England, Italy, France, Australia, New Zealand, ( not in that order) or are in the various visa processes now. And of the ones who have gone the distance, not a single break up. Not one in more than 3 years although I'm not really counting year one.

Motives are quite telling. The ones who have good motives have been sucessful. Then there's real effort ( to which my wife really goes the extra mile to help with if the client is sincere) to cross the boundries of communications, culture, food, etc etc that are issues to consider. Interestingly, the "few" Vietkieu ( overseas Vietnamese) men who have been clients have been almost 90%+ UNSUCCESSFUL. I could tell you why and it has nothing to do with money as some of the ones who are/were clients are quite successful ( dentist, lawyer, trader). The Americans, Aussies,, Canadians have been the most successful, followed by Dutch, then German, French,and other Europeans.

We're nowhere near a large player in that business. It's a family thing and one that I started with my wife when I was in Vietnam. But these are some of the statistical facts of what's happened since the services inception.

Rgrds

Mr Vietnam

[Bluecat]

Also valid points. I have no idea what the failure rate really is.

I have no idea either.

Maybe we should have a simple poll.

Did your marriage or long-term relationship with a Thai fail? Yes or no.

[KevinN]

As has been stated,a lot of relationships begin with alcohol,last for awhile and then break up, But I don't know if you mean the short term or the longer term that has any legal standing,like a trip to amphur.

If you are thinking of the tourist that comes here to party and hooks up with a bar girl,then it is easy to figure,,when I drank,I would a lot of times go to bed with Brittany Spears and wake up with Mammy Yokum.

But if you mean the more long term then it will happen because of a lot of reasons,one being a cultural misunderstanding and lack of flexability on the part of the couple.

I know it is hard to understand why the Thai partner continues to bring in and eat food that a dog would love to roll in and continue to have breath that would gag a moggot.

but with a little understanding and some serious conversation most things can be worked out,but it takes a lot more than just physical appeal to make the difference.

[george]

Maybe we should have a simple poll.

Did your marriage or long-term relationship with a Thai fail? Yes or no.

Good idea with a poll, I have now added a poll to this thread as per your specifications!

[Marshy]

Same reasons than a farang-farang break-up?

Neither partner has even a basic understanding of the others cultural considerations

Neither-----Basic---- Doc try again. Even I can't get that----SO----

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Same reasons than a farang-farang break-up?

Neither partner has even a basic understanding of the others cultural considerations

Neither-----Basic---- Doc try again. Even I can't get that----SO----

It makes perfect sense Marshy ( unless you are having prelunch drinks or if you think there are no cultural differences between east and west )

[Bluecat]

Now grant it, I am the gatekeeper and get the initial communications and frankly I delete or refuse at least 20% of the inquiries/orders because of the off color nature or obvious attempts at taking advantage.

Motives are quite telling. The ones who have good motives have been sucessful.

20%, I am impressed by your gatekeeper skills, Mr. Vietnam.

By the way, what are good motives?

[eric1000]

you need to define if they are living in LOS or at some other country where it may be too cold .

Los occupents have a better chance of staying together IMO.

But even then the man may go off the rails due to too many tasty women that come his way. Then there is too much boozing and her money demands for the family which causes the farang to one day blow his top and terminate right away.

Outside LOS its lack of the right food and lack of communication with other Thais.

Massive telephone bills for the calls back home cause a lot of friction and if there is a big age gap and she is hot looking then likely to find some other guy at some stage. A hot looking gal gets lot of attention anyway so may be tempted to screw around especially if the young chap appeals to her.

Once he has taken his little woman back home she may not look too hot as suddenly she seems very small and scrawny compared to western women. he has seen the country thru rose tinted specs before and reality has dawned on him.

Holiday relationships are known to be highly risky anyway no matter where the couple meet , a high % fail very quickly.

education difference is another factor he may be well educated and she is a dummy who likes the simple things in life like reading a Thai comic at breakfast while he reads the financial press.

[Bluecat]

you need to define if they are living in LOS or at some other country where it may be too cold .

Sorry, Eric, I did not know a marriage success or failure was dependent of the weather.

My mistake.

I apologize heartily,...

[markt]

Just a couple of examples of marriage (Thai/ Farang) breakups between friends of mine in the UK.

Couple 1) She accused him of hitting her, shortly after she recieved her ILR. He accused her of marrying him for residency.

Couple 2) She just couldn't adapt to life in the UK. He was at work and she got bored. She ended up going down the local pub and meeting other men and bringing them home while he was working!

Couple 3) Nothing in common. Simple as that. They married 10 days after first meeting! Then 'round to a lawyer & embassy for visa. She was very unhappy, lonely etc. He doesn't even like going to Thailand. Obviously going in the first place to get a wife. He kept her locked away, didn't want her to have friends. Sad.

All three of those girls were bar girls. I suppose they were after a better life.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Is this why you were worried about dowry/s ?

[markt]

No. A chap at work married a Thai girl and paid 600.000 B dowry. He says that she is from a rich family. But he never got any of the money back, they kept it all.

Hmmmm...

He was told by his wife that as he paid such a large dowry she couldn't leave him. It would be an embarasment to her family.

So, it would seem that 600,000 B can buy a "wife for life!" ??

BTW, we are celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary this summer.

[Bluecat]

So, it would seem that 600,000 B can buy a "wife for life!" ??

Reasonable, I must say. My car costs more and does not last that long,...

[markt]

Yes, but does your car phone you everyday whilst at work and enquire where you are ?

[cdnvic]

Same reasons than a farang-farang break-up?

2. They can not properly communicate together and hence probably never succeed to know each other,...

My wife and I met in NZ three years ago and for the first six weeks of so we never had any arguements whatsoever. Main reason was of course the we rarely had a bloody clue what the other was saying.

Three years later, all is still good. She skeaks good english, and a bit of french. I speak thai well enough to confuse the ###### out of those who speak it well. Still very few disagreements (and neither of us are pushovers).

cv

[Bluecat]

She skeaks good english.

What did (do) you do to her to make her squeak good english,...?

No wonder you still do not have any disagreement,...

[mrvietnam2001]

Now grant it, I am the gatekeeper and get the initial communications and frankly I delete or refuse at least 20% of the inquiries/orders because of the off color nature or obvious attempts at taking advantage.

Motives are quite telling. The ones who have good motives have been sucessful.

20%, I am impressed by your gatekeeper skills, Mr. Vietnam.

By the way, what are good motives?

I think it's pretty self explanatory.

Mr Vietnam

[joebuzzard]

So far the poll is about as decisive as the 2000 US election, as it is 50-50.

Cultural and language differences weren't the big problems when I was living with my Thai girlfriend. I could deal with that.

My problem was that she was a control freak and drove me nuts.

At first, all the being waited on hand and foot was great. But eventually, I had to ask her to leave, and offered a softener payment in the breakup scheme.

Luckily, it all worked out without violence or too much crazyness.

I'm now much happier living alone and taking care of myself, although to this day she cannot understand "how I take care".

I now have another girlfriend and am bound and determined to keep her at arm's length. We see each other for movies and lunch, though there is the occasional sleepover.

I think it helps that the new girlfriend is not from "the business" as the first one was. Girl No 2 has a regular job and is keen to keep her own apartment. She has a life other than just taking care of a man.

This situation is much more tenable. There are still the language and cultural differences, but with patience and time, those will be smoothed out.

Anyway, possibly another thing to consider is how many bargirl-Farang relationships are successful?

[sbk]

My thai husband and I will have been married 15 years in august and although we have obviously had many major arguments it has all come down to a willingness to work out the problems. Compromise is the key to any relationship and even more so when the relationship is cross-cultural. And your're right kevinn, that includes allowing the stinky stuff in the house! We refuse to bicker, which I think is a major problem in relationships, it starts out over whose got the stinky durian in the fridge and builds up into major relationship issues.

There are very few relationship issues I draw a line on, but those would have to be honesty, fidelity and respect. I am lucky enough my husband is not one of the statistics and is capable of these things. Other stuff is all small stuff and can be worked out.

I have seen many relationships come and go, the ones that do work out either live seperate lives or have learned that the love in the relationship is stronger than the problems and can overcome most issues.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

So far the poll is about as decisive as the 2000 US election, as it is 50-50.

Cultural and language differences weren't the big problems when I was living with my Thai girlfriend. I could deal with that.

My problem was that she was a control freak and drove me nuts.

At first, all the being waited on hand and foot was great. But eventually, I had to ask her to leave, and offered a softener payment in the breakup scheme.

Luckily, it all worked out without violence or too much crazyness.

I'm now much happier living alone and taking care of myself, although to this day she cannot understand "how I take care".

I now have another girlfriend and am bound and determined to keep her at arm's length. We see each other for movies and lunch, though there is the occasional sleepover.

I think it helps that the new girlfriend is not from "the business" as the first one was. Girl No 2 has a regular job and is keen to keep her own apartment. She has a life other than just taking care of a man.

This situation is much more tenable. There are still the language and cultural differences, but with patience and time, those will be smoothed out.

Anyway, possibly another thing to consider is how many bargirl-Farang relationships are successful?

You have got the best of both worlds...and you are happy. Enjoy it. I suspect that professional celing inpectors find it very hard to settle down wih one guy, after the previous variety.

[pnustedt]

So far the poll is about as decisive as the 2000 US election, as it is 50-50.

Yes, but it's not fare - I've got lots of successful long-term relationships with Thai girls but only get the one vote!

[dutch]

This August I will be married to my Thai wife for 27 years.

I will know her than for almost 28 years.

We met in an airplane and started corespondence.

After going through the ballot by the brothers and sisters to get permission to introduce myself to the parents and after getting their permission,my brother in law ( a lawyer) investigated all personal (economical) information.

In the meantime my wife speaks Dutch-German-English and Indonesian.

She is my partner.I am happy when she is happy and she is happy when I am happy.

Without her,I would never have achieved what I have achieved till now.

Guess what I voted?

[Dah fahrang]

Ditto.

27 years, still going strong.

Met at friends party - married within thre months - no dowry - no fuss.

Wife also speaks English, (fluently) Cantonese (partially) & Chiu Chow.

Lived in Hong Kong (16 years) now in UK for last 11. moving to house built stage by stage over 11 yerars in Photharam (Rat'buri) in next c0ouple of months.

Similar - couldn't have achieved what we have jointly achieved without each other -we both recognise that, and acknowledge it openly.

Oh, and we've always been able to openly laugh about each other's supposed cultural differences.

Chorp deng-an.

Sabai dee!

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Two happy guys makes me happy....good for you both....keep it up.

[wolf5370]

few other reasons for Thai/Farang break-up that I have seen...

Large age differences. I know several farang men well ijn their 60's with twenty-something wives. Sometimes works (although I get the feeling they are just patiently waiting for payout), but often the girlie plays around.

Alterior motives. In Britain the Primary Reason clause has gone. While this was far to subjective (down to the guy with the clipboard - never a good idea), it did have a use - proof that immigration is for love/to be with your family and not for a new passport. We have just made friends with a couple (farang guy, Thai mrs) both in their late 20's. The guy is realy stressed out having just moved out of rented accom. to buy a house for them (she came with 2 kids) and the fact that his wife suddenly wants everything the Thai (to farang) wives have accumulated of the years of their marraiges - most notably jewlery, her own car (she can't drive!), designer clothes and her husband to have a new car too. When my wife tried to explain to her that she will probably get all these things over-time, she - in not so many words - told my wife that "if he can't afford to keep me the way I want, then I'm off". When my wife asked if she loved him, she said the usual "He treats me nicely", but added "I don't love him, but will stay while he's useful". Of course, he can't see this coming - and I doubt would take kindly to being told this either.

No period of engagement. I know one guy that married the Thai serving girl at the hotel he stayed at in LOS after just 2 days. She just asked him and he said yes. They have been together 14 years! Although, neither are happy - and he is far from faithful. Many others I've seen, just can't stand each other after any amount of time.

Baggage. No not the fact that Thai woman always try to slip an extra 90KG in to their 20KG baggage allowence! More the fact that many women come with children or marry men with kids. From what I've seen, often the farang men cope OK with the Thai kids (as they are usually so obedient); but the Thai woman often can not cope with western teens. My wife is like this, but our experience together and the fact that I understand her culture, has allowed us to get past this (14 farang y/o son moved in with us a year ago) - though not idealy so. I have one friend that had 4 teenage sons (widower) and married a Thai girl with 2 Thai girls (pre-teen). There was no love triangle type problems surprisingly, but just too many kids and too many claims of nepotism - just nowhere to hide!

Western kids are difficult at the best of times at 13-16, Thai women who know nothing of the west are just completely overwelmed.

[Kan Win]

18 Years now and going onto 19………… Mai me pen ha ………… Love her lots....... Khun Thai.

And, should you find someone similar to my Palaya then you Kan Win