Meeting Parents Of Thai Gf

[Spinaltap]

I was hoping to get some help on this matter by people who are familiar with Thai culture.

Recently I stayed in Bangkok (first time) for a couple of weeks and met a local girl there. She ended up staying with me for the main part of my holidays.

Very likeable and nice girl. She is from a middle class family (well.. her parents) and has a college degree.

Anyway, I come back to my home country and we stay in contact with Skype and Facebook. The first few days we reminisice about our time spent together.

Then suddenly out of the bleu, she tells me that she talked with her parents about me, and she want to meet her parents when I come back (I already told her before I was coming back this summer and stay a longer time). I was surprised because during my stay she told me her parents didn't know she was hanging out with me. I said 'sure', but I soon realized that meeting parents of a girl in Thailand is somewhat a big deal, and the first step to a potential marriage.

Now, even though I really like this girl, I am not planning to marry her nor any other girl in the world at this moment in my life (I'm in my early twenties). In this time of my life, I like to be free and see the world. I don't see myself settling down with anyone soon.

At one moment I actually told her this and she said she dont feel like marrying a guy soon either (I don't know if this is her real opinion, I feel like she sometimes agrees with me just to stay at the same level with me).

I told her if meeting her parents had any 'special' meaning at all that I should know of, she said no and she told me her parents are just really nice and funny.

Ok, her father seems to be a somewhat successful business owner, and also her mother is employed. And the girl seems to get financial support from her parents (she also works at a fitness centrum somewhere in Bangkok, not doing anything with her college degree for the moment). No pressure on her to get married quickly with a 'rich' farang (I'm not rich or even close, and she knows) me thinks..

But.. her hometown is not Bangkok. She was born in a more rural place in Thailand, and she still has family there. She also asked me to meet her grandmother first in this rural place, and then meet her parents in Bangkok (I'm not sure if the order is important but it felt like it did).

So, with all the information I provided, do you guys think she is hoping that I marry her?

I would like to get some clear advice, because in no way I want this girl to get false hopes. I want to see her again though and hang out with her, even have her as GF and not butterfly my way through Bangkok.

Thank you for all answers.

[wooloomooloo]

Be honest with her, be honest with yourself, Spinaltap.

How old are you, by the way?

[wayned]

Most likely in her mind it is the first step to a "long term" relationship! If her family "approves" you she can move forward. I met my wife's family before we were married including the grandmother but, at the time, there was no plans for marriage. If her family had not liked me maybe the marriage wouldn't have happened. But, darn it, they did and it did, 14 rocky years ago!

[muythai2013]

be aware she stayed with you awful quick.

[Beetlejuice]

You visited Bangkok for only 2 weeks and yet it appears within hours of meeting this local girl (who apparently speaks good English), she was staying with you.

I would like to ask the OP, how and where did he meet her? How soon after the meeting was she staying with him?

I have mentioned this before and for the OPs benefit will mention this again:

Down my way there is a Thai family. The guy has a very attractive daughter in her late 30s. She is not and has never been a bar girl but has her own business as an exporter of antique goods.

All sounds good and would appear as an ideal catch for any discerning farang. But this woman is something like the black widow spider. Over the years she has had a string of profiles on dating websites.

After the first couple of dates she invites the farangs to meet her family, than the process for extracting these men of a lot of money begins, with stories that she requires money for her ailing business, the father needs a stomach operation and so on. Within the last 2 years the parents have had a new home built, new vehicles purchased and so on with the monies obtained by scamming these farangs.

It is well known by the locals how this family have acquired their new found wealth. There was one particular German man that we know gave this woman almost 1.5 million baht before she dumped him.

Whatever you decide to do, you do at your own risk and discretion. No one can really advise you on these matters. If this were me and I had no intentions of forming a permanent relationship with this girl, then I would either remain friends with her from a distance, or just consider the situation as a short time holiday romance and wind the whole thing up.

[jackr]

Not necessarily anything sinister, or pretext for marriage; she might actually like you and 'family' is a big deal here and always part of the equation, not like back home. That she went with you quick doesn't necessarily mean she's a tart either, it is 2013. Just go with it if you like her, no-one's forcing you to do anything--though be aware that having a nobber with a native traditionally opens the door to marriage--but nothing's written in stone, just make it clear you don't want to marry.

/ Might also add that if you was a 70-year old, quasimodo-lookin' sexpat (you know, the usual on TV), then one could be worried, but also to remain on-guard where everything is rosy, being groomed to buy houses & whatnot. Make it clear from the get-go you ain't worth much. //

Edited April 8, 2013 by jackr

[TheFishman1]

How old are you so you meet a very nice lady who stays with you after a short time of meeting you,are you really thinking with ur brain???

[DLock]

Posters are so far being very nice to you on this rather loaded topic.

I suggest you go check where "she also works at a fitness centrum somewhere in Bangkok, not doing anything with her college degree for the moment". when she is working. Always worth knowing that she has a real job and where her money is really coming from.

As for the parents...way too soon. No reason for you to meet them or them to meet you. While she says it's not a big deal...it is.

Be wary young Jedi. The force has a dark side and the force seems strong with this one.

[krisb]

Just because she's Thai and wants you to meet her parents doesn't mean jack.

Like another poster said recently, it's amazing what being in Thailand does to some.

What I find hard to believe is that your FIRST trip to Bangkok you meet a girl that's not a bargirl and she stays with you. Either your lying or your a champ. Anyway if your not that keen make it crystal clear now and don't waste her time.

[kevvy]

which head are you thinking with .. just take your time . there are thousands of lovely ladies in Thailand

[brewsterbudgen]

Don't over-analyze it. Unless you're planning on moving to Thailand, she's just friend and if you want to meet her family, why not? But it is unusual for "nice" Thai girls to sleep with a farang that they've only known for a short time, so I would imagine this is not entirely new for her.

[charlieboz]

You're in your mid twenties; thai girls at that age with guys their own age do sometimes do that. Most of the guys here are not in that age bracket so they don't have experience with it (I am mid 30's so I don't either, but I do see a lot of guys I play rugby with that are). My advice to you is to take your time, keep your head screwed on properly and don't be ruled by your little head. Also don't do anything you would not do back home

[losworld]

Farang payola the daughter has done well and the family will have more money when you begin sending her money. A sucker is born every second but don't let it be you.

Edited April 9, 2013 by losworld

[Indrid Cold]

be very polite to all the people in her family (family can be big) especially the ones you dont like, be very very polite to her mother, eat everything she is serving you and say alloy with a smile no matter what it tastes (you only have to eat little bit). Keep a low calm profile but not avoiding and always smile back. dont give the other very pretty ladies that will show up to check you out to much atention, dont get offended when they laugh at you and makes fun of you, they mean no harm.

every move you make will be monitored, dont let this scare you off they are usually easy people but blunt sometimes though. an old thai mother is often the sweetest creature that could be found on this planet. use comon sence.

good luck

[kennedy]

Your a big boy. Figure it out for yourself.

[Spaniel]

Be honest with her, be honest with yourself, Spinaltap.

How old are you, by the way?

He has already stated in his post that he is in his early twenties.

[candypants]

Don't over-analyze it. Unless you're planning on moving to Thailand, she's just friend and if you want to meet her family, why not? But it is unusual for "nice" Thai girls to sleep with a farang that they've only known for a short time, so I would imagine this is not entirely new for her.

<deleted>,

the year is 2013, not 1950.

people have sex even in thailand.

granted it is not like the UK where he would have nailed her in the ally out back of the pub immediately after meeting, but all this nice girl do this or that nonsense, is just that. nonsense.

be honest with her, have your fun, don't look back

[FrisoPee]

I was in a similair situation a year ago.. You made your point clear to her that you don't want to marry and don't have much amount of money to support the family. Just go, have fun. The family will sure remember you and will lay some pressure on the lady after a while by asking about marriage and stuff. But in the end: you are the one in control (that's how I felt at that time)
So if she might be a money sucking machine, then better to find out now then after 2 years...I've had a very nice time with the family and will be going back next week.

[brewsterbudgen]

Don't over-analyze it. Unless you're planning on moving to Thailand, she's just friend and if you want to meet her family, why not? But it is unusual for "nice" Thai girls to sleep with a farang that they've only known for a short time, so I would imagine this is not entirely new for her.

<deleted>,

the year is 2013, not 1950.

people have sex even in thailand.

granted it is not like the UK where he would have nailed her in the ally out back of the pub immediately after meeting, but all this nice girl do this or that nonsense, is just that. nonsense.

be honest with her, have your fun, don't look back

Yes they have sex. But not with foreigners who they have only known for a few days. Unless of course, they're hanging out in bars or clubs with the express intention of meeting foreigners!

[petermik]

be aware she stayed with you awful quick.

Real "good" Thai girls would NOT have done this sorry-if you have no marriage plans in mind let her down slowly and forget her

[overherebc]

Has the OP read the twenty replies and run away ?

[charlieboz]

Don't over-analyze it. Unless you're planning on moving to Thailand, she's just friend and if you want to meet her family, why not? But it is unusual for "nice" Thai girls to sleep with a farang that they've only known for a short time, so I would imagine this is not entirely new for her.

<deleted>,

the year is 2013, not 1950.

people have sex even in thailand.

granted it is not like the UK where he would have nailed her in the ally out back of the pub immediately after meeting, but all this nice girl do this or that nonsense, is just that. nonsense.

be honest with her, have your fun, don't look back

Yes they have sex. But not with foreigners who they have only known for a few days. Unless of course, they're hanging out in bars or clubs with the express intention of meeting foreigners!

You are not meeting the girls in BKK then; they seem to do this an awful lot from what I see and hear. And yes I mean 'nice girls' who work normal jobs and don't ask for money/gifts/other things straight away. As stated by a previous poster it is 2013, this stuff is happening everywhere now. He is in his early 20's, that is what happens all over the world

[HeavyDrinker]

Be wary of the replies that 'this is happening all over the world'.

They are rather Western thinking in content and written more in the hope their replies will be taken autobiographically than from any actual real experience.

I've been hearing this sort of cobblers for 20+ years now and when put to the test, seldom proves the actually be the case.

I've been on too many nights out with blokes like Candypants only to see them wind up with egg on their faces at 1am and seen too many blokes thinking this way only to come badly unstuck after a few months - myself included back in the day....

Playing the cross-cultural 'dating game', especially in Asia, is fraught with rules and barriers each of which need to be crossed; be they religious, linguistic, financial, moral and so on. Thinking you can bypass them because you are young is simply not the case.

Social mores in many Asian nations make (unpaid) casual sexual encounters extremely rare for the outsider (or the local). In this day and age of online social networks, they have become even more rare due to the fact that a woman could find herself and her reputation splashed online before she'd even got in the taxi home with you.

If you think 'this is happening all over the world' then just sit at a late night restaurant in a BKK suburb at 1-2am on a Friday or Saturday night and see for yourself the groups of lads and lasses as they stop for a bite on their way home, for whom this isn't 'happening' .

If anyone is serious about a relationship, then expect to 'play the game'. If anyone just wants a legover, then there's plenty of places for that too so don't despair.

When people get lulled into a false sense of security because their woman doesn't fit the stereotype of a 'bargirl' and think they're getting 'a freebie' is when they tend to come unstuck...sometimes spectacularly so.

While this may indeed be 2013, the Thai social conscience is still very much that of the UK in the 1950s....

Tread slowly and carefully, one step at a time, keep control of the situation, and you'll be fine...

[breadbin]

You met a nice Thai girl from a middle class family, she has a degree and she stayed with you.

This is no middle class girl.

Enough said.

[Dancealot]

OP:

Relax and stay yourself. If you feel uncomfortable meeting the parents at this point, then don't!

Tell her how you feel and dont let her tell you how you should feel.

This would be my advice.

Good luck.

[arthurwait]

It's the school holidays in the UK and Thailand at the moment. Anywhere else ?

[swissie]

No! no Thai-Girl with any "social-standing" would invite a farang to meet her parents after only knowing him for 2 weeks.

Play it cool man: Tell her that your mind is not set for "long-term-relationship" and that you know that "meeting the parents in Thailand" has significant meaning. You may add, that you are interested to keep the communication channel open with her and that you would shurely like to meet her again.

But of course, if stories like "Buffalo sick, father has stomach-cancer" should come your way soon, you have to abandon ship in a hurry and put the whole thing to rest as a memory, no more and no less.

Cheers.

[maxme]

No! no Thai-Girl with any "social-standing" would invite a farang to meet her parents after only knowing him for 2 weeks.

Play it cool man: Tell her that your mind is not set for "long-term-relationship" and that you know that "meeting the parents in Thailand" has significant meaning. You may add, that you are interested to keep the communication channel open with her and that you would shurely like to meet her again.

But of course, if stories like "Buffalo sick, father has stomach-cancer" should come your way soon, you have to abandon ship in a hurry and put the whole thing to rest as a memory, no more and no less.

Cheers.

Forgot we have experts on TV, where have you been all this time?

[FunFon]

Absolutely - 99.999% - sure, no matter her integrity or social class, meeting the folks is a "let's get married" signal.

Be very very clear that's not what you want, IMO until you've gotten to know everything about her, her friends, background history and yes family situation, ideally have lived together for a couple of years first.

Realizing that you'll probably need to spend more per month to keep her that way than you would (should) after marriage.

If she's not interested in whatever arrangement works for you, then let her go, or even better, let her let you go.

[rayongchelsea]

Heavy drinker is spot on...lived here more than 30 years....absolute nonsense what foreigners perceive..there is still a lot of conservatism here..way less than 20 years ago maybe..but it's still there..

Absolutely no one sleeps with someone within days or weeks even without knowing them first be it through work or social circles..

You have to have lived your life here, worked here, bought property here, educate your children here all the normal highs and lows, not just come and experience the periphery of Thai life and then assume to know everything about it..I still don't, and it is nothing as I initially perceived..