I'm Still Just The Falang

[transam]

Maybe the only time they bring up "farang" is when they're saying "Why can't that idiot farang learn to speak even some modicum of Thai after being in Thailand for 5+ freakin years??"

I have been here 7 years and dont speak thai and have a thai wife family and none of them refer to me as farang they use my name when they are talking about me to each other so I think the OP's family is being disrespectful to him.

As for those that will say after 7 years I should speak Thai maybe so Im just not good at languages I can get by in thai but don't speak fluently and probably never will and my family are ok with that its not an issue.

The difference between you and the OP is you try to speak their language. Thais appreciate foreigners who make an effort to speak to them in Thai.

You sure about that ? ...........

[Morakot]

My Thai gf lives here in the UK and I've noticed that she and her friends will refer to people as the man or the baby, or friend without mentioning their name. Gf will say, going to my friends house without saying which one till I ask. If I call her by her name instead of love etc, she repeats mine back pointedly as if I'm making some point. Maybe it's a cultural thing?

That's very interesting. It sounds like as if your g/f tries to be more British than British people themselves. In comparison to Thai culture, I always feel in the UK names are used less when addressing (or referring to) people.

[arthurwait]

Henry, if after 5 years they refer to you as the farang, man, leave them and find another chick, because they obvioulsy dont like you, my name is difficult to remember for most of Thais, but after one week here all the members of my Thai family refered to me by my name, of course, adapted to the Thai pronunciation, I also would advise you to learn Thai, is not difficult to learn, and it will open the doors of this beautiful country to you

Sorry but this. They either don't like you or they are complete mannerless chavs. Just leave.

[arthurwait]

Maybe it just me, but I am seldom (if ever) refered to by just name. Most of the family (excluding parents) refer to me as "loong", or if addressing me may say "loong FWIW", the missus calls me by name, but refers to me (to family) as loong or loong FWIW (there is an age gap, but not enormous!). The junior colleagues at work also refer amongst themselves to me as "loong", but not to my face!

Nobody I know refers to me as "farang", and for OP, it may not be a sign of intentional, deliberate rudeness, but I would mark it down as a definite sign of distance at the very least. How does your missus refer to you - especially when talking about you? Does she use "P'name" or just "name" - or even worse, does she refer to you as "farang"? If the latter, well, you know where you stand.

They've seen your todger. ................

Finally some Thais that understand sarcasm.

[Payboy]

OP, what you need is pink earplugs.

[Morakot]

OP, what you need is pink earplugs.

This is our current popular choice!

Edited April 22, 2013 by Morakot

[fletchsmile]

I think it's just ignorant or ignorance take your pick.

I remember a female friend of mine raising this many years back. She was a nice person and spoke good Thai, having a daughter by her Thai husband - although they had split up as he was a bit of a waster by all accounts. She said even after several years many of the extended family would just call her farang, particularly kids, despite her telling them her name in Thai, and hoping some of the kids would call her aunty, or someone would tell them to use her name. She was one of the first people I remember thinking, there's no excuse for them behaving like that.

So basically I stopped making excuses for this sort of behaviour. It takes zero effort to polite and at least try a name.

It's not exactly difficult to make an effort to say Henry. Maybe it comes out like Enree, or Enly, or Angry/Angree (the street near Chula university is Henry du Nant and most taxi drivers say something like "angree doo nant").

What you could do OP is pick a brown fruit. "Lamyai" (longan) is a good one and call them all lamyai. When anyone asks/ your wife asks just say they call you farang so you thought you'd call them all lamyai. Pick a brown one because it matches their skin colour (Thais not liking brown of course . There's also a female folk singer called Lamyai so you can always claim it's just a friendly nickname. You can then choose to laugh at it as well and joke about it.

I've done it myself a few times in different situations - immediate family is polite enough so no need though. If nothing else it's an outlet when you're isolated, and you can laugh at how ridiculous it all is, so feel better about it as a coping mechanism when irritated. Sometimes you end up laughing alone, sometimes people laugh with you and maybe get the message or break the ice

Cheers

Fletch

Edited April 22, 2013 by fletchsmile

[DiamondKing]

Here's a quick and easy test to see if they disrespect you. Watch what family members do when they walk past you. Do they bow their head a little, just a little bob of the head?

I don't know what other TV members feel about this, but it is Thai culture to stoop your head a little when you walk past someone that you respect. (Please don't call <deleted> on what I say - I've lived in Thailand for 11 years, studied Thai culture at MA level etc etc blah balh balh).

Whenever any family member walks past me, they bob their head. It's an automatic response. I've never demanded it - it just happens, from wife to ex-wife to kids to brother-in-law etc etc.

It's probably because I am so old when compared to them

But for the OP - do any Thai family members bob their head when they walk past you?

Simon

PS - and look out for the word 'man' when they are talking about you. Man (I can't write in Thai on this Burmese keyboard), means 'it', a not-nice way to refer to a person that you disrespect.

There are other Thai words such as 'ai', but I won't go there.....

I absolutely discourage my family from doing that, it makes me uncomfortable like they are some subservants that have to bow down to me my 5 year old has tried to do that and I discourage her and explain that it is polite to do it to older people but not because people are better than her, and to remember she is doing it to be polite not because she thinks someone is better than her, because I have made it very clear she is just as good as anyone.

My wifes Moms mom actually get down on her knee's wai ing me and I hate it but she is a bit senile as to the others no bowing or crawling on the floor needed in my house.

I know they respect me and I dont need them to make me feel like I'm better than them somehow because I am not, and I want to instill that into them too they are as good as anyone even if they have been brainwashed to the contrary.

DK

Edited April 22, 2013 by DiamondKing

[JohanBKK]

You guys will always be farangs here, no matter how many years or how much money you give them. I always say "thai people" when i talk about them, just like they do, so i wont feel bad when they call me the farang. I'm a farang and they are the thai people, the thai sister, thai brother, thai mother, thai friend. And i prononce it always bad so they think i'm saying that they are dead...

You will never change them, maybe you can get them to call you by your name when they see you, but they will always refer you as the farang when talking in private. Because for them you are just an income source and because most of the thai people don't have any education. Don't get mad because uneducated thai people call you farang.

[lemoncake]

I do not think OP is the only one in same situation. Whatever the reasons are it is not acceptable or excusable in my opinion.

Once i had a gf and had the displeasure of meeting her family who referred to me as "you"

I repeated my name a few times and to make it easier changed to a Thai name, but i was still "you"

"You" stopped to respond when addressed and "you" stopped to help each and every time they needed to borrow money.

"You" also threw out the GF together with entire family few weeks later.

The family very fast learned the full name including Mr, only "you" was not interested any longer.

If any moral to that story for OP, time to move on

[mrtoad]

You guys will always be farangs here, no matter how many years or how much money you give them. I always say "thai people" when i talk about them, just like they do, so i wont feel bad when they call me the farang. I'm a farang and they are the thai people, the thai sister, thai brother, thai mother, thai friend. And i prononce it always bad so they think i'm saying that they are dead...

You will never change them, maybe you can get them to call you by your name when they see you, but they will always refer you as the farang when talking in private. Because for them you are just an income source and because most of the thai people don't have any education. Don't get mad because uneducated thai people call you farang.

Sounds like a miserable experience.

[Neeranam]

Maybe it just me, but I am seldom (if ever) refered to by just name. Most of the family (excluding parents) refer to me as "loong", or if addressing me may say "loong FWIW", the missus calls me by name, but refers to me (to family) as loong or loong FWIW (there is an age gap, but not enormous!). The junior colleagues at work also refer amongst themselves to me as "loong", but not to my face!

Nobody I know refers to me as "farang", and for OP, it may not be a sign of intentional, deliberate rudeness, but I would mark it down as a definite sign of distance at the very least. How does your missus refer to you - especially when talking about you? Does she use "P'name" or just "name" - or even worse, does she refer to you as "farang"? If the latter, well, you know where you stand.

Good post!

I'd say if your missus doesn't call you khun 'name' when introducing/talking to Thai strangers it disrespectful.

[thaicbr]

You guys will always be farangs here, no matter how many years or how much money you give them. I always say "thai people" when i talk about them, just like they do, so i wont feel bad when they call me the farang. I'm a farang and they are the thai people, the thai sister, thai brother, thai mother, thai friend. And i prononce it always bad so they think i'm saying that they are dead...

You will never change them, maybe you can get them to call you by your name when they see you, but they will always refer you as the farang when talking in private. Because for them you are just an income source and because most of the thai people don't have any education. Don't get mad because uneducated thai people call you farang.

Sounds like a miserable experience.

Maybe change 'experience ' to existence to give a justified response.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

[Eesat]

If I was the OP I would stop the building of all the houses for the parents and relatives,take the keys for all the pick-ups and scooters he's bought,stop all their allowances right now and pull the plug on Medicare for the family's family of buffalos.

That'll teach 'em!

[wooloomooloo]

I speak next to no Thai. My wife lives with me in UK.

When we are in LOS, I listen to my wife and family converse and hear falang at least half dozen times a day.

They may well be referring to others, particularly as my wife resides in falangland.

I've got more profound considerations in life than what others think about me, or don't, as the case might be.

[jackr]

I wouldn't worry about being called farang, op (who gives a monkeys); but when you hear man and kwai it's probably time to worry.

[Morden]

I don't think that family members intend disrespect. It's their habit. I cured the problem some years ago by doing as advised by several posters here. I told my wife that I preferred to be called by either my own name or, given that's difficult for Thais to pronounce accurately, a reasonable corruption of it.

On the other hand, strangers calling 'farang' smacks of rudeness. When that happens here in Isaan, I call back. 'Khun Lao'. That usually silences them as they attempt to get their brains around the retort.

[corkythecat]

I have learned all the Thai I need "Mai Khaojai".. with a shake of the head.I don't want to get involved.

Edited April 23, 2013 by corkythecat

[Kilgore Trout]

This may come as a hammer to all the posters here: The term "Farang" is not meant in a DIRECT disrespectful way. The Farang is a foreigner and always will be. So it's not meant in a degoratory way to adress a farang as what he is: A foreigner (and alwyas will be). I admit: Hard for us to accept.

But remember: Thai's consider themselves "as a very special people" and are not in high esteem for countries and their people surrounding them and basically the rest of the world.

So, even if the farang is adressed by his real name, in their minds, he remains a "Farang" and the fact, that the same Farang has already invested 15 million Bht in Wife/Family will not change that.

The remedy: (at least as this name thing is concerned): Tell your surrounding Thai-Community, that we farangs find it very disrespectful, if we are not beeing adressed by our name (our culture, etc..). After explaining this to Thais sincerely, 99% of Thais will understand this and act accordingly in the future. The remaining 1% that not want to understad this: Run away from them!

But even if this name thing is cleared, just never forget that you will remain "the Farang". Why? Simply because you are not Thai and never will be, no matter what you do or not do!

What's there to do for a Farang? Only 2 avenues open: Accept this fact under the motto "TIT" or go into denial. No more, no less.

Cheers.

What an absolute load of crap. 1st of all, the term CAN and is often used as a DIRECT insult (not always, but in many cases) full stop.

Second, the term does not mean foreigner, how many times must this be said? There are white westerners with Thai nationality so explain that one.

It is racism and hubris, pure and simple. Thais REFUSE to be talked about the same way as they talk about "farangs," and trust me, talk in Thai about a thai person the same way they talk about us and you will have an enemy the rest of your life if you don't get thrashed on the spot.

This is the reality, it cannot be justified pure and simple. It is hypocrisy and stupidity. Those trying to defend it just look silly.

Edited April 23, 2013 by Kilgore Trout

[Kilgore Trout]

I don't think that family members intend disrespect. It's their habit. I cured the problem some years ago by doing as advised by several posters here. I told my wife that I preferred to be called by either my own name or, given that's difficult for Thais to pronounce accurately, a reasonable corruption of it.

On the other hand, strangers calling 'farang' smacks of rudeness. When that happens here in Isaan, I call back. 'Khun Lao'. That usually silences them as they attempt to get their brains around the retort.

You might have a point if they said "khon farang" but I'm sure they do not. Your response just backs up their words. You refer to them as people, they do not refer to you as one. I'm sure thats why you get the blank stare, when you are gone there are snickers.

[ABCer]

How do I interpret that my girlfriend and her family mentions me as the falang when they're talking about me?

You have answered your own question in the OP....they are being rude and disrespectful....very obvious what they think of you..

But waiting in anticpation for the apologists to jump in and saying you have to be at one with your Thainess and embrace the culture

5 YEARS!? And you tolerate this?!

Do not have to answer me here, but ask yourself and answer honestly these questions:

How old are you? How old is she?

How many 'farang' did come before you?

How much you give to her? To her family?

Re-evaluate or reconsider all above factors.

Are you sure they do not call you 'foolang'?

[rct99q]

Sometimes a Farang is not "the" farang.

In the beginning I would always hear the word "farang" and my ears would perk up. I'd look at my then girlfriend (now wife) and ask 'what are they saying about me?" her response would be 'not about you."

As the years have rolled on and my Isaan has improved I have begun to realize that very little of the family conversation ever revolves/revolved around me. It never did and probably never will. There are some nights that they will talk for hours about a road crew who were paving the local soi. Simple conversations. My family use the term "farang" for many different things (very seldom is it used for a description regarding a person). They have other words for some foreigners that are not as polite!

It is nearly impossible for them to pronounce Richard. But it has been shortened and now formally known as Kuhn 'ardt (Richk/ardt - without the Richk sound at the beginning).

You may be looking to deeply into this. But it has been my experience that not every conversation is about the "farang" at the table. As for your name try Hank or 'ank. It is just a matter of the family finding a comfortable name that they can use for you that will not expose their failure to speak English (thus causing them embarrassment for you) and a name that will be comfortable for you.

And practice, practice, practice your Thai. Trust me the more you speak it the slightly easier it becomes. And family are great. Mine had great patience and they were proud of being the "teacher".

[hands22]

My name is also Henry.

I have tried to get them to pronouce it correctly many times....and they finally got my name. Sort of.

They all call me Hairy.

Well, I can live with that though I am anything but Hairy.

[cgphuket]

Henry, Has it occurred to you that after 5 years you could be learning some Thai? I mean, this is Thailand...

[farang000999]

Well, all the maids in our apartment building and all the security guards and all the office staff and the mini mart and laundry shops all managed to learn my name despite me having never spoken more than a few simple words to any of them or to have learned their names. Yes, my wife is friendly towards them but if these people never callled me farang a single time what does it say about your wife's family calling you farang?

What a horrible situation.

[DavidMavec]

Think about what you are communicating to them after living in Thailand and not speaking Thai after five years(?!). Perhaps that you don't respect their culture enough to want to integrate or make an effort.

Besides whatever it is you may be communicating with your lack of language skills, culture blocks are overcome more easily and relationships are strengthened in my experience when one can communicate.

[wackysleet]

For all the posters who think the family call him Farang because he does not speak Thai is bulls--t unles you believe that the family think he should have spoken thai from the first day he landed here, more likely he does not flash his cash around enough and as for living with his g/f and not being married there are thousands of Thai families happily taking money from their bar girl daughters with no quarms whatsoever.

It's total disrespect from them and they are not about to change as they are obviously pig ignorant of any social manners except when it applies to them receiving them.

Most of my Thai friends are from the local bib station and we meet twice a week for a few beers but one who is not bib always refers to me as the farang, this really pis-es me off and as he does not speak English I in turn refer to him as <deleted>, everyone else calls me David.

There are lot's of very pleasant Thais around who are polite but there are also a lot of the other sort too. I speak passable Thai but often get referred to as the farang, lack of education and knowledge of social graces.

[Morakot]

[comserve]

I wouldn't be worried really. My Moyher-in-Law (75) got kicked out of her house by her son. She went to live near her sisters some 300kms away & the family built her a small house.

After some time she decided it was better to come back home & live with her ass-hole son (which was her only son & she liked her home more than where she was).

Instead of being honest about it, she rang my wife saYING SHE WAS ILL & WAS ON DEATH'S BED. This caused us to make an emergency trip to see her. Amazingly, after we had been there 5 mins she "recovered" and we brought her home.

I was soooo pissed off that I just haven't felt the need to visit her again. Even at Songkran my wife goes to "respect" her & I am able to stay home. Just lately though both Mum & son have been asking about me.

Looks like my luck is running out & I wioll have to visit them again some time!!!

[lovelomsak]

Last week we had the monks come to our new house and the whole family was there. All the kids now try and call me by name and it is so humorous to hear their prononciation,but they do try.As far as the adults go they just address me as You which to them shows the same respect as thais saying Khun.. I let it all slide I donot know their names either,I call them pee or nong.