What Advice To Give, Would You Or Wouldn't You?

[His Masters Voice]

My wife introduced me to some recently acquired girlfriends. Those girlfriends introduced me to their husbands and boyfriends.

After a social outing later we end up at one of the couple’s homes, men all round one table, ladies around another.

We’re chewing the fat, embellishing a few stories and the like, then one of the men asked for a little advice.

Lowering his tone he told this story and asked us what we would do in his predicament.

His wife’s sister (will call her AA), still lives in Thailand, has a Thai boyfriend and a western (Farang) boyfriend living overseas.

AA also has a couple of kids … from different fathers apparently.

AA applied for a Visa to travel to her Farang boyfriends country. Her Farang boyfriend sends the
money over for the ticket … before the Visa was approved. He doesn't have a Credit Card ... he's done time.

Just before she was due to fly, AA rereads the letter from the Embassy and ‘discovers’ that the Visa was declined.
Remember that she still has a Thai boyfriend.

Apparently the Farang told his girlfriend to just keep the money.

AA gave up her job as she now has money … why work when you have money!

I’m thinking <deleted> … is this guy crazy

From what I gather, they met on-line and he stayed in Thailand once, some years ago, for a few weeks. AA must have been at least partly serious with him back then because she gave up her job to be with him and had to take a lower paying one when she went back to work. Neither jobs were of the P2P type.

The discussion only lasted as long as the time it took the guy to tell the story because the girls started dropping by our table because we had gone from raucous laughter to quiet men.

The Wife and I had to leave early, so I don’t know if the guys discussed the subject again.

If you were that guy and were able to contact the absent Farang boyfriend …would you somehow find a way to tell him? FaceBook is one option maybe he has.

If you were that guy do our allegiances lie with your Wife’s family (AA) … or the newbie Farang to Thailand who you know is being taken advantage of?

Do you (meaning that guy) help the hapless sap before he’s bled dry or shut up and just smile and enjoy a happy family?

My Wife and I discussed his predicament driving home and we disagreed on what should be said, or not said. Usually I have the wise words, but not on this occasion.

What do you think?

[mccw]

I'd probably think its not my business.

But if knew the guy personally would gently try to warn him off. Even then some or modt people just don't want to hear it; they'd rather live the dream until its become a nightmare and trying to much to warn can in fact turn all sorts of trouble back on yourself, not worth sticking your neck out.

[JLCrab]

What do you think? I think: Love means never having to say you're sorry

Edited April 26, 2013 by JLCrab

[nottocus]

I wouldn't get involved. Just let the farang find out in his own time.

[His Masters Voice]

I wouldn't get involved. Just let the farang find out in his own time.

Yes, that was the wife's advice

[Forethat]

Uuuuuhhh....???

"I’m thinking <deleted> … is this guy crazy" - who is "the guy"..? Is that the person you initially referred to as the "western boyfriend"

"The discussion only lasted as long as the time it took the guy to tell the story" - who is "the guy" now, is it a guy round the table..? Is HE the one who is "crazy"..?

"If you were that guy" - are you now referring to "the guy round the table" or the "western boyfriend"..?

If "the guy" who sent money for a ticket asked AA to keep the money when the visa was refused, what is so "crazy" about that..?

I know you're trying to tell us something, I just dont know what it is...

[His Masters Voice]

What do you think? I think: Love means never having to say you're sorry

Apparently he is besotted with her ... so love, yes.

[His Masters Voice]

Uuuuuhhh....???

"I’m thinking <deleted> … is this guy crazy" - who is "the guy"..? Is that the person you initially referred to as the "western boyfriend"

"The discussion only lasted as long as the time it took the guy to tell the story" - who is "the guy" now, is it a guy round the table..? Is HE the one who is "crazy"..?

"If you were that guy" - are you now referring to "the guy round the table" or the "western boyfriend"..?

If "the guy" who sent money for a ticket asked AA to keep the money when the visa was refused, what is so "crazy" about that..?

I know you're trying to tell us something, I just dont know what it is...

Sorry if I am confusing, I am new.

The crazy guy I feel is the Farang bf of AA, because he sent her money for a plane ticket and, when the Visa was refused, thought nothing of letting her keep it. My estimate would be about 40,000 baht for the ticket.

The guy telling the story was, well, the guy telling the story, the husband of my wife's girlfriend. His house where we had gathered. No, he was not crazy, but he had an interesting story to tell us, and it got me thinking, if I was faced with the same dilemma, what would I do.

The wife told me to shut my mouth as it was non of my business.

Why is the guy crazy? Well he hasn't seen this woman for almost 2 years, sends her money for a plane ticket and then, when the Visa is refused, just tells her to keep it. Sure, he would have little chance of getting it back anyway.

[Forethat]

Uuuuuhhh....???

"I’m thinking <deleted> … is this guy crazy" - who is "the guy"..? Is that the person you initially referred to as the "western boyfriend"

"The discussion only lasted as long as the time it took the guy to tell the story" - who is "the guy" now, is it a guy round the table..? Is HE the one who is "crazy"..?

"If you were that guy" - are you now referring to "the guy round the table" or the "western boyfriend"..?

If "the guy" who sent money for a ticket asked AA to keep the money when the visa was refused, what is so "crazy" about that..?

I know you're trying to tell us something, I just dont know what it is...

Why is the guy crazy? Well he hasn't seen this woman for almost 2 years, sends her money for a plane ticket and then, when the Visa is refused, just tells her to keep it. Sure, he would have little chance of getting it back anyway.

Bah, if he'd asked for - and expected to get - the money back, that would have been a sign of proper mental retardation...

[theblether]

On the very few occasions that I have felt I had to tell friends that their partner is cheating on them it hasn't gone well.

Thing is though it became a matter of my conscience so I had to tell them. it would need to be a very close friend before I would get involved as getting involved is a serious thing that causes serious grief.

So it's on a case by case basis.

[smokie36]

The guy is lost by the sounds of it.

Let him find his own way.....unless you meet him. Then try to guide him in the right direction.

Its all you can do in a situation like this.

[sustento]

I'd think that HC Andersen was involved...

[muythai2013]

I have warned even the closest of friends, they were no longer my friend after, little after that thet were broke.

they will not listen, thats one thing you can be sure of, a few words from you will not make them part ways.

[Loptr]

Why do you feel the need to interfere? You don't know either of the parties personally. Best to leave it alone for your own sake as the whistle blower tends to get the blame in these situations.

BTW, Ali McGraw was hot in that movie.

[doji]

It’s not your business. He’s an adult, she’s an adult,…..they both adults. You can’t save the world and be a mother to every farangs.

Let's him experience and learn himself....NOT to walk leisurely on a sidewalk in Thailand without looking down from time to time.

[Thakkar]

I don't see the conundrum here. The decision is clear: stay out of it.

It isn't even someone you know. I'd stay out of it even if it was someone I knew, unless it was someone really close. Even the, I'd get involved very gingerly.

Good judgement comes from bad experience. Let the guy have some bad experiences. His reward will be better judgement in later years.

T

[David48]

Agreeing with most of the comments above ... not your business, no matter which way your moral compass is pointed.

Welcome to the University of Hard Knocks ... a tired cliché ... but pertinent here.

.

[GuestHouse]

I presume your wife wants to stay out of this and not tell the Farang what his Thai g/f is upto.

Wait a while, you might come across information of a Farang guy cheating on a Thai woman - run that by your wife and see if she feels the same urge not to tell tales.

Edited April 27, 2013 by GuestHouse

[USNret]

If anyone needs a warning, it's the girl (AA) not "the guy".

I see no indication that the two of them are in an exclusive relationship, so why should not AA have farang & Thai BFs? Or have they made some sort of commitment to one another?

But the fact of "the guy" having a record and not having a credit card sends up big red flags to me. Probably not the sort of guy that AA should be getting on a plane to go visit.

They are both pretty silly. The guy for sending over money so prematurely, and girl for quitting her job - twice, apparently -- for spurious reasons. If they end up together, I guess they both had it coming.

[Travel2003]

I guess if any of the involved (in the story) read TV threads, they should easily be able to identify themselves, and OP of course.

Anyhow,

What does OP himself think he should do?

Probably not any wrong answers here.

Just keep in mind that you might have to socialize with this group of people again later.

[muythai2013]

she has 2 men, so she is obviously easy.

Perhaps your missing an opportunity here to slip her a bit yourself.

Chop into I say.

[Theoutsider]

My wife introduced me to some recently acquired girlfriends. Those girlfriends introduced me to their husbands and boyfriends.

After a social outing later we end up at one of the couples homes, men all round one table, ladies around another.

Were chewing the fat, embellishing a few stories and the like, then one of the men asked for a little advice.

Lowering his tone he told this story and asked us what we would do in his predicament.

His wifes sister (will call her AA), still lives in Thailand, has a Thai boyfriend and a western (Farang) boyfriend living overseas.

AA also has a couple of kids from different fathers apparently.

AA applied for a Visa to travel to her Farang boyfriends country. Her Farang boyfriend sends the

money over for the ticket before the Visa was approved. He doesn't have a Credit Card ... he's done time.

Just before she was due to fly, AA rereads the letter from the Embassy and discovers that the Visa was declined.

Remember that she still has a Thai boyfriend.

Apparently the Farang told his girlfriend to just keep the money.

AA gave up her job as she now has money why work when you have money!

Im thinking <deleted> is this guy crazy

From what I gather, they met on-line and he stayed in Thailand once, some years ago, for a few weeks. AA must have been at least partly serious with him back then because she gave up her job to be with him and had to take a lower paying one when she went back to work. Neither jobs were of the P2P type.

The discussion only lasted as long as the time it took the guy to tell the story because the girls started dropping by our table because we had gone from raucous laughter to quiet men.

The Wife and I had to leave early, so I dont know if the guys discussed the subject again.

If you were that guy and were able to contact the absent Farang boyfriend would you somehow find a way to tell him? FaceBook is one option maybe he has.

If you were that guy do our allegiances lie with your Wifes family (AA) or the newbie Farang to Thailand who you know is being taken advantage of?

Do you (meaning that guy) help the hapless sap before hes bled dry or shut up and just smile and enjoy a happy family?

My Wife and I discussed his predicament driving home and we disagreed on what should be said, or not said. Usually I have the wise words, but not on this occasion.

What do you think?

I Make sure to keep my own house is in order.

Sit back and enjoy the show.

man gossip

[chrisinth]

Sorry, confused. What seems to be the problem?

You say that the girl (AA) wanted to go see her bf, applies for the visa and the bf sends her the money. She later finds out the visa application has been refused, she tells the bf, he says never mind, keep the money.

How is that being ripped off? You have estimated about 40,000 baht, not exactly a life altering amount is it?

The falang bf hasn't seen her for about 2 years after a brief visit to Thailand? Why? (Hope he's not locked up; my automatic assumption because he has a record...... )

You have been told this story by someone you have just met, you don't know the falang bf from Adam and you have assumed that he is being ripped?

Serious advice mate, stay out of it! You may think you are being the good samaritan, but the second hand facts that you have, if acted upon will likely lead to tears...................

Edited April 27, 2013 by chrisinth

[ragamuffin]

Of course none of you would want to know if such bs was going on with your girlfriends and if so only from close friends.

[Stradavarius37]

None of your business, why do you even care?

[Dancealot]

If he was a good friend i'd tell him, right away.

Any other case, none of my business.

[transam]

OP, sounds quite normal to me. Stay out of it, forget it. Big learning curve for many, both you and many guys, sadly.

[besth]

I'm not sure I'm clear with this:

"The guy" is the friend of the guy who was telling you the story, who is married to AA's sister, the guy's girlfriend who has another boyfriend.

You had just met the guy (the one telling the story) because his wife, AA's sister, is a friend of your wife and other friends of your wife's as well, whose husbands were the other guys around the table when the story was being told.

The guy, the one who was telling the story, not AA's boyfriend nor any of the other guys around the table, just mentioned the story during an evening of fun and chatter, asking for a bit of advice from at least one complete, but surely nice, stranger and a few other guys, who may or may not have been strangers to him, since we don't know if he had met those guys before, but they were strangers to you, although surely nice, as you had just been introduced to them.

So, the guy telling the story is friends with the guy, AA's boyfriend (the farang boyfriend, not the Thai one) and, as friends who often care more than they should about other friends businesses, he is concerned about the guy having sent AA 40.000 Baht for a plane ticket and when the visa was denied, told her to keep it.

You and your wife, who is friends with the wife of the guy who was telling the story and the wives of the other guys who were sitting around the table listening to the story about the guy, AA and the 40.000 Baht, left early. The rest may or may not have continued to discuss the subject.

You have only partial information. The "advice" may have been asked just as something to keep up the conversation (not doubting the story is true). If the guy telling the story has any sense, no reason to doubt that either, he would surely be welcoming comments to the story if you and the rest of the guys around had had time to make them before your wife and the wives of the other guys came over and interrupted you, prematurely ending the nice chat with your brand newly met friendly acquaintances, and then done whatever he thinks is best anyway.

Yes. I think it is clear enough: How on Earth is this any of your business???

As most have said, forget it or don't forget it as you pleas, but don't get involved.

Edit: Spaces between paragraph didn't come up (post is long enough to also make it a torture to read)

Edited April 27, 2013 by besth

[NancyL]

Definitely stay out of it. You don't know what promises of exclusivity were made between AA and her foreign boyfriend. Surely, it's not realistic to expect someone to "go without" for two years -- I doubt the foreign boyfriend has forsaken all others during this time.

I think he's realistic to know he wouldn't get the money back if he asked and the gracious thing is for him to tell her to keep it. That way he doesn't have to put her on the spot. Who knows -- maybe it's not really much money for him.

As for AA, yes I agree, it's not a good idea for her to hop on a plane to see a guy in a foreign country, where presumably she doesn't know anyone, especially when that guy has a prison record. It's no wonder the Embassy denied her a visa. It's really for her own safety!

[Hedghog]

The money press is only just warming up.