Taking Your Woman For Granted........?

[Vinny1967]

Who knows,

well the OP didn't ask the parties their views But,

maybe the wife would have slapped him silly for doing her job?

I also wonder if the "friend" is a TV member too and if so, would he recognise this thread as being about him?

(Oh I hope so - come on - have a rant)

I'm not sure if he's a member of TV ?.I'm sure he would of called by now if he was .Like I said earlier in the thread,I've got enough problems of my own without sticking my nose into someone elses affairs.

What else is she supposed to do if not looking after her husband ?

I think you have some serious issue if you decided to leave just after one day, maybe his wife now thinks she didn't take good care of you and lost a ton of face in the village

I just didn't like the way he treated his wife.She's more of a slave than a wife.I wasn't going to get into an argument with him about it.I just told them that work called and had to head home.

You don't make it clear why you were there in the first place. But certainly you missed an opportunity to tell your mate what a total $hit he was/is, and if one night his missis cuts off his youknowwhat when he is snoring away after ten beers, then no one should be too surprised.....

I was there because he's somebody I've known for 20 odd years.He's been out here a few years and I hadn't seen him for a long time so we decided to catch up.I know I should of said something about it,but I've got a sort of confidence problem and couldn't bring myself to say what I felt.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I see I shouldn't have bothered addressing that last one to you. Carry on.

So you can't actually back up your claims that Thai women can dump all social norms and still be successful and live normal lives.

[Vinny1967]

Does the wife work full time? Is she responsible for all income in the family?

If she is, then the guy should go get his own beer.

If he provides all the income, she should also provide something...

She does work.She works in some sort of medical facility.Not exactly sure what it is she does.

[SteeleJoe]

I see I shouldn't have bothered addressing that last one to you. Carry on.

So you can't actually back up your claims that Thai women can dump all social norms and still be successful and live normal lives.

1) I never made any such claims.

2) I don't know what "normal lives" means.

3) I explicitly acknowledged the arguable importance of recognizing social norms.

Deliberately distorting what someone said, and even fabricating things not said and attributing it to them, in order to then pretend you can dismiss their argument is what's know as a "Strawman". It used by someone not only without an adequate argument to make and/ or the inability to make one but someone without intellectual integrity or even common courtesy.

That's what you've just done.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

There are LOTS of young women who observe very few of the norms that were once absolutely mandatory to be accepted, who are very successful - and sought after as spouses and daughters in law. That will only become increasingly so.

Back your own words, who are these women, what are they doing?

If there are lots of them, it can't be that hard, no need to name names.

What occupation does she have, how is she successful, which norms did she fail to observe, who wanted her as a spouse or daughter in law?.

I can't think of one Thai couple I know who don't want a daughter in law that isn't compliant with all the Thai social norms.

I can't think of one Thai man I know who would accept any woman as a wife, who didn't comply with all Thai social norms.

Edited May 10, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Munger]

OP, I am with you as well!

IMO, (real) love is based on trust, honesty and respect. To ensure the 'never-ending' love, GOOD communication is a very strong requirement.

Treat women (ALL women!) with respect,

NONSENSE, you earn respect. period. There is a slobbering fool on this forum, from Newcastle, that respects his thai wife when she does not come home in the evening. What a fool.

[yourauntbob]

I do not "impose" upon my daughters to argue with me, or anyone else. I encourage them to stand up for their rights and demand fair treatment while treating others fairly themselves. In what kind of twisted logic could this be construed as a bad thing, detrimental to their futures?

Equality is not a "western standard." It is a universal standard. Where it doesn't exist, it should, and it will, because that is where civilization is rightly headed.

T

Assuming they are going to live and be educated in Thailand.

Forcing your western standards on your daughters will make them unable to operate in Thai society.

They will also have problems in school (probably penalised and marked down by Thai teachers), and will be totally unsuited to work for any Thai employer.

Questioning authority and thinking for yourself are not attributes desired or tolerated in most Thai workplaces.

I have made no judgements on the correctness or morality of the situation, merely that it exists in Thailand and those that don't 'fit in' are often totally excluded from participation.

So true, us farang should learn how to physically beat and virbally abuse our women because that is their culture. There is no right and wrong, just different cultures

[Ringmybells]

I like and love my OLD FARANG hubby....he brings me coffee in bed every single morning at 7 AM. He cooks and does grocery shopping. He says I am beautiful, he says he loves me no matter what. He loves everything I buy and praises me for being a good shopper. I am not spoiled I am just well LOVED .....

[lovelaos]

Good God!!!..all you soppy foreigners coming over here bringing your stupid western equal rights with you.

No wonder it is getting harder and harder to find a decent Thai woman to wait hand and foot on us men when you lot bend over backwards for them.

"I do this for my wife" "I don't let her run around after me"

Grow some balls, the lot of you, for Christs sake......

[robblok]

Good God!!!..all you soppy foreigners coming over here bringing your stupid western equal rights with you.

No wonder it is getting harder and harder to find a decent Thai woman to wait hand and foot on us men when you lot bend over backwards for them.

"I do this for my wife" "I don't let her run around after me"

Grow some balls, the lot of you, for Christs sake......

Not to mention beat her up once in a while for good measure.. that is how it is supposed to be isn't

[Dr Wanchai]

What else is she supposed to do if not looking after her husband ?

I think you have some serious issue if you decided to leave just after one day, maybe his wife now thinks she didn't take good care of you and lost a ton of face in the village

Would you all farangs treat your farang wives like this ?

And would she stand for it ??

Usually people with an inferiority complex behave like this

trying to assert their "superiority" over others ?

[Rorri]

Well, here's my 2 cents worth. If I start to get up, my wife asks my where I am going, if I say hong nharm then all is ok, if I say to get a drink or something to eat, she, in a slightly raised voice will say "not your job" sit down I get. But I admit, I would not call her to come downstairs, to get anything.

[pattayadingo]

Nothing wrong at all in treating a woman as an equal.

Seems some people here only want a slave........

[Thakkar]

I do not "impose" upon my daughters to argue with me, or anyone else. I encourage them to stand up for their rights and demand fair treatment while treating others fairly themselves. In what kind of twisted logic could this be construed as a bad thing, detrimental to their futures?

Equality is not a "western standard." It is a universal standard. Where it doesn't exist, it should, and it will, because that is where civilization is rightly headed.

T

Assuming they are going to live and be educated in Thailand.

Forcing your western standards on your daughters will make them unable to operate in Thai society.

They will also have problems in school (probably penalised and marked down by Thai teachers), and will be totally unsuited to work for any Thai employer.

Questioning authority and thinking for yourself are not attributes desired or tolerated in most Thai workplaces.

I have made no judgements on the correctness or morality of the situation, merely that it exists in Thailand and those that don't 'fit in' are often totally excluded from participation.

Fair enough, and I take your point. Here's the thing though, and Joe Steel has touched on this in his response to you earlier. In a world that is changing ever faster and where the developing world is changing even faster than The West, we shouldn't be teaching our kids to prepare for the world as it is, but rather for the world as it is likely to be and the way it should be. The next generation, male or female, are not just cogs in a wheel, but agents of change. And has Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Worrying about our kids' future career success or failure is an exercise in futility and a waste of energy (not that knowing this necessarily stops us parents from worrying!). More important, I think, to impart objective lessons of right and wrong, to teach them to be good for its own sake, encourage curiosity and to question everything, but with respect.

Please excuse the length of the following, but I think it is relevant here:

I lecture my kids a lot. I know because they tell me so.

In my defense, I'd like to say that the rules I wish them to abide by are simple and that my lectures are just variations on three elementary themes:

Be Alert

Be Kind

Be Brave

Of the above, alertness has been more on my mind lately.

Often, when leaving a restaurant or mall with my family, I'd take a deliberately circuitous route back to the car and they would mindlessly follow as I mischievously zigged and zagged my way all over the parking lot. They had not taken note of where we'd parked or that I was leading them in circles. When they discover the ruse, they complain that I'm wasting time and I enjoin them to be more alert.

But alertness isn't just about remembering where we parked or to avoid mindlessly following the guy in front, or even about dangers to watch out for, though all that is important. Alertness is also about noticing the beauty and hilarity that surrounds us, attentiveness to others' needs and feelings as well as being aware of our own motivations and weaknesses and strengths. These are some of the alertness issues I've been working on when lecturing my kids.

There's a a dog park where my kids and I take our dogs. Once I showed my daughter, how our dog would urinate right over the area where another dog had just done so, and how the other dog, seeing this, would return to urinate over that and how this would go on till one of the dogs ran out of urine. A real pissing contest. My daughter volunteers for a dog shelter and had actually seen this without ever really noticing it or the hilarity of it. "That's because you're not alert," I said.

So, be alert— you never know what you might miss.

--

To me, these are the kinds of things a parent should be doing, and not fretting over future careers and how to mould oneself to one's surroundings. Children are not things to be moulded, but people to be unfolded.

T

Edited May 10, 2013 by Thakkar

[AnotherOneAmerican]

To me, these are the kinds of things a parent should be doing, and not fretting over future careers and how to mould oneself to one's surroundings. Children are not things to be moulded, but people to be unfolded.

T

Just for fun

Ask your wife and children how many weeks there are in a year (do it to them separately).

Then report back and tell us how well you have done, teaching them to think for themselves.

Serious suggestion, no joke.

Edited May 10, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[SteeleJoe]

Worrying about our kids' future career success or failure is an exercise in futility and a waste of energy (not that knowing this necessarily stops us parents from worrying!). More important, I think, to impart objective lessons of right and wrong, to teach them be good for its own sake, encourage curiosity and to question everything, but with respect.

Please excuse the length of the following, but I think it is relevant here:

I lecture my kids a lot. I know because they tell me so.

In my defense, I'd like to say that the rules I wish them to abide by are simple and that my lectures are just variations on three elementary themes:

Be Alert

Be Kind

Be Brave

Of the above, alertness has been more on my mind lately.

Often, when leaving a restaurant or mall with my family, I'd take a deliberately circuitous route back to the car and they would mindlessly follow as I mischievously zigged and zagged my way all over the parking lot. They had not taken note of where we'd parked or that I was leading them in circles. When they discover the ruse, they complain that I'm wasting time and I enjoin them to be more alert.

But alertness isn't just about remembering where we parked or to avoid mindlessly following the guy in front, or even about dangers to watch out for, though all that is important. Alertness is also about noticing the beauty and hilarity that surrounds us, attentiveness to others' needs and feelings as well as being aware of our own motivations and weaknesses and strengths. These are some of the alertness issues I've been working on when lecturing my kids.

There's a a dog park where my kids and I take our dogs. Once I showed my daughter, how our dog would urinate right over the area where another dog had just done so, and how the other dog, seeing this, would return to urinate over that and how this would go on till one of the dogs ran out of urine. A real pissing contest. My daughter volunteers for a dog shelter and had actually seen this without ever really noticing it or the hilarity of it. "That's because you're not alert," I said.

So, be alert— you never know what you might miss.

--

To me, these are the kinds of things a parent should be doing, and not fretting over future careers and how to mould oneself to one's surroundings. Children are not things to be moulded, but people to be unfolded.

T

All I can say about all that is to express my opinion that you must be a pretty damn good father; of course, I say so because I have virtually identical outlook and priorities and even very similar methods.

And because I have the same sort of love for my kids that is obvious from what you describe.

*sniff*

Anyway, let's talk about football. Or chicks!

[Thakkar]

To me, these are the kinds of things a parent should be doing, and not fretting over future careers and how to mould oneself to one's surroundings. Children are not things to be moulded, but people to be unfolded.

T

Just for fun

Ask your wife and children how many weeks there are in a year (do it to them separately).

Then report back and tell us how well you have done, teaching them to think for themselves.

Serious suggestion, no joke.

It may be your habit to condescend to your spouse and kids, it's not mine.

T

[Kitsune]

You shouldn't be surprised at the negative reactions to the OP, considering how many of them failed with equitable partnerships in their home countries. Most of them came here to buy women, one way or another.

Have to agree unfortunately.

You are in get-a-cheaper-younger-more submissive-wife-Land.

+1

[GreenSnapper]

I like and love:P my OLD FARANG hubby....he brings me coffee in bed every single morning at 7 AM. He cooks and does grocery shopping. He says I am beautiful, he says he loves me no matter what. He loves everything I buy and praises me for being a good shopper. I am not spoiled I am just well LOVED:clap2: .....

Congratulations!

But when a woman does the same for her man, all the White Knights and beta males jump on the man and throw their hatred.

What an absurd world the West has produced.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

It may be your habit to condescend to your spouse and kids, it's not mine.

T

I don't have either any more, a needless expense and worry IMHO.

just ask them, I dare you.

[Thakkar]

It may be your habit to condescend to your spouse and kids, it's not mine.

T

I don't have either any more, a needless expense and worry IMHO.

just ask them, I dare you.

.

Why am I not at all surprised?

T

[Mudcrab]

Consulting my crystal ball......I see much wailing and gnashing of teeth as Thai Visa posters send their RIP's to an old farang living in the sticks who has mysteriously died. His wife was in Bangkok at the time of his death......apparently

Edited May 10, 2013 by Mudcrab

[laislica]

I do not "impose" upon my daughters to argue with me, or anyone else. I encourage them to stand up for their rights and demand fair treatment while treating others fairly themselves. In what kind of twisted logic could this be construed as a bad thing, detrimental to their futures?

Equality is not a "western standard." It is a universal standard. Where it doesn't exist, it should, and it will, because that is where civilization is rightly headed.

T

Assuming they are going to live and be educated in Thailand.

Forcing your western standards on your daughters will make them unable to operate in Thai society.

They will also have problems in school (probably penalised and marked down by Thai teachers), and will be totally unsuited to work for any Thai employer.

Questioning authority and thinking for yourself are not attributes desired or tolerated in most Thai workplaces.

I have made no judgements on the correctness or morality of the situation, merely that it exists in Thailand and those that don't 'fit in' are often totally excluded from participation.

Fair enough, and I take your point. Here's the thing though, and Joe Steel has touched on this in his response to you earlier. In a world that is changing ever faster and where the developing world is changing even faster than The West, we shouldn't be teaching our kids to prepare for the world as it is, but rather for the world as it is likely to be and the way it should be. The next generation, male or female, are not just cogs in a wheel, but agents of change. And has Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Worrying about our kids' future career success or failure is an exercise in futility and a waste of energy (not that knowing this necessarily stops us parents from worrying!). More important, I think, to impart objective lessons of right and wrong, to teach them to be good for its own sake, encourage curiosity and to question everything, but with respect.

Please excuse the length of the following, but I think it is relevant here:

I lecture my kids a lot. I know because they tell me so.

In my defense, I'd like to say that the rules I wish them to abide by are simple and that my lectures are just variations on three elementary themes:

Be Alert

Be Kind

Be Brave

Of the above, alertness has been more on my mind lately.

Often, when leaving a restaurant or mall with my family, I'd take a deliberately circuitous route back to the car and they would mindlessly follow as I mischievously zigged and zagged my way all over the parking lot. They had not taken note of where we'd parked or that I was leading them in circles. When they discover the ruse, they complain that I'm wasting time and I enjoin them to be more alert.

But alertness isn't just about remembering where we parked or to avoid mindlessly following the guy in front, or even about dangers to watch out for, though all that is important. Alertness is also about noticing the beauty and hilarity that surrounds us, attentiveness to others' needs and feelings as well as being aware of our own motivations and weaknesses and strengths. These are some of the alertness issues I've been working on when lecturing my kids.

There's a a dog park where my kids and I take our dogs. Once I showed my daughter, how our dog would urinate right over the area where another dog had just done so, and how the other dog, seeing this, would return to urinate over that and how this would go on till one of the dogs ran out of urine. A real pissing contest. My daughter volunteers for a dog shelter and had actually seen this without ever really noticing it or the hilarity of it. "That's because you're not alert," I said.

So, be alert— you never know what you might miss.

--

To me, these are the kinds of things a parent should be doing, and not fretting over future careers and how to mould oneself to one's surroundings. Children are not things to be moulded, but people to be unfolded.

T

In my book, you Sir are trying your best to put Old Heads on Young Shoulders.

Youth is wasted on the young.

Whereas the young cannot give youth to the old (behave yourselves!!!!)

The old can give, and must give knowledge to the young.

Being Alert - awake - is the start.

Learning how the television, Xbox and other <deleted> sucks your brains dry.

Learning that "They" just want people to be bland and conform.

Learning how to resist that trap. That IS the only job of a parent.

A quite inspiring post - thanks.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

It may be your habit to condescend to your spouse and kids, it's not mine.

T

I don't have either any more, a needless expense and worry IMHO.

just ask them, I dare you.

.

Why am I not at all surprised?

Because it happens to everyone?

(or at least enough people to make it normal)

Edited May 10, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[laislica]

Consulting my crystal ball......I see much wailing and gnashing of teeth as Thai Visa posters send their RIP's to an old farang living in the sticks who has mysteriously died. His wife was in Bangkok at the time of his death......apparently

Indeed, the thread has drifted somewhat - but to a quite interesting place don't ya think?

[damo]

I would not ask my wife to get me a beer from a fridge 5 feet away but!

I bust my arse at great personal cost, arduous 12 hour shifts, not seeing my wife or kids for weeks at a time, all for my family. Not just myself! everything I earn is ours, I'm happy If I have money for beer when I'm home.

My wife cooks, cleans, runs around after the kids and me. This is what she feels is her contribution to our family unit, going away for work is my contribution to our family unit. My wife will be the first to agree she has the better end of the deal and wouldn't want to change things.

If I told my wife I feel it's time for her to go out and get a real job earning money then she would be upset.

This arrangement is something that works for us and is what we are both happy with.

[BillyBobThai]

Several years ago my wife and I visited a friend of her's on their farm. The group of us had several drinks when her friend's husband wanted to show me something in one of his ponds. We all took off walking down the dirt road, with his wife following us on a motorcycle with a sidecar. She had brought the ice bucket, bottles of soda water and the Sang Som. She poured all of us a round while we were out. Sad but true story.

Edited May 10, 2013 by BillyBobThai

[Keith67]

I like and love:P my OLD FARANG hubby....he brings me coffee in bed every single morning at 7 AM. He cooks and does grocery shopping. He says I am beautiful, he says he loves me no matter what. He loves everything I buy and praises me for being a good shopper. I am not spoiled I am just well LOVED:clap2: .....

Congratulations!

But when a woman does the same for her man, all the White Knights and beta males jump on the man and throw their hatred.

What an absurd world the West has produced.

You forgot to mention that this whole topic is based on the 1 guy who was invited to stay at his friend’s house as a guest

and witnessed something in his view was disrespectful.

He then made up lies to leave but then decided to post this on TV because he felt bad for lying to his friend about his reasons

for leaving.

I suggested in an earlier post that the OP should make a call to his friend and try and clear the matter up has he done it?

[seasia]

Interesting post, haven`t read the entire thread, will do at some point.

I`ve never asked my Thai GF of a few years to get a beer out of the fridge for me, dare say she would if I asked but haven`t.

I accidentally knocked something over and went to clean up, just instinct, she stopped me and merely said " I do "

My fault, my mess, I should clear it and wanted to.

She regarded it as something she should do.

Not really sure what to make of that.

[laislica]

Nothing wrong at all in treating a woman as an equal.

Seems some people here only want a slave........

That a Farang husband could ever be the equal of his Thai wife - yes, that would be a thing!