Taking Your Woman For Granted........?

[OlRedEyes]

TBH, I find most expats in Thailand to be very narrow minded and 'innocent'. Sounds a bit weird maybe, but true.

You appear to have no idea of their relationship dynamics, didn't try to find out - if that is any of your business, yet judged it immediately based upon your idea of how you want your relationship to be.

It could be any thing from an outright abusive relationship through just having you on because you are known for your up-tightness or narrow views (no idea if that's the case, but does sound like it) to a consensual M/S or BDSM relationship that gets both their rocks off.

None of your business, but have a chat if you're curious. Simply judging by what you see as 'good' and 'right' is a bit sad.

[Vinny1967]

What was your friends reaction to you telling him the reason you were leaving early?

He just accepted it.I didn't tell him I was leaving because of the way he treats his wife.Just told him that I had to work.

Maybe if you told him the real reason for you leaving he would have been able to give you the reasons for him treating his

wife the way he did.

Instead you lied to him so you could leave early and then post on an open internet forum about his behavior, my opinion for

what it's worth is you are no better than him, you are supposed to be a friend and you do this he is better off without you.

Got to agree with this post.

There maybe some reasons why he treats her like this, not that I'm saying I condone it but why didn't you jokingly ask why or mention you don't get this sort of service or something like that.

And then to leave and post your experience on an internet forum seems a bit cowardly. My wife is young and educated so I'm lucky I guess but there are times I have to ask for help cleaning up the house. If you visited us, would you then post a story here of 'the dumb farang that has to ask his Thai wife for help cleaning the house'?

I already stated that I regretted not saying anything to him about it.I don't know if you've ever suffered from depression.It does whacky things to your mind.You don't think rationally and there's always some sort of negative thoughts going through your head.I did think about saying something at the time,but all these ideas about how he might react came into my head,and lacking in confidence I decided to keep my mouth shut.I hadn't seem him in a long time and I didn't want to rock the boat.

The only reason I posted on here was to try and help me understand why people behave like this.I just wanted to know if it was just me being silly and seeing things wrong.

[thehelmsman]

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves..............Now fetch me that beer woman.

[Donnie Brasco]

Last weekend I went to visit an old farang friend out in the sticks.We were sitting at the table having a few beers when he called his wife downstairs.When she came down he said " get us a few beers out of the fridge".The damn thing was only 5 feet away but he still got his wife to do it .She got the beers out and put them on the table and went back upstairs.I've seen this type of thing before,but I was pretty disgusted about his behaviour.I asked him about it and he said "that's what she's here for".When them beers were gone,I got up to go to the fridge and he went a bit mental,called his wife down and told her to get the beer out of the fridge.Needless to say,the next day I packed up and left.Was supposed to stay for 3 days,but only stayed one night.I couldn't stay another day in a house with somebody who treats their woman like that. ​

I do my fair share of things around the house.I don't sit there waiting to be waited on hand and foot.If I want something to eat or drink,I get it myself.My woman does a lot for me but some things are just easier to do myself.So this brings me to my question.

How many of you out there are the type that expects everything to be done for you.The type that thinks that your woman is only there to look after you ?.I'm curious if anybody would own up to it ?

Why are you still friends with this lout ?

[JulesMad]

OP, I am with you as well!

IMO, (real) love is based on trust, honesty and respect. To ensure the 'never-ending' love, GOOD communication is a very strong requirement.

Treat women (ALL women!) with respect,

NONSENSE, you earn respect. period. There is a slobbering fool on this forum, from Newcastle, that respects his thai wife when she does not come home in the evening. What a fool.

Not true! You earn trust... How will you get any respect from anyone, if you don't show respect in the first place?!?

Of course there are always exceptions to any rule

[JulesMad]

And has Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Nothing more needs to be said

[Thakkar]

TBH, I find most expats in Thailand to be very narrow minded and 'innocent'. Sounds a bit weird maybe, but true.

You appear to have no idea of their relationship dynamics, didn't try to find out - if that is any of your business, yet judged it immediately based upon your idea of how you want your relationship to be.

It could be any thing from an outright abusive relationship through just having you on because you are known for your up-tightness or narrow views (no idea if that's the case, but does sound like it) to a consensual M/S or BDSM relationship that gets both their rocks off.

None of your business, but have a chat if you're curious. Simply judging by what you see as 'good' and 'right' is a bit sad.

...or maybe they were rehearsing a Tennessee Williams play and the OP was an unknowing participant

Or they were conducting a psychology experiment under aegis if The UofU*

Or it could've been a Candid Camera setup

Or, under the principle of Occam's Razor (aka horse sense**), the OP could simply be recounting the dicky behavior of an honest to goodness dick.

* University if Udon

**with thanks to Orang for his pithy definition

T

[Vinny1967]

TBH, I find most expats in Thailand to be very narrow minded and 'innocent'. Sounds a bit weird maybe, but true.

You appear to have no idea of their relationship dynamics, didn't try to find out - if that is any of your business, yet judged it immediately based upon your idea of how you want your relationship to be.

It could be any thing from an outright abusive relationship through just having you on because you are known for your up-tightness or narrow views (no idea if that's the case, but does sound like it) to a consensual M/S or BDSM relationship that gets both their rocks off.

None of your business, but have a chat if you're curious. Simply judging by what you see as 'good' and 'right' is a bit sad.

I'm probably one of the most liberal and laid back people you'll ever meet.You don't know me and you don't know my mate.You're in no position to judge people by what you read on a forum,but like everybody else in the world,you're entitled to form your own opinion.

I didn't start this thread to get an earbashing from people.All I wanted was some sort of advice/explanation for what I saw.Pretty straightforward really.

[BradinAsia]

What was your friends reaction to you telling him the reason you were leaving early?

He just accepted it.I didn't tell him I was leaving because of the way he treats his wife.Just told him that I had to work.

Maybe if you told him the real reason for you leaving he would have been able to give you the reasons for him treating his

wife the way he did.

Instead you lied to him so you could leave early and then post on an open internet forum about his behavior, my opinion for

what it's worth is you are no better than him, you are supposed to be a friend and you do this he is better off without you.

Got to agree with this post.

There maybe some reasons why he treats her like this, not that I'm saying I condone it but why didn't you jokingly ask why or mention you don't get this sort of service or something like that.

And then to leave and post your experience on an internet forum seems a bit cowardly. My wife is young and educated so I'm lucky I guess but there are times I have to ask for help cleaning up the house. If you visited us, would you then post a story here of 'the dumb farang that has to ask his Thai wife for help cleaning the house'?

What a ridiculous post.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I'm probably one of the most liberal and laid back people you'll ever meet.

I don't think so.

[rene123]

TBH, I find most expats in Thailand to be very narrow minded and 'innocent'. Sounds a bit weird maybe, but true.

You appear to have no idea of their relationship dynamics, didn't try to find out - if that is any of your business, yet judged it immediately based upon your idea of how you want your relationship to be.

It could be any thing from an outright abusive relationship through just having you on because you are known for your up-tightness or narrow views (no idea if that's the case, but does sound like it) to a consensual M/S or BDSM relationship that gets both their rocks off.

None of your business, but have a chat if you're curious. Simply judging by what you see as 'good' and 'right' is a bit sad.

I'm probably one of the most liberal and laid back people you'll ever meet.You don't know me and you don't know my mate.You're in no position to judge people by what you read on a forum,but like everybody else in the world,you're entitled to form your own opinion.

I didn't start this thread to get an earbashing from people.All I wanted was some sort of advice/explanation for what I saw.Pretty straightforward really.

I don't worry about what others say, Vinny. They weren't there so they have no idea what the circumstances are. All they are doing is making a blind judgement call. Nobody wants to be taken for granted, and none of us know what goes on in private. I've met couples who I thought were wonderful together and found out later that they were always fighting. And, the reverse is true. I just try to stay out of other people's business and arrangement that they have with a spouse or live-in partner. I've often wondered what brough certain people together because from what I can see there is no compatibility at all, and yet it seems to work for them. Sometimes I just think it's a case of misery likes company. People are not happy unless they are bitching and complaining.

[crazygreg44]

She probably cost him a packet,in Sin Sot.

He wants his monies worth.

let's add to this, after he discovered that he paid too much

[shaggy1969]

I hope that this thread gets closed by the mods before the OP gets slagged off anymore.

Giving opinions about what the OP's friend did is one thing,but why is it necessary to have a go at the OP?

[StreetCowboy]

I'm probably one of the most liberal and laid back people you'll ever meet.

I don't think so.

I think he was making a guess, based on the negative opinion you have expressed of your Thai and farang acquaintances.

Edited May 11, 2013 by StreetCowboy

[AnotherOneAmerican]

The forum is being a bit weird, it just made up a random post from me.

Edited May 11, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I think he was making a guess, based on the negative opinion you have expressed of your Thai and farang acquaintances.

Do you have positive opinions of most people you meet?

Is your real name Pollyanna?

Please understand, "people you meet", acquaintances and friends are not in the same groupings.

Acquaintances are people for whom I have already formed some positive opinions.

Edited May 11, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[asiamaster]

Several years ago my wife and I visited a friend of her's on their farm. The group of us had several drinks when her friend's husband wanted to show me something in one of his ponds. We all took off walking down the dirt road, with his wife following us on a motorcycle with a sidecar. She had brought the ice bucket, bottles of soda water and the Sang Som. She poured all of us a round while we were out. Sad but true story.

Sad indeed that all of you had to walk while she was on the motorcycle..

[weecree]

Ive two friends who are EXACTLY like this. Theyre married to each other and because they both come from the states i can actually yap onto them about it. At first it was bewelidering (so i completely understand the OPs embarrassment at the whole situation), but so long as you can ask, you realise thyd have it no other way. Its total co-dependency. Theyre arguably the two most in love people ive met as well. I cant conceive of a universe where they dont die still together and should one have the temerity to leave before the other, im sure the other will be swiftly behind. Ive challenged them so many times, that hes a lazy sod and needs to be a bloody adult and do his own stuff, and that she needs to stop indulging him because its keeping him stupid and keeping her over busy doing trivial shit he should be doing for himself. But they just sort of look into each others eyes full of sickening puppy love with a look of "we know we've created this weird monster, but we couldnt be happier. They aint stupid, and shes hardly what youd call a doormat in any other sphere of her life (and he in turn is hardly what youd call a lazy mommas boy in any other sphere of his life), theyre both well educated, modern, and interesting, so i can only conclude that people are really just weird at the end of the day and that self interest probably doesnt really have a universal core after all...

[Vinny1967]

I hope that this thread gets closed by the mods before the OP gets slagged off anymore.

Giving opinions about what the OP's friend did is one thing,but why is it necessary to have a go at the OP?

I don't really mind Shaggy.People can say what they want about me.They don't know me.It's easy to be brave from behind a computer.

When i started this thread,all I was looking for was answers.I was looking for opinions about my mate,but as usual some people like to turn things around and stir some sh*t.It's about what my mate did,not what I did.Obviously I've touched a nerve with a few of them.

[asiamaster]

Several years ago my wife and I visited a friend of her's on their farm. The group of us had several drinks when her friend's husband wanted to show me something in one of his ponds. We all took off walking down the dirt road, with his wife following us on a motorcycle with a sidecar. She had brought the ice bucket, bottles of soda water and the Sang Som. She poured all of us a round while we were out. Sad but true story.

Sad indeed that all of you had to walk while she was on the motorcycle..

Just saw that someone else had posted a similar comment. Back to the topic: the OP does mention that he has known his mate for 20 years who is now living with his Thai wife upcountry for a few years. I am curious to know how long his pal has known his wife and what age she is. As some others have mentioned already "mature" Thai women tend to stick to the old traditions whereas the younger ones seem to reverse the roles by demanding things from their farang husband. I myself have known my wife for 25 years -married for 21 years. She lived with me in Europe 5 years and adapted to the western culture. However when we moved to Thailand 16 years ago she changed. I am booted out of the kitchen if I want to do prepare something myself. When she sees me pouring a drink for a friend she insists on taking over the "job". It's even worse when we are in the village upcountry -there I am not allowed to do anything and she orders the younger cousins to "serve" me. Not that I asked for this....

[asiamaster]

add to that: on several occasions we were visited by some of my friends who had brought their "bimbo" who would just sit next to them and hold their hand. My wife told me never to invite them again as she was absolutely disgusted about the fact that these girls had not joined her to help out in preparing the drinks and food...

Then of course if something technical or heavy needs to be done in or around the house I am expected to do that -which I gladly do.

Edited May 11, 2013 by asiamaster

[AnotherOneAmerican]

add to that: on several occasions we were visited by some of my friends who had brought their "bimbo" who would just sit next to them and hold their hand. My wife told me never to invite them again as she was absolutely disgusted about the fact that these girls had not joined her to help out in preparing the drinks and food...

Then of course if something technical or heavy needs to be done in or around the house I am expected to do that -which I gladly do.

The men sit around drinking.

The women cook and serve.

The different sexes do not mix.

Sitting together holding hands when outside your own home, completely socially unacceptable.

It's just the way they do it here.

Edited May 11, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[shaggy1969]

I hope that this thread gets closed by the mods before the OP gets slagged off anymore.

Giving opinions about what the OP's friend did is one thing,but why is it necessary to have a go at the OP?

I don't really mind Shaggy.People can say what they want about me.They don't know me.It's easy to be brave from behind a computer.

When i started this thread,all I was looking for was answers.I was looking for opinions about my mate,but as usual some people like to turn things around and stir some sh*t.It's about what my mate did,not what I did.Obviously I've touched a nerve with a few of them.

This is a good topic Vinny,and yes I think you have touched a few nerves.

Just try and ignore the rude comments and try not to let them get to you.

Maybe some of the hardened posters would care to add to a thread I made before,any advice would be welcomed !!!

[asiamaster]

When in Rome....

I was born and raised in a neighbouring Asian country. I fully understand Asian culture -which does not mean I accept it all. Like my dad did with me I try to teach my two teenage kids "the best of both worlds". Also I give them the same advice as my dad gave me - living as a foreigner in Asia or as my kids being Eurasian - you will only survive if you can be like a chameleon.Change colour when needed...

[rosst]

Well, good to hear your perspective, I agree totally, This type of behaviour may be acceptable to some people but it is anathema to me.

I have not read the other posts yet, but it would not surprise me if many disagree.

[Keith67]

I already stated that I regretted not saying anything to him about it.I don't know if you've ever suffered from depression.It does whacky things to your mind.You don't think rationally and there's always some sort of negative thoughts going through your head.I did think about saying something at the time,but all these ideas about how he might react came into my head,and lacking in confidence I decided to keep my mouth shut.I hadn't seem him in a long time and I didn't want to rock the boat.

The only reason I posted on here was to try and help me understand why people behave like this.I just wanted to know if it was just me being silly and seeing things wrong.

You mean whacky things like shout your wife downstairs to get beers from a fridge 5 feet away from where you sit or go mental at

a guest because they stand up to get beers from the same fridge instead of shouting his wife again...

Not having a go at you but see the similarities maybe he is suffering from similar symptoms, if you spoke to him maybe you could

have been the right person to help him.

[OlRedEyes]

TBH, I find most expats in Thailand to be very narrow minded and 'innocent'. Sounds a bit weird maybe, but true.

You appear to have no idea of their relationship dynamics, didn't try to find out - if that is any of your business, yet judged it immediately based upon your idea of how you want your relationship to be.

It could be any thing from an outright abusive relationship through just having you on because you are known for your up-tightness or narrow views (no idea if that's the case, but does sound like it) to a consensual M/S or BDSM relationship that gets both their rocks off.

None of your business, but have a chat if you're curious. Simply judging by what you see as 'good' and 'right' is a bit sad.

I'm probably one of the most liberal and laid back people you'll ever meet.You don't know me and you don't know my mate.You're in no position to judge people by what you read on a forum,but like everybody else in the world,you're entitled to form your own opinion.

I didn't start this thread to get an earbashing from people.All I wanted was some sort of advice/explanation for what I saw.Pretty straightforward really.

I don't worry about what others say, Vinny. They weren't there so they have no idea what the circumstances are. All they are doing is making a blind judgement call. Nobody wants to be taken for granted, and none of us know what goes on in private. I've met couples who I thought were wonderful together and found out later that they were always fighting. And, the reverse is true. I just try to stay out of other people's business and arrangement that they have with a spouse or live-in partner. I've often wondered what brough certain people together because from what I can see there is no compatibility at all, and yet it seems to work for them. Sometimes I just think it's a case of misery likes company. People are not happy unless they are bitching and complaining.

Yea, poor Vinny. He didn't go make judgement calls without any info, based on his 'morals'. To the point of leaving.

Which is the opposite of what I posted. No judgements there. Highlighted 'I have no idea....' Just one possibility.

Ahh well. Let's Keep it simple. TiT.

[JeffreyWitty]

I will own up to it!

I do the EXACT same thing! MAN UP or turn in your manly card!

-------

Ok, now that I have said that - here is the SECRET:

1) Someone should have let you in on this years ago!

2) You need to have this discussion with your wife. I did - and everything works out GREAT! Keep reading...

3) Tell your wife that as a man, you need to impress other men. To do this, you must look like the KING of your castle. So she needs to do things like this for you!

4) In exchange for this selfless deed, YOU will be her man-servant when she is among her lady friends!

5) Both of you will look like champs to your respective guests/friends/family!

6) DENY that you do anything for her - EVER (ie rule 4) - to other men/your friends/your family.

-----

I know I am in violation of the man-code by talking openly about this - but you need help understanding your friend. When you are gone, he's probably so "whipped" by his wife that you would be in shock!

[JeffreyWitty]

I will own up to it!

I do the EXACT same thing! MAN UP or turn in your manly card!

-------

Ok, now that I have said that - here is the SECRET:

1) Someone should have let you in on this years ago!

2) You need to have this discussion with your wife. I did - and everything works out GREAT! Keep reading...

3) Tell your wife that as a man, you need to impress other men. To do this, you must look like the KING of your castle. So she needs to do things like this for you!

4) In exchange for this selfless deed, YOU will be her man-servant when she is among her lady friends!

5) Both of you will look like champs to your respective guests/friends/family!

6) DENY that you do anything for her - EVER (ie rule 4) - to other men/your friends/your family.

-----

I know I am in violation of the man-code by talking openly about this - but you need help understanding your friend. When you are gone, he's probably so "whipped" by his wife that you would be in shock!

(to be back in compliance)

I never wrote this post! someone must have hacked my account temporarily!!!!!!! I'm the king of my castle!!!!!!

[itchybum]

It's one thing for a spouse to want to care for you, cook for you, bear your children, clip your nails, etc and quite another to call her down from upstairs to get you a beer when you are 10 feet away.

Exactly.

She should stay downstairs and wait for the next command to save you having to raise your voice to be heard upstairs.