Wife's

[bbigman21]

I am asking TV members that are Farang that are married to Thai ladies how often do you fight about small misunderstandings with cultural differnces.

[Pink Mist]

I am asking TV members that are Farang that are married to Thai ladies how often do you fight about small misunderstandings with cultural differnces.

We don't fight, we do disagree sometimes but to be realistic not over cultural differences,

[cdnvic]

I think at first you may argue more because you misunderstand meanings, body language, and don't understand the way they think, and how they sometimes say one thing that means another, but that eases over time as you get to know each other.

cv

[Pink Mist]

well put Vic, however in our case, we did have a long distance relationship for a time, when we did actually get to live together full time in Oz we actually knew each other quite well.

I also developed an understanding of the Thai Culture from my frequent and often long visits to LOS.

[NovaBlue05]

lol....misinterpretations as cdnvic mentioned. She's an Isaan farm girl at heart and very low maintenance although I have found that the more she socializes with some of the other Thai women she has met (ie: the ones who married US Foreign Service guys years ago and are now living the life of riley here in the USA), the more cognizant she becomes of the "material pleasures" of life. I better sell the house and get her back to Isaan fast !! I did discover quickly that the falang style of argument including the yelling and obscenities doesn't go over well

[cdnvic]

the falang style of argument including the yelling and obscenities doesn't go over well

We all make that mistake.

Once

cv

[Mighty Mouse]

I have been with my Thai g/f for over four years and she has been living with me in Australia for almost two years.

We have yet to have our first argument. We have yet to have our first disagreement.

As for any cultural differences, she has slipped straight into the Aussie way of life. Cultural differences in our household don't exist.

Fingers crossed that it stays that way.

[Mr Red]

We have been married over 35 years now, and we have had some real blowouts over the years, but nothing irrecoverable. As I recall, most of our differences involved money or raising the kids somehow (we had one problem child and one great kid -- both are great now).

Can't remember the last time we had an argument where the mouth was engaged before the brain. She does know my hot button though -- when she goes quiet and won't respond to the "what's wrong" questions and won't reveal what she is pissed about. As I get older, that bothers me less and I can almost wait her out now.

[Ollie]

We have been married over 35 years now, and we have had some real blowouts over the years, but nothing irrecoverable. As I recall, most of our differences involved money or raising the kids somehow (we had one problem child and one great kid -- both are great now).

Can't remember the last time we had an argument where the mouth was engaged before the brain. She does know my hot button though -- when she goes quiet and won't respond to the "what's wrong" questions and won't reveal what she is pissed about. As I get older, that bothers me less and I can almost wait her out now.

This is great - I love the "almost" bit - after 35 years!!! Just give it another 20! I'm jus't starting out - great stuff!

[bbigman21]

Ok maybe the word arguement is strong. Somtimes my wife have something that I guess I would call a argument anyway. Like the other night. Someone is always calling my house so frequently I will not answer the phone. So we go to bed Or I am in bed and she in the john and the phone rings and she begins to pester me to go get it and I snap a bit and yell no I am not going to get it she can call whoever back when she is out of the bathroom. She doesn't yell just doesn't want to talk to me for about a day. So then I let it go a bit. Try to smooth it over she kinda lets it go but not really and a day and a half later blows up at me for letting her go first through the door. Not the real reason of course. Sot then I get upset because I have been kissing A** for a little over day for my little tiff the other night.

Of course it is all over know and I think stronger for it. But we have these every. And sometime I don't even do any thing wrong. One day she got mad at me for telling her how to use the thermostat.

[bbigman21]

I am guessing she misses home doesn't want to dwell on it and everything else is setting her off. It is ok I am being patient. Just wondered if anyone else went through it too.

[boppia]

Generally the problems we have are small. The only two really serious problems came from topics outside daily life such as politics. Over the years she has come to understand me better. Nowadays the daily stress comes more from noisy kids rather than between us. If you don't have kids, life will change when you have them. The stress level may go up if you are someone who likes peace and quite. Also all that freedom to travel here and there will be affected by your children. So children can have an effect on daily life raising your stresslevel at times to the breaking point. If you do have kids a maid or family nearby would probably help to give you a break. Anyways 4 years in things are better.

[Thaising]

Its part of our lives, occasionally verbal confrontation does arise. A successful marriage depends on two things: Give and Take - Forgive and Forget.

Keep your cool and feel saibai saibai.

[zzap]

the falang style of argument including the yelling and obscenities doesn't go over well

We all make that mistake.

Once

cv

Right, I seem to remember a longish wrestling sequence during which I took a succession of blunt or sharp objects from her...

Misunderstandings? Still happen frequently, mostly language issues. Almost a comedy routine by now, when I explain for the 643rd time that pasa nua is not my native language, and could she speak slowly and clearly, she will than make that impatient facial expression people have when they are about to tell off a misbehaving child, I will say something in a language she doesn't understand, after which we both retreat in opposite directions for a minute or so.

[Gazza]

when she goes quiet and won't respond to the "what's wrong" questions and won't reveal what she is pissed about. As I get older, that bothers me less and I can almost wait her out now.

Every now and then my wife is the same. Total silence. But I'm mastering the visual signs of her body language. The Cold Shoulder, The Crossed Arms of Isolation, The Frenzied Eyebrow of Incomprehension, The Sneer of Despair. But they all wane in comparision to the Grimace of Doom or The Scowl of Impending Wrath.

I can handle them all to a certain degree except for 'The Flared Nostrils of Total Rejection', because I know I'm not going to be getting my Jollies anytime soon.

[tutsiwarrior]

we don't have no 'misunderstandings'...she just does what I tell her (low growl)...

but...to be honest when away at work I run the show pretty much, when back in Suphan she's the boss...of everything. Second oldest of 6 siblings in a tight extended family she's recognized as the head of the family and nobody messes with her. So when we're back at the ranch I just stay out of the way...she makes sure that I have comfort, nourishment and liquor and then goes about her business as if I'm not there. It's OK...I've got the kids to play with and pretty much everything I could want so no pompem. She's quite resourceful...when I was unemployed and the money was running out everything pretty much stayed the same...no worries.

So...I'm OK...we've got the boundaries defined...

[mark45y]

Only had one major argument with my Thai significant other in the last year. She and her girlfriend re programmed the remote control for the TV and changed the programming language to Chinese and eliminated all of the sports and movie channels. I am know a couple of cops here, so I called them and asked if I could kill her. After a short discussion they pretty much agreed that it would be justified homicide. Luckily a neighbor stopped by and helped me reset the remote before I found the bullets for my AK-47.

[lampard10]

Only once............................................................................

.......in the morning, and once in the afternoon. Depends if we're both cooking. Then the kitchen is not a safe place.

[GuestHouse]

I can quite honestly say my wife and I do not argue on cultural/national/religious issues. Rather, these are great excuses to say 'OK we don't understand, now let's discuss'.

We know Thai/Farang couples who have real steamers, wife packing her bags, refusing to speak to each other for days on end. But I think that is the exception rather than the norm.

[ray23]

An interesting topic, truth is Thai women are not that different then anyother. I have been married four times now, two to American women and two to Asian women. They all did the same things for me to show thier affection. I never understood one of them amd I'm not real sure they understood me.

Marriage with an asian means a dual household some of which will be from thier tradition and some from yours, in my case it is pretty balanced.

Are there cultural differences sure, but many things about the Thai culture are really better for me then what I knew before. are there language problems sure, but you learn there are times not to rely on what your wife is telling you and to get a good interpureter. Many projects will not be understood by her, she has no knowledge to draw from to understand what you want. You just have to work through it yourself.

Do we argue yep, but not nearly as often now. Does she want to win these arguments find me a person who doesn't.

I do my very best to take care of her and make her life good, she does the same for me.

The one thing that I find different about this wife is she doesn't live in a dream world, not to say that she doesn't have dreams in her life. She just seems to understand that there is no instant gratification in life and it takes time to make dreams come true. The other three were really western women in that the third one from the Philippines lived in America for fourteen years before we divorced. It took that long before she really believed that it was normal to have everythign that you wanted and to be happy every waking second. She has since learned that it is not realistic to think that, divorcing her third husband in five years. What a shame her dream turned into nightmare, she still writes me very often. I'm grateful to her if she had not destroyed everything I would never have found my life here.

Women are women think goodness, to this day I love to listen to them talk and explain thier views on life. Not that I agree but interestng none the less.

The answer on how life will be with a wife here, no different then anywhere else depends on the two people involved. No marriage is without difficulties, no matter where you find a wife the first thing she is going to be is an individual with hopes, desires and the pains involved in life, just like you.

Some things I try to change on, because her way is better, some she changes on. The one thing I don't expect her to do is be a different person then she is and I hope that she does the same for me. Sure there are little thing that drive you nuts, but that is just normal when you spend that much time with anybody, but nothing that is so drastic to make either one of you to want to leave, except for that second of anger

When I first got here I chased the fantacy only to find out that was exactly what it was. By the time my wife came inot the picture I excercised those demons so that is one of the major reasons we could develop a good relationship. That doesn't mean that when I see a beautiful 20 year old, knowing that if not she I could have one in my life. I realize what that really means she would never be the friend that I have now. So I go home like a good scout adn am happy to do so.

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

Were pretty good, mabey once everyother month. But it usualy end with her perfering to cry and submit rather than actualy defend her case. I would much rather she make a attempt to use logic and debate her case if she thinks I'm wrong. Or if she thinks I'm right just say I'm right. But this "Ok do what ever you want" additutde bothers me and I don't feel like we really solved anything or have come closer to understanding each other.

[plachon]

Were pretty good, mabey once everyother month. But it usualy end with her perfering to cry and submit rather than actualy defend her case. I would much rather she make a attempt to use logic and debate her case if she thinks I'm wrong. Or if she thinks I'm right just say I'm right. But this "Ok do what ever you want" additutde bothers me and I don't feel like we really solved anything or have come closer to understanding each other.

Ever thought that the crying might just be out of sheer frustration about getting a point across? I presume you talk and argue in her native language right? You allow her to "defend her case" in Thai? You make the effort to learn her logic, language and cultural norms right by speaking in Thai too? Otherwise, I submit that the courthouse is one where justice and understanding (which you say you want) will be hard to find.

[thaigerd]

Very interesting topic by the way

We are living nearly 5 years together now in Thailand(thai gf) and the only "problem" we have is about cooking. I am a chef but my gf is not even able to make some simple thai food, absolutely nothing.

At the beginning it drove me grazy but we found an easy way: I do all the cooking including thaifood

and she washes up. No more problems at all!

But lately she started to like farang food aswell.

I cook many things at home in advance: Spaghetti sauce, chili con carne, beef goulash etc,

After cooking we portion it in small plastic bowls for deep freezing. When hungry she is able to heat it up and boil some noodles or potatoes.

Now after a while we both can laugh about this "problem".

Gerd

[BKK90210]

Women are women regardless of their cultural backgrounds. And they won’t fight fair. During argument you got to know your enemy and what actually they’re thinking at all times, based on their verbal and body language.

Below are some tactics women use and what it actually means

When she said:

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

NOTHING

This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD!

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "a few days" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY!

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay!" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

PLEASE DO!

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

Edited March 26, 2006 by BKK90210

[bbigman21]

Only had one major argument with my Thai significant other in the last year. She and her girlfriend re programmed the remote control for the TV and changed the programming language to Chinese and eliminated all of the sports and movie channels. I am know a couple of cops here, so I called them and asked if I could kill her. After a short discussion they pretty much agreed that it would be justified homicide. Luckily a neighbor stopped by and helped me reset the remote before I found the bullets for my AK-47.

[Donz]

My gf complains about stupid stuff alot, i just thought it was just how they are

[mrbojangles]

Touch wood, no arguments with us anymore. I know what makes her "Tick" and she knows what makes me "Tock". In the earlier days it was generally misunderstandings in the language and then i would get the silent treatment. Haven't had that for a long while now

[bbigman21]

Well I think it is a little me and a little her.

First I am sure I raise my voice when I am upset now I would not call it yelling but it my be high talking. Still a mistake I know. But it is usually over something stupid and I guess I know so because it just lasts a second. I really wish that I could stop them but d*** when you are frustrated it just pops out. But it is the one and two lengths that she will not talk to me for that bother me. I am trying to be honest with my self and I will go ahead and say half the time I do something to start these but the other half they are imagined or misunderstandings.

So when these grievances start I ask whats wrong of course I get the usual nothing. (of course half the time I know what I did) When that is the case I am apolgizing and she will say no problem.

But still will not continue to talk to me.

I try to respect her space when she does this because that is what I would want. However occasionally she has been mad for me not paying attention to her in this time.

I guess I started this thread in hopes that someone had similar problems. Ah and also just like your company

[DavieA]

when she goes quiet and won't respond to the "what's wrong" questions and won't reveal what she is pissed about. As I get older, that bothers me less and I can almost wait her out now.

Every now and then my wife is the same. Total silence. But I'm mastering the visual signs of her body language. The Cold Shoulder, The Crossed Arms of Isolation, The Frenzied Eyebrow of Incomprehension, The Sneer of Despair. But they all wane in comparision to the Grimace of Doom or The Scowl of Impending Wrath.

I can handle them all to a certain degree except for 'The Flared Nostrils of Total Rejection', because I know I'm not going to be getting my Jollies anytime soon.

Well I think it is a little me and a little her.

First I am sure I raise my voice when I am upset now I would not call it yelling but it my be high talking. Still a mistake I know. But it is usually over something stupid and I guess I know so because it just lasts a second. I really wish that I could stop them but d*** when you are frustrated it just pops out. But it is the one and two lengths that she will not talk to me for that bother me. I am trying to be honest with my self and I will go ahead and say half the time I do something to start these but the other half they are imagined or misunderstandings.

So when these grievances start I ask whats wrong of course I get the usual nothing. (of course half the time I know what I did) When that is the case I am apolgizing and she will say no problem.

But still will not continue to talk to me.

I try to respect her space when she does this because that is what I would want. However occasionally she has been mad for me not paying attention to her in this time.

I guess I started this thread in hopes that someone had similar problems. Ah and also just like your company

bigman I can feel what your saying. Patience and tolerance does go a long way. But if she is behaving like a spoilt little girl or expects you to be a mind reader in regards to her mental state, don't put up with it. What you should do is give her a taste of her own medicine or p[lay the role reversal.

For example;

Next time she ignores you for a day or so, wait till she gets over it, and then the very next time she behaves like this (sounds like it's pretty often) do it back to her. Get angry with her and tell her to leave you alone. Dont speak to her until she comes crawling back to say sorry (might be a day or two). When she comes back, be nice and explain to her that that is how she reacts to you and you don't like it, she needs to talk more about what shes feeling so she doesn't get to that stage.

If she doesn't come crawling back and only gets angrier at you, then you can explain in an angry way that that's how she acts towards you, so if she doent like it, why should you put up with it too.

[bbigman21]

Well she already knows she does it. And usually what happens after the day two of me kissing a** I will get mad and say something then I will ignore her and then it is over for her side and mine last for very short time. I think she takes after her father very short temper. Luckily I do not have to deal with that because he has passed. But he lives on in his daughter.