A Thai Guy With An Ex American Girl Friend

[ticger]

Hi There!,

I am new to this forum! However, I have been reading this ladies forum for quite a long time. First, let me introduce myself. I am a Thai guy who lives here in BKK and falls in love with an American girl. I finished my graduate study in US several years ago but I am not a rich guy.

I have an issue to ask for you guys opinions.

Last year, because of infidelity (my fault) , I broke up with my ex-girl friend (we never sleep together), a wonderful and lovely American girl whom I met in Thailand. Also she was my first and only american/western girlfriend. Now, She is in US. And we have known each other for two years now. Recently, I wrote her an e-mail and asked her to be friends again: kind of wanting to initiate a relationship. But she wrote me back and said "No" as part of the letter:

"........I will continue to .... and think of you, and hopefully continue to hear from you through my dad".

Actually, I still communicate to her Dad by e-mails once a month. Her dad wants me to keep in touch. But she won't allow me to talk or call her directly. It's so hard for me because I know I still love her. So, I don't know if I still have a chance or if she really means it when she says that she still thinks of me. But one sure thing I know is that she felt hurt deeply for what I did in the past.

Anyway, just want to know your girls' thoughts since I don't have many American/western girls to talk to. I want to understand her better. So my question is:

1. Do I still have a chance?

2. How can I win her back or what I should do?

Thanks

Ticger

PS. I am sorry if my English writing is not that well. And hopefully my post would give some insight about infidelity and Thai guys. You can ask me questions if I can answer.

[seonai]

Hi, I am married to a Thia man whom I love very much, we have a son and a business and a happy community life. If he was ever unfaithful with another woman I wouls never sleep with him ever agai - disguisting thought. This is the WORST, DEEPLY HURTFUL THING A MAN CAN DO TO HIS PARTNER. You will never get her trust back.

[cathyy]

Infidelity is indeed the most serious offense a man can commit in a relationship with an American woman. She has lost great face, and so have you. Americans are not like Thais or Europeans when it comes to infidelity. Not too long ago, infidelity by a husband was reason not only for divorce but reason for the judge to award almost all the money and property to the wife as the "innocent party."

You are in a position of weakness now in this relationship; she will always be able to remind you of what you did to her. You might reconsider wanting to pursue a relationship. If you succeed, she may never really trust you, as has already been pointed out.

If you are determined, however, I do think you have a chance. She is using her father as a shield to avoid contact with you. This means she feels vulnerable, as if she still cares for you. Do keep up contact through her father and see if her resolve to avoid direct contact with you weakens.

[britmaveric]

Time to move on mate. No communication=no chance.

[alaina]

I have an issue to ask for you guys opinions.

Last year, because of infidelity (my fault) , I broke up with my ex-girl friend (we never sleep together), a wonderful and lovely American girl whom I met in Thailand. Also she was my first and only american/western girlfriend. Now, She is in US. And we have known each other for two years now. Recently, I wrote her an e-mail and asked her to be friends again: kind of wanting to initiate a relationship. But she wrote me back and said "No" as part of the letter:

I'm sorry, but I have mention what seems to be an obvious problem here:

Your girlfriend hadn't slept with you after two years?! Don't know too many (wait...make that any) American women who would go that long. hel_l, I'd cheat under those conditions.

Something does not seem quite right about that situation unless she has some sort of religious or medical issue that wasn't mentioned. That sounds more like the issue to me.

[girlx]

i would like to help you out and say it could work, but i got back together with exactly one guy who cheated on and lied to me and regretted every minute of it since because i just couldn't get over that fact. dishonesty and disloyalty are nearly criminal in america.

[mark45y]

The same thing happened to me but it was with a wife and not a girlfriend.

She left me for a Mexican gardener after she found out about my affair with my assistant manager at work (the fact that she was once my assistant manager and married to someone else when we first made love was lost on her).

The Gardener was everything I was not. Big and strong and dumb with a love of flowers and hard spirits. I am short and smart and could care less about flowers and I never drink anything stronger than beer.

She wouldn’t talk to me or email me she just divorced me.

I did a lot of searching on line and found out she was posting on a site much like Thai Visa but for people with Mexican friends who were trying to learn Spanish. I speak a little Spanish so I invented a female persona of a woman who had a Mexican boyfriend and after six months of posting I became her best online friend and confidant. We talked about everything including her failed marriage (with me) and her new Mexican boyfriend.

One evening while she was chatting on line with me he started beating her up. She got back on line and told me what was happening.

I called the cops and went over to the house with an axe handle and called him out. Just as he was proceeding to beat me up the cops arrived and he was deported because he was illegal.

I moved back in and we had a wonderful three weeks until she left me for a Hungarian ballroom dance instructor.

I was going to have the Hungarian deported too but I met 20 year old stripper who had a taste for Thai food and old guys and she kept me occupied.

I think there is a moral to my tale. The ladies don’t like to be cheated on. Even my awesome good looks, and devilish charm, three degrees and buckets full of money were not enough to overcome the fact that I was unfaithful. The poly amorous nature of men is not widely understood in America.

[khall64au]

The same thing happened to me but it was with a wife and not a girlfriend.

She left me for a Mexican gardener after she found out about my affair with my assistant manager at work (the fact that she was once my assistant manager and married to someone else when we first made love was lost on her).

The Gardener was everything I was not. Big and strong and dumb with a love of flowers and hard spirits. I am short and smart and could care less about flowers and I never drink anything stronger than beer.

She wouldn’t talk to me or email me she just divorced me.

I did a lot of searching on line and found out she was posting on a site much like Thai Visa but for people with Mexican friends who were trying to learn Spanish. I speak a little Spanish so I invented a female persona of a woman who had a Mexican boyfriend and after six months of posting I became her best online friend and confidant. We talked about everything including her failed marriage (with me) and her new Mexican boyfriend.

One evening while she was chatting on line with me he started beating her up. She got back on line and told me what was happening.

I called the cops and went over to the house with an axe handle and called him out. Just as he was proceeding to beat me up the cops arrived and he was deported because he was illegal.

I moved back in and we had a wonderful three weeks until she left me for a Hungarian ballroom dance instructor.

I was going to have the Hungarian deported too but I met 20 year old stripper who had a taste for Thai food and old guys and she kept me occupied.

I think there is a moral to my tale. The ladies don’t like to be cheated on. Even my awesome good looks, and devilish charm, three degrees and buckets full of money were not enough to overcome the fact that I was unfaithful. The poly amorous nature of men is not widely understood in America.

TRIPPER OF THE YEAR AWARD 2006 Nominee.............. PLEASE PLEASE, MODS can we have an official Tripper of the Year Poll????????????

It's gotta happen on TV!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest endure]

Hi There!,

I am new to this forum! However, I have been reading this ladies forum for quite a long time. First, let me introduce myself. I am a Thai guy who lives here in BKK and falls in love with an American girl. I finished my graduate study in US several years ago but I am not a rich guy.

I have an issue to ask for you guys opinions.

Last year, because of infidelity (my fault) , I broke up with my ex-girl friend (we never sleep together), a wonderful and lovely American girl whom I met in Thailand. Also she was my first and only american/western girlfriend. Now, She is in US. And we have known each other for two years now. Recently, I wrote her an e-mail and asked her to be friends again: kind of wanting to initiate a relationship. But she wrote me back and said "No" as part of the letter:

"........I will continue to .... and think of you, and hopefully continue to hear from you through my dad".

Actually, I still communicate to her Dad by e-mails once a month. Her dad wants me to keep in touch. But she won't allow me to talk or call her directly. It's so hard for me because I know I still love her. So, I don't know if I still have a chance or if she really means it when she says that she still thinks of me. But one sure thing I know is that she felt hurt deeply for what I did in the past.

Anyway, just want to know your girls' thoughts since I don't have many American/western girls to talk to. I want to understand her better. So my question is:

1. Do I still have a chance?

2. How can I win her back or what I should do?

Thanks

Ticger

PS. I am sorry if my English writing is not that well. And hopefully my post would give some insight about infidelity and Thai guys. You can ask me questions if I can answer.

Your English writing is very 'well'. Your correct use of punctuation, tenses and American idiom is almost non-Thai...

[skylar]

asked her to be friends again: kind of wanting to initiate a relationship <snip>

She knows you don't really want to be her friend... your ulterior motives are as plain as day!

1. Do I still have a chance?

2. How can I win her back or what I should do?

1. No.

2. Give up.

My partner once told me that guys don't actually go away unless directly told by a female.

[sriracha john]

The same thing happened to me but it was with a wife and not a girlfriend.

She left me for a Mexican gardener after she found out about my affair with my assistant manager at work (the fact that she was once my assistant manager and married to someone else when we first made love was lost on her).

The Gardener was everything I was not. Big and strong and dumb with a love of flowers and hard spirits. I am short and smart and could care less about flowers and I never drink anything stronger than beer.

She wouldn’t talk to me or email me she just divorced me.

I did a lot of searching on line and found out she was posting on a site much like Thai Visa but for people with Mexican friends who were trying to learn Spanish. I speak a little Spanish so I invented a female persona of a woman who had a Mexican boyfriend and after six months of posting I became her best online friend and confidant. We talked about everything including her failed marriage (with me) and her new Mexican boyfriend.

One evening while she was chatting on line with me he started beating her up. She got back on line and told me what was happening.

I called the cops and went over to the house with an axe handle and called him out. Just as he was proceeding to beat me up the cops arrived and he was deported because he was illegal.

I moved back in and we had a wonderful three weeks until she left me for a Hungarian ballroom dance instructor.

I was going to have the Hungarian deported too but I met 20 year old stripper who had a taste for Thai food and old guys and she kept me occupied.

I think there is a moral to my tale. The ladies don’t like to be cheated on. Even my awesome good looks, and devilish charm, three degrees and buckets full of money were not enough to overcome the fact that I was unfaithful. The poly amorous nature of men is not widely understood in America.

TRIPPER OF THE YEAR AWARD 2006 Nominee.............. PLEASE PLEASE, MODS can we have an official Tripper of the Year Poll????????????

It's gotta happen on TV!!!!!!!!!!!

I fully support and endorse your nomination of that post, khall.

The only thing missing from that story was something about losing his stripper girl to a goat herder from Somalia because he cheated on her with a Nepalese prostitute.

[somchai jones]

The same thing happened to me but it was with a wife and not a girlfriend.

She left me for a Mexican gardener after she found out about my affair with my assistant manager at work (the fact that she was once my assistant manager and married to someone else when we first made love was lost on her).

The Gardener was everything I was not. Big and strong and dumb with a love of flowers and hard spirits. I am short and smart and could care less about flowers and I never drink anything stronger than beer.

She wouldn’t talk to me or email me she just divorced me.

I did a lot of searching on line and found out she was posting on a site much like Thai Visa but for people with Mexican friends who were trying to learn Spanish. I speak a little Spanish so I invented a female persona of a woman who had a Mexican boyfriend and after six months of posting I became her best online friend and confidant. We talked about everything including her failed marriage (with me) and her new Mexican boyfriend.

One evening while she was chatting on line with me he started beating her up. She got back on line and told me what was happening.

I called the cops and went over to the house with an axe handle and called him out. Just as he was proceeding to beat me up the cops arrived and he was deported because he was illegal.

I moved back in and we had a wonderful three weeks until she left me for a Hungarian ballroom dance instructor.

I was going to have the Hungarian deported too but I met 20 year old stripper who had a taste for Thai food and old guys and she kept me occupied.

I think there is a moral to my tale. The ladies don’t like to be cheated on. Even my awesome good looks, and devilish charm, three degrees and buckets full of money were not enough to overcome the fact that I was unfaithful. The poly amorous nature of men is not widely understood in America.

TRIPPER OF THE YEAR AWARD 2006 Nominee.............. PLEASE PLEASE, MODS can we have an official Tripper of the Year Poll????????????

It's gotta happen on TV!!!!!!!!!!!

I fully support and endorse your nomination of that post, khall.

The only thing missing from that story was something about losing his stripper girl to a goat herder from Somalia because he cheated on her with a Nepalese prostitute.

Not to mention the fact that the Nepalese prostitute turned out to be the half sister of the Mexican gardener!

[sriracha john]

TRIPPER OF THE YEAR AWARD 2006 Nominee.............. PLEASE PLEASE, MODS can we have an official Tripper of the Year Poll????????????

It's gotta happen on TV!!!!!!!!!!!

I fully support and endorse your nomination of that post, khall.

The only thing missing from that story was something about losing his stripper girl to a goat herder from Somalia because he cheated on her with a Nepalese prostitute.

Not to mention the fact that the Nepalese prostitute turned out to be the half sister of the Mexican gardener!

There's a whole new thread in this... and every bit more hopeful than the OP of this one...

Edited March 29, 2006 by sriracha john

[snakestick]

Eye'd say it's knot going to work. She's blowing you off. You should go online and start from scratch. You can find another American girl if you try

[Sheryl]

Before I add my opinion I need some more infor from the OP. As Pearl mentioned, it seems strange you and she never lsept together. What's the story? Had you only recently become boyfriend/girlfriend? Or some other reason? Please explain because it is relevant to understanding her and the relationship. Also -- what exactly was the extent of your reltionship with her? Did you ever discuss living together or marriage? Had you made any commitment to her about seeing other women? Do you think she was going to sleep with you soon ((if the relationship hadn't broken up)? How old is she? Were you her first serious boyfriend? Is she unusually conservative? It is unusual for an American woman to expect exclusivity from a man she is not yet having sex with so please clarify.

[Donz]

Its all over brother, time to move on.

She didnt giva ya none for 2 years then its probaly best to move on.

Hey maybe you find another lovely american lady in LOS

[kat]

The same thing happened to me but it was with a wife and not a girlfriend.

She left me for a Mexican gardener after she found out about my affair with my assistant manager at work (the fact that she was once my assistant manager and married to someone else when we first made love was lost on her).

The Gardener was everything I was not. Big and strong and dumb with a love of flowers and hard spirits. I am short and smart and could care less about flowers and I never drink anything stronger than beer.

She wouldn’t talk to me or email me she just divorced me.

I did a lot of searching on line and found out she was posting on a site much like Thai Visa but for people with Mexican friends who were trying to learn Spanish. I speak a little Spanish so I invented a female persona of a woman who had a Mexican boyfriend and after six months of posting I became her best online friend and confidant. We talked about everything including her failed marriage (with me) and her new Mexican boyfriend.

One evening while she was chatting on line with me he started beating her up. She got back on line and told me what was happening.

I called the cops and went over to the house with an axe handle and called him out. Just as he was proceeding to beat me up the cops arrived and he was deported because he was illegal.

I moved back in and we had a wonderful three weeks until she left me for a Hungarian ballroom dance instructor.

I was going to have the Hungarian deported too but I met 20 year old stripper who had a taste for Thai food and old guys and she kept me occupied.

I think there is a moral to my tale. The ladies don’t like to be cheated on. Even my awesome good looks, and devilish charm, three degrees and buckets full of money were not enough to overcome the fact that I was unfaithful. The poly amorous nature of men is not widely understood in America.

TRIPPER OF THE YEAR AWARD 2006 Nominee.............. PLEASE PLEASE, MODS can we have an official Tripper of the Year Poll????????????

It's gotta happen on TV!!!!!!!!!!!

I fully support and endorse your nomination of that post, khall.

The only thing missing from that story was something about losing his stripper girl to a goat herder from Somalia because he cheated on her with a Nepalese prostitute.

Not to mention the fact that the Nepalese prostitute turned out to be the half sister of the Mexican gardener!

Let's start working on the screenplay now.

[sriracha john]

The same thing happened to me but it was with a wife and not a girlfriend.

She left me for a Mexican gardener after she found out about my affair with my assistant manager at work (the fact that she was once my assistant manager and married to someone else when we first made love was lost on her).

The Gardener was everything I was not. Big and strong and dumb with a love of flowers and hard spirits. I am short and smart and could care less about flowers and I never drink anything stronger than beer.

She wouldn’t talk to me or email me she just divorced me.

I did a lot of searching on line and found out she was posting on a site much like Thai Visa but for people with Mexican friends who were trying to learn Spanish. I speak a little Spanish so I invented a female persona of a woman who had a Mexican boyfriend and after six months of posting I became her best online friend and confidant. We talked about everything including her failed marriage (with me) and her new Mexican boyfriend.

One evening while she was chatting on line with me he started beating her up. She got back on line and told me what was happening.

I called the cops and went over to the house with an axe handle and called him out. Just as he was proceeding to beat me up the cops arrived and he was deported because he was illegal.

I moved back in and we had a wonderful three weeks until she left me for a Hungarian ballroom dance instructor.

I was going to have the Hungarian deported too but I met 20 year old stripper who had a taste for Thai food and old guys and she kept me occupied.

I think there is a moral to my tale. The ladies don’t like to be cheated on. Even my awesome good looks, and devilish charm, three degrees and buckets full of money were not enough to overcome the fact that I was unfaithful. The poly amorous nature of men is not widely understood in America.

TRIPPER OF THE YEAR AWARD 2006 Nominee.............. PLEASE PLEASE, MODS can we have an official Tripper of the Year Poll????????????

It's gotta happen on TV!!!!!!!!!!!

I fully support and endorse your nomination of that post, khall.

The only thing missing from that story was something about losing his stripper girl to a goat herder from Somalia because he cheated on her with a Nepalese prostitute.

Not to mention the fact that the Nepalese prostitute turned out to be the half sister of the Mexican gardener!

Let's start working on the screenplay now.

As we need a representative from each continent in our screenplay, we’ll somehow have to factor in a male Antarctic penguin and a female Bolivian masseuse to complete the set. The male Australian outback truck driver is on hold as an option, but we’ll have to get a consensus first on whether or not Australia is a continent, as it’s open to debate.

[seonai]

I don't know if this is a real topic or not ..... if it is..... for god's sake how can you lot out there say such generalisations about American women??????????????????????? Shit man, if someone you love is unfaithful it hurts. It has #### all to do with whether she/he is American or not !!!!!!!!!!

Tell me if you disagree.

[mark45y]

I am sure you will doubt my voracity but the stripper and I lived somewhat happily together for two years until she met and fell in love with the son of a famous British guitar player and moved in with him. He got her pregnant and fled the country.

About this time her husband got out of jail and she divorced him and aborted the guitar players child. After the abortion she moved back in with me until she met an anorexic female lesbian Annie Lennox impersonator. They fell in love. The stripper discovered she was actually a lesbian.

The Annie Lennox impersonator convinced her to stop stripping and they now work as waitresses at an Outback Steakhouse somewhere in middle America.

As a post script the stripper’s father called me up and told me it was all my fault.

The Mexican is still in Mexico.

My ex wife gained a hundred pounds and began a serious affair with Jose Cuervo and got a job with a landscaping company.

I moved to Thailand and lived happily ever after. Truth is usually stranger than fiction.

The purpose of my sharing this experience is to point out that cheating can effect many people and it is impossible to cross the same river twice.

I think the reason that cheating effects American women more is the lack of a cultural acceptance of mia noi’s or mistresses. Many places in the world there is a social structure to deal with poly amorous males. There are even a few cultures in Africa that have a socially accepted way of dealing with poly amorous females.

When you mix two cultures, one that doesn’t deal well with affairs and one that is more concerned with the stability of the family there is bound to be a clash.

As one of the posters wrote dishonesty is almost a crime in America. There other cultures including Thailand that that is not the case.

Edited March 30, 2006 by mark45y

[sriracha john]

Thanks for adding to the script....

but we still gotta figure out to fit the penguin into this...

[Sheryl]

I don't know if this is a real topic or not ..... if it is..... for god's sake how can you lot out there say such generalisations about American women??????????????????????? Shit man, if someone you love is unfaithful it hurts. It has #### all to do with whether she/he is American or not !!!!!!!!!!

Tell me if you disagree.

Dear Seonai,

Of course it does. I don't think anyone meant to imply otherwise. The initial question posed by the OP was the likelihood of an American woman hurt in this way ever taking back a now-repentent ex-boyfriend. For that, I think cultural factors are somewhat relevant. No woman (or man, for that matter) likes to be cheated on, but in some cultures women have been conditioned to try to put up with it, or to beleive that men " can't help it"; in other cultures not. Also the reaction to dishonesty can be culturally influenced. I think the OP specifically wanted an American woman's perspective on the likelihood of an American woman taking him back. So that's what we tried to offer...

[ratchabuild]

I don't know if this is a real topic or not ..... if it is..... for god's sake how can you lot out there say such generalisations about American women??????????????????????? Shit man, if someone you love is unfaithful it hurts. It has #### all to do with whether she/he is American or not !!!!!!!!!!

Tell me if you disagree.

Dear Seonai,

Of course it does. I don't think anyone meant to imply otherwise. The initial question posed by the OP was the likelihood of an American woman hurt in this way ever taking back a now-repentent ex-boyfriend. For that, I think cultural factors are somewhat relevant. No woman (or man, for that matter) likes to be cheated on, but in some cultures women have been conditioned to try to put up with it, or to beleive that men " can't help it"; in other cultures not. Also the reaction to dishonesty can be culturally influenced. I think the OP specifically wanted an American woman's perspective on the likelihood of an American woman taking him back. So that's what we tried to offer...

What is the last straw in a relationship varies with the person. I believe that lack of trust can be triggered by lots of things. Money, alcohol, abuse of other sorts. Only the Thai guy knows whether the infidelity was the whole story, sometimes it represents a lot of things. Certainly in lots of cultures it justifies a decision to split up even if its symptomatic of deeper reasons. To the Thai guy, find a way to understand how deeply she was hurt and then work out your own way of relating to that. If she thinks you can really comprehend the pain you have caused perhaps you are in with a chance, but glibly saying "hey I am a Thai guy, what did you expect" isn't going to cut it.

[kat]

I don't know if this is a real topic or not ..... if it is..... for god's sake how can you lot out there say such generalisations about American women??????????????????????? Shit man, if someone you love is unfaithful it hurts. It has #### all to do with whether she/he is American or not !!!!!!!!!!

Tell me if you disagree.

I think cultures are quite specific. We all know this, because we feel degrees of comfort or dissonance as we adjust to new places. I agree that most women do not like to be cheated on, but the definition and severity of how cheating is interpreted vary from culture to culture. Some cultures accept male polygamy as a way of life. The value placed on honesty and trust also vary.

I like your new avatar picture by the way.

[mark45y]

I don't know if this is a real topic or not ..... if it is..... for god's sake how can you lot out there say such generalisations about American women??????????????????????? Shit man, if someone you love is unfaithful it hurts. It has #### all to do with whether she/he is American or not !!!!!!!!!!

Tell me if you disagree.

I think cultures are quite specific. We all know this, because we feel degrees of comfort or dissonance as we adjust to new places. I agree that most women do not like to be cheated on, but the definition and severity of how cheating is interpreted vary from culture to culture. Some cultures accept male polygamy as a way of life. The value placed on honesty and trust also vary.

I think polygamy is a little strong.

I don’t think Thailand accepts polygamy.

We have a frequent visitor to my home, her husband has a mia noi. She shows up late one or two AM. And she is dressed in pajamas. You know the kiddie pajamas that Thai women wear. All perfectly modest.

When she is here she goes on about her husband who is a friend of mine and about his extracurricular affairs.

We have a big bed and she sleeps in one corner and whimpers on and off through the night.

Neighborhoods are like little gossip centers.

Everyone treats her will because she is the mother of his children. But she is a hellion. If I was married to the woman one of us would be dead.

The guy’s mia noi is a sweetheart and that is not my opinion it is the opinion of the community. His wife is a shrew. That fact is recognized by his and her peers.

Somehow in the order of things I contribute to their relationship by being the outlet for his wife’s angst.

I guess I get a couple of points from the community for my selfless acts.

Would he divorce her or she divorce him? I doubt it. Thai women don’t like to be cheated on. But I think their sense of family is stronger than their anger. Breaking up the family a far greater sin than cheating.

[girlx]

I think the reason that cheating effects American women more is the lack of a cultural acceptance of mia noi’s or mistresses. Many places in the world there is a social structure to deal with poly amorous males. There are even a few cultures in Africa that have a socially accepted way of dealing with poly amorous females.

agreed, i think cultural upbringing influences things definitely- i took no offense to the generalization about american females because it's true, the majority of us are unlikely to accept cheating by our mates. in our culture, dishonesty and disloyalty are the two worst things you can do to a person.

[ticger]

Even my awesome good looks, and devilish charm, three degrees and buckets full of money were not enough to overcome the fact that I was unfaithful.

Thanks Mark45y for your story. It's true that "unfaithfulness" has deep consequences. After experienced it myself, I completely agree with you on that one.

If you succeed, she may never really trust you, as has already been pointed out.

I think you guys made a good point here. For my ex., that's what in her mind. And, from what others are saying about "trusting", actually, my ex talked about it after we broke up and she still thinks that it's not wise to trust me. And I think from her point of view that it's true because how can she trust someone who hurt her deeply and allow herself to be in a position to get possible hurts in the future.

" If she thinks you can really comprehend the pain you have caused perhaps you are in with a chance"

I feel like this is a good advice for me. I never think deep about how hurtful she felt. So, I will try to find ways to express it to her.

And finally, I still agree with Mark45y that "The poly amorous nature of men is not widely understood in America." But this does not mean that I want girls to accept my amorous nature, "no", I know that I have to stop it. Now, it's the question of "How to ?" Any thoughts on this?

Now, I want to answer some questions:

Also -- what exactly was the extent of your reltionship with her?

Yes, we talked about having kids and family briefly when she was here in BKK. I think the relationship was a long distance one because after we met for six months, she had to return to the states after stayed in BKK for a few years, and since that time, we had been communicating through e-mails and phone calls.

Had you made any commitment to her about seeing other women?

We didn't talk about it but I think, it's a "rule" that we both knew.

Do you think she was going to sleep with you soon ((if the relationship hadn't broken up)? How old is she? Were you her first serious boyfriend?

I don't think so, I would sleep with her if we ever got married. Yes, she lives by her standard. I mean you can think that it is unusual for an American woman. But it's usual in her family! I lived in the states before so I had known families of that kind. She is still young but mature enough (I cannot you the exact number). Yes, I was her first serious boyfriend that she thought we had great chance to get married.

Thanks every one anyway for your posts.

Ticger

[Sheryl]

Also -- what exactly was the extent of your reltionship with her?

Yes, we talked about having kids and family briefly when she was here in BKK. I think the relationship was a long distance one because after we met for six months, she had to return to the states after stayed in BKK for a few years, and since that time, we had been communicating through e-mails and phone calls.

Had you made any commitment to her about seeing other women?

We didn't talk about it but I think, it's a "rule" that we both knew.

Do you think she was going to sleep with you soon ((if the relationship hadn't broken up)? How old is she? Were you her first serious boyfriend?

I don't think so, I would sleep with her if we ever got married. Yes, she lives by her standard. I mean you can think that it is unusual for an American woman. But it's usual in her family! I lived in the states before so I had known families of that kind. She is still young but mature enough (I cannot you the exact number). Yes, I was her first serious boyfriend that she thought we had great chance to get married.

Thanks every one anyway for your posts.

Ticger

OK, that clarifies a lot. She is unusually conservative, perhaps even a virgin. You were her first serious BF and also then her first broken heart.

Under these circumstances I don't think you have a chance to get her back. "the first cut is the deepest" ... this pain went deep and she'll remember it all her life. Also, American-style sexual conservatism is 2 way: it holds men as well as women to a high standard of conduct. You both hurt her and fell short of moral standards that she holds dear.

Move on. And next time, be faithful. Whenever you have the urge to be otherwise, imagine yourslef in her place...or how you would feel if she did it to you. And refelect back on this experience and all the pain it caused you both. Was it worth the brief sexual pleasure? Probably not.

When people give in to acting on fantasies -- sexual or otherwise -- it's usually because they didn't fantasize far enough. They stopped the fantasy at the enjoyable part. If you force yourself to fantasize all the way through, to the aftermath, the whole thing becomes less appealing. Woks ofr me.

[cathyy]

I am sure you will doubt my voracity but the stripper and I lived somewhat happily together for two years until she met and fell in love with the son of a famous British guitar player and moved in with him. He got her pregnant and fled the country.

No doubt of your voracity; it's your veracity that I'm doubting!

[sbk]

I am sure you will doubt my voracity but the stripper and I lived somewhat happily together for two years until she met and fell in love with the son of a famous British guitar player and moved in with him. He got her pregnant and fled the country.

No doubt of your voracity; it's your veracity that I'm doubting!