cohabitate with ex-wife

[simonfish]

Hi there,

Anyone here ever successfully cohabitated with their ex-wife for the sake of the kids?

From amongst my mates this has only been done once, the two of them are in the same house but barely talk.

My situation is that my kids live with me, the wife is having a hard time being away from them, and the youngest misses her a lot. So, the wife has come up with a plan to co-parent until the youngest grows up a bit.

So just asking if anyone has had any experience with this, good or bad.

Thanks.

On a side note; most of our marriage problems stem from her, she went through big changes at menopause.

[Mario2008]

It really depends on how well you two can get along.

There are a few things you should consider:

- raising the childrens hope that you two will get back together, while you have no such intention.

- sunbjecting the children to a "cold war" situation, which will be very stressful. (Many parents stay together for the sake of children before finaly seperating. Often the seperation than is a relief to the children.

- do you ever want a new relationship? It is not going to work with the ex- also staying in the house.

Living near eachother instead of in the same house might be better.

[simonfish]

Thanks Mario,

You raise a very important point; because although we do generally get along, there is always sometimes a snide remark or other negativity.

This could easily slowly poison the kids minds and hurt them.

[cardholder]

I cohabited with my (now) ex-missus for almost 10 years.

We were fortunate that there was no real antagonism and we had simply drifted apart. no other party was involved.

When we eventually got divorced our kids commented that they were grateful that we had managed to provide a stable-ish environment during their school years.

One BIG difference from the OP is that we never lived apart (although I was coming to Thailand regularly) and Mario's point about the kids' expectations is very valid.

It may not be economically viable to live apart but nearby but very people are capable of cohabiting in these circumstances.

[bangkokfanatic]

Hi there,

Anyone here ever successfully cohabitated with their ex-wife for the sake of the kids?

From amongst my mates this has only been done once, the two of them are in the same house but barely talk.

My situation is that my kids live with me, the wife is having a hard time being away from them, and the youngest misses her a lot. So, the wife has come up with a plan to co-parent until the youngest grows up a bit.

So just asking if anyone has had any experience with this, good or bad.

Thanks.

On a side note; most of our marriage problems stem from her, she went through big changes at menopause.

If yo go down that road be VERY careful. If in Oz the Family Law Act now covers defacto relationships & you could find yourself dividing assets AGAIN!

Get it in writing & do NOT get into bed with her again!

[benalibina]

Your question shows, IMO, what a good man you are.

[simonfish]

Thank you for your comments.

Assets are not a concern, she has never asked for anything and in fact still contributes for school fees etc. from her side.

It is purely about having a Mum and a Dad around for the younger one. It's heart wrenching when he asks me to let her stay with us.

In the end, I have to consider what is best for him, he is only eight.

As mentioned, I only know of one other person who has this type of domestic arrangement. And in their case it partially works, however you can sense the tension between them.

Thanks.

[Nana Cowboy]

I had to live with my ex for a year while the divorce was going thru. For the kid it was fine but I was sure happy when that year was up and she had to get out. It was also a meno situation (it was in US, not thailand). I used to call her the SS Meno. LOL