Thai partners fitting in overseas

[Aussieroaming]

I would like to ask those of you who take your GF/BF/Husband/Wife overseas how well they have adapted. My wife travels with me a lot and loves the opportunity to see new places. However whenever we broach the idea of living abroad she says that she is very happy to live anywhere as long as I'm there, but she would rather stay in Thailand if I'm away on business. I'm not sure if that's because she wants the surety of knowing that she has family support or underlying feelings that there is no place like home.

As a traveler she is very confident but I think she worries about not having the network of support, socially and personal.

Any feed back appreciated

[wamberal]

Have you asked her why her preference is to stay in Thailand? There could be many reasons. You have named a few of them.

Most Australians, or other nationalities, would probably prefer to live in their home countries, near family, friends, familiar places, etc, speaking their native language, and so on.

My wife, who is also Thai, is the opposite, she is happy to visit Thailand, but is adamant that she never wants to live there again, even though she has several very good friends, and two younger sisters to whom she is close. She detests the corruption in public life, that's the main thing. I think she also believes that I will be healthier and live longer in a western country. She is probably right, I think.

Finally, Thai people are very careful about making new Thai friends. My wife is very picky in who she chooses to maintain friendships with - although she has no problem making friendships with people of other nationalities. There is something in the Thai attitude towards other Thais that is complex and hard for us to understand. That might be a potential factor for your wife, she has her circle of relatives and friends, and cannot be bothered meeting new Thais in other countries.

If you are significantly older than her, it is also likely that she would prefer to be widowed in her home country than in a foreign land. Depends on how good she is at looking after herself, paying bills, dealing with government rules and regulations, etc.\

Hope this helps.

[ToddWeston]

In my experience after 22 years Thailand will always be first and will always be called home. We've rotated month long holidays between Thailand and other places over the years and frankly it would have been easier and better just to have done Thailand for both our sakes.

In my case I would use the word adjust to living abroad not adapt, in our case we work together 8 to 12 hours a day and I think that helped the transition a bit. I'm still puzzled at a hockey game back home when the national anthem is played I have to give a nudge to stand but at a movie here it's instant . There wasn't a single Thai within 100km of where we lived, the first time we heard a Thai in a mall we spent 4 hours chatting, well I listened.

We decided to take a year off from work and came here a few months back. We wanted to start the plan of setting up for retirement and spending 6 months in Thailand and 6 months in the UK or Canada, as time passes and I see the change (positive) I think I'll be retiring to Thailand full time. We went from picking up a small pad in Bangkok to taking over the parents house and doing a complete renovation which starts in two weeks.

Lastly, unlike when we started there wasn't the technology we enjoy today things like Skype, line and Facebook to keep in touch, I think it may be easier nowadays. Looking forward to this thread and hearing from others.

[mania]

My wife & I lived in the US for 5+ years.

She adapted very well & had a good paying job as I did.

We would visit Thailand yearly.

We later decided to move back here where we make much less

income but of course expense is lower.

To your specific question,

while my wife was happy & content there I could always see how much she missed

her Family & Thailand & of course the abundance of Thai food even though we had a great garden

& she cooked excellent Thai food.

I think for Thai's they really miss their family of course so do I but they also miss the general social atmosphere here.

Of course the food too

I think in other countries privacy is a big deal making it quite different whereas here it is more open &

I guess a village... Communal type of living ... Even in the cities.

I think it is this feeling they miss most. I think the Western world is all a bit sterile to them

After being here awhile I tend to feel the same

[David48]

The first question is ... has she visited you in your home country?

How many times?

What length of time for the longest visit?

Without those answers, difficult to give you a qualified reply.

My partner has been to Australia 4 times now ... each time longer then before.

There were issues.

But answer the above to kick us off.

.

[farang000999]

Myself and my wife are both miserable living in the USA but she is too stubborn to throw in the towel and admit we made a mistake and fight another day in Thailand.

[krisb]

When you say take, do you mean to live? Mine lives in Australia and its not that she dislikes it, but like me would rather live in Thailand.

[simple1]

Have you asked her why her preference is to stay in Thailand? There could be many reasons. You have named a few of them.

Most Australians, or other nationalities, would probably prefer to live in their home countries, near family, friends, familiar places, etc, speaking their native language, and so on.

My wife, who is also Thai, is the opposite, she is happy to visit Thailand, but is adamant that she never wants to live there again, even though she has several very good friends, and two younger sisters to whom she is close. She detests the corruption in public life, that's the main thing. I think she also believes that I will be healthier and live longer in a western country. She is probably right, I think.

Finally, Thai people are very careful about making new Thai friends. My wife is very picky in who she chooses to maintain friendships with - although she has no problem making friendships with people of other nationalities. There is something in the Thai attitude towards other Thais that is complex and hard for us to understand. That might be a potential factor for your wife, she has her circle of relatives and friends, and cannot be bothered meeting new Thais in other countries.

If you are significantly older than her, it is also likely that she would prefer to be widowed in her home country than in a foreign land. Depends on how good she is at looking after herself, paying bills, dealing with government rules and regulations, etc.\

Hope this helps.

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

When I was away on business, when my wife & I were living overseas, I ended up with huge phone bills (prior to Skype) as she would chat with her family for hours.

My wife & I now live in Thailand (retired), but she has told me on a number of occasions that she would like to return to Australia as she hates the day to day corruption & misses the quality of living in Australia. Probably will go back for a "refresher" in a few years.

OP: Do not know if it applies to your partners family circumstances, but relationship conflicts are caused if you do not mutually agree an allowance to support some of the wife’s close family prior to her relocating to your country

[farang000999]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

[David48]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

Ummm ...

Brisbane/Sydney/Melbourne to Bangkok is between 9 - 10 hours

Bangkok - London is 11 and a bit hours ... ... ... Australia closer? ...

Unless, of course you meant Darwin ... ... only crocs live up there.

'plenty of Asian' ... ... hang on honey, do you speak Chinese, Japanese ... etc ... no ... oh ... least there are plenty of Asians.

Didn't really think that post through ... did we?

[7by7]

When she first came to the UK my wife was miserable.

Mainly because I was out at work and our daughter at school so after taking, on foot as she couldn't drive, our daughter to school she was sat at home alone all day until it was time to collect her.

As it was February and so cold and often raining she found this twice daily journey utterly miserable.

Then she started an English course at the adult education centre next to our daughter's school. Although that was just one day a week it did give her something to do and she did make some friends. It also improved her English enough for her to get a full time job in a large retailer where she started making more friends.

12.5 years later and she is fine, though she still misses Thailand this has as much to do with missing her son and her twin sister than anything else.

She does say, though, that she considers Thailand to be her home, not England, and wants to die in Thailand, not anywhere else. Which is fine by me as I intend to retire to Thailand anyway.

She does have Thai friends, but she and they refuse to have anything to do with the type of group simple1 describes, though there is one such where we live. The women in this group do not work and spend all day at the 'queen bee's' house gambling and gossiping. Most of them also have boyfriends their husbands know nothing about!

I did make the mistake when she first arrived of taking her round various Thai restaurants etc. to introduce her to other Thais and expecting them to be friends. But she said she wanted to make her own friends and would not be friends with someone just because they were Thai. Which is basically the same thing I said to her in Bangkok when she thought I'd be friends with someone just because they were Farang!

But, everyone is different, there is no 'one size fits all' solution. Just remember that it will take time for your partner to settle into a strange country with a strange language and be as patient and understanding as you can.

And keep her away from the queen bee!

[JLCrab]

... or as the signs in the National Parks often say:

Please Don't Pick The Flowers -- Leave Them In Their Natural Habitat

[wamberal]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

Ummm ...

Brisbane/Sydney/Melbourne to Bangkok is between 9 - 10 hours

Bangkok - London is 11 and a bit hours ... ... ... Australia closer? ...

Unless, of course you meant Darwin ... ... only crocs live up there.

'plenty of Asian' ... ... hang on honey, do you speak Chinese, Japanese ... etc ... no ... oh ... least there are plenty of Asians.

Didn't really think that post through ... did we?

What's your point? Australia is closer to Thailand- that is incontrovertible. Crocodiles have nothing to do with it.

Australia and Thailand are on similar time zones, so the travel is a helluva lot easier than the "11 and a bit" hours to London. And if you add in the extra time at Heathrow, coming and going, you can add another two hours to the trip.

As for the "plenty of Asians" point you are trying to make, forgive me, English is my first language, and I do not have the slightest idea what you are trying to say.

[krisb]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

<deleted> does plenty of Asians mean exactly?

[Scott]

A post with messed up quotes has been deleted.

[David48]

Australia is relatively close to Thailand so it is going to be a hell of a lot easier living there than the USA or parts of Europe. I also think the weather is not too bad, generally high quality of living, safe, clean, boring, plenty of Asians.

Ummm ...

Brisbane/Sydney/Melbourne to Bangkok is between 9 - 10 hours

Bangkok - London is 11 and a bit hours ... ... ... Australia closer? ...

Unless, of course you meant Darwin ... ... only crocs live up there.

'plenty of Asian' ... ... hang on honey, do you speak Chinese, Japanese ... etc ... no ... oh ... least there are plenty of Asians.

Didn't really think that post through ... did we?

What's your point? Australia is closer to Thailand- that is incontrovertible. Crocodiles have nothing to do with it.

Australia and Thailand are on similar time zones, so the travel is a helluva lot easier than the "11 and a bit" hours to London. And if you add in the extra time at Heathrow, coming and going, you can add another two hours to the trip.

As for the "plenty of Asians" point you are trying to make, forgive me, English is my first language, and I do not have the slightest idea what you are trying to say.

You're obviously not Australian ... ... and have no idea about Australian demographics!

Nor, apparently, did you read my post ... the "plenty of Asians" quote is not mine ... you seem to have a problem the the 'quote' bit.

Go back to my post (#10, or read above) and see how you stuffed up, both your original reply before it was sorted for you, and the reply ... or not ... as the case may be.

Up to you ...

Oh ... as for 'forgiving you' ... sure ... no problem ... consider it done.

.

[7by7]

Surely the distance from Thailand is irrelevant?

Whether in Australia, the USA, Europe or wherever; whether 5, 9, 11 or however many hours away: she is not going to be able to pop home every time she gets a bit homesick or misses her family!

Unless married to a millionaire, which, sadly, my wife isn't!

[mania]

Surely the distance from Thailand is irrelevant?

Whether in Australia, the USA, Europe or wherever; whether 5, 9, 11 or however many hours away: she is not going to be able to pop home every time she gets a bit homesick or misses her family!

Unless married to a millionaire, which, sadly, my wife isn't!

You bring up an interesting point for those who have now moved to Thailand. Because it is as you say in the opposite direction for us.

When we lived in the US we made of course had much better incomes & it was no problem to come back to Thailand

every year for a month or months at times.

Now we live here instead & the income of course is not like the US so we cannot afford a yearly trip back the other way .

Or at least do not feel as financially easy about doing so.

You kind of get economically assimilated in Thailand & have to be more cautious with money because of it.

At least we do anyway

[robblok]

Some Thai girls can adapt others cannot, it depends on background and education. But in general Thais have a hard time adapting. Believe me I know I brought my ex wife to the Netherlands and seen other guys do the same.. I seen the horror stories.. i was one of the horror stories. However there are also some that can and will adapt.

[7by7]

A good point, mania; but it seems to me that we Farangs have less of a problem in this than Thais.

Although I can only really base this on the experience of my brother and his (English) wife who live in Cebu, and have done for many years.

Apart from my and her parents' funerals they have not returned to the UK for some time, and are positive that they don't miss it.

[kevvy]

When you say take, do you mean to live? Mine lives in Australia and its not that she dislikes it, but like me would rather live in Thailand.

my wife would move to Australia tomorrow if I said OK. why? because she is sick of Thailand . she has been there before and will be going again in September for a month she just loves the place ..

[benalibina]

The 1s who come to live in other countries with us based upon " love" of their partner and the desire to make it work can live anywhere. If alterior motives are the reason to live abroad with "us", yes then it is a different ballgame. The queen bee, as earlier quoted can have a big influence on the ignorant thai women. Luck is needed with having decent thais around who are well balanced to inform the newcomer about how it works in their new country. An educated woman has IMO a better chance to adapt because 1 would assume she prepares herself in order to gain knowledge about her new country of residence, wether through reading or talks with partner. For a well intende woman, though not really believing herself, the queen bee's influence can have devastating effects. If this is combined with a partner who has started of wrong, buying !!, his girl, BEWARE !!!!!!

[mania]

A good point, mania; but it seems to me that we Farangs have less of a problem in this than Thais.

Although I can only really base this on the experience of my brother and his (English) wife who live in Cebu, and have done for many years.

Apart from my and her parents' funerals they have not returned to the UK for some time, and are positive that they don't miss it.

True & I actually feel the same...meaning I don't miss it & don't really care to go back.

except I still have some family there & a home rented out so need to go back every couple of years to visit

& check on things.

But I sure hate that long flight & all the TSA hassles of getting out of the US when we leave

[soi sniffer]

My wife loves living in oz but she would and always will prefer Thailand.

[Aussieroaming]

Have you asked her why her preference is to stay in Thailand? There could be many reasons. You have named a few of them.

Most Australians, or other nationalities, would probably prefer to live in their home countries, near family, friends, familiar places, etc, speaking their native language, and so on.

My wife, who is also Thai, is the opposite, she is happy to visit Thailand, but is adamant that she never wants to live there again, even though she has several very good friends, and two younger sisters to whom she is close. She detests the corruption in public life, that's the main thing. I think she also believes that I will be healthier and live longer in a western country. She is probably right, I think.

Finally, Thai people are very careful about making new Thai friends. My wife is very picky in who she chooses to maintain friendships with - although she has no problem making friendships with people of other nationalities. There is something in the Thai attitude towards other Thais that is complex and hard for us to understand. That might be a potential factor for your wife, she has her circle of relatives and friends, and cannot be bothered meeting new Thais in other countries.

If you are significantly older than her, it is also likely that she would prefer to be widowed in her home country than in a foreign land. Depends on how good she is at looking after herself, paying bills, dealing with government rules and regulations, etc.\

Hope this helps.

Yes she is very independent, has a degree and has worked in an international company for years so she is very confident with Farang in general. She loves Australia and speaks English fluently so I don't think she feels isolated, its just that she prefers to be close to her family if I am not there. She seems to think that there's no point in staying in Australia alone. She actually prefers Australia to Hong Kong, Singapore and Seoul, so its not an ethic issue.

[Aussieroaming]

Maybe the old adage is true

You can take the girl out of the country but you can never take the country out of the girl, which is a good thing. I married her for a many reasons and her cultural respect was one of them

[plopmeister]

When she first came to the UK my wife was miserable.

Mainly because I was out at work and our daughter at school so after taking, on foot as she couldn't drive, our daughter to school she was sat at home alone all day until it was time to collect her.

As it was February and so cold and often raining she found this twice daily journey utterly miserable.

Then she started an English course at the adult education centre next to our daughter's school. Although that was just one day a week it did give her something to do and she did make some friends. It also improved her English enough for her to get a full time job in a large retailer where she started making more friends.

12.5 years later and she is fine, though she still misses Thailand this has as much to do with missing her son and her twin sister than anything else.

She does say, though, that she considers Thailand to be her home, not England, and wants to die in Thailand, not anywhere else. Which is fine by me as I intend to retire to Thailand anyway.

She does have Thai friends, but she and they refuse to have anything to do with the type of group simple1 describes, though there is one such where we live. The women in this group do not work and spend all day at the 'queen bee's' house gambling and gossiping. Most of them also have boyfriends their husbands know nothing about!

I did make the mistake when she first arrived of taking her round various Thai restaurants etc. to introduce her to other Thais and expecting them to be friends. But she said she wanted to make her own friends and would not be friends with someone just because they were Thai. Which is basically the same thing I said to her in Bangkok when she thought I'd be friends with someone just because they were Farang!

But, everyone is different, there is no 'one size fits all' solution. Just remember that it will take time for your partner to settle into a strange country with a strange language and be as patient and understanding as you can.

And keep her away from the queen bee!

Excellent....EXCELLENT post..

The significance of the last sentence is relevant for any country for visits of any length!!!!

[Aussieroaming]

When you say take, do you mean to live? Mine lives in Australia and its not that she dislikes it, but like me would rather live in Thailand.

Agreed..because every time we go back to Australia I miss Thailand too. Yep we live between Thailand and Australia

[cardholder]

Surely the distance from Thailand is irrelevant?

Whether in Australia, the USA, Europe or wherever; whether 5, 9, 11 or however many hours away: she is not going to be able to pop home every time she gets a bit homesick or misses her family!

Unless married to a millionaire, which, sadly, my wife isn't!

You bring up an interesting point for those who have now moved to Thailand. Because it is as you say in the opposite direction for us.

When we lived in the US we made of course had much better incomes & it was no problem to come back to Thailand

every year for a month or months at times.

Now we live here instead & the income of course is not like the US so we cannot afford a yearly trip back the other way .

Or at least do not feel as financially easy about doing so.

You kind of get economically assimilated in Thailand & have to be more cautious with money because of it.

At least we do anyway

At the risk of diverting the topic, I agree 100% about living in Thailand. I have no desire to go back to the UK and although I miss my daughters, they will visit here. I would rather pay for them to travel this way, than we go west.

We just got back from a month in the UK, which was the first UK trip for my missus. She loved it - I loved it too because I saw the UK at it's best and she really enjoyed seeing the places that I thought she would like.

At first she was a little on the back foot - foreign country, foreign language (mainly Polish!) cold at times, too HOT at times and light until 10.00 pm . I had noticed this on an earlier visit to Malaysia so I factored in regular opportunities to talk to Thais and to have (real) Thai food.

She was a pleasure to be with because she traveled with an open mind and appreciated the different type of beauty that the Lake District, North Yorkshire Moors etc holds.

[MAJIC]

Have you asked her why her preference is to stay in Thailand? There could be many reasons. You have named a few of them.

Most Australians, or other nationalities, would probably prefer to live in their home countries, near family, friends, familiar places, etc, speaking their native language, and so on.

My wife, who is also Thai, is the opposite, she is happy to visit Thailand, but is adamant that she never wants to live there again, even though she has several very good friends, and two younger sisters to whom she is close. She detests the corruption in public life, that's the main thing. I think she also believes that I will be healthier and live longer in a western country. She is probably right, I think.

Finally, Thai people are very careful about making new Thai friends. My wife is very picky in who she chooses to maintain friendships with - although she has no problem making friendships with people of other nationalities. There is something in the Thai attitude towards other Thais that is complex and hard for us to understand. That might be a potential factor for your wife, she has her circle of relatives and friends, and cannot be bothered meeting new Thais in other countries.

If you are significantly older than her, it is also likely that she would prefer to be widowed in her home country than in a foreign land. Depends on how good she is at looking after herself, paying bills, dealing with government rules and regulations, etc.\

Hope this helps.

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

When I was away on business, when my wife & I were living overseas, I ended up with huge phone bills (prior to Skype) as she would chat with her family for hours.

My wife & I now live in Thailand (retired), but she has told me on a number of occasions that she would like to return to Australia as she hates the day to day corruption & misses the quality of living in Australia. Probably will go back for a "refresher" in a few years.

OP: Do not know if it applies to your partners family circumstances, but relationship conflicts are caused if you do not mutually agree an allowance to support some of the wife’s close family prior to her relocating to your country

Your first line speaks volumes:

To add to the above post, Thai women abroad tend to congregate in groups, usually with a “queen bee” & can be vicious gossips that can cause a great deal of unhappiness.

This is exactly what I have found,they all like to congregate together as often as possible,they do try and integrate with English people but this comes a poor second to keeping their contacts with other Thais,the Queen Bee or Mama San (as I call her,upsets the English husbands on a regular basis,and doesn't give a damn, ) decides where they will meet,what they will do,and where they will go. She also organises the Gambling,in particular card schools lasting all day and all night sometimes. Out of at least 20 Thai women I know in the UK,only 1 is sensible and doesn't Gamble.The contact by phone is every day,and several times a day,as you say: the gossiping is vicious,and doesn't take into account of anyones feelings,just like in the village it's often lies or manufactured nonsense,creating a home from home atmosphere it would seem.

To the OP my advice is choose the area you live very carefully,and research that there is not too many Thais in the area you plan to settle with your wife. Or you will most certainly regret being overwelmed with Thai women in your own Country if you dont!

My wife has 3 or 4 decent Thai friends, the rest of them I would cheerfully love to see them "go home" some English friends of mine would like to see the very same mischief makers included. Beware!