How much to help support Thai in-laws?

[giggles]

just give until you end up potless and return home without a pot to pee in ,thats the normal practice for farlangs

[billd766]

When I was working we used to give 3,000 baht each to MIL and FIL as they were retired and living on their savings.

Since I retired and the GBP/Baht exchange rate went down a long way I don't give anything any more.

On the other hand my MIL lives with us up country in a little house which we built with this in mind and the FIL is down in BKK looking after the youngest son who is a bit of a casualty from doing illegal things when he was younger and my wifes other 2 brothers are keeping and eye on FIL and nong loopy.

[billd766]

just give until you end up potless and return home without a pot to pee in ,thats the normal practice for farlangs

Is that your personal experience or the bar stool talking?

[krisb]

just give until you end up potless and return home without a pot to pee in ,thats the normal practice for farlangs

 

Is that your personal experience or the bar stool talking?

He seems to think he's speaking on behalf of us all.

[David48]

Maybe better to teach them to fish, rather then buy them a fish.

BTW CCC, I'm surprised at the price points you have chosen and many girls send home between 5,000 and 10,000 Baht a Month from their earnings, so your B 5,000 - B 20,000 option is well wide of the mark. My humble opinion only.

If, however, they have 'extra' earnings, say a 2^nd job, or found particularly profitable 'employment', that figure (5,000 and 10,000 Baht a Month) would be revised up ...

Just for the record, when my lady was working, I gave nothing in terms of a stipend.

She used to contribute about B 12,000 and pay the Elec and Phone/Internet Bill ... about B 1,000 each ... but she lived with her parents, hence was sheltered and fed.

.

Im not sure who tells you these stories David, but I hear of much lower amounts around here. It also depends on how many children but these amounts are far to high they can live much cheaper. Personally I don't give a single B that is what my gf does from money she earns and she send no more then 3.000 bt. Many of her friends send similar amounts not much higher.

Ok pay up when her father or mother has a birthday or a special day but that is the same what she does for my parents. I made it a point not to pay them, the more you pay the more they see you as an ATM not a person.

Well, the term 'stories' ... is a little disingenuous.

That aside, everyone's miles are different.

The Farm Family is just outside Bangkok and maybe the higher wages and cost of living affects the return home?

Who knows ... I'm just responding with what gets paid around the circle of Thais I know.

The other contributors to the Farm Family are the Farm Father, who pays more and the gf's 2 sisters who pay less.

Their (gf's 2 sisters) contributions is an open sore between me and the gf because they contribute the least and suck the most out the the 'system'.

Indeed, that's how it seems to work ... social security. Those who have the most contribute the most ... those who have less are the net beneficiaries ...

But we digress ...

.

[Indrid Cold]

I pay for some things that are of use to me too. 5k bath car 600 internet and about 6/700 electric. I dont know how much the old mother benefits from that but i get a decent place to live. I am not counting the pocket money i give for the teengare when she goes to school and that varies a lot depending on her mood.

Edited August 18, 2013 by Indrid Cold

[buck99]

I don't give anything to my GF's mother except for birthdays. I give 12,000 a month to my GF's daughter for college and living expenses - as long as she maintains an above average grade point average which she does.

[giggles]

just give until you end up potless and return home without a pot to pee in ,thats the normal practice for farlangs

Is that your personal experience or the bar stool talking?

i dont hang around in thai bars ,far too boring all that inane twaddle

[billd766]

just give until you end up potless and return home without a pot to pee in ,thats the normal practice for farlangs

Is that your personal experience or the bar stool talking?

i dont hang around in thai bars ,far too boring all that inane twaddle

So how DID you come up with this gem of information then?

Perhaps you did a poll of ALL the farangs (but you missed me), took a wag (wild ass guess), used a crystal ball, had your palm read?

Do tell as if it works I might use that service myself.

[falkan]

give money for what? get a job son!

[robblok]

Maybe better to teach them to fish, rather then buy them a fish.

BTW CCC, I'm surprised at the price points you have chosen and many girls send home between 5,000 and 10,000 Baht a Month from their earnings, so your B 5,000 - B 20,000 option is well wide of the mark. My humble opinion only.

If, however, they have 'extra' earnings, say a 2^nd job, or found particularly profitable 'employment', that figure (5,000 and 10,000 Baht a Month) would be revised up ...

Just for the record, when my lady was working, I gave nothing in terms of a stipend.

She used to contribute about B 12,000 and pay the Elec and Phone/Internet Bill ... about B 1,000 each ... but she lived with her parents, hence was sheltered and fed.

.

Im not sure who tells you these stories David, but I hear of much lower amounts around here. It also depends on how many children but these amounts are far to high they can live much cheaper. Personally I don't give a single B that is what my gf does from money she earns and she send no more then 3.000 bt. Many of her friends send similar amounts not much higher.

Ok pay up when her father or mother has a birthday or a special day but that is the same what she does for my parents. I made it a point not to pay them, the more you pay the more they see you as an ATM not a person.

Well, the term 'stories' ... is a little disingenuous.

That aside, everyone's miles are different.

The Farm Family is just outside Bangkok and maybe the higher wages and cost of living affects the return home?

Who knows ... I'm just responding with what gets paid around the circle of Thais I know.

The other contributors to the Farm Family are the Farm Father, who pays more and the gf's 2 sisters who pay less.

Their (gf's 2 sisters) contributions is an open sore between me and the gf because they contribute the least and suck the most out the the 'system'.

Indeed, that's how it seems to work ... social security. Those who have the most contribute the most ... those who have less are the net beneficiaries ...

But we digress ...

.

Ah the 12.000 was given by your gf when she lived with her parents shelter and fed.. different story.

You have to think that 20k for many Thais is a good wage, they cant afford to give 12k away then and just imagine 2 girls doing that then the parents would live in abundance while the daughters have less.

Anyway i hear a lot lower amounts from girls that pay their parents themselves, things do change when a farang pays (often) because of higher expectations and its no longer hurting her but the farang. That is one of the reasons I don't pay, when its their money they are much more careful with it then handing out an others money.

In case of genuine trouble sure and of course the birthdays and other special days but wife does the same for my parents and of course has her own income. I would not ask her to support my family, I wonder how many of those girls would pay for the family of their husband.

[benalibina]

Over a decade ago i lived with a thai woman in my country. When she started making her own money i asked her why she transferred money monthly and not f.i for 3 months in 1 go. That would save bankingcharges IMO. She replied that after halve the time the money would be finished and....... That was also the reason why she only seldom called them. Felt sorry for her that.

[giggles]

just give until you end up potless and return home without a pot to pee in ,thats the normal practice for farlangs

Is that your personal experience or the bar stool talking?

i dont hang around in thai bars ,far too boring all that inane twaddle

So how DID you come up with this gem of information then?

Perhaps you did a poll of ALL the farangs (but you missed me), took a wag (wild ass guess), used a crystal ball, had your palm read?

Do tell as if it works I might use that service myself.

its the sumation of all the guys living in the area of my thai abode ,over the last 15 years since i built my house .

none of them are left in the area ,they all got shat on by their thai wives and went home after writing off their investments of house and in 1 case a guesthouse.

[EyesWideOpen]

0 baht is the correct answer. If I had a girlfriend in the states, I sure as hell would not be sending her family money.

My girlfriend's family here survived before me, and they certainly will survive if I get run over by a bus. Besides if you log

much time on a classic family visit to the Isan farm family of your loving Thai girlfriend, you will quickly see that the

relatives there seem to only sit around and talk or drink whisky, or both, with not a lot of work going on. Who wants

to dump hard earned money into that situation? Besides if you talk to your loving girlfriend and ask her how much

her brothers are sending back to support the family, you will be shocked to find the answer is...........0 baht.

[benalibina]

0 baht is the correct answer. If I had a girlfriend in the states, I sure as hell would not be sending her family money.

My girlfriend's family here survived before me, and they certainly will survive if I get run over by a bus. Besides if you log

much time on a classic family visit to the Isan farm family of your loving Thai girlfriend, you will quickly see that the

relatives there seem to only sit around and talk or drink whisky, or both, with not a lot of work going on. Who wants

to dump hard earned money into that situation? Besides if you talk to your loving girlfriend and ask her how much

her brothers are sending back to support the family, you will be shocked to find the answer is...........0 baht.

In the above example the foreigners are always the lucky 1s who live together with the most caring and responsible daughter/person of the family !!!

[ericnoodeeka]

450,000 baht a month each because we know nobody can survive on less than that a month in Thailand. It's more expensive than the Uk here now and buffalos need many medicines.

450000 baht a month are u for real.

'for real' ... no ... we think he was having a wee pull of the leg.

i think just a tad more than a weeeeeee pull of the leg, lol.

[Chittychangchang]

From meeting other farang's the common notion that your wife/partner is a caring person and has family values, one of there attractions.

So a modest piece of mind gesture is about 5000 baht per month including birthday's, new year etc. to help with their parents small pension.

Most Thai children send something on a regular basis to their parents, it's part of the culture of Thailand.

For those that have voted "don't give a baht" then i fear they have been stung in the past and have given to much and married the wrong person or perhaps they had the fortune to marry someone who had made there money already.

To the poster who voted 20,000 baht a month it would be interesting to hear your story.

CCC

[pigeonjake]

my inlaws have been more then fare with me,

we lived with them for over 6 months, they are allways there should i need help,

i find if you want to be part of a thai family they will welcome you, if you want to be stand offish then thats down to you,

i would sooner be part of the family, but that just me,

so my 4,000 bht i give to mama gives me piece of mind when im away, we had our daughter last sept and mama was a great help to my wife as i wasnt there i was working,

its each to there own, if you want to give and can aford it why not,

if you dont then thats your business,

jake

[David48]

For those that have voted "don't give a baht" then i fear they have been stung in the past and have given to much and married the wrong person or perhaps they had the fortune to marry someone who had made there money already.

CCC

Dear CCC ... you really didn't think that this poll would be a true reflection of the current state of affairs .. did you?

Not that you can change it ... but it's flawed by it's polling method for starters.

Let's give an example.

Let's have a pissing contest.

Who can drink the most?

So naturally, you are going to get a number of (presumably) men who will try and persuade you that they are indeed testosterone filled chaps and can drink anyone under the table.

The guys who are 'average' drinkers, like me, won't bother to comment or sign their name to a post saying that 2 large gives them a buzz, 3 is really fun, 4 large (in a relatively short time) will induce more then mild euphoria, 5 means I hope I'm sitting down and as for 6 large ... David's asleep in the corner.

Ask any mother ... is your baby average?

The same here.... most men are the silent majority.

I send the future MiL B 5,000 per month. The reason being is that the gf used to give B12,000 when she was working. I asked to here chuck in her job of 12 years as a manager in a company and come live in my home country for an extended period.

Her parents, read her mother, really depends on that income as the Farm Mother feeds and takes care of her grandchildren, pays their school fees, drives them to the road where the catch the bus ... up every morning @ 6am ... collects them every afternoon.

So I asked around ... who gives what to the Farm Family?

I cut 'our' contribution from B 12,000 down B 5,000, made it well know that some of the BS spending going on with the kids, we (I) wasn't going to tolerate.

When she's back to work she helps to pay off my home loan (hopefully ... ) and I stop contributing to the Farm Family and she starts again)

What do I get back in return for my current contribution?

Well a free place to stay when I visit, free food ,,, though we do the TESCO shuffle and buy maybe 600 baht worth of stuff every other week.

The first week I was at the Farm ... the Farm Father loaded us all into the truck and off to a nicer restaurant ... 5 adults and 4 kids, B 1,800 ... he payed.

So it's swings and round-a-bouts.

Like anywhere around the world ... there are no free lunches ... but the trick to avoid the expensive ones.

And we have all read and sometimes experienced when things go belly up in Thailand.

I do feel for the guys who have been ripped in Thailand over this ... truly feel for them.

So, the indirect Social Welfare system is truly alive and kicking. That said, I really benefit from it ... as I also contribute to it.

Just read pigeonjake's comment above ...

[Chittychangchang]

For those that have voted "don't give a baht" then i fear they have been stung in the past and have given to much and married the wrong person or perhaps they had the fortune to marry someone who had made there money already.

CCC

Dear CCC ... you really didn't think that this poll would be a true reflection of the current state of affairs .. did you?

Not that you can change it ... but it's flawed by it's polling method for starters.

Let's give an example.

Let's have a pissing contest.

Who can drink the most?

So naturally, you are going to get a number of (presumably) men who will try and persuade you that they are indeed testosterone filled chaps and can drink anyone under the table.

The guys who are 'average' drinkers, like me, won't bother to comment or sign their name to a post saying that 2 large gives them a buzz, 3 is really fun, 4 large (in a relatively short time) will induce more then mild euphoria, 5 means I hope I'm sitting down and as for 6 large ... David's asleep in the corner.

Ask any mother ... is your baby average?

The same here.... most men are the silent majority.

I send the future MiL B 5,000 per month. The reason being is that the gf used to give B12,000 when she was working. I asked to here chuck in her job of 12 years as a manager in a company and come live in my home country for an extended period.

Her parents, read her mother, really depends on that income as the Farm Mother feeds and takes care of her grandchildren, pays their school fees, drives them to the road where the catch the bus ... up every morning @ 6am ... collects them every afternoon.

So I asked around ... who gives what to the Farm Family?

I cut 'our' contribution from B 12,000 down B 5,000, made it well know that some of the BS spending going on with the kids, we (I) wasn't going to tolerate.

When she's back to work she helps to pay off my home loan (hopefully ... ) and I stop contributing to the Farm Family and she starts again)

What do I get back in return for my current contribution?

Well a free place to stay when I visit, free food ,,, though we do the TESCO shuffle and buy maybe 600 baht worth of stuff every other week.

The first week I was at the Farm ... the Farm Father loaded us all into the truck and off to a nicer restaurant ... 5 adults and 4 kids, B 1,800 ... he payed.

So it's swings and round-a-bouts.

Like anywhere around the world ... there are no free lunches ... but the trick to avoid the expensive ones.

And we have all read and sometimes experienced when things go belly up in Thailand.

I do feel for the guys who have been ripped in Thailand over this ... truly feel for them.

So, the indirect Social Welfare system is truly alive and kicking. That said, I really benefit from it ... as I also contribute to it.

Just read pigeonjake's comment above ...

Thanks for the post David!

The poll will never be a true reflection but an indication as are the comments shared by members.

I wouldn't compare it to a pissing contest(correct me if i'm wrong).

Most of the farang's i've met in the person send about £100/5000 bahtish every month to the elderly in-laws.

Myself- I've helped in the past with home improvements and some business helping them to be self sufficient. I'ts paid of and similar to what you posted earlier" give them the rod not the fish " has worked. However, they where doing alright before i came along and tbh they receive more income from the wife's younger brothers who work offshore in the O&G industry.

We have our own commitments now as a family based in the U.K with three children and the in-laws understand that with both of us working we probally only send them 2000 baht on mil & fil birthday and New Year. We are not cheap Charlies, just struggling like every family at the moment.

The whole ball game with the Thai in-laws changes when you have children, I've noticed it and can say they take you more seriously and know you are family for keeps. So with that comes allowances and support.

Just my personal observations and experiences, like you say "swings and roundabouts".

"Like anywhere around the world ... there are no free lunches ... but the trick to avoid the expensive ones." Hopefully threads like this will assist people in the future and stop guys being ripped off.

But seriously!!! An Aussie that can not drink six large beers, I do not believe that for one minute!! One day in the future at a Thai visa party or wherever it would be good to have a few Changs with you and dispell that rumor.

CCC

Edited August 18, 2013 by Chittychangchang

[pigeonjake]

to be honest,

i think some on here are scared to say, yes i give my inlaws some money, in fear of ridicule from some other posters,

if some want to say , you shouldnt be giving them money,, up to them,,

my inlaws welcomed me into the family before they new what i was about, i didnt tell them what i did at first, i didnt even tell the wife, and its only the last few years that she knows what i earn,,lol,,

a little story,,

i bought a little tractor, its a 20 horse power kabuta, cost me 48,000 deliverd with a 4 disc, then i spent 15,000 getting it in top notch condition, its spot on now,

i use it for ploughing inbetween the fruit trees and a bit of veg growing land,

i let papa use it on there land were they grow veg,and now they are growing more veg then ever and selling bags and bags of it,

so they only need a little help and there off, and i think youll find the same in most familys, they just need a little help to start helping themselfs,

jake

[patongphil]

I wonder if all those that voted zero baht really know whether, or how much, their wives are sending home every month - including those not working.

Edited August 19, 2013 by patongphil

[JLCrab]

Other than what the girl friend might give her hard-working parents from her own funds, I find it no big deal to help them out with the occasional cash when such is a big help. In exchange for helping to send their daughter to university, which she always wanted but they never had the funds, she is a year from graduation and already getting job offers. Besides, at times she goes off to school looking like this and I have to tell her to be careful of those buttons -- if one of them popped they might hurt somebody staring in the wrong direction.

[David48]

Let's have a pissing contest.

Who can drink the most?

So naturally, you are going to get a number of (presumably) men who will try and persuade you that they are indeed testosterone filled chaps and can drink anyone under the table.

The guys who are 'average' drinkers, like me, won't bother to comment or sign their name to a post saying that 2 large gives them a buzz, 3 is really fun, 4 large (in a relatively short time) will induce more then mild euphoria, 5 means I hope I'm sitting down and as for 6 large ... David's asleep in the corner.

But seriously!!! An Aussie that can not drink six large beers, I do not believe that for one minute!! One day in the future at a Thai visa party or wherever it would be good to have a few Changs with you and dispell that rumor.

... correct ... I should have written ... 'for illustration purposes only' ... ... I enjoy a beer as much as my fellow Aussie.

You wrote .. "The whole ball game with the Thai in-laws changes when you have children, I've noticed it and can say they take you more seriously and know you are family for keeps." ... and what I seen of Family interactions ... quite true.

[dank]

I give 12000 a month to my gf mother this is usually spent on food for 6-8 people, 3 childrens schooling, clothing, and general needs and well being.

Fuel for a car and two motorbikes, the power and water bill for my house which they live in, food for pigs and chickens.

Along with any expenses that arise for various farms.

Doctors bills as my gf father has a weekly visit from a nurse and his medication.

When l go back to the village the house is always clean the farms are always well maintained the children are always well dressed so its really a small price to pay to help your family out l think.

Sent from my GT-N7105T using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[rene123]

I do not give her parents a monthly sum.

What I DID give ......

Mothers birthday - 1000

Fathers birthday - 1000

Sisters birthday - 1000

Grandfathers funeral - 5000 towards the cost.

Storm damage - 5000 towards the cost.

Total for 1 year = 13000 Baht.

I was asked to help with the storm damage but not for the grandfathers funeral, nor asked for the birthdays.

I am not here to support her family except for the odd voluntary donation here and there.

If the long term g/f wants to give her parents / family money, that is up to her.

Good post, PD. You treat it as everyone should, as a form of charity or as a personal gift. No foreigner should be required to help out family, should choose to do so out of compassion and good will.

[David48]

I give 12000 a month to my gf mother this is usually spent on food for 6-8 people, 3 childrens schooling, clothing, and general needs and well being.

Great first post ... ... I was never so bold.

May ask if the 3 children are your gf's (blood, rather then honorary ) kids?

If the 3 kids have other mothers ... what do those other mothers provide?

One presumes those 'other mothers' are you gf's sisters.

[Kudel]

I give 12000 a month to my gf mother this is usually spent on food for 6-8 people, 3 childrens schooling, clothing, and general needs and well being.

Fuel for a car and two motorbikes, the power and water bill for my house which they live in, food for pigs and chickens.

Along with any expenses that arise for various farms.

Doctors bills as my gf father has a weekly visit from a nurse and his medication.

When l go back to the village the house is always clean the farms are always well maintained the children are always well dressed so its really a small price to pay to help your family out l think.

Sent from my GT-N7105T using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

i and many of my fellow country men keep chickens at home they are good for garbage disposal,leftover food and they are double the size of thai chickens never had to buy food for chickens al the time ive had them and fresh eggs everyday.And i have a cleaning lady come over once a week witch costs me less then maintaining a thai family .

[BB1955]

When my wife worked back in my home country she sent 3 to 4 thousand a month home . She has one older sisiter and one older brother . Often times I would notice a somber look on her face after calling home , later to find out family needed money . I later learned it was her older brother presuring her to send more money home . I never gave an inch . I learned later he was making about 6 or 7 thousand baht a day from his wife cooking at the road side cafe we had bought her parents . Well his greed got him his wife took to gambling and left him leaving about 100,000 baht in un paid gambling debt ... No one to cook and no money coming in and two kids to put through school . I still did not budge .

After we moved here he called wanting to borrow 3000 baht , I said no ,,, We are not starting this .... Wife said give it to him he will not pay it back so next time he calls we can say no you never paid back last time ... So I did and sure enough three years later never paid it back ... If MIL sick wife will go down and help out , we dont send money every month , sister helps little bit but not much. Brother inlaws kids just suck up what the MIL and FIL have ... Wife went down and tossed one of the kids out , only to come back and find he had moved back in with his girlfriend .... Its sad but the tendency is to have kids let the grandparents deal with them while the parents are off doing what ever they want ....

Word to the wise if you start giving the more will be expected .. Best to nip it quick even if you have to sleep on the couch a few nights ....

[dank]

David48

The three children consist of one being my gf son ( whos father refuses to support so in return he is refused any access)( we also have a daughter together ) one her niece from her deceased brother whos mother ran away from her responsibilities when she was born and the second niece is from her sister who is studying overseas and contributes what she can when she can.

Sent from my GT-N7105T using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app