50, wanting to make a huge change, lack of support from family - your thoughts?

[iskhppynss]

Hi,

New member, first post.

I'm a 50-yr old education professional living in US. After chasing money for 25 years, I've reached the point in my life that I don't want to work so hard any longer. I am intent on living a more happier life, free from wanting to chase 'things'. I am seriously considering selling much of my stuff over this next school year and, minimally, taking a leave of absence from my job as an elementary principal, moving to Thailand next summer for a year and seeing what it is like there. I have a retirement waiting for me in 2021. I will have saved up enough $ this next school year to live comfortably in Thailand at least for a year, possibly longer if I manage my investments well, and if needed, I'm pretty certain I can find work in education.

My reason for posting - my parents view of this decision. They are angry at me for wanting this change. They are in their mid-70's and have done well financially and are enjoying a nice retirement. Historically, I've always tried to do what my parents wanted, to earn more, to be the best, but frankly, I'm tired of working so hard. I am having trouble moving forward simply because they don't approve. My 26-yr old son seems to be okay with it. My mom says that I'm not thinking of others - that I should continue to work to provide for my son after I die (he has nothing to worry about), that how dare I not use my doctorate that SHE paid for to help others, blah, blah...

I get the feeling that I will have the opportunity to make friends in Thailand who have made similar choices. I'm outgoing and have a lot to offer the community. I feel that I will be able to stay in touch with my family while I'm in Thailand as much or maybe even more so, as I do now, because I won't be working so many hours and will have time to do so. I am worried about health care and if I need insurance, but that is another topic.

How have your families responded to your decision to move to Thailand? How have you reconciled that?

Any replies would be greatly appreciated!

[benalibina]

Times, perception, desires and situations change. You live for yourself or others ? Do what you wanna do is my advice. Your son is ok with it you write. Go do what you want.

[Chittychangchang]

Dejavu

Come for 6 months and see how you fair, no need to go all in straight away.

CCC

[davidst01]

your 50 yrs old and your still worried about what your parents think. Come on mate, grow a pair.

[pomchop]

I retired at age 52 and never regretted it. Remember you can always make more money but you can never make more time.

I would not trade the experiences I have had for the past 13 years for a bigger bank roll....no way. Also keep in mind that for MOST people as you get older you will likely NOT be able to do many of the adventures that are easy to do in your fifties. I enjoyed traveling around Thailand in old beat up buses/boats/trains and staying in simple bungalows etc etc.....it was a fantastic adventure and I wouldn't trade it for anything...BUT....as you get older it may not be so easy to travel rough style.

I took a lot of people on cruises/tours during 30++ years in the travel business. The one thing I heard from our older cllients over and over and over was "I should have done this trip when I was younger". Good advice.

As you have said I would bet IF IF you want you can pretty easily get a job teaching in Thailand...but frankly take at least a year off first and travel the country is my recommendation....try to learn some Thai asap.....decide what areas you like before settling down. Thailand is a big country with a LOT of choices of lifesyles..everything from the big city life of Bangkok to the quiet life on remote islands or the rural life of a Chiang Rai.

[iskhppynss]

your 50 yrs old and your still worried about what your parents think. Come on mate, grow a pair.

Hahha...I'm a woman. A first born, from a well-educated, stereo-typical American family. I was/am (?) a conformist, with a 'rebel' side. I totally get what you're saying though. It's tough because I was brought up this way.

[iskhppynss]

I retired at age 52 and never regretted it. Remember you can always make more money but you can never make more time.

I would not trade the experiences I have had for the past 13 years for a bigger bank roll....no way. Also keep in mind that for MOST people as you get older you will likely NOT be able to do many of the adventures that are easy to do in your fifties. I enjoyed traveling around Thailand in old beat up buses/boats/trains and staying in simple bungalows etc etc.....it was a fantastic adventure and I wouldn't trade it for anything...BUT....as you get older it may not be so easy to travel rough style.

I took a lot of people on cruises/tours during 30++ years in the travel business. The one thing I heard from our older cllients over and over and over was "I should have done this trip when I was younger". Good advice.

As you have said I would bet IF IF you want you can pretty easily get a job teaching in Thailand...but frankly take at least a year off first and travel the country is my recommendation....try to learn some Thai asap.....decide what areas you like before settling down. Thailand is a big country with a LOT of choices of lifesyles..everything from the big city life of Bangkok to the quiet life on remote islands or the rural life of a Chiang Rai.

I do want to travel, I am in shape and can bike, hike, walk well. I'm wanting to travel as much as I can before old-age sets in and I'm not able to anymore. Hopefully by then, I'll have a partner who can be by my side and grow old together comfortably.

I like what you're saying about take a year to travel the country first, see if it's where I want to be and work for a while.

[I Like Thai]

You might be better posting this in the ladies section

[NeverSure]

What does your school retirement pay look like in 7 years? I have a friend in Oregon in the US who's a retired principal and his retirement pay is almost as much as his working pay. Additionally he gets $2500 a month for social security. I think his retirement income is about $10,000 a month. Yes, that's more than 300,000 Thai baht per month for life. That's almost a king's ransom in Thailand.

If you quit now, your social security checks will be small and I don't know if you qualify for any school retirement. Yes, you can get a good job in education and if lucky, maybe even 100,000 baht per month but you'll work hard for it.

The common bachelor's degree English teacher makes about 30,000 baht per month which is about $1000. That's a little tough to live on but it can be done.

Don't forget that you'll want medical insurance or a whole bunch of money to self insure. As you approach 70, you can no longer get any real medical insurance and medicare isn't available if you live outside the states.

I'm with the group that says try it for 6 months and see what you think. I'd never go all in, myself. I maintain a home and residency in the US, keep my medicare advantage current, and spend about 1/2 my time in Thailand.

[pomchop]

You can buy a health insurance policy from BUPA....the biggest Thai health insurer ( I think). I bought a simple Major Medical policy that ONLY paid if I was admitted to a hospital....basic doctor visits are not all that expensive and if you are in decent health probably no need to buy the more expensive cover every doctor visit type.

Dental care is very cheap and good in Thailand especially compared to the rip off dental prices in USA so just pay as you go for dental but do make sure to have some kind of major medical at least...and remember a lot of the policies do not pay full benefits if you are injured in a motorbike accident.

. Just google BUPA and you'll find the info or send them an email and they will provide you with their different policy and premium info.

[JSixpack]

Well, I've never cared what anyone else thought about my personal decisions. Nor should you, really. Live for yourself. Ever read Harry Browne's How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World? If not, you should.

I quite understand your wanting to get out of the rat race early. I hated it, too.

Seems to me you're under-capitalized, however. Better not burn bridges. You may find it tough going. If you're a conscientious person, then teaching is real work here. It's like another rat race. Doing it for a while might be interesting. But year after year? I'd only move here permanently if I knew I already had enough of an income so that I could achieve a bare-bones survival without working if need be.

Thailand's great if you're just spending money liberally. For most people, it's not so great if you're trying to earn money or get anything done. You can't be sure you'll be an exception to the rule.

Touring Thailand is far different from living in Thailand. When you're living here, you're always running into all manner of annoyances, hassles, and disappointments. The initial glow and sense of mystery soon fade. Yet it's always at least interesting, sometimes like watching a train wreck; moreover, Southeast Asia is an interesting area of the world in which to live. Traveling around to neighboring countries is quite convenient. So if you get bored in a few months or screwed over, then you can easily get out for a while.

Consider other alternatives, such as just working part-time there (and taking vacations in Thailand), or living in a country like Mexico, Panama, or Ecuador that's far less ethnocentric, and more Westernized, with a far more accessible language.

Edited August 18, 2013 by JSixpack

[Indrid Cold]

Just let go, what happens happens, do this or you will regret it the rest of your life.

[JSixpack]

I . . . can bike

Traffic's so crazy here and it's often bloody hot. Whenever I see bicyclists I think they must have a death wish. Motorbiking's the thing. You can get real, professional training there before you come over! Bring your gear.

[JDGRUEN]

OP - if the thought of testing the waters in Thailand in the coming year or two is daunting in regards to finances. I wouldn't worry too much, my extensive reading and research - including a lot of individual stories shows that Thailand even more than most places allows one to live in a wide range of life styles. One can spend a lot - live same as a high style in South Florida. Or you can live in a style that might seem frugal to some (but not really) and live in a comfortable laid back style almost unheard of in the states for a fraction of the monthly expense. I have a friend who lives in Ao Nang, Krabi (South Thailand) across a small gulf of water from Phuket. He rents a brand new one bedroom bungalow with patio and other small outside area in a secluded community. He has a scooter and is about one mile from the fantastic beach with majestic views and small town. Just google image Krabi beach... His monthly living expense is less than $1100.00. He has a pickup truck but I think that is paid for. So even if you had vehicle payments your monthly expense would not be out the window.

You can always arrange to find some periodic education jobs back in the states - work for a semester or two - renew your finances and come back for six months ... write that book you've always wanted to do. Internet writing jobs can be found - just don't advertise that to the countryside. You could do that until your pension kicks in. Plus you keep contributing to Social Security some thus increasing the eventual monthly payout.

In my opinion - your parents are worried about you looking after them in their old age - and that is understandable ... but sounds like they have money and you can always go back to stay for long spells - see them through a tough time ... Your son can come for visits.

The advice given about getting in some adventure time while the body still functions well - IS GREAT ADVICE.

Your educated - lots of time spent learning - I bet you took a number of language classes -- Thai can be learned - functional everyday Thai - just put in some serious time. If you sign up for a language school - you can get an Education Visa (most offer to assist in getting this done)

[bina]

i would defininately move this to ladies; let me know and one of us will do so...

im fifty. at 40+ i remarried to a thai foreign worker, didnt ask my kids and didnt ask my parents, thats for first time weddings.

my kids are similar to me, they dont ask, they try things. so did my folks. so do i... go for it but in increments and with a safety net. i live on kibbutz so have no safety nets to fall on if i up and leave, but sometimes the better part of a doing a dream is the parts... and not all at once

[MrWorldwide]

OP - it's your life. How will you feel at 70 if you dont take a chance on happiness ?

I strongly recommend that you try SE Asia (I dont see Thailand as the only option. but that's a topic for another thread) for at least 6 months. I'm a weekend warrior, but I've done 3-month stints in LOS and Bangkok definitely feels different by the time you get back on the plane. You really need to determine if you can handle the crowds / traffic / idiosyncrasies of the Thai people. Use it as an opportunity to make side trips to Jakarta, KL, HCMC and other cities - Jakarta is a mind-blower and, IMO, a yardstick for the challenges facing Bangkok,

Happy trails.

[FritsSikkink]

your 50 yrs old and your still worried about what your parents think. Come on mate, grow a pair.

Hahha...I'm a woman. A first born, from a well-educated, stereo-typical American family. I was/am (?) a conformist, with a 'rebel' side. I totally get what you're saying though. It's tough because I was brought up this way.

Somebody who is 50 and is worried about that her parents don't approve with her lifestyle is NOT a rebel.

Your child is an adult so do what YOU want for a change.

[benalibina]

your 50 yrs old and your still worried about what your parents think. Come on mate, grow a pair.

Hahha...I'm a woman. A first born, from a well-educated, stereo-typical American family. I was/am (?) a conformist, with a 'rebel' side. I totally get what you're saying though. It's tough because I was brought up this way.

Somebody who is 50 and is worried about that her parents don't approve with her lifestyle is NOT a rebel.

Your child is an adult so do what YOU want for a change.

Read read, A REBEL SIDE !!!!!!!! She wrote. Pfffffff

[Songhua]

Go for it OP. You only live once. You'll never be any younger. Live it up. Paint the town red. Cut loose.

What's to lose? If you find you don't like it you can always go home again.

[Chittychangchang]

Take a walk on the wild side

[mca]

It's better to regret something you have done than regret something you haven't done - cliched but true.

I initially came here in the mid-nineties as a management trainee for one of the big league hotel chains. The choice was either here or the U.S. I'd been to the states before a few times and never been to LOS so I thought "Why not, it's only for a few months?"

I've been married for the best part of 16 years, have a wonderful wife and daughter and am now arranging what I think (I'm losing track ) is my 17th extension of stay.

To me a lot of what makes life good is the people you surround yourselves with. My Thai family and Thai and expat friends are the salt of the earth. I read some of the horror stories and f*cked up situations people on TVF get themselves into and, compared to my experiences, they might as well be taking about life on Mars.

[NCC1701A]

It is really freeing to sell all your "stuff" that controls you. walking away from your American Disneyland life and having a new set of challenges can be wonderful.

It is harder to tell your family you are leaving. I am a 57 American professional. For me, I told my 88 year old mom and sister I was going for 6 months and that it was "work related"... then just kept extending. Sort of cowardly, but I did not want to worry my mom with a "open ended" idea that I would not be back. I am a guy, so the look of horror on my sister's face when I told her I was going to Thailand was not good. I do go back and visit all the time. Like right now Sort of like going to Disneyland with really heavy security guards at the gate. Plan on returning more than you think.

Your mom sounds different than my mom. Sort of controlling. I hope that is OK to say. Lots of books written on this subject. Tell them you are a human being and you hit the wall and need to rest. At 57 I had to weigh 7-8 more years of US income and boredom vs freedom. That is a harder choice at your age. 50 is VERY YOUNG. If you can do this with out eating up your savings I say go for it. Your son will be really happy the first time he visits you in Thailand.

Don't think in absolutes, make a long term plan for returning to the U.S. And maybe talk in those terms as well. That is what your family wants to hear. And maybe you will. Stay invested in the US. There are real reason beyond anyone's control as to why you may need to return, so don't check out completely. US Banks, US property, US credit cards and rating and just enough cash into Thailand to function for 60-90 days at a time.

Non family members had problems too. When I told my coworkers I was quitting my six figure job in Los Angeles, and leaving, they did not believe me. Yeah dream on! As the days till my departure counted down, I could see some were very envious that I could do this. Many friends got very quite as they wanted so much to do what I was doing. Others were inspired to think outside the box. Some warned me about something they saw on a television show about Thailand. In the end, I had to stop talking about it. I was the prisoner who was being released while my cellmates had to stay behind.

With a little research you will find most (all) of your practical concerns about Thailand will disappear. Because you are a woman and intelligent I am thinking you will end up in Chiang Mai with all the rest of the smart people. Or if you are a beach person and have slightly more cash, maybe you will be in Hua Hin. Bangkok has the most work opportunities if you can do the crazy city energy thing. (not very restful)

it is hot here. 24/7.

With your professional background, when you are ready, (about 120 days after you get here and get back in touch with who you really are) you can get a job teaching if you want. I understand it can be a real challenge here. (maybe in a good way) Much info on this subject in this forum. Everyone here says teaching makes about $1000 USD, which would cover about 65 to 50% of your living costs in Chiang Mai. The debate about how much it costs to live in Thailand rages on this forum. Don't get caught up in it. (Much Thai bashing here as well, don't get caught up in it.) $2000 USD would be more than enough for a single person in Chiang Mai. I get by on $1500. It is tight, but worth it. In addition to $1500 a month for me there are one time costs as well, a trip to US once a year, US tax accountant fees, mail forwarding service.

Make a spread sheet and look at the expense numbers vs income, savings, pension, SS. Project forward 10 years.

Work permits bla bla bla... visa bla bla bla... just some hoops to jump through... or not.

As a single(?) woman, you may have to spend a little more for rent to be in a secure building. So instead of $300 a month maybe $500, which would be a nice condo or basic house with a gate/fence in Chiang Mai.

Who knows maybe you will meet a friend and split the rent on a place, now we are talking super cheap.

There is a wild west aspect to Thailand and many people will tell you transportation here is dangerous. It is. Assume nothing.

Look in all four directions before crossing a one way street.

Security is not a issue in "smart people" places.

Get home sick? Go to the nearest Four Seasons hotel and have dinner or check in for a night.

Remember as a American, you are still responsible to the IRS for taxes.

For me, I don't try to change Thailand, I just go with it and go with the flow and I try to ALWAYS set a good example. You really need to slow down and be happy. Lower your expectations, think about what horrible thing you would be going in the US right now instead of trying to deal with Thailand. If you force your American life style on Thailand you will crash. Think no car, car insurance, car repair, no politics, no house full of junk and clutter, no fast food, everyday is a adventure everywhere you look.

[benalibina]

It is really freeing to sell all your "stuff" that controls you. walking away from your American Disneyland life and having a new set of challenges can be wonderful.

It is harder to tell your family you are leaving. I am a 57 American professional. For me, I told my 88 year old mom and sister I was going for 6 months and that it was "work related"... then just kept extending. Sort of cowardly, but I did not want to worry my mom with a "open ended" idea that I would not be back. I am a guy, so the look of horror on my sister's face when I told her I was going to Thailand was not good. I do go back and visit all the time. Like right now Sort of like going to Disneyland with really heavy security guards at the gate. Plan on returning more than you think.

Your mom sounds different than my mom. Sort of controlling. I hope that is OK to say. Lots of books written on this subject. Tell them you are a human being and you hit the wall and need to rest. At 57 I had to weigh 7-8 more years of US income and boredom vs freedom. That is a harder choice at your age. 50 is VERY YOUNG. If you can do this with out eating up your savings I say go for it. Your son will be really happy the first time he visits you in Thailand.

Don't think in absolutes, make a long term plan for returning to the U.S. And maybe talk in those terms as well. That is what your family wants to hear. And maybe you will. Stay invested in the US. There are real reason beyond anyone's control as to why you may need to return, so don't check out completely. US Banks, US property, US credit cards and rating and just enough cash into Thailand to function for 60-90 days at a time.

Non family members had problems too. When I told my coworkers I was quitting my six figure job in Los Angeles, and leaving, they did not believe me. Yeah dream on! As the days till my departure counted down, I could see some were very envious that I could do this. Many friends got very quite as they wanted so much to do what I was doing. Others were inspired to think outside the box. Some warned me about something they saw on a television show about Thailand. In the end, I had to stop talking about it. I was the prisoner who was being released while my cellmates had to stay behind.

With a little research you will find most (all) of your practical concerns about Thailand will disappear. Because you are a woman and intelligent I am thinking you will end up in Chiang Mai with all the rest of the smart people. Or if you are a beach person and have slightly more cash, maybe you will be in Hua Hin. Bangkok has the most work opportunities if you can do the crazy city energy thing. (not very restful)

it is hot here. 24/7.

With your professional background, when you are ready, (about 120 days after you get here and get back in touch with who you really are) you can get a job teaching if you want. I understand it can be a real challenge here. (maybe in a good way) Much info on this subject in this forum. Everyone here says teaching makes about $1000 USD, which would cover about 65 to 50% of your living costs in Chiang Mai. The debate about how much it costs to live in Thailand rages on this forum. Don't get caught up in it. (Much Thai bashing here as well, don't get caught up in it.) $2000 USD would be more than enough for a single person in Chiang Mai. I get by on $1500. It is tight, but worth it. In addition to $1500 a month for me there are one time costs as well, a trip to US once a year, US tax accountant fees, mail forwarding service.

Make a spread sheet and look at the expense numbers vs income, savings, pension, SS. Project forward 10 years.

Work permits bla bla bla... visa bla bla bla... just some hoops to jump through... or not.

As a single(?) woman, you may have to spend a little more for rent to be in a secure building. So instead of $300 a month maybe $500, which would be a nice condo or basic house with a gate/fence in Chiang Mai.

Who knows maybe you will meet a friend and split the rent on a place, now we are talking super cheap.

There is a wild west aspect to Thailand and many people will tell you transportation here is dangerous. It is. Assume nothing.

Look in all four directions before crossing a one way street.

Security is not a issue in "smart people" places.

Get home sick? Go to the nearest Four Seasons hotel and have dinner or check in for a night.

Remember as a American, you are still responsible to the IRS for taxes.

For me, I don't try to change Thailand, I just go with it and go with the flow and I try to ALWAYS set a good example. You really need to slow down and be happy. Lower your expectations, think about what horrible thing you would be going in the US right now instead of trying to deal with Thailand. If you force your American life style on Thailand you will crash. Think no car, car insurance, car repair, no politics, no house full of junk and clutter, no fast food, everyday is a adventure everywhere you look.

What a nice and insightful comment. My compliments !

[Sharp]

As stated already try a 6month term first it will certainly give you a better perspective on how you will fare .

It's no holiday here trying to find your feet but defiantly worth it if you can manage too.

Good luck to you .

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[nottocus]

What have your parents got to do with it?

You are a 50 year old adult right?

[farang000999]

You are going to be able to just take a year off and then go back? Won't the school have already replaced you by then?

[Khun Jean]

Why Thailand? Beaches? Shopping? Culture?

The culture here is chasing 'things', more and more.... and who has the most is revered no matter if it was gained by good or bad.

If you want to escape the race for 'things' you can of course shield yourself from it. Poorer people seem to be more contend.

I would however choose New Zealand.

You can bike and hike the rest of your live without being worried of moronic behavior on roads, snakes in nature, incredible heat combined with high humidity etc. I am used to it, but if you are not comfortable in such a climate it is hard to bear.

Nature in Thailand is not the best because it is often polluted.

The Thai people are friendly and the best experience with Thai people is away from tourist hot spots.

I would try it out first, certainly not for a year, maybe 3-4 months.

You can then establish if you like the culture, climate and food. The try another country for 3-4 months.

Repeat until you find your place.

This from a 49 year old male married 2 kids, who rebelled against his family wishes some 20 years ago. They are still in the same rat race and have not seen anything of the world at all. Glad that i made that decision.

[zeichen]

"education professional living in US. After chasing money for 25 years, I've reached the point in my life that I don't want to work so hard any longer"

What Educator/Administrator is chasing money? This made me laugh beyond all things. I am sorry but if you think that educational

professionals work hard compared to the private sector you are mistaken.

If you need to save for an entire year in the US to live in Thailand for a year, you are definitely not chasing money. When I work abroad my goal is to save 2-3 times what I can earn here in Thailand.

Back to your original problem.

I will probably get slapped silly, but I have to disagree with every single poster thus far.

Making huge career changes that could cripple your chances of getting a decent job back in the US at this age in life would not be smart.

If you want to work in Thailand, get a job with an international school before coming over. Do not get hired locally or work for other jobs where you only earn 1k dollars a month regardless of credentials.

As for retiring at 50, big mistake. I also think listening to your parents is a smart move. To those that suggest not listening to one's parents are probably selfish. I do what I want, but I always listen to my parents and extended family before making decisions.

Are you going to sell your house or will you be paying mortgage while living here?

Giving up everything and coming to Thailand for an indefinite period of time before actually knowing if you like it or not, is silly.

You get at least 2 months off a year in the summer, come during that time, recharge your batteries every year and retire at a normal age with a good pension and SS. Retiring now will cripple you unless you have crazy amounts of savings stashed. What if you live for 40 more years?

The poster that said you can always earn more money but cannot get more time. Is right about not getting more time and if you died at 65 that would suck. But you cannot always earn more money. You know as well as I do that you have financial responsibilities that you could not continue to support if you retired now. You will find it very difficult possibly impossible to get another job in the US at 50+ especially if they ask you why did you leave your last position?

Do what every other person does, work, enjoy the time you have off, and retire normally when you have enough

[MrWorldwide]

zeichen, are you an accountant or an insurance assessor ? Risk equals reward, and staying in a rut when your whole being screams out for a change of latitude is a sensation that I suspect almost every member of this board is familiar with.

Give the woman a break - it's her life. This isnt about you getting 'slapped silly', or either of us being 'right' - its about someone who feels constrained by societal norms and wants to walk her own path - lets cut her some slack. The question was 'Do your parents/family approve of your decision to live your life ?', not 'Can someone give a 50-year old adult vocational guidance ?'. I saw nothing in her OP to indicate that she intends staking out a barstool on Suk Soi 4 and flushing her life down the toilet - lets try to give folk the benefit of the doubt, shall we ?

[rene123]

I\m also a woman (38) with enough income to survive a few years. I have enough income to live comfortably in Thailand for a long time should I want to. However, I would suggest that neversure gave a good reply. I would not burn my bridges and move to Thailand without having some alternative options. I have traveled a fair bit and I've learned that things are MUCH different when you live somewhere as compared to having a holiday in the same location. I've also learned that you don't need a lot of possessions (including property) to enjoy a happy life. In North America we've been sold a falsehood that we need to own a big house on a hill. As an old friend keeps telling me, you can only sit on one chair at a time.

Long story short, I do like the idea of a year in Thailand. You only live once. You don't need your parents permission. Your son is old enough to look after himself.