Unrealistic expectations?

[smooth expat]

Do you think it is unrealistic for a Thai lady to expect a high standard of living from every farang man? Should they expect a farang man to have a nice house and car? What if he lives in a 2,000 Baht a month fan room, peddles around on a bicycle, and eats at food stalls 3x daily? Should he be judged as a lousy provider? Why can't it be considered normal? Many Thai men earn lousy incomes and are not judged. Why judge the farang to a different standard?

[ukrules]

Those who earn a pittance no matter what country they come from are known as 'the poor' and 'the wealthy' all too often look down on them.

There's plenty of people like this in every country.

Many Thai men earn lousy incomes and are not judged.

Sure they are.

[britgent]

I bet you love the air con in 7/11 ooohhh I've got goosebumps!

Sent from my i-mobile IQ 6A using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[nottocus]

Of course you'd judge the farang on a different standard. If he didn't measure up you'd just get a thai guy who earned the same but at least you could talk to him.

[kandi]

Appearance is everything in Thailand. Even though many Thai men have a lousy income, they still do everything to hide it. No Thai wants others to assume they're poor, even when they have no clue about their real financial situation.

Being with a foreigner degrades a Thai lady's social status enough already. But what is worse is being with a POOR foreigner.

But if you believe it or not, there're still some girls around who are not stucked in this 18th century way of thinking. My lifestyle here is not much higher than yours, and I still have a girlfriend. Who by the way earns quite decent (THB40.000/month) and still prefers to take the bus. But well, you probably won't find that in a bar down in the Walking Street...

[Dancealot]

Hmmmm

Read it, .. it wasn't what i expected...

[vento]

I still have a girlfriend. Who by the way earns quite decent (THB40.000/month) and still prefers to take the bus. But well, you probably won't find that in a bar down in the Walking Street...

Correct, girls from Said street usually earns a bit more than 40k and prefers to rent or buy a motorbike

[maccaroni man]

Why would anyone want the burden of living with a cheap Charlie?

[guzzi850m2]

+90% will go for the one with money, like in the rest of the world.

I knew a well off expat on Phuket once, he liked a lady working in the hotel he was staying on then. She was married to a local taxi driver but had no kids.

He told her that he have sold his company in EU and wanted to go travel all over the world and he wanted her to go with him. After she was convinced he was serious she left the cabbie and got eventually married to the expat.

As far as I know they are still together and now spend their time living in 2 houses, one in EU (summer) and one on Phuket(winter).

Thai men do all to hide they have a relatively low income as other also mention, when I pass the many small apartment buildings around my moo baan, I am always surprised about the very nice and expensive cars parked outside,

the cars simply don't fit but it looks like they rather have a +1 mill baht car and then live in a small (rented?) apartment.

Edited August 23, 2013 by guzzi850m2

[JaiLai]

^ exactly, coz everyone sees the car, that's what it's all about...

[NeverSure]

I'm not so sure that being with a farang denigrates a Thai woman's status. Maybe being with a very much older slob farang does, but I'm not convinced that the farang part alone is a loss of status.

I could be wrong of course.

[thaibeachlovers]

Many of my Thai wife's workmates ask her why she still works when she is married to a farang. I'm automatically expected to be super rich.

BTW, her sister thinks I should be giving them lots of money- caused a few problems between us.

[thaibeachlovers]

Why would anyone want the burden of living with a cheap Charlie?

Never heard of "love"? Not every woman in the world is a financial mercenary.

[rene123]

Why would anyone want the burden of living with a cheap Charlie?

Very true, and especially one who doesn't speak your language. Cute girls have a wide assortment of men to choose from. They don't have to settle for second best.

[rene123]

Why would anyone want the burden of living with a cheap Charlie?

Never heard of "love"? Not every woman in the world is a financial mercenary.

It is hard to love a cheap Charlie because he only loves himself.

[TheSpade]

Do you think it is unrealistic for a Thai lady to expect a high standard of living from every farang man? Should they expect a farang man to have a nice house and car? What if he lives in a 2,000 Baht a month fan room, peddles around on a bicycle, and eats at food stalls 3x daily? Should he be judged as a lousy provider? Why can't it be considered normal? Many Thai men earn lousy incomes and are not judged. Why judge the farang to a different standard?

Most Thai girls would rather have a Thai guy than a farang. They tend to only go for farangs when the local guys don't want them or they can't get a local guy of the same standard of education / money / status.

So what appeal is a farang guy who is poorer than them?

Even if they can't get a Thai boyfriend because they are not considered Thai beautiful unless they are desperate there's no incentive or good reason for them to hook up with a farang if he's broke and living like a cheapskate.

He has little to offer them. I mean if you've no money how are you going to take her out?

Some guys need to get the idea out their head that just being white / foreign makes them desirable to Thai women.

I'm not so sure that being with a farang denigrates a Thai woman's status. Maybe being with a very much older slob farang does, but I'm not convinced that the farang part alone is a loss of status.

I could be wrong of course.

Confident that a lot of Thai's instantly think any white man with Thai girl is a sex tourist and her a hooker. It's just so normal here for that to be true that it must be the first thing people think. It's usually what I think and I don't touch hookers.

Why would anyone want the burden of living with a cheap Charlie?

Very true, and especially one who doesn't speak your language. Cute girls have a wide assortment of men to choose from. They don't have to settle for second best.

If a girl is cute by Thai standards she's probably not going to be considering a farang anyway. Most girls who have solid options with Thai men won't think twice about the foreigner (perceived sex tourist). Exceptions apply of course.

[canman]

Why judge the farang to a different standard?

I would say because the farang has or had so many more opportunities to do better for himself. Not judging here, simply offering an answer to the question.

[jamhar]

Do you think it is unrealistic for a Thai lady to expect a high standard of living from every farang man?

Remove the word "farang" from the sentence and it could describe the situation in every country in the world So why should Thai women be different?

Even in the US/Ca/EU and other western countries, the very successful women are typically married to even more successful men.

Its rare to find a woman who marries someone making less than they are.

[kannot]

Those who earn a pittance no matter what country they come from are known as 'the poor' and 'the wealthy' all too often look down on them.

There's plenty of people like this in every country.

Many Thai men earn lousy incomes and are not judged.

Sure they are.

I prefer to look at it as some but not all have no desire to be anything other than poor too idle to do anything except scrounge and moan at others who have worked their knackers off to get out of poverty.

There;s way too many of "these types" always thinks the world owes them a favour.

[Robby nz]

I would certainly come into many peoples cheap Charlie category for the way I live in TL.

But I live the way I do because I have priorities, I choose to live in a cheap place without a car and save my money for travel.

Since we have been together the lady and I have been to NZ twice OZ, Singapore, spent a fair bit of time in Lao and now have tickets for a trip to the UK.

Up to the individual what they want to do and how they want to live, if a flash house or condo and a big car are your thing than that's fine but I have my way and I don't give a stuff what people think when the see me eating at a 30b roadside place, walking or riding my bike down the road.

The lady is happy to go along with this , talks of love all the time and is seeing more of the world than most Thai girls ever will.

[JaiLai]

I would certainly come into many peoples cheap Charlie category for the way I live in TL.

But I live the way I do because I have priorities, I choose to live in a cheap place without a car and save my money for travel.

Since we have been together the lady and I have been to NZ twice OZ, Singapore, spent a fair bit of time in Lao and now have tickets for a trip to the UK.

Up to the individual what they want to do and how they want to live, if a flash house or condo and a big car are your thing than that's fine but I have my way and I don't give a stuff what people think when the see me eating at a 30b roadside place, walking or riding my bike down the road.

The lady is happy to go along with this , talks of love all the time and is seeing more of the world than most Thai girls ever will.

This is a fantastic attitude, each to their own, no right or wrong just personal preference.

[MrWorldwide]

I do know one attractive Thai gal who was willing to live with her Farang man in a style not too dissimilar to that described by the OP, but this was a young, good-looking guy. They would often join the other Thais - and the odd Farang like myself - at the front of the block for a communal meal and some cheap hooch. No idea what their deal was and I didnt ask - none of my business - but they seemed happy.

Get away from the Farang-dominated hotels on Suk Soi 22 and there are thousands of Thais living very cheaply - another get-together involved a family that seemed to be living in a converted garage : just one big room where the whole family ate, watched TV and slept. A tad rustic for mine, but proof that you can still live cheaply in central Bangkok if you are prepared to 'downsize' your expectations. Literally another world down some of those darkened alleyways - not sure I'd want to be down there without people I knew beforehand, but it was an eye-opener.

[somtampet]

Appearance is everything in Thailand. Even though many Thai men have a lousy income, they still do everything to hide it. No Thai wants others to assume they're poor, even when they have no clue about their real financial situation.

Being with a foreigner degrades a Thai lady's social status enough already. But what is worse is being with a POOR foreigner.

But if you believe it or not, there're still some girls around who are not stucked in this 18th century way of thinking. My lifestyle here is not much higher than yours, and I still have a girlfriend. Who by the way earns quite decent (THB40.000/month) and still prefers to take the bus. But well, you probably won't find that in a bar down in the Walking Street...

Very true,the bar workers earn twice that much,pay for sex and have farang and thai boyfriends,arent they the lucky ones,rather than a lousy 40k

[MAJIC]

I'm not saying it's right, but we all have to get used to the way it is in Thailand,the Richer you are the more respect comes your way,and the more superficial wealth and expensive consumer goods flaunted, the more you are looked up to,and not forgetting good looks are all important too!

Unrealistic expectations? of course,but most will never stop aiming for a rich lifestyle,being comfortable,with no money problems is not enough.

[TheSpade]

Personally I think a lot of the farang men that come here have unrealistic expectations about what they should be able to get in terms of women.

[HardenedSoul]

I think it's unrealistic but then again, there's gotta be some kind of compensation for being with someone you can't really communicate with beyond the most rudimentary barstool-Thai or pidgin English.

Of course, that doesn't apply if they can communicate effectively and the guy isn't 20 years older than she is.

Personally I think a lot of the farang men that come here have unrealistic expectations about what they should be able to get in terms of women.

I'd agree with that

If all the guys who boast on TV about their allegedly "stunning" or "Sino-Thai" wives and GFs were to actually post photos, there would be a considerable chasm between the objective reality and the adjectives used to describe them . . .

. . . . or the size of the stipend they pay each month

[arthurwait]

I'm not so sure that being with a farang denigrates a Thai woman's status. Maybe being with a very much older slob farang does, but I'm not convinced that the farang part alone is a loss of status.

I could be wrong of course.

Any girl whose status falls due to being with a farang didn't have any in the first place.

Any lower class/ country girl with a older farang will always be a hooker in Thai eyes whether she was or not. Whatever clothes she now wears or wherever she now lives.

Any real middle class or upper class girl with a farang her status doesn't change, she will always be the same. Thais can spot someones class very easily much easier than farangs can.

As someone said it's an 18th century way of thinking and not good , but they do think like that.

[TheSpade]

I'm not so sure that being with a farang denigrates a Thai woman's status. Maybe being with a very much older slob farang does, but I'm not convinced that the farang part alone is a loss of status.

I could be wrong of course.

Any girl whose status falls due to being with a farang didn't have any in the first place.

Any lower class/ country girl with a older farang will always be a hooker in Thai eyes whether she was or not. Whatever clothes she now wears or wherever she now lives.

Any real middle class or upper class girl with a farang her status doesn't change, she will always be the same. Thais can spot someones class very easily much easier than farangs can.

As someone said it's an 18th century way of thinking and not good , but they do think like that.

I disagree with what you are saying. For the lower class girls who basically had no status in the first place it won't matter much as it can't drop far.

For a middle to upper class girls to shack up with a farang she has a lot to lose and her status WILL drop dramatically by dating one.

That's why you'll find that most of the middle class Thais (I don't know any upper class Thai's dating farang) who date farangs are the ones who Thais do not have any interest in...either unattractive (to Thais and sometimes even to farang too tbh IMO), over weight, single mums or crazy.

[poanoi]

I think it's unrealistic but then again, there's gotta be some kind of compensation for being with someone you can't really communicate with beyond the most rudimentary barstool-Thai or pidgin English.

Of course, that doesn't apply if they can communicate effectively and the guy isn't 20 years older than she is.

Personally I think a lot of the farang men that come here have unrealistic expectations about what they should be able to get in terms of women.

I'd agree with that

If all the guys who boast on TV about their allegedly "stunning" or "Sino-Thai" wives and GFs were to actually post photos, there would be a considerable chasm between the objective reality and the adjectives used to describe them . . .

. . . . or the size of the stipend they pay each month

Ever heard of discretion ?

can't comply with your wishes, discretion is everything

[NeverSure]

I'm not so sure that being with a farang denigrates a Thai woman's status. Maybe being with a very much older slob farang does, but I'm not convinced that the farang part alone is a loss of status.

I could be wrong of course.

Any girl whose status falls due to being with a farang didn't have any in the first place.

Any lower class/ country girl with a older farang will always be a hooker in Thai eyes whether she was or not. Whatever clothes she now wears or wherever she now lives.

Any real middle class or upper class girl with a farang her status doesn't change, she will always be the same. Thais can spot someones class very easily much easier than farangs can.

As someone said it's an 18th century way of thinking and not good , but they do think like that.

I disagree with what you are saying. For the lower class girls who basically had no status in the first place it won't matter much as it can't drop far.

For a middle to upper class girls to shack up with a farang she has a lot to lose and her status WILL drop dramatically by dating one.

That's why you'll find that most of the middle class Thais (I don't know any upper class Thai's dating farang) who date farangs are the ones who Thais do not have any interest in...either unattractive (to Thais and sometimes even to farang too tbh IMO), over weight, single mums or crazy.

I disagree. There is a new culture of consumer debt in Thailand, and even some fine and highly educated middle class women are so far in debt for the new house and new car schemes that they can hardly live. It's a different kind of poor than the stereotypical Isaan gal, but they are poor just the same.

I have opportunities to move in with super fine women who are in that situation just so I'll contribute enough money monthly to make things work. The beauty of that is that I wouldn't be on the loans for the house and car, and if things didn't work out I could take my pickup and scooter and leave. I could add maybe 50k per month to the household income and life would be easy. I'd never admit I could add more.

I'd enjoy the woman for as long as things were working well, but the moment I felt used and unappreciated I'd just leave.