Anger management

[SidJames]

Do the Thais have anger management classes or therapists that deal with such issues?

I'm looking for something that is tailored for Thai people rather that a farang who may have excellent overseas training may not be able to open those closed doors that are culturally different to westerners.

[jombom]

In my experience, it's people from Isaan mostly who have the anger and drama issues. But we don't want to generalise, do we?

[Soutpeel]

just throw her out the house

I know I am generalisng, but there seems to be large numbers of the Thai population who suffer from this, one minute all calm and serene, then something "goes on" we would consider "minor"...charlie manson comes out to play .....call anger issues, call it immaturity....forget about therapist etc...the temple sometimes works...

[petercool]

There are Thai psychiatrists and maybe local hospitals can help. My experience is that few - if any - people will admit that they need help whether Thai or foreign and thus getting a person to see a specialist is the key issue.

[SidJames]

We have small children & she has now started to talk about the suffering she goes through.

It's taken a while for this acknowledgement and I think it's seen as a sign of weakness in Thai culture & so very hard to discuss or admit to.

Religion is often of great help but at the same time they preach or at least infer that these kind of issues are helped by faith.

I honestly believe she needs professional help & it really should be someone who understands Issan upbringing & culture.

I sense a darkness in her past that is throwing a huge shadow over her & this needs to be confronted outside the family.

Does anyone know where we can get help or advice on this?

[brummiebob]

Fortunetellers

[glegolo]

The thai´s I have met here in Isaan does ALWAYS consider it to be the other party´s fault that they get angry and lose their temper!!!

It is never their own fault....

And this seems to be a red thread through thai´s life, never ever address a problem, close your eyes and stick your head in the sand, problem solved here..

Glegolo

[Spalpeen]

This doesn't sound like a situation that's going to end well. You can't reason with women who get into that state of mind, no matter what their nationality. I don't think religion is the answer either. From what I've seen of it here it's a fairly superficial affair.

[SidJames]

I'm sure that if we can get professional advice these problems can be handled.

Quite often depression is a result of repressed rage so you need to get to the bottom of that but people often hide these from themselves.

[Soutpeel]

I'm sure that if we can get professional advice these problems can be handled.

Quite often depression is a result of repressed rage so you need to get to the bottom of that but people often hide these from themselves.

The first hurdle is getting the other party to accept there is a problem in the first place and be prepared to accept any professional advice, if its forced things will only get worse...

[Pattaya28]

I suggested to my wife she has "Anger Management" therapy. She told me to **** off

[Sigurris]

Yes I have to agree with other posters that you are wasting your breath. I have just had to finish a 2 year plus relationship because of this very issue. I tried and tried and I am a qualified psychotherapist, always acknowledging that you cannot treat someone close to you. But for the lack of outside help I did what I could and that amounted to very little.

Unless the person can acknowledge that there is a problem there is no way through. As someone else wrote, they have no idea about accepting responsibility and she truly believed that i was at fault every time. So after chance after chance I had to give up. Now I am single again! And I do hope that one day she will see what her behaviour brought her, but I do not expect this day to be in my lifetime.

[tropo]

Yes I have to agree with other posters that you are wasting your breath. I have just had to finish a 2 year plus relationship because of this very issue. I tried and tried and I am a qualified psychotherapist, always acknowledging that you cannot treat someone close to you. But for the lack of outside help I did what I could and that amounted to very little.

Unless the person can acknowledge that there is a problem there is no way through. As someone else wrote, they have no idea about accepting responsibility and she truly believed that i was at fault every time. So after chance after chance I had to give up. Now I am single again! And I do hope that one day she will see what her behaviour brought her, but I do not expect this day to be in my lifetime.

I have to ask, being a qualified psychotherapist, where you not aware of any signs of aggression before you embarked on your 2 year ordeal?

[Soutpeel]

Yes I have to agree with other posters that you are wasting your breath. I have just had to finish a 2 year plus relationship because of this very issue. I tried and tried and I am a qualified psychotherapist, always acknowledging that you cannot treat someone close to you. But for the lack of outside help I did what I could and that amounted to very little.

Unless the person can acknowledge that there is a problem there is no way through. As someone else wrote, they have no idea about accepting responsibility and she truly believed that i was at fault every time. So after chance after chance I had to give up. Now I am single again! And I do hope that one day she will see what her behaviour brought her, but I do not expect this day to be in my lifetime.

I have to ask, being a qualified psychotherapist, where you not aware of any signs of aggression before you embarked on your 2 year ordeal?

Could I quote some thing read somewhere....everyone seems normal until you really get to know them...

again generalising but IMHO...there seems to be in Thailand a Jekyll & Hyde character trait among many people...two extremes and very little in between in the intital stages of the relationship very much on the "Jekyll" side and as time goes on the "Mr Hyde" starts coming out and if your really unlucky Charlie Manson comes out to play...why this is in Thailand I really dont know...its seems in Thailand at lot of people can't take a particular situation, "analyse" that situation to come up with an "approriate"/measured response....it just seems to be "happy" or "explosive"....and sometimes the "explosive" response comes out over what we as westerners would see as a "minor issue"

Is it because in Thailand culturally people are indoctrinated into not showing emotion, face etc etc and there is a lot of repressed anger/emotions which once someone really gets to know the other person this "cultural barrier" is removed and the true feelings start coming out.

Or it could be they are just warped loonies....

[swissie]

Yes I have to agree with other posters that you are wasting your breath. I have just had to finish a 2 year plus relationship because of this very issue. I tried and tried and I am a qualified psychotherapist, always acknowledging that you cannot treat someone close to you. But for the lack of outside help I did what I could and that amounted to very little.

Unless the person can acknowledge that there is a problem there is no way through. As someone else wrote, they have no idea about accepting responsibility and she truly believed that i was at fault every time. So after chance after chance I had to give up. Now I am single again! And I do hope that one day she will see what her behaviour brought her, but I do not expect this day to be in my lifetime.

I have to ask, being a qualified psychotherapist, where you not aware of any signs of aggression before you embarked on your 2 year ordeal?

Could I quote some thing read somewhere....everyone seems normal until you really get to know them...

again generalising but IMHO...there seems to be in Thailand a Jekyll & Hyde character trait among many people...two extremes and very little in between in the intital stages of the relationship very much on the "Jekyll" side and as time goes on the "Mr Hyde" starts coming out and if your really unlucky Charlie Manson comes out to play...why this is in Thailand I really dont know...its seems in Thailand at lot of people can't take a particular situation, "analyse" that situation to come up with an "approriate"/measured response....it just seems to be "happy" or "explosive"....and sometimes the "explosive" response comes out over what we as westerners would see as a "minor issue"

Is it because in Thailand culturally people are indoctrinated into not showing emotion, face etc etc and there is a lot of repressed anger/emotions which once someone really gets to know the other person this "cultural barrier" is removed and the true feelings start coming out.

Or it could be they are just warped loonies....

Above comment is accurate. People trained not to show emotions, starting in their childhood, will eventually "explode" when the pressure in the bottle gets to high.

Anyone, that had the opportunity to witness a Thai "Exploding-Bottle" will know what I mean.

If an exploding bottle becomes a weekly occurrence, no western psychiatric-guidance will help. Simplified: Western brains don't tick the same way Asian-brains do.

So, to the OP: Before you wake up one morning, having a 4 inch knife sticking out of your back, = get out and never look back.

- Of course, if lady want's to go to treatment and never giving the farang a receipt from the clinic, then we can assume that this is a new angle to get at the farangs wallet. As I gather, the "sick-buffalo"-routine doesn't wash anymore.

Cheers.

[tropo]

. Simplified: Western brains don't tick the same way Asian-brains do.

This really is a meaningless comment."Asian" encompasses a huge population of vastly different cultures as does "Western".

[Awohalitsiktoli]

Yes I have to agree with other posters that you are wasting your breath. I have just had to finish a 2 year plus relationship because of this very issue. I tried and tried and I am a qualified psychotherapist, always acknowledging that you cannot treat someone close to you. But for the lack of outside help I did what I could and that amounted to very little.

Unless the person can acknowledge that there is a problem there is no way through. As someone else wrote, they have no idea about accepting responsibility and she truly believed that i was at fault every time. So after chance after chance I had to give up. Now I am single again! And I do hope that one day she will see what her behaviour brought her, but I do not expect this day to be in my lifetime.

I too have gone through a similar experience with a Thai woman. We rarely fought, but when we did she "exploded." I learned to simply leave and get away from her explosive anger--no talking sense to her at all. Thais do have an explosive side to them. They do not seem to understand how to deal with a challenge other than to confront it with anger and often violence. Part of that is Thai culture; another part of it is the "larger culture," which seems to be teaching virtually everyone on the planet that violence is the solution to any challenge. Take responsibility for your actions? That seems to be rare in Thai culture (and increasingly worldwide). It is easier to blame others.

[Spalpeen]

Yes I have to agree with other posters that you are wasting your breath. I have just had to finish a 2 year plus relationship because of this very issue. I tried and tried and I am a qualified psychotherapist, always acknowledging that you cannot treat someone close to you. But for the lack of outside help I did what I could and that amounted to very little.

Unless the person can acknowledge that there is a problem there is no way through. As someone else wrote, they have no idea about accepting responsibility and she truly believed that i was at fault every time. So after chance after chance I had to give up. Now I am single again! And I do hope that one day she will see what her behaviour brought her, but I do not expect this day to be in my lifetime.

I too have gone through a similar experience with a Thai woman. We rarely fought, but when we did she "exploded." I learned to simply leave and get away from her explosive anger--no talking sense to her at all. Thais do have an explosive side to them. They do not seem to understand how to deal with a challenge other than to confront it with anger and often violence. Part of that is Thai culture; another part of it is the "larger culture," which seems to be teaching virtually everyone on the planet that violence is the solution to any challenge. Take responsibility for your actions? That seems to be rare in Thai culture (and increasingly worldwide). It is easier to blame others.

Forgive me for wandering a bit off topic here, but the point about there being a 'larger culture' where violence is a first resort and not the last reminded me of the civil war in Syria. Far too many people inside Syria think it's OK to shoot anyone who doesn't belong to their sect, while America is plotting to liven things up by lobbing in a few hundred tons of high explosive. There really is a world wide problem where people, on both large and small scales, resort to violence far too easily.

Getting back to the OP, he mentions that there are children involved so simply walking away isn't an option for him. Difficult.

[Sigurris]

Yes I have to agree with other posters that you are wasting your breath. I have just had to finish a 2 year plus relationship because of this very issue. I tried and tried and I am a qualified psychotherapist, always acknowledging that you cannot treat someone close to you. But for the lack of outside help I did what I could and that amounted to very little.

Unless the person can acknowledge that there is a problem there is no way through. As someone else wrote, they have no idea about accepting responsibility and she truly believed that i was at fault every time. So after chance after chance I had to give up. Now I am single again! And I do hope that one day she will see what her behaviour brought her, but I do not expect this day to be in my lifetime.

I have to ask, being a qualified psychotherapist, where you not aware of any signs of aggression before you embarked on your 2 year ordeal?

A fair point. I did know early in the relationship that she had AM problems but I thought that this was a result of an earlier relationship gone bad and that she was very insecure. I hoped that if I showed her constancy and security it would change. I also thought that, as a therapist, I would be, at least, better qualified than others to help her get over it. But after 2 years of being totally faithful, kind and caring, nothing had changed. I was also blinded by beauty. I am a man!

Beauty fades but the personality doesn't, without help. She didn't learn but I did. I certainly will not let my ego and eyes rule my thinking again. At least I still have my life and my money!

[tropo]

. Part of that is Thai culture; another part of it is the "larger culture," which seems to be teaching virtually everyone on the planet that violence is the solution to any challenge.

Violence is more than "the solution to any challenge". It's entertainment the world over. What's one of the fastest growing sports in the world? MMA. It's more popular than boxing because there's usually more blood.

Western people enjoy blood sports, but that's nothing compared to the fascination over blood in this part of the world.

[Redhead27]

Yes I have to agree with other posters that you are wasting your breath. I have just had to finish a 2 year plus relationship because of this very issue. I tried and tried and I am a qualified psychotherapist, always acknowledging that you cannot treat someone close to you. But for the lack of outside help I did what I could and that amounted to very little.

Unless the person can acknowledge that there is a problem there is no way through. As someone else wrote, they have no idea about accepting responsibility and she truly believed that i was at fault every time. So after chance after chance I had to give up. Now I am single again! And I do hope that one day she will see what her behaviour brought her, but I do not expect this day to be in my lifetime.

I too have gone through a similar experience with a Thai woman. We rarely fought, but when we did she "exploded." I learned to simply leave and get away from her explosive anger--no talking sense to her at all. Thais do have an explosive side to them. They do not seem to understand how to deal with a challenge other than to confront it with anger and often violence. Part of that is Thai culture; another part of it is the "larger culture," which seems to be teaching virtually everyone on the planet that violence is the solution to any challenge. Take responsibility for your actions? That seems to be rare in Thai culture (and increasingly worldwide). It is easier to blame others.

Forgive me for wandering a bit off topic here, but the point about there being a 'larger culture' where violence is a first resort and not the last reminded me of the civil war in Syria. Far too many people inside Syria think it's OK to shoot anyone who doesn't belong to their sect, while America is plotting to liven things up by lobbing in a few hundred tons of high explosive. There really is a world wide problem where people, on both large and small scales, resort to violence far too easily.

Getting back to the OP, he mentions that there are children involved so simply walking away isn't an option for him. Difficult.

It is better for the children to have 2 happy parents that don't live together, that 2 misrable parents that live together.

Edited September 5, 2013 by Redhead27

[Spalpeen]

It is better for the children to have 2 happy parents that don't live together, that 2 misrable parents that live together.

It's not that simple though, is it? The mother would continue to be unhappy and would soon take up with another man who was not the childrens father. The father would be unhappy and the children would probably never see him again. So no easy answers.