For those of you married to thai ladies that already have kids

[snake24]

How is it like when you have kids of your own? What happens to the kid from the other parent?

[harrry]

Just like your own....except when they are bad you can say "You are no child of mine" and unlike in the west you will be sure you are not lying.

[willyumiii]

I know of a couple of cases where the Mother and Father go their own ways and leave the children with the grandparents or one of the aunts to raise.

If the child is lucky the bio parent may visit every few months or so.

It is amazing how easy it seems for a Thai mother to pass her child on to a relative who will raise it for them.

It makes me sad to see this, but I must admit the children and parents both seem to be o..k.. with it.

[HardenedSoul]

Save yourself a lot of bother and swerve single mothers, period

[stoneyboy]

Save yourself a lot of bother and swerve single mothers, period

Do you speak from personal experience or just from observation.

I wouldn't mind betting that the majority of posters on TV who are married to Thai woman took on at least one child.

As most Thai woman with foreign husbands already have a child/children from there past normal lives shall we say,you know when they worked in the Nike factory and eat mama noodles for lunch every day.

[cdnvic]

Moved out of General to an area with less trolls.

[HardenedSoul]

Save yourself a lot of bother and swerve single mothers, period

Do you speak from personal experience or just from observation.

I wouldn't mind betting that the majority of posters on TV who are married to Thai woman took on at least one child.

As most Thai woman with foreign husbands already have a child/children from there past normal lives shall we say,you know when they worked in the Nike factory and eat mama noodles for lunch every day.

I'm just making an observation.

Just seems fraught with all sorts of potential for things to get messy.

Yes, you could be passing up a chance with a fantastic woman but why take the risk?

[cdnvic]

Because you can at least tell what kind of parent she is, rather than take a gamble on the unknown.

[HardenedSoul]

Because you can at least tell what kind of parent she is, rather than take a gamble on the unknown.

I guess most guys would determine that by . . . getting to know a woman before knocking her up.

There really is no substitute for good, old fashioned due diligence

Edited October 1, 2013 by HardenedSoul

[Mario2008]

Generalizing post removed.

[abhaya]

Never had kids of my own and no regrets, but in my own experience I enjoy the presence younger kids between 4 and 11, you have a chance to bond with them on a meaningful level and at least you can play with them. Even if you are a foreigner, younger ones will have less hang ups about having a "falang" dad. Having experienced a couple of teenagers it was mostly hassel without the joys of watching them grow.

[ChangMaiSausage]

Nothing I took resposnbility for a six year old when I met my wife she is an absolute delight (she was six when I took responsbility of her) apart from her teenage tantrums/sulks

She is my daughter I dont think of her any different to how I think of our son (five years old)

Handing over the child is just accepted in Thailand happened with their mother, Auntie and Uncle brought her up as they had money.

[Cuban]

Finding the reason for the separation is wise.

Defining what access rights and maintenance ( ) that comes from the Thai father is wise.

Also judging by reading threads on here about the follow ups, consider EXACTLY what limitations on travel that a Thai father or his parents/relatives will seek to impose on you when holidays and passports are considered. Leverage for money is not uncommon it seems.

No personal experience with my wife in this area but plenty of observed issues with expat friends, the divorced fathers of kids in my adopted family we see a few times a year and generally are all quite good, in that I get on with them.

Also just an observation: If the farang new step-father is of an age that is more typical of a grand-father it creates a difficult dynamic in a reformed family. A father figure needs to give direction, set an example and make rules for a child growing up. Often culture and language barriers make this difficult, exacerbated by a teenager who will naturally be testing boundaries. Someone of grandfather age is often the provider of good stuff, indulgence and an escape from the close control of a parent.

This dichotomy can make the role of older farang step-father a difficult role to play in a new family.

I play neither role myself but observe a few families with this dynamic.

[Samaaw]

Why marry in the first place???

[Estrada]

How is it like when you have kids of your own? What happens to the kid from the other parent?

If you are married to a Thai Woman, the children of the previous relationship, become your responsibility in law as if you were the biological father.

[NoshowJones]

Save yourself a lot of bother and swerve single mothers, period

Oh I don't know Mr HS, When I first met Mrs Possum, she had two kids, a boy and girl in their early teens, in the 8 years we have been together, they have not cost me any problem, have never done anything to make me angry. They still live with us, and I hope they never leave.

[Mario2008]

1 post removed.

[BuriramRes]

I know of a couple of cases where the Mother and Father go their own ways and leave the children with the grandparents or one of the aunts to raise.

If the child is lucky the bio parent may visit every few months or so.

It is amazing how easy it seems for a Thai mother to pass her child on to a relative who will raise it for them.

It makes me sad to see this, but I must admit the children and parents both seem to be o..k.. with it.

My wife & I are in this situation. We are raising a young one, born to my wife's daughter. He is 4y/o now & a real joy to have around (usually). But it is still good when we are in school term periods.

His mother is working at a spa in a good hotel down south & comes to visit when she can. (She has a few days off this weekend & is arriving on Saturday)..

Whenever the young one is asked who he would sooner live with, he says he wants to stay with us. We both love him as our own & wouldn't have it any other way, works well! He gives another dimension to my life.

[Cuban]

If you are married to a Thai Woman, the children of the previous relationship, become your responsibility in law as if you were the biological father.

Really?

Not what I've heard. (Culturally maybe but not legally.)

That would imply adoption which is near impossible.

What is your source/reference?

[avander]

Nice to see some positives on taking on the role of Dad to their Thai wife's children. I am in the same position, knowing my wife and her kids for a good few years and married now for nearly 3. The kids are 7 and 11, respectful and well behaved. We have lived in Australia for the last 3 years but recently came back to live in Thailand for a time after I stopped work end of last year. I am older and have to manage the relationship dichotomy but with the other rels around it seems to work fine. I've got 2 older kids from a previous marriage so also benefit from that experience. The kids father is still around but only occasionally. He's grateful for the opportunities I provide the kids and doesn't interfere. We're all happy and have a lot of fun together so also a good story.

Edited October 3, 2013 by avander

[nickcar]

Interesting topic. I am an older man nearly 70. I raised my stepson since he was about three years old. His mother and I split up about four years ago. He is nearly 16 now And still thinks of me as his father. I pay for his education and the family looks after the rest. He is a charming boy and we get on very well together. He visits me about once a month usually with three or four friends. Really not something to be afraid of.

[chickenslegs]

I don't think it makes much difference whether the kids are yours (biologically) or not - bringing up kids is hard work.

There are good times, there are bad times. Teenagers, in particular, can be tough to live with.

But, overall, I think it is a positive thing, especially when you can see that you have influenced their lives in a positive way.

[dighambara]

When I met my current wife, the divorce from her Thai husband was not yet final. He had found a 'Mia Noi' and brought her home - took all the money for parties and trinkets, while the kids had no shoes. Boozing, women, stealing, lying all led to up the divorce.

I had one son who was in the US Navy, she had a son & daughter. Together we have two daughters. The oldest two (my step kids) are now in college.

[Beetlejuice]

My 3 kids, all grown up now, have always lived in a stable, secure home with a good family environment, with both me and their mother and have had the best of 3 cultures, lived in the United States, England and Thailand. International school and University educated, I have really lived my life for my kids, and although now grown up and adults, my children are still my world.

When our first child was born, my Thai wife asked me if I would consider letting her parents care for the baby while we both work. Over my dead body I told her and that’s a decision I’ve never regretted.

Children need 2 parents, the maternal love of a mother and the support of a father, whatever the nationalities of the parents, plus a good family orientated home and environment, not placed into situations like foster children and neither here nor there.

[SNGLIFE]

I came into my daughters life when she was almost 3 years old. I have never used "step-" as a prefix when referring to her. She is "my" or "our" daughter. Full stop.

My wife and I are coming up on 9 absolutely wonderful years married. Our daughter is almost 12 now and we also have a son aged 3 1/2. I've never met my daughter's biological father and he has been completely out of the picture. My wife severed his paternal rights without challenge just after we married to nix the possibility he might be able to seize or control any assets our daughter might inherit if something were to happen to my wife. This past year, we tried to reach out to him and his family so they might know each other, but he is nowhere to be found, apparently.

To my surprise, despite our obvious physical (i.e. racial) differences, my daughter had no idea she had some other "father" until comments were made when she was 7. We were stunned that she was stunned because it had never been made an issue at all within our household. We lived in the USA from her age 4 1/2 to 6 1/2. Since we put her into the Thai public school at age 9 (she had been homeschooled to age 7 and attended an English program school with other children with mixed families to age 9), they (peers/teachers) seem to continuously make an issue of "me" to the point where she often withdraws from me when we are out and about together, or sticks to the opposite side of my wife when we are all out together. That hurts me a bit because when she was younger, we were inseparable; but that is what Thai society does to children of foreigners. Oops...drifting off-topic.

Anyway, IMHO, the attitude that you as "father" brings into the relationship matters more than anything else. It sets the tone in many, many ways including how the biological father is included in your child's life (or not) and the relationship the entire family has with you and the biological father. Before getting into a relationship where she has children, you need to evaluate why you are really getting into that relationship. If you want the woman and not the children, then you should probably move on and be casual with someone else. It DOES matter and affects those children's lives forever in more ways than you might be able to imagine or appreciate beyond whatever lust (often confused as love) you might be feeling for the woman.

I recall my wife half-jokingly telling me upfront that becoming seriously involved with her is a buy-one-get-one-free proposition; and it has since been the best "deal" I ever made!

-------

On the other hand, I am also aware of relationships wherein the new couple send her children off to be raised by her family. In those relationships, we are friends with the woman and hear the "real deal" about her feelings about the arrangement. They acquiesce because they think that is what he wants and their lives are better with him than without him even if it means mother and child(ren) are not always physically together. One should understand that a mother is ALWAYS going to be a mother and a good mother will always prefer her children to be with her (and her new spouse). Anything else is likely a facade put on for the sake of harmony.

Just my 2 satang.

[benalibina]

My 3 kids, all grown up now, have always lived in a stable, secure home with a good family environment, with both me and their mother and have had the best of 3 cultures, lived in the United States, England and Thailand. International school and University educated, I have really lived my life for my kids, and although now grown up and adults, my children are still my world.

When our first child was born, my Thai wife asked me if I would consider letting her parents care for the baby while we both work. Over my dead body I told her and thats a decision Ive never regretted.

Children need 2 parents, the maternal love of a mother and the support of a father, whatever the nationalities of the parents, plus a good family orientated home and environment, not placed into situations like foster children and neither here nor there.

Beetlejuice, i almost never agree with your opinions related to thailand, this comment however i can wholehartedly agree with. It shows that you are human as well. Lol. Seriously, good comment !

[indyuk]

Just like your own....except when they are bad you can say "You are no child of mine" and unlike in the west you will be sure you are not lying.

What is important to remember is that although the kids will call you 'Dad' they are likely to check everything you say with the mum.

Never bring children of school age upwards into you home. They'll break your heart everytime.

Under two years of age is OK they may well come to see you a their real father in time.

[ChangMaiSausage]

Just like your own....except when they are bad you can say "You are no child of mine" and unlike in the west you will be sure you are not lying.

What is important to remember is that although the kids will call you 'Dad' they are likely to check everything you say with the mum.

Never bring children of school age upwards into you home. They'll break your heart everytime.

Under two years of age is OK they may well come to see you a their real father in time.

Sorry I disagree, in fact I would say its the opposite abount many things, my daughter (I call her mine) has been with me since she was six years, she is now thirteen. To date she has not broke my heart.

I take it you speak from experience, at what age was your son/daughter when you felt this happen.

[harrry]

Just like your own....except when they are bad you can say "You are no child of mine" and unlike in the west you will be sure you are not lying.

What is important to remember is that although the kids will call you 'Dad' they are likely to check everything you say with the mum.

Never bring children of school age upwards into you home. They'll break your heart everytime.

Under two years of age is OK they may well come to see you a their real father in time.

Sorry I disagree, in fact I would say its the opposite abount many things, my daughter (I call her mine) has been with me since she was six years, she is now thirteen. To date she has not broke my heart.

I take it you speak from experience, at what age was your son/daughter when you felt this happen.

Daughters will always break their father's heart...it goeds with the territory...there is always a time you lose them, it is called growing up. Luckily if you have done well you will stay in their heart as they will yours even if they do go their own way.

[Roadman]

I am struggling to understand why anything should happen to "the kid from the other parent" when others come along. Taking the role of parent to any child in a family unit is not something I see as transferable or changeable even under challenge of those with the "blood is thicker than water" limitations.

I am the father of one child but have the luxury of three from 32 to 13 years old addressing me with the truly magical word of Dad. Like an other poster above I would also never consider the farming off of my parental wants while I still have breathe to breath. And vice versa those of my children from other fathers have taken that parental commitment to heart and love "their Dad" to bits.

The wisdom learnt from my experience is that unless you know you are a Dad or are prepared to learn to want to be a Dad then don't commit to women with children you have not fathered for the betterment of all concerned. And even more so if you think blood is thicker than water.