The Thai dowry...can it be negotiated?

[mdmayes]

I would like to know if the Thai dowey can be negotiated? I do not want to appear insensitive to this thai custom. Would things like the lady's age, child/childless, family region, occupation (bar/no bar girl), etc. etc. be factors to be considered for the dowry?

[benalibina]

Many topics already about this. Scroll and have a look.

[Bangkokhatter]

Yes .

[MAJIC]

The Thai dowry...can it be negotiated?

Only if you want to part with your money,for this Bizarre,antiquated mode,of making the Parents better off than they were before you met their Daughter!

If you think about it,we would find it very distasteful to bargain with our daughters,and probably would have none of it,in the West. But then again westerners do some strange things in Thailand,they wouldn't dream of doing in their own Country!

[pigeonjake]

not again

[colinneil]

Boring!!!!

[Thai at Heart]

Yes

[bifftastic]

Yes

[Mario2008]

You are supposed to bairgain about it.

Nowadays it is often only show and the money is returned after the ceremony. Something to discuss.

[AlexRRR]

Ha! not with the current TGF, she thinking dowry for a thai wedding, and she thinks it should be substantial due to her age and education, i didn't ask as its not going to happen, and that includes the thai wedding.

I think a lot of so called modern girls quickly become "old fashion" and conservative, maybe its because they think we can afford it, 2 previous TGFs were 39 when i met them and they had never married but lived with there Thai bfs for around 7 years each....

[David48]

Ha! not with the current TGF, she thinking dowry for a thai wedding, and she thinks it should be substantial due to her age and education, i didn't ask as its not going to happen, and that includes the thai wedding.

I think a lot of so called modern girls quickly become "old fashion" and conservative, maybe its because they think we can afford it, 2 previous TGFs were 39 when i met them and they had never married but lived with there Thai bfs for around 7 years each....

How old is she?

Education level?

Married before?

Kids?

Oldest, middle or youngest child?

Bangkok (central) or Issan, or north or south birth

[meatboy]

some will want 10cases of leo,if she's still in tack it will be 10cases of black label.

[AlexRRR]

Ha! not with the current TGF, she thinking dowry for a thai wedding, and she thinks it should be substantial due to her age and education, i didn't ask as its not going to happen, and that includes the thai wedding.

I think a lot of so called modern girls quickly become "old fashion" and conservative, maybe its because they think we can afford it, 2 previous TGFs were 39 when i met them and they had never married but lived with there Thai bfs for around 7 years each....

How old is she?

Education level?

Married before?

Kids?

Oldest, middle or youngest child?

Bangkok (central) or Issan, or north or south birth

29 now, never married, masters degree in accounting no children only child from just our side of BKK has worked in 2 mulit national companys to date in BKK.....and im not paying a penny, unfortunately she has moved to AU and im stuck with her for a further 10 months, she paid her way out, she did everything including paying for visa's etc.

Was great when I was living there seeing here 3 or 4 times a week, its not the same here, sure I like her but often I feel like a meal ticket, she also is one of those rare Thai women who are not submissive, she actually says no and fairly often.

I was straight up front, not get married again.

Don't need advice on how to loose her, all in time...but hey its an experience.

Ps when she raised the subject very recently of above subject I reminded her that my blood is Italian even if I was born in AU and that in my parents culture womans parents pay a dowry to the man/husband of course she did not hear me, I also said its a mixed cultural union so why do we have to follow Thai culture in the above subject, again a lack of response told me to shut up.

She appears to be a trendy modern woman....but how quickly they become conservative...I do not agree that you should pay unless you want to, lot of thai guys shack up with there gf, I travel in the single world and most of the Thai women ive met or know have never married....that says a lot.

[David48]

WOW ... you got a great girl there.

Only child and her Parents have financed her through to a Master's Degree.

If she holds the line and her Parents request Sin Sot ... you'll be asked for a pretty penny ...

I read the bit where you won't pay a cent.

BTW you mentioned that ... "unfortunately she has moved to AU and I'm stuck with her for

a further 10 months" ... what Visa is she on?

[meatboy]

WOW ... you got a great girl there.

Only child and her Parents have financed her through to a Master's Degree.

If she holds the line and her Parents request Sin Sot ... you'll be asked for a pretty penny ...

I read the bit where you won't pay a cent.

BTW you mentioned that ... "unfortunately she has moved to AU and I'm stuck with her for

a further 10 months" ... what Visa is she on?

sounds like he could be a lucky guy.

not submissive,says no fairly often,tells you to shut up.

have you seen h-- passport ? just to be sure there is no nasty supprise awaits.

[sustento]

The Thai dowry...can it be negotiated?

Only if you want to part with your money,for this Bizarre,antiquated mode,of making the Parents better off than they were before you met their Daughter!

If you think about it,we would find it very distasteful to bargain with our daughters,and probably would have none of it,in the West. But then again westerners do some strange things in Thailand,they wouldn't dream of doing in their own Country!

My Thai friend's son is marrying his Thai girlfriend in Bangkok next year. The sin sot is set at 1 million baht. There are no westerners involved in the marriage (apart from me as a guest).

[AlexRRR]

WOW ... you got a great girl there.

Only child and her Parents have financed her through to a Master's Degree.

If she holds the line and her Parents request Sin Sot ... you'll be asked for a pretty penny ...

I read the bit where you won't pay a cent.

BTW you mentioned that ... "unfortunately she has moved to AU and I'm stuck with her for

a further 10 months" ... what Visa is she on?

Shes on a working/tourist visa don't know what they call it but she needed to get to a certain level with her English and a few other things to qualify, she can come for 1 year and work for 6 mths in that time and she had to be under 30 to qualify for it.

and to meatboy she is 100% woman

And that's right, not marrying not paying.

[BookMan]

WOW ... you got a great girl there.

Only child and her Parents have financed her through to a Master's Degree.

If she holds the line and her Parents request Sin Sot ... you'll be asked for a pretty penny ...

I read the bit where you won't pay a cent.

BTW you mentioned that ... "unfortunately she has moved to AU and I'm stuck with her for

a further 10 months" ... what Visa is she on?

Shes on a working/tourist visa don't know what they call it but she needed to get to a certain level with her English and a few other things to qualify, she can come for 1 year and work for 6 mths in that time and she had to be under 30 to qualify for it.

and to meatboy she is 100% woman

And that's right, not marrying not paying.

I was looking at that visa last time my GF made hers. We ended up with the multi entry 12 month tourist. Seemed easier

[AlexRRR]

WOW ... you got a great girl there.

Only child and her Parents have financed her through to a Master's Degree.

If she holds the line and her Parents request Sin Sot ... you'll be asked for a pretty penny ...

I read the bit where you won't pay a cent.

BTW you mentioned that ... "unfortunately she has moved to AU and I'm stuck with her for

a further 10 months" ... what Visa is she on?

Shes on a working/tourist visa don't know what they call it but she needed to get to a certain level with her English and a few other things to qualify, she can come for 1 year and work for 6 mths in that time and she had to be under 30 to qualify for it.

and to meatboy she is 100% woman

And that's right, not marrying not paying.

I was looking at that visa last time my GF made hers. We ended up with the multi entry 12 month tourist. Seemed easier

Unless her English is very good it is, mind you I had nothing to do with her visa, when I met her she had already put the wheels in motion, had been her plan and goal to come to AU.

How much you getting hit for sin sod? I lost interest when she bought it up so by the time she got around to the figure I wasn't listening, like I said before its just super amazing how a modern girl can become so conservative so quickly.

[Briggsy]

It is best to get another party to negotiate the dowry e.g. your uncle negotiate with the bride's father.

[BookMan]

Unless her English is very good it is, mind you I had nothing to do with her visa, when I met her she had already put the wheels in motion, had been her plan and goal to come to AU.

How much you getting hit for sin sod? I lost interest when she bought it up so by the time she got around to the figure I wasn't listening, like I said before its just super amazing how a modern girl can become so conservative so quickly.

Her written English is good. Spoken English fairly good. She can have a conversation with most people in Australia. The tourist visa was taken because it gives some flexibility if i wanted to go over there for 3 months, or if she needs to go see family etc.

I don't buy into sin sod mate. (no pun intended)

[AlexRRR]

yes well... I paid once before had a 5 year relationship got out of it relatively cheap 100,000B (she was 39 never married no kids uni educated/ journalist for a pop mag) and you do it to because you don't want to cause friction, but once a life time is enough, current TGF only hears what she wants to hear she has stated her case ive stated mine, now or later I wont pay no matter who she is or how much I like her, but be alerted to how the little darlings can change so quickly because you can afford it.

[meatboy]

yes well... I paid once before had a 5 year relationship got out of it relatively cheap 100,000B (she was 39 never married no kids uni educated/ journalist for a pop mag) and you do it to because you don't want to cause friction, but once a life time is enough, current TGF only hears what she wants to hear she has stated her case ive stated mine, now or later I wont pay no matter who she is or how much I like her, but be alerted to how the little darlings can change so quickly because you can afford it.

now that you have established where you stand wait till she goes home and tells ma&pa there is no free lunch then observe her reactions.

"once bitten twice shy"

enjoy it while you can.

[David48]

yes well... I paid once before had a 5 year relationship got out of it relatively cheap 100,000B (she was 39 never married no kids uni educated/ journalist for a pop mag) and you do it to because you don't want to cause friction, but once a life time is enough, current TGF only hears what she wants to hear she has stated her case ive stated mine, now or later I wont pay no matter who she is or how much I like her, but be alerted to how the little darlings can change so quickly because you can afford it.

now that you have established where you stand wait till she goes home and tells ma&pa there is no free lunch then observe her reactions.

"once bitten twice shy"

enjoy it while you can.

I suppose that does beg the question ...

If you want a life with this lady and the only way forward, would you recant and pony up the SinSot (begrudgingly) or ...

It's your way or the Highway and Honey, don't let the door slam your ass on the way out! Next ...

Just asking ...

.

[AlexRRR]

yes well... I paid once before had a 5 year relationship got out of it relatively cheap 100,000B (she was 39 never married no kids uni educated/ journalist for a pop mag) and you do it to because you don't want to cause friction, but once a life time is enough, current TGF only hears what she wants to hear she has stated her case ive stated mine, now or later I wont pay no matter who she is or how much I like her, but be alerted to how the little darlings can change so quickly because you can afford it.

now that you have established where you stand wait till she goes home and tells ma&pa there is no free lunch then observe her reactions.

"once bitten twice shy"

enjoy it while you can.

I suppose that does beg the question ...

If you want a life with this lady and the only way forward, would you recant and pony up the SinSot (begrudgingly) or ...

It's your way or the Highway and Honey, don't let the door slam your ass on the way out! Next ...

Just asking ...

.

Depends where your at in your life davey boy, I will be true to myself, from my experience and im on to my 3rd TGF, they are all different, but then again there all the same, if I was a thai guy the girls would shut up and live with me with no question of marriage , if I was a rich thai guy they would expect me to keep then in fine things, like a mistress/lover. As a farang you seem to fall into the category of rich Thai.

Its there CULTURE, they have a closed mind to yours, PUSSY power, because there the fairer sex your expected to fall on bended knees and just sign that cheque.

When your in "love" you hope you do the right thing and I did once and not because I agreed with it, I did it to keep peace in the family, at that time funds were low the ex said I could let it go, no worries, but I coughed up, in the end 100,000B was what I would have spent in a flight over and hotel and spending money for 2 weeks.

I wont pay it again, ever, i don't want to get married again, i tell it as it is up front, i don't lead anyone one, anyway shes cracked it again gone moody and talking of moving out...woppie. fingers crossed.

[richard_smith237]

Fair enough - why get Married at all - its an Antiquated tradition... there really is no point, right ?

Unless of course you / we can accept some traditions, in which case why are we 'cherry picking' the traditions we like or we accept..

So Op.. if you don't want to pay SinSod because you don't wish to be scammed for cash... don't get married, you've already been clear on that. Thus I'm not sure of the point of your Op, you have admitted that many people are different.

In many cases, mine included I was happy to pay the SinSod and it is returned, in many cases it's also acceptable to 'share' some traditions.

Much of the issue revolves around respect - If it's not mutual then a relationship will twist off sooner or later anyway.

[BookMan]

Fair enough - why get Married at all - its an Antiquated tradition... there really is no point, right ?

 

Unless of course you / we can accept some traditions, in which case why are we 'cherry picking' the traditions we like or we accept..

 

So Op.. if you don't want to pay SinSod because you don't wish to be scammed for cash... don't get married, you've already been clear on that. Thus I'm not sure of the point of your Op, you have admitted that many people are different. 

 

In many cases, mine included I was happy to pay the SinSod and it is returned, in many cases it's also acceptable to 'share' some traditions.

 

Much of the issue revolves around respect - If it's not mutual then a relationship will twist off sooner or later anyway.

If sin sod is returned is it an actual dowry? That's just money for show imo.

I'm fairly sure that the sin sod being referred to is the non returned type

[Boo]

It can be negotiated & it is very much still practicedbetween thai couples.

The amount is what usually gets farangs blood up, they tend to get asked for more occasionally but I knwo of thai/thai couples where teh sinsot is over 500k

[AlexRRR]

Mine was never returned, i wasn't fazed about it either, the reason i wouldn't do it again is relationships can be short.

" i have paid sin sod" got that?

so im not against it, up to you, not doing it again, the original post if you feel fine with it do it, as one guy said why get married? well i did because exTGF had never been married, i did it for her as you do when your in that romantic place, i didn't want or need to.

Will say it one more time, i have had some experience with Thai women now, dated quite a few and had 3 relationships, its amazing how modern they can be but ho how quickly they become tradional and conservative once you be come an "item"

[timtscott]

My ex wife is Cambodian but her family was here in the US when we met. Her family never brought up the subject of a dowery which was good because I was young and I was poor. Also they are lovely people and very kind. We were married for 14 years and divorced now for 6 years.

I plan to move to Thailand in 2016. I was thinking it might be time to give marriage another shot. No way I am going to pay a dowery though unless maybe it is a small amount (under $1,000).

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