The Thai dowry...can it be negotiated?

[MobileContent]

My ex wife is Cambodian but her family was here in the US when we met. Her family never brought up the subject of a dowery which was good because I was young and I was poor. Also they are lovely people and very kind. We were married for 14 years and divorced now for 6 years.

I plan to move to Thailand in 2016. I was thinking it might be time to give marriage another shot. No way I am going to pay a dowery though unless maybe it is a small amount (under $1,000).

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So you are a divorcee. Better stay from Thailand as you will be categorize a player and the dowry but be higher as you might any way leave your Mrs in the future. 14 years married so I think you might be in the early 40;s.

1000 USD ? Hah Hah - Even a marriage party will be more expensive. Try Cambodia as you must be fluent already in Khmer.

[7by7]

I paid no sin sot when I married, didn't even know such a thing existed at the time.

When I asked my wife about it later she said that as she had been married before, it wasn't an issue.

When my Thai step son married his Thai fiancée he did pay sin sot, and the figure was negotiated between my wife and I, well her really as my Thai isn't up to it, and the bride's parents.

The bride is the university educated only daughter of a rubber planter and her father at first asked for 500k. As is the norm, this was a starting position and he would have been shocked had we agreed to it. We finally settled on 200k as this was the amount his son had paid when he married.

After the wedding half was returned as cash and the other half used as down payment on a car for the couple.

In addition, for the wedding itself we paid for the flowers and gifts for the guests. Everything else, food, drink, entertainment, was paid for by the bride's parents. I did offer a contribution, but the offer was politely refused and I got the impression the bride's father was slightly offended that I had made it!

[BookMan]

After the wedding half was returned as cash and the other half used as down payment on a car for the couple.

Was that something that was agreed on before the wedding?

[7by7]

Yes, but we didn't tell our children so it would be a surprise.

I should have said that as my step son only had 100k savings, I gave him the other 100k as a wedding gift.

So he got his 100k back and the car down payment was a gift from me.

I don't know how much the bride's parents paid for all the food etc., and there was a lot consumed both the day before and the wedding day itself, but my wife and I both reckon even taking this 100k into account that the wedding cost them more than it did us.

[thaicbr]

Fair enough - why get Married at all - its an Antiquated tradition... there really is no point, right ?

Unless of course you / we can accept some traditions, in which case why are we 'cherry picking' the traditions we like or we accept..

So Op.. if you don't want to pay SinSod because you don't wish to be scammed for cash... don't get married, you've already been clear on that. Thus I'm not sure of the point of your Op, you have admitted that many people are different.

In many cases, mine included I was happy to pay the SinSod and it is returned, in many cases it's also acceptable to 'share' some traditions.

Much of the issue revolves around respect - If it's not mutual then a relationship will twist off sooner or later anyway.

Traditions / customs go both ways..

I was informed by several people that the Husbands family pays for the wedding as well as providing a sinsod.. So i told my future wife that in the UK the brides family generally pay. after some negotiation we have a returnable sinsod of 200k and we (myself and Gf) are paying for the wedding. i'm happy enough..i would have been REALLY happy with 7by7's way

Edited November 8, 2013 by thaicbr

[7by7]

Don't forget the gold.

In my step son's wedding this, apart from the rings bride and groom bought each other, was purely for show and borrowed from my wife and me.

[zeichen]

The funny thing that most posters fail to mention or even consider is that it is actually more about the husband and not the bride to be. All of those factors that most say are valid actually tend not to be discussed when Thais are dealing with Thais. The family the husband comes from, his stability, dedication and potential are actually more considered. If a man is a from a poor family, but working towards something better, he is often not expected to put up much. However other weddings I have been to the groom had to put up lots because both families had a certain reputation.

It is rare for the family to keep more than just a small part of the dowry anyway unless they are quite poor and need it. Then it isn't really a problem for most Thai men as they see it as their duty anyway.

[Jasun]

Negotiating the dowry is a big part of the process, there are people you can hire to act as an intermediary to negotiate for you. I started at $0 and worked my way down, but how much you pay is really up to you.

[age4short]

GF mentioned to me that whatever the agreed dowry most of it would be returned to us as her parents acknowledge that they will need taken care of later in life, If it's the norm in Thai culture then haven't got a problem with it, I think these days it's more of a face saving exercise.

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[Ace of Pop]

Another LAMB to the Slaughter.

[nedkellylives]

Marry a Indian lady, they have to pay you or your parents a dowry