Going for it.....

[lostinisaan]

Just wanted to find out if there's a chance to meet gay people in Ubon Ratchathani to find out why I'm more and more interested in trying new things.

I'm married to a sexy woman, but I need to find out if I'm just dreaming of something, or actually want it. Any places? Thanks for your input.

[onthemoon]

If you are married, you shouldn't pursue other people, male or female.

Ubon does have a gay scene though, see here.

[hkt83100]

Please do not mix up Ubon Ratchathani and Udon Thani.

Sent from my GT-P6800 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[onthemoon]

Please do not mix up Ubon Ratchathani and Udon Thani.

Sent from my GT-P6800 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I always do that, sorry.

[anon8]

If you are married, you shouldn't pursue other people, male or female.

To the contrary, if you have desire to meet other people, male or female, go for it! If we think of marriage as a prison, a life long prison, that is not a recipe for happy life, and happy marriage. Most marriages would last longer and be happier if rules were more relaxed.

It is only natural and healthy to have desire for sex with people that you find attractive, even if you live together with another person. It seems very unnatural to be in life long contract with only one person to the rest of life.

Unfortunately I can't help with meeting people in Isaan, I wish I could.

[Scott]

Unfortunately, we don't quite live in a world that condones the exploring of sexuality before we do things like get married. I always feel sorry for the females who end up married to a gay man. Many will never get the fulfilling relationship they deserve.

[ToddWeston]

If you are married, you shouldn't pursue other people, male or female.

To the contrary, if you have desire to meet other people, male or female, go for it! If we think of marriage as a prison, a life long prison, that is not a recipe for happy life, and happy marriage. Most marriages would last longer and be happier if rules were more relaxed.

It is only natural and healthy to have desire for sex with people that you find attractive, even if you live together with another person. It seems very unnatural to be in life long contract with only one person to the rest of life.

Unfortunately I can't help with meeting people in Isaan, I wish I could.

What a load of complete rubbish. Some of us take our relationship very seriously and my relationship happens to be my greatest accomplishment.

Your concept of natural - become a player

Your concept of unnatural - being in a long term "contract" as you call it

I guess I'm a freak of nature then, and I'm very proud of it.

Scott made an excellent comment that I'd not considered, I hope the OP can find happiness.

[onthemoon]

If you are married, you shouldn't pursue other people, male or female.

To the contrary, if you have desire to meet other people, male or female, go for it! If we think of marriage as a prison, a life long prison, that is not a recipe for happy life, and happy marriage. Most marriages would last longer and be happier if rules were more relaxed.

It is only natural and healthy to have desire for sex with people that you find attractive, even if you live together with another person. It seems very unnatural to be in life long contract with only one person to the rest of life.

Unfortunately I can't help with meeting people in Isaan, I wish I could.

If you feel your marriage is a prison, you have lost already and the marriage is over.

If you love your spouse, it doesn't feel like prison: You are simply not interested in anybody else.

It does seem that the OP made a wrong choice. Scott has a point, and the marriage might not have been the right choice from the beginning. I feel sorry for both of them.

But then, I know gay men who only found out that they are gay after ten or more years of marriage, and their wives are now their best friends. So there is indeed some energy between them.

[anon8]

It does seem that the OP made a wrong choice. Scott has a point, and the marriage might not have been the right choice from the beginning. I feel sorry for both of them.

I feel really happy for him! I feel happy for both of them, I hope they are in love and it lasts long time.

[LeCharivari]

If you are married, you shouldn't pursue other people, male or female.

To the contrary, if you have desire to meet other people, male or female, go for it! If we think of marriage as a prison, a life long prison, that is not a recipe for happy life, and happy marriage. Most marriages would last longer and be happier if rules were more relaxed.

It is only natural and healthy to have desire for sex with people that you find attractive, even if you live together with another person. It seems very unnatural to be in life long contract with only one person to the rest of life.

Unfortunately I can't help with meeting people in Isaan, I wish I could.

What a load of complete rubbish. Some of us take our relationship very seriously and my relationship happens to be my greatest accomplishment.

Your concept of natural - become a player

Your concept of unnatural - being in a long term "contract" as you call it

I guess I'm a freak of nature then, and I'm very proud of it.

Scott made an excellent comment that I'd not considered, I hope the OP can find happiness.

Agreed 100%, Todd - nothing against those who think its "natural" to sleep around (I've done plenty of that myself in the past) but its just not a part of marriage. Those who think it is and who can't balance their "desire" and their marriage shouldn't get married - obviously it isn't for everybody and there's no reason why it should be.

.......... nd for anyone who thinks that giving in to one's desires is natural and healthy, its not - its anarchy.

[anon8]

.......... nd for anyone who thinks that giving in to one's desires is natural and healthy, its not - its anarchy.

it is very human to give in to desires. It is very unhealthy to deny pleasures, it can lead to sadness, depression, despair, those feelings usually lead to alcoholism and other types of self medication. Depression is very difficult to treat, often impossible.

Where does this notion of monogamy come from? Is it some sort of morality thing? Long time ago marriage was a business arrangement, still is in many cases, so that part I understand. But monogamy for purely moral reasons makes no sense at all.

What does monogamy achieve, other than questionable pride in padding yourself on the back 'Oh Look How Moral I Am, I Am A Really Good Person'

And why do you care how OP decides to live his life? Makes you guys feel somehow better about yourself when judge and condemn him?

[LeCharivari]

Unfortunately, we don't quite live in a world that condones the exploring of sexuality before we do things like get married. I always feel sorry for the females who end up married to a gay man. Many will never get the fulfilling relationship they deserve.

I agree with the latter sentiment and I've been surprised by the number of gay divorced men I've met, some of whom have managed to retain a good relationship with their ex-wives and children, some of whom have been rejected by both, but I think the former view is a bit outdated. There's neither the social pressure to get married so young anymore, nor the expectation that either men or women would be "virginal" when they get married that there was a few decades ago, so there's really little excuse nowadays for anyone not exploring their sexuality before marriage - which has got to be more acceptable than exploring it after marriage.

[Scott]

There still is a lot of pressure in a lot of areas for people to not be gay. That, in and of itself, prevents a lot of people from exploring their sexuality.

Even in countries that are liberal, there are pockets of conservatism and their are families that simply do not accept that someone may be gay. A few people manage to bury their sexuality to the point where they are asexual.

There is a common misconception that if you are gay and get married that a good woman will 'straighten you out'. It might work for a while, but eventually the other urges become stronger.

The problem for a lot of people is that when you are younger, you are quite easily aroused sexually and this makes a sexual relationship with a female easier for some. As we age, this is generally not the case and that is often the point where men start realizing that libido - booster is a male, not a female.

A lot of younger males have the libido to live a double life. That's not so easy when your older.

[sustento]

.......... nd for anyone who thinks that giving in to one's desires is natural and healthy, its not - its anarchy.

it is very human to give in to desires. It is very unhealthy to deny pleasures, it can lead to sadness, depression, despair, those feelings usually lead to alcoholism and other types of self medication. Depression is very difficult to treat, often impossible.

Where does this notion of monogamy come from? Is it some sort of morality thing? Long time ago marriage was a business arrangement, still is in many cases, so that part I understand. But monogamy for purely moral reasons makes no sense at all.

What does monogamy achieve, other than questionable pride in padding yourself on the back 'Oh Look How Moral I Am, I Am A Really Good Person'

And why do you care how OP decides to live his life? Makes you guys feel somehow better about yourself when judge and condemn him?

Do you have no consideration at all for his wife or her feelings?

[Scott]

Troll post removed.

[anon8]

Do you have no consideration at all for his wife or her feelings?

I don't really know her, so it is hard to say how she would feel about his man possibly liking both men and women. But generally happy husband is a good thing, if he is happy and content, then she would also be happier.

Imagine the guy craving for something that he isn't allowed, day after day. Imagine the stress that brings. And if one of the spouses is miserable, it can't be good for family.

If she doesn't like that her husband may be bi, and has sex with men, she will probably divorce him. Now, maybe after divorcing her man she will find next guy that she will fall in love with, but maybe she will never find another love in her life. She will be lonely and miserable for the rest of her life, of course she take comfort how high her morals are.

[ToddWeston]

Do you have no consideration at all for his wife or her feelings?

I don't really know her, so it is hard to say how she would feel about his man possibly liking both men and women. But generally happy husband is a good thing, if he is happy and content, then she would also be happier.

Imagine the guy craving for something that he isn't allowed, day after day. Imagine the stress that brings. And if one of the spouses is miserable, it can't be good for family.

If she doesn't like that her husband may be bi, and has sex with men, she will probably divorce him. Now, maybe after divorcing her man she will find next guy that she will fall in love with, but maybe she will never find another love in her life. She will be lonely and miserable for the rest of her life, of course she take comfort how high her morals are.

All so simple according to you everything will work out just fine, meanwhile back on the ranch the OP is having issues/desires and his wife could have one hell of a shock coming.

As to your other post asking where the notion of monogamy comes from - why not ask your parents assuming they are still with us and report back.

[anon8]

All so simple according to you everything will work out just fine, meanwhile back on the ranch the OP is having issues/desires and his wife could have one hell of a shock coming.

As to your other post asking where the notion of monogamy comes from - why not ask your parents assuming they are still with us and report back.

If he loves her, and she loves him, it really is that simple. Everything will work out just fine, assuming they love each other, and they do, why else would the be together. You say she has one hell of a shock coming, how do you know that. Maybe she will very much like that part about her husband, they will enjoy very nice threesomes soon, and life together is better than ever.

People assume just because he is bi curious, he doesn't love his wife. People often assume the worst. Don't you allow for possibility he loves his partner, but still have desire for sex with other people?

Your line about my parents is confusing is to me, and I don't understand what you mean, but I would ask you not bring my parents into this.

Edited October 8, 2013 by valgehiir

[onthemoon]

.......... nd for anyone who thinks that giving in to one's desires is natural and healthy, its not - its anarchy.

it is very human to give in to desires. It is very unhealthy to deny pleasures, it can lead to sadness, depression, despair, those feelings usually lead to alcoholism and other types of self medication. Depression is very difficult to treat, often impossible.

Where does this notion of monogamy come from? Is it some sort of morality thing? Long time ago marriage was a business arrangement, still is in many cases, so that part I understand. But monogamy for purely moral reasons makes no sense at all.

What does monogamy achieve, other than questionable pride in padding yourself on the back 'Oh Look How Moral I Am, I Am A Really Good Person'

And why do you care how OP decides to live his life? Makes you guys feel somehow better about yourself when judge and condemn him?

It's not about morality at all what I am trying to say.

It's the question whether they have found their soulmates. If they feel like they are in prison, they haven't found the right partner. And shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, but I understand that they thought they had the right partner when they got married.

Well, some couples might decide to stay together but pursue outside sexual relationships. That's their prerogative - if it is a joint decision. I would think that in most cases, one partner gets hurt.

Edited October 8, 2013 by onthemoon

[Scott]

It's pretty sure that at least one partner will get hurt. If there are children involved, then sometimes there's a lot more hurt.

The OP has some issues he needs to settle and it's probably best that he settles them sooner rather than later. Next, as a couple they have issues to settle. Between them it might be amicable and things may work out well, but it will still be painful, I am pretty sure.

[sustento]

All so simple according to you everything will work out just fine, meanwhile back on the ranch the OP is having issues/desires and his wife could have one hell of a shock coming.

As to your other post asking where the notion of monogamy comes from - why not ask your parents assuming they are still with us and report back.

If he loves her, and she loves him, it really is that simple. Everything will work out just fine, assuming they love each other, and they do, why else would the be together. You say she has one hell of a shock coming, how do you know that. Maybe she will very much like that part about her husband, they will enjoy very nice threesomes soon, and life together is better than ever.

People assume just because he is bi curious, he doesn't love his wife. People often assume the worst. Don't you allow for possibility he loves his partner, but still have desire for sex with other people?

Your line about my parents is confusing is to me, and I don't understand what you mean, but I would ask you not bring my parents into this.

But the OP isn't talking about 'they' he's talking about 'he'. He fancies nipping off for a quickie without his wife founding out.

"If he loves her, and she loves him, it really is that simple. "

​I'm afraid it isn't that simple. I used to go out with a guy whose father, after thirty years of what everyone thought was a happy marriage, decided he was gay too and came out to his wife, his son and me one evening. His actions completely destroyed the family.

If you've made commitments to people then you ought to keep them or negotiate your way out of them with the agreement of all parties. Anything else is just pure selfishness.

[anon8]

It's not about morality at all what I am trying to say.

It's the question whether they have found their soulmates. If they feel like they are in prison, they haven't found the right partner. And shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, but I understand that they thought they had the right partner when they got married.

I agree with you. It shouldn't be about morality, it should be about if you want to stay together with your life partner or not, even after you have discovered you have sexual needs that can't be met at home.

It is very rare to find a true soul mate in your lifetime, people who have found it are very lucky. They should not put an end to their happy partnership because one side has sexual needs that are outside marriage. How often do we find true soul mates in life?

One side can get hurt, true. But every relationship is different. Maybe they love each other so much, they don't end the marriage after a physical act of sex outside of marriage, after all it is just sex, not love. If the guy falls out of love with his wife, then of course its over. But it is very possible to very much love your partner, but want sex with other people.

Edited October 8, 2013 by valgehiir

[onthemoon]

All so simple according to you everything will work out just fine, meanwhile back on the ranch the OP is having issues/desires and his wife could have one hell of a shock coming.

As to your other post asking where the notion of monogamy comes from - why not ask your parents assuming they are still with us and report back.

If he loves her, and she loves him, it really is that simple. Everything will work out just fine, assuming they love each other, and they do, why else would the be together. You say she has one hell of a shock coming, how do you know that. Maybe she will very much like that part about her husband, they will enjoy very nice threesomes soon, and life together is better than ever.

People assume just because he is bi curious, he doesn't love his wife. People often assume the worst. Don't you allow for possibility he loves his partner, but still have desire for sex with other people?

Your line about my parents is confusing is to me, and I don't understand what you mean, but I would ask you not bring my parents into this.

But the OP isn't talking about 'they' he's talking about 'he'. He fancies nipping off for a quickie without his wife founding out.

"If he loves her, and she loves him, it really is that simple. "

​I'm afraid it isn't that simple. I used to go out with a guy whose father, after thirty years of what everyone thought was a happy marriage, decided he was gay too and came out to his wife, his son and me one evening. His actions completely destroyed the family.

If you've made commitments to people then you ought to keep them or negotiate your way out of them with the agreement of all parties. Anything else is just pure selfishness.

I'm not entirely sure I agree. I know a few guys who found out late in their lives that they were gay. Most of them are best friends with their wives (or ex-wives) and (grown-up) children. I don't see why they should not come out.

[rgs2001uk]

It's pretty sure that at least one partner will get hurt. If there are children involved, then sometimes there's a lot more hurt.

The OP has some issues he needs to settle and it's probably best that he settles them sooner rather than later. Next, as a couple they have issues to settle. Between them it might be amicable and things may work out well, but it will still be painful, I am pretty sure.

The person the OP should be talking to is his wife, however unpleasant it may be for both of them.

One thing I have learned over the years of living here, the farang may think he can get away with certain actions (whatever they may be) but sooner or later the Thais get to know of it.

Can you imagine the OPs position when confronted by his wife or a relative..

The following isnt an anti Thai rant, its just the way it is here in some parts of the country, there are some Thais who take great pleasure in upsetting other Thais, wait til his wife is confronted by rumour and innuendo.

[anon8]

​I'm afraid it isn't that simple. I used to go out with a guy whose father, after thirty years of what everyone thought was a happy marriage, decided he was gay too and came out to his wife, his son and me one evening. His actions completely destroyed the family.

If you've made commitments to people then you ought to keep them or negotiate your way out of them with the agreement of all parties. Anything else is just pure selfishness.

30 years of marriage is long time, a lifetime really. I don't know why his honesty destroyed the marriage, but if his wife couldn't forgive him for being gay, she should have found it in her heart to forgive him, after all there isn't much they guy could do about it. Maybe she couldn't forgive him for not telling everybody sooner. Maybe he never should have come out, sometimes it is better to stay in closet in order to keep the family, still his decision tho.

[LaraC]

.... it is very possible to very much love your partner, but want sex with other people.

..well duh! ..but you dont have to act selfishly on every desire.

There are many things we WANT in life, but if you have any maturity, you weigh up the pros and cons with much consideration first.

Some couples may agree on open relationships/marriages, or experimentation or swinging etc. But that is based on discussion and consent, NOT deception and betrayal. If your partner doesnt want to be more open in that way, either respect it, use fantasies/role play etc, or separate, rather than betray.

Trust that is broken is like a broken plate. You can glue it together, but it will never be quite the same again.

[anon8]

Twice you use the word 'betrayal'. That's a heavy word.

[anon8]

Trust that is broken is like a broken plate. You can glue it together, but it will never be quite the same again.

Many people are unable to forgive, they say trust is broken, and things will never be same again. Basically, it means you can't forgive the guy, ever. But he is still the same guy, he who loves you. Nothing is really broken, except your pride. You are hurt, and you will never forgive him for that.

[Scott]

I knew a guy who came out in his later 30's or early 40's. He was very fit and healthy, and looked a lot younger than he was. He was married and had kids and lived in a small town so it was a big deal. He ended up going out with a friend of mine.

He explained that being in a heterosexual relationship was just becoming too difficult, sexually. He loved his wife, he loved his kids and he loved his life-style, but his penis had other things and places in mind and his wife was noticing that their love making sessions were getting fewer and further between. He was also starting to face the inability to perform.

She suggested counseling and he pretty much knew that that was going to lead to his secret desires.

IMO, it's better for people to come out earlier. It's easier for all concerned to get on with their lives when they are younger than face this stuff when they are getting on in years.

[LaraC]

Trust that is broken is like a broken plate. You can glue it together, but it will never be quite the same again.

Many people are unable to forgive, they say trust is broken, and things will never be same again. Basically, it means you can't forgive the guy, ever. But he is still the same guy, he who loves you. Nothing is really broken, except your pride. You are hurt, and you will never forgive him for that.

Its not about forgiveness, its about sowing seeds of doubt.

If you catch your partner out on a huge deception/breach of trust, it creates an element of distrust.

If you honestly think that a partner that has been lied to, even if they have forgiven, doesnt carry a seed of doubt and distrust around for a very long time, then i have a feeling you have never experienced it.

Im not saying a person should ignore desires, particularly one as big as this. But their partners emotional well-being, as well as the effect on the relationship (for both parties) should be carefully considered.