Im trying to understand all this

[FiftyTwo]

there is no alimony in Thailand because women do not have a voice here. if there was there would be more personal responsibility among Thai males. you have not figure out what thai alimony is it is call GO GET A FALANG! thai alimony

There is no alimony in Thailand because Thais can't think of a reason for a divorced woman to have a lifetime free ride. (I can't think of a reason for alimony either)

[tingtongteesood]

They are all crazy. My parents divorced when I was 11. When I was 15 I had seen him very rarely since and developed an attitude about it. By 20 I had said openly 'When you are old and ill, expect to see me as much as I have seen you in the last 9 years ie don't expect to. Your actions have spoken louder than any words ever could'. Yes he is my father, yes he gave me life, however he plainly couldn't give a toss I exist so I don't give a toss about him either....My attitude will never change...

[kikoman]

My wife and her husband divorced years before I met her, the husband took one daughter and my wife took the other, When I met her and we were talking about living together, I asked her to quit both of her jobs and I would care for her, part of that was sending her mother 2,000 baht a month for taking care of her daughter.

When we moved to the village , her daughters (both) came to live with us and the grandmother went back to her home in Bangkok, over the years the girls father brought them gold, computers etc, we paid all the living cost, the girls father paid for the Education all the way thought the university and takes care of the needs of things they desired, phones, spending money what have you, he recently moved back to the village from Phuket.

I may be the exception to the rule but he does provide for our children.

In the village the parents pay for the child's education with the understanding that it is the child responsibility to care for their parents later in life. The wife and I were recently planning for what she needed after I am gone to support herself, both girls told me daddy, do not worry about our mother we will take care of her.

What I have seen of the family unity, I know they will!

Cheers: .

My wife has two grown children with kids of their own. The daughter has 3 kids one now 19. About 3 years ago she asked me for a fair sum of money to go to school and become a nurses aide. Part of her plea was that she would be better able to take care of her mother and myself in are older age. The son had a baby boy and asked me for a sizable sum of money for a two year course in electronic engineering. The same story he could take better care of us in are old age. This money was at least three times what I had given the daughter. I thought about it for a few days and then agreed to it. The look on the wife's face was instant repayment. She tried to cover it with her hands and started crying and blubbering some thing about the sons useless father.

They are both graduated and working in their field. the daughter and her family have since moved here to Chiang Mai. I have no vehicle or desire to have one and they will take me any place I want to go of they are off shift. The son in law works at the same hospital in the X ray department.

I always and still do to a degree worry about what if I die. I am 15 years older than my wife but I know that she will be taken care of. I have how ever managed to set some thing aside for her so she would be able to survive and continue to take care of her mother.

The other day the 10 year old granddaughter was asking me how to say grandfather in English.

If the father passes away and they want to go see him before he passes I have no problem with that. I just won't contribute money to it.

I have a Thai family. Not just a Thai wife. Feels good.

Yes, I know what you are saying, I besides having a great wife, have considerate, happy, accepting in law's great children, the whole family in general,

I also understand your concern about what will happen to her after were gone.The family has assured me not to worry about her,

The difference in Thailand and the west the aged in the west for the most part are shipped off to an Old Folks home and most die away from their families, It is my opinion that The Thai system is better, because the Thai children have the responsibility to care for the parents in their golden years as the parent took care of them in their youth. As a result the Thai aged spent their last days on earth in the love and comfort of their family.

I know that our girls are loved and well cared for by their father, and I do not believe my situation is a special one in Thailand, Having a great wife, outstanding family and the girls have a loving Thai father and a loving Farang daddy, he will always be their father and I will always be their daddy!

My wife does not hold any grudges against him.and I am glad he ran off with another women, as it freed my wife and placed her in my path so I would be able to meet her.

I am thankful to him for that,.thou she may not agree with my logic!

Cheers:

[kikoman]

My wife and her husband divorced years before I met her, the husband took one daughter and my wife took the other, When I met her and we were talking about living together, I asked her to quit both of her jobs and I would care for her, part of that was sending her mother 2,000 baht a month for taking care of her daughter.

When we moved to the village , her daughters (both) came to live with us and the grandmother went back to her home in Bangkok, over the years the girls father brought them gold, computers etc, we paid all the living cost, the girls father paid for the Education all the way thought the university and takes care of the needs of things they desired, phones, spending money what have you, he recently moved back to the village from Phuket.

I may be the exception to the rule but he does provide for our children.

In the village the parents pay for the child's education with the understanding that it is the child responsibility to care for their parents later in life. The wife and I were recently planning for what she needed after I am gone to support herself, both girls told me daddy, do not worry about our mother we will take care of her.

What I have seen of the family unity, I know they will!

Cheers: .

Then he is surely one of the very few good fathers in Thailand. My partners son now 16 and going to boarding school in Bangkok, has never received any help from his father, who incidentally is a court judge.

He may be special, as a loving father, I do not know of many other situations but that of my children, he had a little sidewalk food stall in Phuket, Made a good living, always kept in touch and took care of his children's major financial expenses.

Cheers:

Edited October 14, 2013 by kikoman

[FiftyTwo]

They are all crazy. My parents divorced when I was 11. When I was 15 I had seen him very rarely since and developed an attitude about it. By 20 I had said openly 'When you are old and ill, expect to see me as much as I have seen you in the last 9 years ie don't expect to. Your actions have spoken louder than any words ever could'. Yes he is my father, yes he gave me life, however he plainly couldn't give a toss I exist so I don't give a toss about him either....My attitude will never change...

How do you know your mother wasn't stopping him seeing you?

My former wife never let me see my children again, while telling them I had abandoned them.

Happens all the time.

[JaiLai]

Try and find a Thai family that is NOT disfunctional - good luck!

As mentioned no one bats an eyelid at how f***** up they ALL are.

You certainly have a narrow point of view.

I don't know the truth of it but a noted Chicago Psychiatrist claimed that 95% of the families in America were dysfunctional. Maybe you and him have the same view of what dysfunctional is.[/quote/]

My narrow point of view is what I have seen over 16 years in Thailand so it's valid.

Thanks for letting me know its the same POV a this. Noted Chicago bloke - well chuffed with that.

[MILT]

There is no point in them having an expectation of Thai father's, if they know full well the expectation will never be met. Some Thai men will support their offspring from former partners, usually by handing over a bit of cash directly to them if they are a bit older. When the kid is younger they might provide milk or school uniforms. But they wouldn't give cash to the former partner, at least that has been my observation. I said some, because younger Thai males that father children often take no responsibility at all, the grandparents, maybe. As they are mollycoddled all their lives no-one expects them to do anything. When or if they ever grow up they will never have spare money.

It can be hard to live with especially if you are involved, best bet is to let the family sort it out and hope that karma deals with the fathers, at least that would appear to be what is happening in your tgf fathers case

So you are saying that because he was/is a dead beat Dad and he is sick and in serious condition is from being a dead beat dad? Really?

[geezer2]

From the replies to my OP it appears I left the some readers with the impression that I am angry, upset or somehow bothered by my GF/family's wanting to be at the deathbed of father who abandoned them in childhood. I have no personal feelings on the subject other than being surprised at their loyalty to a man who felt no obligation to them during his lifetime. He has money so that is not a consideration. From what was said by my GF and sisters, they have had no personal contact for 30 years and only a few phone calls during that time.

i did not think you was angry or upset i think most of us here have had problem this me included,iI have lived with two women in the UK who have had kids with english man but they got child benifits and the csa sorted the dads out no probs for me,my thai wife has two kids d 25 s 21 married now over two years they call me dad (not papa) hey suits me.my point being here it is the same as the UK but different.could be as you state he has money so maybe they want payback..that is the thai way

[ABCer]

somak:

There is no natural population growth in Thailand.

Average birth rate = 1.6-1.7 per woman, same as in Western Europe.

DP25

In reality, the fertility rate in Thailand is LOWER than in the US or the UK. The average Thai woman has her first child in her early to mid 20s, not when she's 16 like the average mia farang. The problem in Thailand is not 'healthy population growth' because of no sex education like has been mentioned in this thread, it is that women no longer have enough children to prevent the population from shrinking.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sovereign_states_and_dependent_territories_by_fertility_rate

Children per woman according to CIA WorldFactbook

US - 2.06
UK - 1.90
Thailand - 1.66

In short, women who date and marry farang on average are not average members of Thai society, and hence personal observations of most farang in Thailand are going to be a bit skewed.

somak and DP25, thanks for the figures. Have no doubts you are right. As I said those were my personal observations. I'm not into social sciences.

There must be some difference between facts and their perception.

Since I'm not crossing paths with Thai elite I built my observations and perceptions on people I observe and on going through the Thai Love Links. Not a very scientific approach, but more fun. Most likely my obs are skewed.

However, for the sake of fairness I must mention that in my condo there are about 115 families, about 75% of which are Thais and they all have 2 ++ kids with them. Not a big sample size, but that is all I have.

Maybe I'm mistaken, but this is the basis of my observations and the source of my mistake(?). As I say - impression does count on a personal level.

If I'm allowed to bring an example, - I get an impression that Thailand has much more dogs than Western countries. In five years of driving I had three times to change my car front bumper. Could be my speeding. Could be that Thai dogs are not smart. Could be the heat. Could be that West has more dogs than Thailand. But the impression is still skewed: - too many dogs on the roads and too many abandoned kids here.

Edited October 14, 2013 by ABCer

[itsrebel]

My wife and her husband divorced years before I met her, the husband took one daughter and my wife took the other, When I met her and we were talking about living together, I asked her to quit both of her jobs and I would care for her, part of that was sending her mother 2,000 baht a month for taking care of her daughter.

When we moved to the village , her daughters (both) came to live with us and the grandmother went back to her home in Bangkok, over the years the girls father brought them gold, computers etc, we paid all the living cost, the girls father paid for the Education all the way thought the university and takes care of the needs of things they desired, phones, spending money what have you, he recently moved back to the village from Phuket.

I may be the exception to the rule but he does provide for our children.

In the village the parents pay for the child's education with the understanding that it is the child responsibility to care for their parents later in life. The wife and I were recently planning for what she needed after I am gone to support herself, both girls told me daddy, do not worry about our mother we will take care of her.

What I have seen of the family unity, I know they will!

Cheers: alt=wai2.gif> .

My wife has two grown children with kids of their own. The daughter has 3 kids one now 19. About 3 years ago she asked me for a fair sum of money to go to school and become a nurses aide. Part of her plea was that she would be better able to take care of her mother and myself in are older age. The son had a baby boy and asked me for a sizable sum of money for a two year course in electronic engineering. The same story he could take better care of us in are old age. This money was at least three times what I had given the daughter. I thought about it for a few days and then agreed to it. The look on the wife's face was instant repayment. She tried to cover it with her hands and started crying and blubbering some thing about the sons useless father.

They are both graduated and working in their field. the daughter and her family have since moved here to Chiang Mai. I have no vehicle or desire to have one and they will take me any place I want to go of they are off shift. The son in law works at the same hospital in the X ray department.

I always and still do to a degree worry about what if I die. I am 15 years older than my wife but I know that she will be taken care of. I have how ever managed to set some thing aside for her so she would be able to survive and continue to take care of her mother.

The other day the 10 year old granddaughter was asking me how to say grandfather in English.

If the father passes away and they want to go see him before he passes I have no problem with that. I just won't contribute money to it.

I have a Thai family. Not just a Thai wife. Feels good.

Yes, I know what you are saying, I besides having a great wife, have considerate, happy, accepting in law's great children, the whole family in general,

I also understand your concern about what will happen to her after were gone.The family has assured me not to worry about her,

The difference in Thailand and the west the aged in the west for the most part are shipped off to an Old Folks home and most die away from their families, It is my opinion that The Thai system is better, because the Thai children have the responsibility to care for the parents in their golden years as the parent took care of them in their youth. As a result the Thai aged spent their last days on earth in the love and comfort of their family.

I know that our girls are loved and well cared for by their father, and I do not believe my situation is a special one in Thailand, Having a great wife, outstanding family and the girls have a loving Thai father and a loving Farang daddy, he will always be their father and I will always be their daddy!

My wife does not hold any grudges against him.and I am glad he ran off with another women, as it freed my wife and placed her in my path so I would be able to meet her.

I am thankful to him for that,.thou she may not agree with my logic!

Cheers: alt=wai2.gif>

I have a big problem with this "taking care" thing.

Especially the logic that parents gave them life and took care of them during their youth, so the kids have responsibility to take care of their parents in their old age. The kids/children didn't have any say in being born. The parents decided to have a child, or a few more, for their own selfish reasons. The child was not consulted (he/she can't be of course). I agree that it is the parents' responsibility to take care and provide for the children because they made the decision to have them. The children, however, should not be held responsible because they were given the "gift of life" (really?) by their parents. I know of many grown up men and women who, if given a choice, would have said no to being born. And it will not be too much of a stretch to say that at least half of this world's population would rather have not been born, what with all the starvation, torture, violence many people face on this planet. (a 10-year old working in a camp in North Korea comes to mind, so does a BG in Thailand for that matter!)

I know many of people here have children and would probably not like this, but having a child is one of the most selfish thing to do. And then to expect them to take care of you in your old age is probably even worse. And it is not just Thailand, in much of the world people have children so that they would have someone to take care of them in their old age. It is more pronounced in the East, I guess, but the reasons are much the same in most regions of the world.

Send those letters!

[ajarnpot]

 

My personal observations:

- First comes Nature, Hormones, Love... and a baby...

- Than natural father disappears, goes to greener pastures...

- Single mum looks for a Father (the cuckoo syndrome)... or Family looks after the baby...

This isn't all Thais, but very typical for Thailand.

Net result:

- Family is very important. Perhaps all-important in Thai culture...

- Every strata of society happy - Gov't saves money on social services; Thai men enjoy sex without obligations; Farangs or older well to do Thais get younger second hand wifes; Kids often get better chances in life...

- There is a healthy rate of population growth...

- It is as it is. No use to apply Western values here.

For the sake of fairness and compared to the West:

- The same Nature, Hormones, Love... but no baby due to better (?) sex education...

- Natural father is guilty even if he is not a natural father...

- Single mum looks for a Father (the cuckoo syndrome)... or Gov't support, often concurrently...

This isn't all West, but a very typical picture.

Net result:

- Family ties are weaker in Western countries...

- No happy groups in society - Gov't overburdened with social security payments; Western men are scared to form long term relationships for fear of being 'taken to the cleaners'; Both single mum and father paying maintenance are stigmatised;

Kids from broken families are often disadvantaged in many different ways...

- Population growth rate is lower in the West...

Please feel free to argue. As I said it is my personal observation. Any personal insults will be happily returned.

There is no natural population growth in Thailand.

Average birth rate = 1.6-1.7 per woman, same as in Western Europe.

 

guess you don't work with numbers, growth not average output

[Berkshire]

there is no alimony in Thailand because women do not have a voice here. if there was there would be more personal responsibility among Thai males. you have not figure out what thai alimony is it is call GO GET A FALANG! thai alimony

That really is the ultimate irony of this thread. If at least some Thai guys weren't abandoning their women/kids, then farangs in Thailand wouldn't have access to any Thai women wanting to be saved. Then the most common TV threads running would be more like "why are Thai women not interested in us??"

[kikoman]

My wife and her husband divorced years before I met her, the husband took one daughter and my wife took the other, When I met her and we were talking about living together, I asked her to quit both of her jobs and I would care for her, part of that was sending her mother 2,000 baht a month for taking care of her daughter.

When we moved to the village , her daughters (both) came to live with us and the grandmother went back to her home in Bangkok, over the years the girls father brought them gold, computers etc, we paid all the living cost, the girls father paid for the Education all the way thought the university and takes care of the needs of things they desired, phones, spending money what have you, he recently moved back to the village from Phuket.

I may be the exception to the rule but he does provide for our children.

In the village the parents pay for the child's education with the understanding that it is the child responsibility to care for their parents later in life. The wife and I were recently planning for what she needed after I am gone to support herself, both girls told me daddy, do not worry about our mother we will take care of her.

What I have seen of the family unity, I know they will!

Cheers: alt=wai2.gif> .

My wife has two grown children with kids of their own. The daughter has 3 kids one now 19. About 3 years ago she asked me for a fair sum of money to go to school and become a nurses aide. Part of her plea was that she would be better able to take care of her mother and myself in are older age. The son had a baby boy and asked me for a sizable sum of money for a two year course in electronic engineering. The same story he could take better care of us in are old age. This money was at least three times what I had given the daughter. I thought about it for a few days and then agreed to it. The look on the wife's face was instant repayment. She tried to cover it with her hands and started crying and blubbering some thing about the sons useless father.

They are both graduated and working in their field. the daughter and her family have since moved here to Chiang Mai. I have no vehicle or desire to have one and they will take me any place I want to go of they are off shift. The son in law works at the same hospital in the X ray department.

I always and still do to a degree worry about what if I die. I am 15 years older than my wife but I know that she will be taken care of. I have how ever managed to set some thing aside for her so she would be able to survive and continue to take care of her mother.

The other day the 10 year old granddaughter was asking me how to say grandfather in English.

If the father passes away and they want to go see him before he passes I have no problem with that. I just won't contribute money to it.

I have a Thai family. Not just a Thai wife. Feels good.

Yes, I know what you are saying, I besides having a great wife, have considerate, happy, accepting in law's great children, the whole family in general,

I also understand your concern about what will happen to her after were gone.The family has assured me not to worry about her,

The difference in Thailand and the west the aged in the west for the most part are shipped off to an Old Folks home and most die away from their families, It is my opinion that The Thai system is better, because the Thai children have the responsibility to care for the parents in their golden years as the parent took care of them in their youth. As a result the Thai aged spent their last days on earth in the love and comfort of their family.

I know that our girls are loved and well cared for by their father, and I do not believe my situation is a special one in Thailand, Having a great wife, outstanding family and the girls have a loving Thai father and a loving Farang daddy, he will always be their father and I will always be their daddy!

My wife does not hold any grudges against him.and I am glad he ran off with another women, as it freed my wife and placed her in my path so I would be able to meet her.

I am thankful to him for that,.thou she may not agree with my logic!

Cheers: alt=wai2.gif>

I have a big problem with this "taking care" thing.

Especially the logic that parents gave them life and took care of them during their youth, so the kids have responsibility to take care of their parents in their old age. The kids/children didn't have any say in being born. The parents decided to have a child, or a few more, for their own selfish reasons. The child was not consulted (he/she can't be of course). I agree that it is the parents' responsibility to take care and provide for the children because they made the decision to have them. The children, however, should not be held responsible because they were given the "gift of life" (really?) by their parents. I know of many grown up men and women who, if given a choice, would have said no to being born. And it will not be too much of a stretch to say that at least half of this world's population would rather have not been born, what with all the starvation, torture, violence many people face on this planet. (a 10-year old working in a camp in North Korea comes to mind, so does a BG in Thailand for that matter!)

I know many of people here have children and would probably not like this, but having a child is one of the most selfish thing to do. And then to expect them to take care of you in your old age is probably even worse. And it is not just Thailand, in much of the world people have children so that they would have someone to take care of them in their old age. It is more pronounced in the East, I guess, but the reasons are much the same in most regions of the world.

Send those letters!

You have a right to your opinion, which differs greatly from mine!

Thailand's customs are very closely aligned to the Mexican culture, that the Family has the responsibility for taking of its aged, and is not the responsibility of the state. You are right its is expected in the Thai culture, and that has been the Thai way for century's. Westerns may be critical if it involves them and the Thai wife recognizes her responsibility to her parents, (the situation is one that 'could' eventually test the strength of the relationship). My wife has the same responsibility and with that in mind, we added on rooms to our house to prepare for that eventuality.

My perception, that only apply's to my situation is when I married my wife, in her own country, becoming a part of her family, and residing in their village, I chose to live in harmony with her culture and family, to the point that it is also my responsibility to accommodated the parents needs, the situation has never surfaced yet, as I am older than my in-laws.

Had my wife come back to the old country with me she would have to adjust to my family and culture, this is not a one way street! I do not like the way the dominate society deals with their aged parents in the States, by placing them in an old folks home because they would be around older people with the same needs.

It is my opinion that if the parents opinion mattered they would opt to be more comfortable in their home surrounded by and cared for by a loving family.

Again in Thailand children that violate that responsibility are look down on and fall out of favor with Thai's as a whole, that not only is a Thai concept, that custom is observed all over Asia.

Again I am not questioning your opinion rather I am explaining the bases of my own opinion.

Good Luck,

Cheers:

[atyclb]

Try and find a Thai family that is NOT disfunctional - good luck!

As mentioned no one bats an eyelid at how f***** up they ALL are.

Yes, and as the majority of society is on the same "wavelength" there is rarely even the perception of anything wrong or dysfunctional save for a tiny % of society that thinks outside the box. To them all is well. Some say this is Asian culture however my Japanese, Singapore, Taiwan friends see and comment about Thailand dysfunction.

[JaiLai]

My wife and her husband divorced years before I met her, the husband took one daughter and my wife took the other, When I met her and we were talking about living together, I asked her to quit both of her jobs and I would care for her, part of that was sending her mother 2,000 baht a month for taking care of her daughter.

When we moved to the village , her daughters (both) came to live with us and the grandmother went back to her home in Bangkok, over the years the girls father brought them gold, computers etc, we paid all the living cost, the girls father paid for the Education all the way thought the university and takes care of the needs of things they desired, phones, spending money what have you, he recently moved back to the village from Phuket.

I may be the exception to the rule but he does provide for our children.

In the village the parents pay for the child's education with the understanding that it is the child responsibility to care for their parents later in life. The wife and I were recently planning for what she needed after I am gone to support herself, both girls told me daddy, do not worry about our mother we will take care of her.

What I have seen of the family unity, I know they will!

Cheers: alt=wai2.gif> .

My wife has two grown children with kids of their own. The daughter has 3 kids one now 19. About 3 years ago she asked me for a fair sum of money to go to school and become a nurses aide. Part of her plea was that she would be better able to take care of her mother and myself in are older age. The son had a baby boy and asked me for a sizable sum of money for a two year course in electronic engineering. The same story he could take better care of us in are old age. This money was at least three times what I had given the daughter. I thought about it for a few days and then agreed to it. The look on the wife's face was instant repayment. She tried to cover it with her hands and started crying and blubbering some thing about the sons useless father.

They are both graduated and working in their field. the daughter and her family have since moved here to Chiang Mai. I have no vehicle or desire to have one and they will take me any place I want to go of they are off shift. The son in law works at the same hospital in the X ray department.

I always and still do to a degree worry about what if I die. I am 15 years older than my wife but I know that she will be taken care of. I have how ever managed to set some thing aside for her so she would be able to survive and continue to take care of her mother.

The other day the 10 year old granddaughter was asking me how to say grandfather in English.

If the father passes away and they want to go see him before he passes I have no problem with that. I just won't contribute money to it.

I have a Thai family. Not just a Thai wife. Feels good.

Yes, I know what you are saying, I besides having a great wife, have considerate, happy, accepting in law's great children, the whole family in general,

I also understand your concern about what will happen to her after were gone.The family has assured me not to worry about her,

The difference in Thailand and the west the aged in the west for the most part are shipped off to an Old Folks home and most die away from their families, It is my opinion that The Thai system is better, because the Thai children have the responsibility to care for the parents in their golden years as the parent took care of them in their youth. As a result the Thai aged spent their last days on earth in the love and comfort of their family.

I know that our girls are loved and well cared for by their father, and I do not believe my situation is a special one in Thailand, Having a great wife, outstanding family and the girls have a loving Thai father and a loving Farang daddy, he will always be their father and I will always be their daddy!

My wife does not hold any grudges against him.and I am glad he ran off with another women, as it freed my wife and placed her in my path so I would be able to meet her.

I am thankful to him for that,.thou she may not agree with my logic!

Cheers: alt=wai2.gif>

I have a big problem with this "taking care" thing.

Especially the logic that parents gave them life and took care of them during their youth, so the kids have responsibility to take care of their parents in their old age. The kids/children didn't have any say in being born. The parents decided to have a child, or a few more, for their own selfish reasons. The child was not consulted (he/she can't be of course). I agree that it is the parents' responsibility to take care and provide for the children because they made the decision to have them. The children, however, should not be held responsible because they were given the "gift of life" (really?) by their parents. I know of many grown up men and women who, if given a choice, would have said no to being born. And it will not be too much of a stretch to say that at least half of this world's population would rather have not been born, what with all the starvation, torture, violence many people face on this planet. (a 10-year old working in a camp in North Korea comes to mind, so does a BG in Thailand for that matter!)

I know many of people here have children and would probably not like this, but having a child is one of the most selfish thing to do. And then to expect them to take care of you in your old age is probably even worse. And it is not just Thailand, in much of the world people have children so that they would have someone to take care of them in their old age. It is more pronounced in the East, I guess, but the reasons are much the same in most regions of the world.

Send those letters!

You have a right to your opinion, which differs greatly from mine!

Thailand's customs are very closely aligned to the Mexican culture, that the Family has the responsibility for taking of its aged, and is not the responsibility of the state. You are right its is expected in the Thai culture, and that has been the Thai way for century's. Westerns may be critical if it involves them and the Thai wife recognizes her responsibility to her parents, (the situation is one that 'could' eventually test the strength of the relationship). My wife has the same responsibility and with that in mind, we added on rooms to our house to prepare for that eventuality.

My perception, that only apply's to my situation is when I married my wife, in her own country, becoming a part of her family, and residing in their village, I chose to live in harmony with her culture and family, to the point that it is also my responsibility to accommodated the parents needs, the situation has never surfaced yet, as I am older than my in-laws.

Had my wife come back to the old country with me she would have to adjust to my family and culture, this is not a one way street! I do not like the way the dominate society deals with their aged parents in the States, by placing them in an old folks home because they would be around older people with the same needs.

It is my opinion that if the parents opinion mattered they would opt to be more comfortable in their home surrounded by and cared for by a loving family.

Again in Thailand children that violate that responsibility are look down on and fall out of favor with Thai's as a whole, that not only is a Thai concept, that custom is observed all over Asia.

Again I am not questioning your opinion rather I am explaining the bases of my own opinion.

Good Luck,

Cheers:

Some very good points especially about the western cultures fobbing of their parents to old folks homes.

However one reason behind doing that is coz in these western countries most people work a regular job and have a career, this is far from the case in Thailand. There is always family members about that are doing nothing with their lives so have the time to care for the elderly parents.

I think you might also find that the sibling who looks after the elderly parents also hope / think they might be favoured with inheritance ( if there is any ) - sad but true.

[itsrebel]

My wife and her husband divorced years before I met her, the husband took one daughter and my wife took the other, When I met her and we were talking about living together, I asked her to quit both of her jobs and I would care for her, part of that was sending her mother 2,000 baht a month for taking care of her daughter.

When we moved to the village , her daughters (both) came to live with us and the grandmother went back to her home in Bangkok, over the years the girls father brought them gold, computers etc, we paid all the living cost, the girls father paid for the Education all the way thought the university and takes care of the needs of things they desired, phones, spending money what have you, he recently moved back to the village from Phuket.

I may be the exception to the rule but he does provide for our children.

In the village the parents pay for the child's education with the understanding that it is the child responsibility to care for their parents later in life. The wife and I were recently planning for what she needed after I am gone to support herself, both girls told me daddy, do not worry about our mother we will take care of her.

What I have seen of the family unity, I know they will!

Cheers: alt=wai2.gif> .

My wife has two grown children with kids of their own. The daughter has 3 kids one now 19. About 3 years ago she asked me for a fair sum of money to go to school and become a nurses aide. Part of her plea was that she would be better able to take care of her mother and myself in are older age. The son had a baby boy and asked me for a sizable sum of money for a two year course in electronic engineering. The same story he could take better care of us in are old age. This money was at least three times what I had given the daughter. I thought about it for a few days and then agreed to it. The look on the wife's face was instant repayment. She tried to cover it with her hands and started crying and blubbering some thing about the sons useless father.

They are both graduated and working in their field. the daughter and her family have since moved here to Chiang Mai. I have no vehicle or desire to have one and they will take me any place I want to go of they are off shift. The son in law works at the same hospital in the X ray department.

I always and still do to a degree worry about what if I die. I am 15 years older than my wife but I know that she will be taken care of. I have how ever managed to set some thing aside for her so she would be able to survive and continue to take care of her mother.

The other day the 10 year old granddaughter was asking me how to say grandfather in English.

If the father passes away and they want to go see him before he passes I have no problem with that. I just won't contribute money to it.

I have a Thai family. Not just a Thai wife. Feels good.

Yes, I know what you are saying, I besides having a great wife, have considerate, happy, accepting in law's great children, the whole family in general,

I also understand your concern about what will happen to her after were gone.The family has assured me not to worry about her,

The difference in Thailand and the west the aged in the west for the most part are shipped off to an Old Folks home and most die away from their families, It is my opinion that The Thai system is better, because the Thai children have the responsibility to care for the parents in their golden years as the parent took care of them in their youth. As a result the Thai aged spent their last days on earth in the love and comfort of their family.

I know that our girls are loved and well cared for by their father, and I do not believe my situation is a special one in Thailand, Having a great wife, outstanding family and the girls have a loving Thai father and a loving Farang daddy, he will always be their father and I will always be their daddy!

My wife does not hold any grudges against him.and I am glad he ran off with another women, as it freed my wife and placed her in my path so I would be able to meet her.

I am thankful to him for that,.thou she may not agree with my logic!

Cheers: alt=wai2.gif>

I have a big problem with this "taking care" thing.

Especially the logic that parents gave them life and took care of them during their youth, so the kids have responsibility to take care of their parents in their old age. The kids/children didn't have any say in being born. The parents decided to have a child, or a few more, for their own selfish reasons. The child was not consulted (he/she can't be of course). I agree that it is the parents' responsibility to take care and provide for the children because they made the decision to have them. The children, however, should not be held responsible because they were given the "gift of life" (really?) by their parents. I know of many grown up men and women who, if given a choice, would have said no to being born. And it will not be too much of a stretch to say that at least half of this world's population would rather have not been born, what with all the starvation, torture, violence many people face on this planet. (a 10-year old working in a camp in North Korea comes to mind, so does a BG in Thailand for that matter!)

I know many of people here have children and would probably not like this, but having a child is one of the most selfish thing to do. And then to expect them to take care of you in your old age is probably even worse. And it is not just Thailand, in much of the world people have children so that they would have someone to take care of them in their old age. It is more pronounced in the East, I guess, but the reasons are much the same in most regions of the world.

Send those letters!

You have a right to your opinion, which differs greatly from mine!

Thailand's customs are very closely aligned to the Mexican culture, that the Family has the responsibility for taking of its aged, and is not the responsibility of the state. You are right its is expected in the Thai culture, and that has been the Thai way for century's. Westerns may be critical if it involves them and the Thai wife recognizes her responsibility to her parents, (the situation is one that 'could' eventually test the strength of the relationship). My wife has the same responsibility and with that in mind, we added on rooms to our house to prepare for that eventuality.

My perception, that only apply's to my situation is when I married my wife, in her own country, becoming a part of her family, and residing in their village, I chose to live in harmony with her culture and family, to the point that it is also my responsibility to accommodated the parents needs, the situation has never surfaced yet, as I am older than my in-laws.

Had my wife come back to the old country with me she would have to adjust to my family and culture, this is not a one way street! I do not like the way the dominate society deals with their aged parents in the States, by placing them in an old folks home because they would be around older people with the same needs.

It is my opinion that if the parents opinion mattered they would opt to be more comfortable in their home surrounded by and cared for by a loving family.

Again in Thailand children that violate that responsibility are look down on and fall out of favor with Thai's as a whole, that not only is a Thai concept, that custom is observed all over Asia.

Again I am not questioning your opinion rather I am explaining the bases of my own opinion.

Good Luck,

Cheers:

Some very good points especially about the western cultures fobbing of their parents to old folks homes.

However one reason behind doing that is coz in these western countries most people work a regular job and have a career, this is far from the case in Thailand. There is always family members about that are doing nothing with their lives so have the time to care for the elderly parents.

I think you might also find that the sibling who looks after the elderly parents also hope / think they might be favoured with inheritance ( if there is any ) - sad but true.

@kikoman - I agree with you, we both have a right to our opinions.

But I wonder, if you would do the same if your parents came to you asking to be "taken care of" today. Would you do the same for them that you are doing for your wife's parents?

Also, I think the influence is closer home - India, where the scriptures are purported to be much older. I have read a few of them and have seen lots of instances of kids sacrificing more than plenty for their parents. They have a god incarnate going into the woods for 13 years or so to honor his father's promise.

@JaiLai - I don't think it has anything to do with having a career in this part of the world. I have many Indian friends who had to sacrifice career progression just so they could stay with their parents in their old age. For instance, rejecting lucrative job offers from outside their home city. In Thailand, I met a 45 y.o woman who has never married so she could take care of her parents. She has a decent job, but she couldn't imagine moving to another city or getting married so that she could take care of her parents.

I think its vile. These "cultural influences" hold the East back more than anything else. Kids are treated as an insurance policy. I have seen first hand the ridiculous amount of "emotional blackmail" being used by some parents to hold on to their kids in this part of the world, and it sickens me. I have also seen some in West, but most of them are able to rebel and move on with their lives.