Outlaws ... do you really give a Throw?

[transam]

You will know the general family morals when knowing the parents. I wouldn't listen to much to the various comments about what scumbags the Gf/wife family can be.

Most farangs I know that hate the Thai family are bitter ass-wipes themselves.

Hmmmmmmmm, I am not one of your visions of farangs, but my eyes are wide open after many years about family stuff , now they don't come near me cos l sussed the game. You can be blind if you like but please don't put those who have sussed stuff into your blind vision.

Theres a good lad........ .................

[MILT]

You will know the general family morals when knowing the parents. I wouldn't listen to much to the various comments about what scumbags the Gf/wife family can be.

Most farangs I know that hate the Thai family are bitter ass-wipes themselves.

Hmmmmmmmm, I am not one of your visions of farangs, but my eyes are wide open after many years about family stuff alt=whistling.gif> , now they don't come near me cos l sussed the game. You can be blind if you like but please don't put those who have sussed stuff into your blind vision.

Theres a good lad........ alt=thumbsup.gif width=25 height=19> ................. alt=coffee1.gif width=32 height=24>

Is that what I had? Visions? Thanks Papa!

[allucero]

I have been married 11 years now and I pay 3000 baht every month to her mom since we have been married.. I can afford it, she is 87 years old but I wonder what happens after she passes on. My wife has a nephew that is 30, has not worked a day in his life and stays in her moms house.. We live in America and visit one month every year...

Edited October 14, 2013 by allucero

[benalibina]

I have been married 11 years now and I pay 3000 baht every month to her mom since we have been married.. I can afford it, she is 87 years old but I wonder what happens after she passes on. My wife has a nephew that is 30, has not worked a day in his life and stays in her moms house.. We live in America and visit one month every year...

You really wonder ?

[kevvy]

You will know the general family morals when knowing the parents. I wouldn't listen to much to the various comments about what scumbags the Gf/wife family can be.

Most farangs I know that hate the Thai family are bitter ass-wipes themselves.

Hmmmmmmmm, I am not one of your visions of farangs, but my eyes are wide open after many years about family stuff alt=whistling.gif> , now they don't come near me cos l sussed the game. You can be blind if you like but please don't put those who have sussed stuff into your blind vision.

Theres a good lad........ alt=thumbsup.gif width=25 height=19> ................. alt=coffee1.gif width=32 height=24>

Is that what I had? Visions? Thanks Papa!

And you know most "Farangs do you "

Finding your place in a new family is probably one of the hardest parts of marriage. Inlaws can be intimidating at first. They have their own values, beliefs, and traditions. They feel they've loved your wife longer than you have and know what's best for her. And you're the new kid on the block. Sometimes, in laws are loving and welcoming. Sometimes, in laws are defensive because they feel like you're crowding their territory. Often, they are both.

Edited October 14, 2013 by kevvy

[kevvy]

I have been married 11 years now and I pay 3000 baht every month to her mom since we have been married.. I can afford it, she is 87 years old but I wonder what happens after she passes on. My wife has a nephew that is 30, has not worked a day in his life and stays in her moms house.. We live in America and visit one month every year...

You really wonder ?

I am with you

[Neeranam]

My inlaws aren't too bad but the best thing we ever did was move 500 km from them.

One good thing about living near them is they can help with the kids. It's good for women to be near their mother when their children are born, especially the first.

[benalibina]

My inlaws aren't too bad but the best thing we ever did was move 500 km from them.

One good thing about living near them is they can help with the kids. It's good for women to be near their mother when their children are born, especially the first.

Thanks for making the obvious clear. My wifes mother does not like kids. Her own sister has taken up the motherrole. Hmmmm, thanks.

[mjj]

My inlaws aren't too bad but the best thing we ever did was move 500 km from them.

One good thing about living near them is they can help with the kids. It's good for women to be near their mother when their children are born, especially the first.

Hmmmm, depends if you support progression. Having a new baby is tough, no doubt about it, but I want mine bought up and cared for my way.

[benalibina]

My inlaws aren't too bad but the best thing we ever did was move 500 km from them.

One good thing about living near them is they can help with the kids. It's good for women to be near their mother when their children are born, especially the first.

Hmmmm, depends if you support progression. Having a new baby is tough, no doubt about it, but I want mine bought up and cared for my way.

Well stated.

[falkan]

not a single guy here married a hi-so girl? just lower trash issan/bargirls with kids before..

i almost never see this back home in the west but in thailand it's everywhere..

amazing thailand....

[luangtom]

Have to say, I am blessed with some fairly good inlaws. The father-in-law passed before I was in the picture, so no comments on him. The mother-in-law is my first encounter with an angel on Earth. She was the kindest, most loving person I have ever met. She passed a few years back, but the years I was around her were outstanding. She asked for help once in the thirty-years that I knew her. Meds that we demanded she get. So, we helped with those. Once and once, only. The two brothers-in-law have never asked for a thing. They get all upset when we do get them new tools or whatever. They are carpenters. The sisters-in-law have never asked for a thing and there were four of them, now three. We helped nieces and a nephew go to post-high-school venues, but were not asked to do so. All in all, I have been very fortunate. This year with the flooding in the Isaan, we were called to be told that the dikes where our home is built gave way and needed repair. This is the only request for financial help we have ever been really asked outright for. It impacts our home in the Isaan, so we will do what we can. We may miss one stay there to pay for the repairs while we are gone. Nope, I cannot complain at all about my inlaws.

[luangtom]

not a single guy here married a hi-so girl? just lower trash issan/bargirls with kids before..

i almost never see this back home in the west but in thailand it's everywhere..

amazing thailand....

Just lower trash Isaan girls....well, friend, I bet you only frequent pubs to find your girl-friends and are the not most cordial gent when doing so. Your attitude and opinion of Isaan girls is like saying all the West End girls suck for drugs. You haffta get outta the pubs to meet real people, male and female in Thailand. How did you attain this wonderful opinion of the Isaan?

[David48]

not a single guy here married a hi-so girl? just lower trash issan/bargirls with kids before..

i almost never see this back home in the west but in thailand it's everywhere..

amazing thailand....

How do you think the connection between the daughter and parents affects you?

The parents could have sacrificed almost everything to give their daughter her University Education.

You've married their Hi-So girl

... do you really give a throw about her parents?

[wooloomooloo]

not a single guy here married a hi-so girl? just lower trash issan/bargirls with kids before..

i almost never see this back home in the west but in thailand it's everywhere..

amazing thailand....

I've read at least one hundred posts tonight on various threads but, falkan, you are there with the most inane post of the day. Well done.

[peebee]

Married 31 years and all of my many in-laws and especially MIL are terrific. FIL died long before I met my wife. There is not a bad one anywhere. Very fortunate. I love being part of their family. MIL gave us significant money when we were purchasing a home and now we contribute (along with sisters-in-law and brother-in-law) with some medical costs and irregular gifts of money (no questions asked as to how she spends this). We also assist (along with others) with two nephews' education and living costs after their mum (sister-in-law) died of cancer. We also join with various family members in donating to temples and assisting a rural village. I want my wife and myself to be fully part of the family - we contribute and receive in pretty much the same way as other family members, recognising differences arise depending on wealth, time availability, where people live, etc

While my wife would probably give priority to her mother over me if she had to make a choice, that would be because of MIL's age and failing health. MIL on the other hand insists my wife makes me the priority. But this has always been a non-issue for me as there is plenty of care and attention to go around. Those who need assistance get it first, which is the way it should be in a family.

[David48]

^^ peebee ... nice post and you are one of the lucky ones for sure.

Well done on finding a great family to be part of.

Others have not been so lucky ... which is sad really. The daughter is great ... but her parents ...

[JLCrab]

No expectations lead to no disappointments.

Expectations lead to disappointments.

My only expectation is that someday I may get old. How about you?

[benalibina]

No expectations lead to no disappointments.

Expectations lead to disappointments.

My only expectation is that someday I may get old. How about you?

You are a lucky man. I not even expect that. Well....

[indyuk]

Blood sucking racist without even a hint of good manners.

[zyphodb]

Mine are ok, once I set the boundaries on asking for money, I will support my wife, her children & the MIL, no FIL long gone, as far as the extended family go it would have to be life or death for me to even think about it, my wife has worked her ass off to help them for most of her life & they seem to have finally accepted that now she's married to me this has ended...

[rct99q]

Do not like to use the word blessed as it implies you "got" lucky in some respects. I chose carefully, new who and what I was dealing with before I settled down. My wife is great, my MIL has been great as well. The rest of the family 2 brothers and father are okay. Never bothered me and all they said was "take care of our sister". Nothing more one could ask for really with in-laws.

They have and do help in various ways and with the newest addition they are hands on when needed. They understood from day one that I was going to be a hands on Dad and have provided the wife and I the room to do so. Yet I would never consider cutting them off from their grand child....

To the OP children can change your outlook here on Thai family and Thai family values, but it depends on your involvement. Good luck it has been nearly 5 months since the birth of my daughter and still can not wipe the smile from my face...

Chok Dee!

[atyclb]

This comment is a world wide one, not restricted to Thailand. From bitter experience ensure you size up the mother in law very very carefully before you take the plunge.... If you are unfortunate to find one that WILL rule the roost, you have my deepest sympathies.

True, but the socio-economic-feudal-patronage system of Thailand does not exist worldwide. My ex wife from Madrid's family never asked for or even hinted at money. IMO a high % of western males have relationships with Thai females in need of financial support, families included. This adds another layer/dimension to the standard in-law issues.

[aussiep]

^^ Great post ...

... and she is a strong believer in the som-num-na theory.

Now this is a genuine question ... what is the 'som-num-na theory' ?

I probably know it ... just don't know it by that name.

.

Som-num-na servies you right or what goes around comes around.

If what you did bad comes back and bites you on the bum

[The Usual Suspect]

I am lucky to have great out/inlaws who are kind, respectful decent caring people. They are patient with my poor language, generous with their food,time, home and dont have a greedy bone in their loving bodies. Oh and their daughter is utterly beautiful... I am rich in the bounty of the extended family and bless my stars for such welcoming arms

My thoughts exactly. I couldn't have said it better. Thank you.

[MJP]

Keep Mother-in-Law happy.

It pays off when the wife gets a boyfriend and tries to clean you out/bump you off.

A good tough MIL on your side sorts it all out.

[falkan]

not a single guy here married a hi-so girl? just lower trash issan/bargirls with kids before..

i almost never see this back home in the west but in thailand it's everywhere..

amazing thailand....

I've read at least one hundred posts tonight on various threads but, falkan, you are there with the most inane post of the day. Well done.

thank you

[Nayet]

^^ Great post ...

... and she is a strong believer in the som-num-na theory.

Now this is a genuine question ... what is the 'som-num-na theory' ?

I probably know it ... just don't know it by that name.

.

David, in the context she uses the phrase regarding her parents, the closest English equivalents are a combination of "it serves you right", and "what comes around goes around". The key thing being that she doesn't believe she owes blind allegiance to her parents simply because Thai culture dictates that she should.

Mind you, I did give her a bit of re-education in this attitude. Another Thai phrase is Boon-Kuhn which essentially means repay your debts/obligations. She believes she's done her fair share for her parents and the debt of raising and caring for her as a child is well and truly paid. She now believes her parents owe her some Boon-Kuhn which they aren't repaying (in an attitude/emotional sense), so she just says som-num-na to them.

Whenever her Mum calls her I hear the sum-num-na phrase a dozen times in 3 minutes and I have to leave the room laughing. Consequently her parents don't want to put up with the ear-bashing they know they're going to get from her so she's considered a very last resort for any assistance.

She's a classic example of a bad Thai daughter with a very black heart as far as they're concerned. All good for me though!!

I love stories of Thais who break the norm!

[ExpatOilWorker]

I like my in-laws and they respect me, because I am older than them.