What the hell is the matter with people?

[loong]

This morning, my 8 year old stepdaughter went to her cousin's house.

Later, I went looking for her and couldn't find her. Her Grandfather had no idea where she was, and he spends most of his time at her cousins house in the garden.

I was frantic, searching for her and luckily a lady who lives on the outskirts of the village remembered seeing her go out with her cousin and uncle.

This calmed me down a bit as I now knew that she was with her uncle. A phone call confirmed that he had taken her and his son to work with him.

He is a good man and I know that she is safe in his care, but it really makes me angry that he did not even think it necessary to come and tell me that he will take my daughter to work with him!

[Hedghog]

Stepdaughter,being the key.

No one cares what you think,its not your daughter.

Harsh maybe,reality certainly.

[norrona]

as above says..... you may pay the way but you don't rule the roost.... sad but true

[loong]

Stepdaughter,being the key.

No one cares what you think,its not your daughter.

Harsh maybe,reality certainly.

Can't dispute that.

[CharlieH]

To many Thais you wouldnt even be considered "family", whereas the Uncle is and why would anyone report to you ? I know this as I was in the same situation, 8 years ago none of my now family could speak Engkish and I spoke little Thai, no one in the family has ever telephoned me, only the wife, everything goes through her, its not a deliberate bypass its just easier for them to communicate that way.

[loong]

To many Thais you wouldnt even be considered "family", whereas the Uncle is and why would anyone report to you ? I know this as I was in the same situation, 8 years ago none of my now family could speak Engkish and I spoke little Thai, no one in the family has ever telephoned me, only the wife, everything goes through her, its not a deliberate bypass its just easier for them to communicate that way.

Although I am far from fluent, I do speak Thai. Communication is not a problem.

But I do understand what you are saying. I am an outsider, and do not need to be considered

[snake24]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

[Swiss1960]

To many Thais you wouldnt even be considered "family", whereas the Uncle is and why would anyone report to you ? I know this as I was in the same situation, 8 years ago none of my now family could speak Engkish and I spoke little Thai, no one in the family has ever telephoned me, only the wife, everything goes through her, its not a deliberate bypass its just easier for them to communicate that way.

Although I am far from fluent, I do speak Thai. Communication is not a problem.

But I do understand what you are saying. I am an outsider, and do not need to be considered

Maybe, maybe not. Try to see it this way:

You sent your stepdaughter to her uncle and cousin. When you checked up for her, she was still in the due care of her uncle and cousin. Maybe the just did not think about telling ANYbody that they go out, because they did not expect you to show up and check for her...

but it seems that your wife also was not informed that your uncled decided to take the two kids with him... would that not qualify your wife also as "not needing to be considered"?

next time, tell your stepdaughter that if their is a change of plan / location that she either calls you or she insists that your relatives call you... problem solved without a need to get a heart attack...

[loong]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

[loong]

To many Thais you wouldnt even be considered "family", whereas the Uncle is and why would anyone report to you ? I know this as I was in the same situation, 8 years ago none of my now family could speak Engkish and I spoke little Thai, no one in the family has ever telephoned me, only the wife, everything goes through her, its not a deliberate bypass its just easier for them to communicate that way.

Although I am far from fluent, I do speak Thai. Communication is not a problem.

But I do understand what you are saying. I am an outsider, and do not need to be considered

Maybe, maybe not. Try to see it this way:

You sent your stepdaughter to her uncle and cousin. When you checked up for her, she was still in the due care of her uncle and cousin. Maybe the just did not think about telling ANYbody that they go out, because they did not expect you to show up and check for her...

but it seems that your wife also was not informed that your uncled decided to take the two kids with him... would that not qualify your wife also as "not needing to be considered"?

next time, tell your stepdaughter that if their is a change of plan / location that she either calls you or she insists that your relatives call you... problem solved without a need to get a heart attack...

My wife was not informed because they knew that she would be back home before my wife finished work.

I have now made it clear to my stepdaughter and other family members that if they take my daughter out anywhere, they will clear it with me first.

This should not be necessary!

[Beetlejuice]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

In Thailand for one.

The Uncle is considered as close family and therefore the rest of family view the child being with her Uncle as not a problem. Also keep in mind this is not the UK, so get used to it.

[loong]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

In Thailand for one.

The Uncle is considered as close family and therefore the rest of family view the child being with her Uncle as not a problem. Also keep in mind this is not the UK, so get used to it.

What you seem to have missed is that the Uncle did not inform ANY family member that he was taking her out

[benalibina]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

In Thailand for one.

The Uncle is considered as close family and therefore the rest of family view the child being with her Uncle as not a problem. Also keep in mind this is not the UK, so get used to it.

What you seem to have missed is that the Uncle did not inform ANY family member that he was taking her out

Details, details. Of significance for you. Not for him. Communication !

[kikoman]

My girls have always come to me and tell where they are going, or that they are at home, any family member that comes to the house will come to my refrigerated room to Sawadee me. I have never asked them to do that they have just always done it., From day one I have always respected them and they have always returned the respect, even the girls father when he is to take them somewhere he always has them come in to tell me where.

Many say you will never be respected by the Thai family, maybe in their case it is true, and many attempt to tell me the same that I will never be accepted, I know that is wrong, as I have always been treated with respect and accepted into the family.

You reap what you sow, if you sow respect that is what you reap, If you sow disrespect and mistrust that is what you will reap!

Good Luck,

Cheers:

Edited October 14, 2013 by kikoman

[mad mary]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

In Thailand for one.

The Uncle is considered as close family and therefore the rest of family view the child being with her Uncle as not a problem. Also keep in mind this is not the UK, so get used to it.

Get used to what?<deleted> to TIT .I hope you don't have kids !

[loong]

Details, details. Of significance for you. Not for him. Communication !

The Grand Father also considered it wrong to take my daughter without informing me.

Nothing to do with communication

[snake24]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

The uncle is a family member and thus is considered a guardian in fact they are related closer compared to the likes of you.

It was just an oversight on the part of the uncle and you can teach your step daughter to inform you to do so in future. Sometimes ppl forget and as for the UK well would you actually consider a relative or friend as kidnapping your child or do you mean to tell me you have grounds to report it as a kidnapping? The fact of the matter is you can always call the police in the UK to tell them your child wasn't actually kidnapped and it was just someone else that took her/him out and the police will just let the matter rest. Sure they have ppl calling them about a mistaken kidnapping before.

[mjj]

It is all to do with boundaries. Let everyone know what they are then you can all be happy families.

It took my inlaws about 10 minutes to find the boundaries for my son. We took him to a local market when he was about 6 months old and a meat seller touched his face. Raw meat on to my sons face did not sit well with me. I took my son off auntie and went straight back to the house. In fact it became a joke that if anyone wanted to even touch him, they should wash their hands first. :-)

[benalibina]

Details, details. Of significance for you. Not for him. Communication !

The Grand Father also considered it wrong to take my daughter without informing me.

Nothing to do with communication

If this is 1st time it happened i think you would not started this thread. Daughter lives under your roof and you are responsible. You expected apparantly something from somebody who did not think same as you. Empathy ! So to prevent this happening you need to communicate to set your rules.

[saakura]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

You sent your stepdaughter to her biological uncle and he decided to take her out with his son and you call it'Kidnapping'? Probably the little girl may be considering herself much much closer to her biological uncle than to a strange farang.

[Beetlejuice]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

In Thailand for one.

The Uncle is considered as close family and therefore the rest of family view the child being with her Uncle as not a problem. Also keep in mind this is not the UK, so get used to it.

Get used to what?<deleted> to TIT .I hope you don't have kids !

OMG: mad mary, the all swearing, venom spitting vixen of Thai visa has returned from the Crusades.

I did have kids once, but their Uncle took them abroad 12 years ago. Never seen them since.

[richard_smith237]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

You sent your stepdaughter to her biological uncle and he decided to take her out with his son and you call it'Kidnapping'? Probably the little girl may be considering herself much much closer to her biological uncle than to a strange farang.

Probably too many people speculating...

In short - It was downright disrespectful. The Uncle acted with complete ignorance, perhaps innocently so, however, if the Op is taking responsibility for the child those around him should respect this.

Why is it that the word 'culture' is thrown in when people try to explain something negative ?... its 'Thai Culture' we has foreigners wont understand.

This is an example not of 'culture' but of complete and total carelessness. The Op can ask his Wife to explain this to the Uncle in a manner that he understands. I have many Thai friends and I very much doubt that they would accept the Uncle taking off with the kids.

In fact, lets get real. If a husband and father of the kids took the kids to work without first informing the Wife there would be hell to pay (and vice-versa).

This isn't about who is responsible for the children and it isn't about Thailand - its about an irresponsible person taking the kids away without informing anyone. I would worry for the safety of the children in the care of someone who can display such open carelessness.

[FiftyTwo]

You've all missed the classic TV suggestion, so here we go!

Are you sure he is her 'uncle'?

[falkan]

they dont care about you, they just want to have you as a ATM-card dont you understand, if you dident have money they would not let you stay there!

issan treating you good i see..

[loong]

Details, details. Of significance for you. Not for him. Communication !

The Grand Father also considered it wrong to take my daughter without informing me.

Nothing to do with communication

If this is 1st time it happened i think you would not started this thread. Daughter lives under your roof and you are responsible. You expected apparantly something from somebody who did not think same as you. Empathy ! So to prevent this happening you need to communicate to set your rules.

This is the first time that it has happened.

To be honest, it never occurred to me that I should have to tell people that they should inform me if they decide to take her out for the day.

[loong]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

I can only speak for the UK and i can tell you that nobody would take a child out somewhere without informing and getting permission from the parent or guardian. To do so would be considered as kidnapping!

Please give examples of the countries that people take children out without informing the parents or guardian where it would be considered normal or acceptable.

You sent your stepdaughter to her biological uncle and he decided to take her out with his son and you call it'Kidnapping'? Probably the little girl may be considering herself much much closer to her biological uncle than to a strange farang.

I am not a strange farang, I have been her Father and main carer for the last 6.5 years. Biological or not, she considers me to be her Father.

[benalibina]

Now you know. Read again what i wrote above. Unfortunately you need to do that. This as it seems you care about the little girl. Different cultures, different way of doing things. In your house you must apply your rules. At least to what you consider as important.

Sent from my GT-P5100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[MrWorldwide]

In before some self righteous farang says all thais don't care about you and ignore the fact that ppl from their countries do the same thing too.

Heaven forbid that any of those self-righteous Farang should routinely refer to their TV colleagues as whoremongers and cheap charlie barflies.

[FiftyTwo]

I am not a strange farang, I have been her Father and main carer for the last 6.5 years. Biological or not, she considers me to be her Father.

What she and you consider is not relevant in any country.

I suspect the only legal connection you have, is you are the guy sleeping with her mother.

Being legally married to her mother counts for nothing.

Unless you went down some legal route to become adopted parent or guardian, your official status with her is zero.

Same as it would be in the UK, USA, Australia or anywhere else.

Always weirds me out a bit, guys who sleep with a woman (in any country) then begin to imagine they have some property rights over that woman's children.

Edited October 15, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[benalibina]

I am not a strange farang, I have been her Father and main carer for the last 6.5 years. Biological or not, she considers me to be her Father.

What she and you consider is not relevant in any country.

I suspect the only legal connection you have, is you are the guy sleeping with her mother.

Being legally married to her mother counts for nothing.

Unless you went down some legal route to become adopted parent or guardian, your official status with her is zero.

Same as it would be in the UK, USA, Australia or anywhere else.

Always weirds me out a bit, guys who sleep with a woman (in any country) then begin to imagine they have some property rights over that woman's children.

Are you OK ? I bet the girls uncle never thought that, because OP was not the legal guradian of the child, he did not need to inform him ! Very weird statement you make.