Christmas in Thailand....My daughter

[Jayroo]

To be honest.

If someone did that to my daughter, I wouldn't stop punching him until his heart stopped beating.

That is NOT the only way to cure the problem. You took that decision because she simply was not your real child, so thought little of her safety. If some guy did that to your estranged blood child, I doubt you would think it was justified.

Bangkok of all places... Did it never cross your mind at the time that it was dangerous?

What you did was not the right thing to do and you just got lucky. Many 14 year olds would fight back harder at you if you did that.

wow, so many cyber-heroes on this forum, funny to see lol.

what a class act you are.

[LemonSqueeza]

i have a 7 yr old daughter who loves me to death, as do i her. If asked am i her friend, she will reply no, you are my father.

she is not scared of me, she is scared of me when im angry.

perhaps a little fear of consequence and parental respect is not a bad thing.

I would like to think my 17 year old step-daughter sees me as a friend, as well as providing her with the fatherly love her biological father seems unable to give her.

Certainly, she is able to speak to me when similar conversations seem to end in an argument with her and my wife.

Probably just comes down to different definitions of friend and father. Perhaps a 7 year old thinks of a friend as a playmate. Whatever it is, you share my good fortune of having a loving father-daughter relationship

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id say in some ways it is one and the same thing, especially as they age, after all 17 is coming fast upon adulthood and I would hope to see the relationship develop as a dialogue between adults in my case as well but at 7 and for the next few years, someone has to be in charge and that cant happen as friends and equals.

To me a father is far more than a friend and i would not want to lessen the relationship with friend status.

i really do suspect many that think the OP has committed some horrible wrong have no children and forget their own rebellious youth.

i think it was well played.

I used to sneak out the basement door when all were asleep and if my mother discovered it she would simply lock the door and go back to bed forcing me to knock on the front door or wait till the household woke.

[Jayroo]

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I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

I am interested to know how you would have handled the exact same situation as the OP?

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It has happened to my wife and i. She got home late and we sat up waiting fot her.when arrived home she was scared because she felt she would be punished. We first asked her is she was ok; then told her the worry she had put us through and she could see the worry in our faces. We did not punish her .she never came home late again. And to make yor daughter climb up to her room is good parenting .

Sorry but that doesn't sound at all like the exact same situation, I'm not saying he did the right thing, it's easy to sit back and critize the guy when you haven't been in the same situation. Though what would you have done if it happened a 2nd, or 3rd time? Sounds to me you have a good girl which makes your job way easier, what if is she were rebelious like in the OP's situation, what then?

[LemonSqueeza]

To be honest.

If someone did that to my daughter, I wouldn't stop punching him until his heart stopped beating.

That is NOT the only way to cure the problem. You took that decision because she simply was not your real child, so thought little of her safety. If some guy did that to your estranged blood child, I doubt you would think it was justified.

Bangkok of all places... Did it never cross your mind at the time that it was dangerous?

What you did was not the right thing to do and you just got lucky. Many 14 year olds would fight back harder at you if you did that.

ah, the sound of shrill indignation. did you read the part where she was never locked out for more than 20 minutes? No i suspect you did not.

dangerous indeed.

[chuckd]

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I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

i have a 7 yr old daughter who loves me to death, as do i her. If asked am i her friend, she will reply no, you are my father.

she is not scared of me, she is scared of me when im angry.

perhaps a little fear of consequence and parental respect is not a bad thing.

Yes I do understand about discipline, really do . I dont care what the OP says about his veiws, if letting his daughter to be lock out of the her home and then making her climb up to her bedroom , is just a crazy way of giving discipline.

Tell me this ...would you lock your daughter out of the home and listen to her climb up to her bedroom ?

From your post..." I dont care what the OP says about his veiws," (sic)

You are certainly spending quite a bit of energy disputing everything he says if you really don't care about his views.

Seems a rather strange way to prove your point.

[ToddWeston]

One of my brothers was a naughty teenager my parents threatened to lock the door after multiple warnings of late night partying.

One night my Mum was at the end of her tether with him and asked us to latch the door - My other brothers, sister and I got up and waited outside playing cards until he came home whilst our parents peered out from behind the curtains, he arrived at 130 and asked what the hell we were all doing up so late "waiting for you" he was never late again - lesson learnt.

He has 4 great kids and is an amasing Father, I reckon it goes back to his childhood.

[kevvy]

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I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

I am interested to know how you would have handled the exact same situation as the OP?

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

It has happened to my wife and i. She got home late and we sat up waiting fot her.when arrived home she was scared because she felt she would be punished. We first asked her is she was ok; then told her the worry she had put us through and she could see the worry in our faces. We did not punish her .she never came home late again. And to make yor daughter climb up to her room is good parenting .

Sorry but that doesn't sound at all like the exact same situation, I'm not saying he did the right thing, it's easy to sit back and critize the guy when you haven't been in the same situation. Though what would you have done if it happened a 2nd, or 3rd time? Sounds to me you have a good girl which makes your job way easier, what if is she were rebelious like in the OP's situation, what then?

Hi

she rebelled in many ways and she is a great girl as we always sat her down and talked to her about the situation that could have happened to her . When she was 17 she knew what life was about , how to treat your parents, how to talk about problems ,responsibility , to ring if she was going to be late . If she did rebel after that we would certainly punish her .A punishment would be the same as most decent parents. Grounded , no TV, etc etc . but to lock the house and not let her in , is something from the dark ages. What would happened if she then went out after not able to get in her house and something bad happened to her. . Still her fault for staying out late?We are the adults here. A lot of love goes a long way . Love is also protecting your children.And to let her climb up to her room where something could have happened . Is this protecting her. Sure she did wrong I am not doubting that , would have hated for the OP coming here and telling members that his daughter had a bad accident. I hope you understand this .

kevvy

[JLCrab]

One of my brothers was a naughty teenager my parents threatened to lock the door after multiple warnings of late night partying.

One night my Mum was at the end of her tether with him and asked us to latch the door - My other brothers, sister and I got up and waited outside playing cards until he came home whilst our parents peered out from behind the curtains, he arrived at 130 and asked what the hell we were all doing up so late "waiting for you" he was never late again - lesson learnt.

He has 4 great kids and is an amasing Father, I reckon it goes back to his childhood.

One of my brothers also was a naughty teenager. Dead at the age of 16, 40+ years ago. And all the parental tricks-of-the-trade as mentioned herein wouldn't have made any difference. RIP.

Edited October 29, 2013 by JLCrab

[beachproperty]

Kevvy .....not wishing to make this a pissing contest....But you are obviously very upset that I have allowed my children freedom to make their own choices ....including my daughter.....thereby giving them better opportunities to learn ....especially whats right and wrong...

You cannot put your children in a cage and throw the key away until they are adults to protect them.......as much as we may like to ....

You cannot and should not hover over them all the time and say "NO, don't touch that"..."NO, don't do that"....children are like flowers and need room to grow....best not to suffocate them...

“Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this.”

OP said:

“Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this.”

Agreed, but a true father would not lock their daughter out of the home and then let her climb up to the bedroom where if he was a true man would know how dangerous this could have been.

kevvy

Hey Kevvy......You can criticize my methods....that's fine. BUT don't you dare say or even imply ...That I am NOT a true father

Her real father left her when she was so young that she really never had a father. Her mother had to work two shifts just to feed, clothe, and put a roof over their head. When I came along I accepted the responsibility to be a FATHER.....which I take VERY SERIOUSLY....although she was 14 when they moved in with me I did not treat her as some outcast because she was not my natural born child....NO....I saw in her a spark, a vibrance in her and to say the least she was independent and rebellious...which I did not try to SNUFF out....I actually encouraged it but wanted her to redirect some of that energy to a better way. Although technically I am not her father ....she says I am (last fathers day she gave me a statue with "World's Greatest DAD" on a plaque underneath. which really wasn't necessary because she tells me every day how much she loves me!)

I really don't care what you think ......what's important to me is what my children think of me ......AND they think the world of me and tell me daily....God love them, I am lucky

Edited October 29, 2013 by beachproperty

[beachproperty]

Hey Kevvy.....does all this VITRIL your spewing at me mean I am not invited anymore on the fishing trip down south???

[Noistar]

 

i have a 7 yr old daughter who loves me to death, as do i her. If asked am i her friend, she will reply no, you are my father.

she is not scared of me, she is scared of me when im angry.

perhaps a little fear of consequence and parental respect is not a bad thing.

I would like to think my 17 year old step-daughter sees me as a friend, as well as providing her with the fatherly love her biological father seems unable to give her.

Certainly, she is able to speak to me when similar conversations seem to end in an argument with her and my wife.

Probably just comes down to different definitions of friend and father. Perhaps a 7 year old thinks of a friend as a playmate. Whatever it is, you share my good fortune of having a loving father-daughter relationship

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

 

id say in some ways it is one and the same thing, especially as they age, after all 17 is coming fast upon adulthood and I would hope to see the relationship develop as a dialogue between adults in my case as well but at 7 and for the next few years, someone has to be in charge and that cant happen as friends and equals.

 

To me a father is far more than a friend and i would not want to lessen the relationship with friend status.

i really do suspect many that think the OP has committed some horrible wrong have no children and forget their own rebellious youth.

i think it was well played.

I used to sneak out the basement door when all were asleep and if my mother discovered it she would simply lock the door and go back to bed forcing me to knock on the front door or wait till the household woke.

It's enough for me to know that she realizes I'm always there and she is never alone if she has problems. Particularly important during teenage years. My Thai wife seems to have a very strict regime. They never appear to be relaxed when they talk and I can imagine my step-daughter would be reluctant to speak about some things which her mother may disapprove of.

The line is there, which she respects, but beyond that we are friends.

Anyway, this thread seems to be getting very bad-tempered, so I'd better duck out. Thanks for the exchange.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[LemonSqueeza]

I appreciate your response.....and you may be right (but I might've had to end up grounding her for life as she previously had no discipline).....In this particular instance it worked (and I guess luckily for me) .....to me it came down to "how do you tame a wild mustang?" tie it up and keep it in the coral? No I don't think so and I didn't think grounding would work either....

I'm a little old school, and grounding someone really doesn't seem like discipline to me ...IMHO

but still appreciate your input.

Just as a side note.....have 5 children (3 adopted Thai) and they are all GEMS....turned out great .....so I must have done something right as I was always the disciplinarian

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I do not agree with locking your daughter out of the house. How cruel this was of you.and your poor wife had to sit there while her daughter was asking to be let in. People like you make me sick . Your children turned out ok because the truth be known they are scared of you .

i have a 7 yr old daughter who loves me to death, as do i her. If asked am i her friend, she will reply no, you are my father.

she is not scared of me, she is scared of me when im angry.

perhaps a little fear of consequence and parental respect is not a bad thing.

Yes I do understand about discipline, really do . I dont care what the OP says about his veiws, if letting his daughter to be lock out of the her home and then making her climb up to her bedroom , is just a crazy way of giving discipline.

Tell me this ...would you lock your daughter out of the home and listen to her climb up to her bedroom ?

it really depends on the difficulty of the climb.

however i do firmly believe that anyone who comments on the way other people raise their children unless there is abuse or neglect occurring is well out of line.

[beachproperty]

LemonSqueeza QUOTE

"it really depends on the difficulty of the climb.

however i do firmly believe that anyone who comments on the way other people raise their children unless there is abuse or neglect occurring is well out of line. "

Its quite easy to climb up as the supports are like a ladder and the awning was reinforced underneath ....so my daughter has seen me (an old frail man) climb up and on top to clean the windows and front of the house....much less dangerous than climbing a tree......or even running down the street (where a child might skin their knee or even crack their head......or EVEN....better ask Kevvy on that one he has all the answers regard safety of child! Crossing guard career goal for Kevvy maybe????

Edited October 29, 2013 by beachproperty

[NoshowJones]

You should have just grounded her. No child, even a grown up (in her mind) 14 year old should be left outside.

You sound to me to be a dominating person. It's good that she has turned out to be how she is, it could have gone terribly wrong.

My parents were strict, in so far as cutting off my pocket money when they discovered i was smoking. But they would never have left me out in the cold.

Out in the cold? in Thailand? You must live way up north, what you should have said is "out beside the Mossies".

[NoshowJones]

You should have just grounded her. No child, even a grown up (in her mind) 14 year old should be left outside.

You sound to me to be a dominating person. It's good that she has turned out to be how she is, it could have gone terribly wrong.

My parents were strict, in so far as cutting off my pocket money when they discovered i was smoking. But they would never have left me out in the cold.

When I was fourteen, my dad tried to stop me playing football with my pals on Sunday, tried to stop me going to the cinema, because of his stupid "christian" beliefs, he just could not control me and I had little respect for him, he was in his early fifties at that time, and I just grew up to be a rebel, and that is what I am today.

[Andre0720]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

It worked.

Typically, people want to have control over their life.

Locking her up might have had her rebel, and made things worse.

Giving people a choice gets them to be able to control their life.

The choice was to get in by 10, or sleep outside.

Typically, given a choice, people choose the better one for them....

[Andre0720]

Kevvy .....not wishing to make this a pissing contest....But you are obviously very upset that I have allowed my children freedom to make their own choices ....including my daughter.....thereby giving them better opportunities to learn ....especially whats right and wrong...

You cannot put your children in a cage and throw the key away until they are adults to protect them.......as much as we may like to ....

You cannot and should not hover over them all the time and say "NO, don't touch that"..."NO, don't do that"....children are like flowers and need room to grow....best not to suffocate them...

“Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this.”

OP said:

“Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this.”

Agreed, but a true father would not lock their daughter out of the home and then let her climb up to the bedroom where if he was a true man would know how dangerous this could have been.

kevvy

Next time you write an opinion, just start with: 'For me.

Would flow a lot better.

Otherwise, you could be be identified as 'The one the world has been waiting for to write a book on parenting.''

[kevvy]

Hey Kevvy.....does all this VITRIL your spewing at me mean I am not invited anymore on the fishing trip down south???

NO!!! if we cant have an opinion , and I don't like your option does not mean I have to get back at you .You are welcome in my house and to go fishing when it is ready(next june).Isn't this what makes a friendship , where you can tell someone something and they either understand or don't. Does not mean there is a war going on. i just dont like some of your teachings, does not mean I dont like you . In my opinion I would have treated the situation different. PO me and I will send email regarding the fishing club and diving and deep see fishing etc etc . You can even bring your family , but i will hide the keys.... .

[Suradit69]

Without wishing to enter into an argument I dont think what you did was that wise, it may have resulted in the desired response in this particular incident but that was more luck than judgement in my opinion.

I wonder how you would have felt had she fallen off the awning in the dark and received severe head injuries or worse?

Or been attacked and raped as a result of not being able to go home?, sorry but that would have been my first consideration, her SAFETY!, personally I would have just grounded her until she could follow the rules.

As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, but nice gesture as you say.

"As for Xmas tree, Thais love anything sparkly, twinkly and flashing Lights etc, "

There really should be a competition for the most absurd comment coming from the lips of the self-presumptive chosen people.

The fact that the Christmas tree with all its fascinating sparkly, twinkly and flashy accoutrement has absolutely nothing to do with Thailand but represents an annual expenditure of billions of dollar in the west to promote sparkly, twinkly and flashy consumerism would seem to make this comment at least illogical ... but then it has to be taken in context. This is the barstool wisdom on Thai Visa.

This photo is from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and here's a hint: they're not lampooning Thailand.

[beachproperty]

Hey Kevvy.....does all this VITRIL your spewing at me mean I am not invited anymore on the fishing trip down south???

NO!!! if we cant have an opinion , and I don't like your option does not mean I have to get back at you .You are welcome in my house and to go fishing when it is ready(next june).Isn't this what makes a friendship , where you can tell someone something and they either understand or don't. Does not mean there is a war going on. i just dont like some of your teachings, does not mean I dont like you . In my opinion I would have treated the situation different. PO me and I will send email regarding the fishing club and diving and deep see fishing etc etc . You can even bring your family , but i will hide the keys.... .

NOT!!!!!

Kevvy....

"You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.”

Guess reading wasn't your specialty in school....Take your time ....no problem

Edited October 29, 2013 by beachproperty

[beachproperty]

There seems to be a GREAT disparity between what Kevvy thinks and me (beachproperty) Why not settle this amicably and let you the TV readers vote on the matter

If you agree with beachproperty and the handling of this situation please vote "like" on the #1 post

If you think that Kevvy's way of handling it is the best then vote "like" on post #6

Let the voting begin.

[ToddWeston]

There seems to be a GREAT disparity between what Kevvy thinks and me (beachproperty) Why not settle this amicably and let you the TV readers vote on the matter

If you agree with beachproperty and the handling of this situation please vote "like" on the #1 post

If you think that Kevvy's way of handling it is the best then vote "like" on post #6

Let the voting begin.

You both love your kids that's apparent & they're damn lucky to have you both, but I do believe Kevvy right on this one though - No hard feeling BP.

[beachproperty]

There seems to be a GREAT disparity between what Kevvy thinks and me (beachproperty) Why not settle this amicably and let you the TV readers vote on the matter

If you agree with beachproperty and the handling of this situation please vote "like" on the #1 post

If you think that Kevvy's way of handling it is the best then vote "like" on post #6

Let the voting begin.

You both love your kids that's apparent & they're dam_n lucky to have you both, but I do believe Kevvy right on this one though - No hard feeling BP.

And Toddweston....as I appreciate an informed and polite opinion....there is no way there could be hard feelings....So put your vote in for Keevy....no problem ...One is never too old to learn something ....although my kids are all grown now so I guess whatever I learn can be applied to grandkids (none yet)

[Forethat]

A 14-year old out and running until 2AM...?

Sorry to say, but the daughter is not the problem here...seriously.

[kevozman1]

Not sure why you are sharing this on a forum tbh, it will ony be met with nit picking. I am not going to judge or condem your actions, especially when in a country where taking a cane or belt to discipline their kids is still very common. If I took exception to every case of bad parenting here then I would probably end up in a lot of arguments.

[LemonSqueeza]

A 14-year old out and running until 2AM...?

Sorry to say, but the daughter is not the problem here...seriously.

did you read the post? the issue was sorted, so there is no problem

Edited October 29, 2013 by LemonSqueeza

[beachproperty]

A 14-year old out and running until 2AM...?

Sorry to say, but the daughter is not the problem here...seriously.

Your right.....the problem here is Life in Thailand and survival of a poor single mother and how to raise a family...(ie the system)

Guessing you didn't read the whole thread.....I only came on to the scene recently when this event happened....before ...her mother was working 2 shifts to put food on the table, house and clothe the children the father had left 10 years early....so basicly no supervision...read the thread ...all of it

as said before ...no problem with an informed opinion.

Edited October 29, 2013 by beachproperty

[kevozman1]

To be honest.

If someone did that to my daughter, I wouldn't stop punching him until his heart stopped beating.

That is NOT the only way to cure the problem. You took that decision because she simply was not your real child, so thought little of her safety. If some guy did that to your estranged blood child, I doubt you would think it was justified.

Bangkok of all places... Did it never cross your mind at the time that it was dangerous?

What you did was not the right thing to do and you just got lucky. Many 14 year olds would fight back harder at you if you did that.

Second post I have seen of you saying you would kick someones head in for a rather petty reason. I do hope for your sake that it your internet hard man routine as if you are actually like this then the chances of you going back home in a bodybag in the not too distant future is high. This is not like in the west where most punch ups end with a couple of bruises and maybe a police caution.

[Forethat]

A 14-year old out and running until 2AM...?

Sorry to say, but the daughter is not the problem here...seriously.

Your right.....the problem here is Life in Thailand and survival of a poor single mother and how to raise a family...(ie the system)

Guessing you didn't read the whole thread.....I only came on to the scene recently when this event happened....before ...her mother was working 2 shifts to put food on the table, house and clothe the children the father had left 10 years early....so basicly no supervision...read the thread ...all of it

as said before ...no problem with an informed opinion.

I have read the thread. It is pretty obvious you didn't want an opinion, but I'll give mine anyway. Again.

Sorry to say, but the daughter is not the problem here...seriously.

[Forethat]

To be honest.

If someone did that to my daughter, I wouldn't stop punching him until his heart stopped beating.

That is NOT the only way to cure the problem. You took that decision because she simply was not your real child, so thought little of her safety. If some guy did that to your estranged blood child, I doubt you would think it was justified.

Bangkok of all places... Did it never cross your mind at the time that it was dangerous?

What you did was not the right thing to do and you just got lucky. Many 14 year olds would fight back harder at you if you did that.

I am sorry to say, but I think you're on to something here...