How Much Are You Paying?

[wilson steer]

This is an interesting topic. I am shocked at the joint accounts! Joint accounts: No Way! I have my account mt Thai G.F. her own account and ATM.

Remember NEVER trust a Thai woman 100% 99% is O.K. but never 100%.

I know of falang and Thai being together ten years or more and she has suddenly changed, this is life, after a perfect relationship for ten years some (I hope a very small number) change/go off the rails etc.

They could develop a gambling addiction, believe me there are many cunning fellow Thais who are aware that falang money is available and entice and seduce a naive Thai into gambling. The trick is always the same, lure the mug punter witha carrot on a rope, the first few card games they win (on purpose, it is fixed) then it's all downhill. Guys out there beware of this.

Then there is drugs and drink; both addictive and can catch anyone at any time.

Then there is the possibility of them falling in love with someone else, that is the worst scenerio, because of the lies and if it's another Thai, you will have an accident, disappear suddenly or have an unexplained heart attack.

Sorry to be cynical. I pay my good lady 12,000 per month into her account, never into her hand, that way she uses the ATM and it lasts longer. I don't care what she does with it, but some goes 'home' and the rest goes on clothes, cosmetics and daft lottery tickets.

Some of you guys must wise up, please for your own good, those of you with professional partners all well and good.

Comments appreciated.

[KevinN]

mrmnp;

Oops, it happened again...

Edited February 28, 2004 by IT Manager

[wcr]

I did not post for advice, I posted out of interest to see what others were doing, or thought about the subject, and to sure I was open I posted my personal cicumstances first. I am not sensitive about my sexuality, I worked in a macho enviroment for many years of my life and heard various comments from idiots then, now however I will challenge those idiots given the chance.

Thankfully people like you are very much a minority on this forum, and certainly from my experience of living and running a business in Thailand, in this country too.

BTW Why quote from something you don't believe in? You are a hypocrit in more ways than one aren't you.

[wilson steer]

Come on KevinN, give wcr a break!

All this anti-gay stuff is ancient history. Very few 'straight' people will go through this life without meeting and befriending gay men and women. If you don't or you won't then there is a problem within yourself.

We all live and die, it's far better to make friends rather than enemies.

W.S.

[davethailand]

wilson steer i agree with your points on the gay subject,

but i trust my wife 100% with no question whether about money or anything else.

i agree that there are some bad girls (when i first came here i got conned) but maybe i'm lucky.

[Ned]

As I said earlier.....it all depends on how much you've got. Myself, I've got to watch my finances and will be able to survive any nasty turn of events. I also know where the closest airport is so when the anti foreigner pogroms begin I'll hopefully be able to get out. Darling.....where did you put my medication?

[Guest IT Manager]

KevinN,

Why do you have to proove to us here that you ARE A REAL MAN, by ###### a woman. Something you're not to sure about re your own sexuality? You say you are ##### "your Thai wife who's a woman. Well lucky for you, however, are you sure she's a real woman? I am SURE you will know how conviencing these ladyboys can be as its normally your type that go with them, you know, the real men types, like you!

Real men don't have to proove thier sexuality, so get a life, or go back to which ever hole you came from.

Wcr in my humble opinion, a skinful of guava, and anything is possible in sunny downtown Petch

If you respond too much it gives credence. Ignore it and be sure someone will pick it up.

[Guest IT Manager]

tired of listenning to these kind of comments in a community forum.

thought thaivisa might be different.

we all know wcr is gay' date=' so is this just troll?

or perhaps KevinN is just a guy who has taken on the roll of a woman?

ouch [/quote']

Have had to adjust a few things after a huge database reconfiguration this morning.

Our apologies

[Guest IT Manager]

Come on KevinN, give wcr a break!

All this anti-gay stuff is ancient history. Very few 'straight' people will go through this life without meeting and befriending gay men and women. If you don't or you won't then there is a problem within yourself.

We all live and die, it's far better to make friends rather than enemies.

W.S.

The general feeling is that when you are as old as KevinN anything is OK because thre is no comeback.

Unlike the written word, history can be adjusted, if not outright changed.

[Sick Boy]

Come on KevinN, give wcr a break!

All this anti-gay stuff is ancient history. Very few 'straight' people will go through this life without meeting and befriending gay men and women. If you don't or you won't then there is a problem within yourself.

We all live and die, it's far better to make friends rather than enemies.

W.S.

How about giving KevinN a break! You can't blame him for being disgusted at the thought of two blokes ##############

It sickens me too but I have learned to accept it because what else can you do?

In the end it's each to his own but I can't say I have any, or have had any, queer mates.

Mind you, there's some fantastic looking geezers in Jenny Star Bar.

Edited August 6, 2004 by ChrisP

[Guest The Judge]

Jeez mate, wow, chuck us a sheila.

Give Kevin a break. Sure. Hip comes to mind as a place to start.

If poor old Kevin finds it so disgusting, why then does the tortured old fool post in the thread, or read it at all? For that matter, why do you?

One of the things I like about thaivisa is the level of inteligence I find. Of course there have been the odd exceptions, but like you I can, unlike you, I do, ignore the rubbish.

If the thread is so distasteful, stay out of it.

[mrmnp]

You can't blame him for being disgusted at the thought of two blokes ###############.

Your absolutely right, Sick Boy, there is nothing more disgusting than the thought of you ################.

The only posts in this thread that would have given KevinN his "thought" would be yours or his own. Thus you two are the polluters here, not the other posters.

Follow the Judges sound advice in all of your life's activities and don't go where you will be disgusted, as you certainly won't be welcome in such a place.

Edited August 5, 2004 by ChrisP

[wcr]

What a dick you are sick boy. There is more to life than sticking willies up bums. Something you obviously like to do however given the comment about Jenny Star Bar. Its ok for you a bloke (I guess) to do it to a MAN that looks like a woman. Nuff said!

[Guest IT Manager]

Hmmm not a lot for a busy admin to do in here I see.

Good thread this as well. I have given my wife a salary because of it.

[mrmnp]

######: Given the subject matter of the last few posts, I doubt if you would be interested in being so engaged. (double entendre)

[wcr]

Why has this thread been moved from general to gay? The subject matter was about all relationships, the fact that some people turned it into a slag off the gay guy thing is niether here nor there. Its a shame that the board admin wish to shunt this thread into a 'safe area'

[Jeepz]

wcr~

Shunted off to a safe area? That would be one or two mouse clicks at best. And the topic had turned, as they often do. I see your point, but they sort of make the rules on this as they go here. Sometimes I see why, other times I don't. That's life. Not like you have to have a special password to investigate the thread, right?

Also, considering KevinN's post, which is gone (edited) and I don't recall the actual content. KevinN is a long time member of the forum, has given much good info on various subjects. But apparently this is one he's not comfy with at all. And, hey, so that goes. I'm not saying he has some special dispensation allowing him to say whatever he likes with impunity, that is obviously not the case.

But as others have mentioned, that is Thai-Visa isn't a gay oriented forum, and the section this started in was, as you mentioned, in the general section. Just as old farts have to take some heat (or snide remark/nasty insinuation) here, it has to be expected that gays will occasionally find that in a large group of people, some are not going to be acceptive, to heck with supportive. And hopefully not get too wound up over it.

There is lots of good info and ideas to be exchanged here. Often the person you influence may not be the one you are writing the response to, but someone else that reads your reply. One rarely wins an argument, the best you do is make people think, and that usually happens some time after the exchange. The Bear Pit is a prime example.

Jeepz

[et33.com]

there had always be people who are prefer their own sex / i am open minded on this and do not see anything wrong with it so long as it's not abusive or controlling /

don't we all have our own hidden secrets ?? / that's life my friends...

show me a prefect woman / and i wed her...

[mrentoul]

Someone posted a message at a Thai webboard yesterday about the dowry (bride price) her groom, a farang, was proposing to pay.

She is getting married next month and said many people had told her that the bride price was too cheap, as she planned to live with her husband overseas and would have to leave her mother here. They have challenged her to demand more. She is not sure what to do, but the dowry price had also caused her problems at home.

She gave a breakdown of the bride price, which came to more than B900,000. Her mother, she said, was still not happy, and wanted more.

The post triggered a huge response, about 90 messages when I last looked. Most posters took her to task, suggesting her mother could think of nothing but money

and telling her not to marry the man if that was all she was interested in.

They said it sounded like she wanted to boast to her friends how much her rich farang husband had paid her, and reminded her that in the West, often the groom's family gives just a ring, and the bride's family meets the wedding expenses.

They said that in being so greedy she was making Thais look bad and that her mother seemed to be selling her daughter to meet her living expenses.

In many cases, they said, the bride's family returns the dowry, so it's not that important to demand a high price. It is not clear whether her mother plans to do that in this case!

The groom said she was getting more than the bride price, as they would be living together overseas, and that he loved her enough to marry her, which must count for something as well.

She is aware that for some farang, marriage is not so important. Often they simply choose to live together, without getting married (in which case, of course, the bride's family gets no dowry).

The bride price is broken down as follows:

Cash, B200,000

gold 65,000

diamond 295,000

On top of that, she gives expenses related to the wedding, which the groom is also meeting:

Five-star hotel, B200,000 (a bit steep!)

Making merit B30,000

Wedding photographs B50,000

Wedding dress, suit B50,000

One exception to the tide of criticism above came from someone who said her elder sister was paid B4 million, when she married a man from Norway. However, another poster said the norm for a westerner was about B30,000 baht - and some farang paid nothing at all.

The thread (in Thai) is a great read - plenty of angry, animated people! - and can be found here:

http://www.mthai.com/square/news/news60590.html

(also posted under 'how much are you paying' thread)

[Bobcat]

There is more to life than #########

...but few things more pleasurable.

Edited August 5, 2004 by ChrisP

[mrentoul]

The post at the Thai website has now drawn more than 115 replies. Most still say the poster is being too greedy, but a few attempt to explain how the bride price system works.

One woman who married a westerner said she undertood where the poster was coming from. Her family also demanded a high bride price, because the man was a farang.

At first her husband did not understand why he had to pay, and said it seemed more like a sales transaction. However, he eventually accepted that this was the way it was done here. She maintained it was not such a big deal anyway - simply a way to save face.

Another poster explained this, saying the bride's parents were probably held in some social esteem and (I guess) asked for a high amount in the expectation that friends would ask them how much he paid.

However, the poster said that at the end of the wedding the bride's family could return the money, or the groom could well end up helping the bride's family in other ways: sending money to them regularly, or whatever.

A Thai friend tells me that on the matter of face, sometimes the bride's family keeps half the dowry, the idea being that they can buy the things that they did not have when their daughter was growing up. I think the idea here is that they can ''even the score'' between the families, at least in theory.

The woman who posted the message also replied. She denied she was boasting and said in fact she urged a more modest reception than her groom was prepared to provide (at the Oriental Hotel). Initially she wanted nothing from him. If she demanded a hgh price and it caused problems after they were married, then they would both have to suffer, so there was really no point.

The bride price, she said, was really about appearances, and also gave her parents confidence the couple would be happy together. If the groom complied with the wishes of the bride's family with respect to the bride price, then her parents could be confident they would be happy. She is their only daughter.

She said she was still not sure how much to ask for, and everything bar the ring was going to her mother. She just wanted her wedding next month to go smoothly.

[meadish_sweetball]

There is more to life than sticking willies up bums

...but few things more pleasurable.

There is more to life than sticking willies up bums

...but few things more pleasurable.

There is more to life than sticking willies up bums

...but few things more pleasurable.

That made my day!

[mrentoul]

The bridal price debate has brought out some moving posts (there are now more than 120). Several women have spoken of how their mother's demands for a high price have upset them and caused rifts within the family.

The woman who posted the original message, and who has received a scathing response, said her mother originally asked for B3 million (!), which her daughter evidently managed to negotiate downwards.

On top of that, her farang groom was going to have to meet all expenses related to the wedding. The woman, who is getting married next month, said that over time she was able to make her mother understand that demanding so much money was not going to make her happy. In fact, it led to misery. She had shed four kilogrammes of weight in one week.

She understood that her mother wanted the family to look good in other people's eyes. But she explained that the people who came to the wedding would be able to see that a Thai family and a farang family do not have the same economic status. Nothing more would have to be said. She asked her mother simply to be happy and to love her husband-to-be.

Another poster said she had also married a man from overseas, a pilot. She had tried to make him understand the Thai tradition of demanding a bridal price, but he still thought it was odd. Her father did not demand anything, but her mother wanted one million baht. She managed to persuade her to lower it a bit.

She (the daughter) felt dreadful. It wasn't going to hurt her husband, who could evidently afford it, but she didn't want him to end up feeling resentful towards her family.

Finally, another poster said she was in the process of marrying a man from overseas. Her family had not demanded anything like one million baht, but the groom was still meeting all expenses, which including wedding costs came to less than B300,000.

He didn't mind, but she helped him save the money. They decided to take the money that they could have used to show off (a high bridal price) and put it into buying a house and car, and ignore any gossip.

[pavlo]

"If the thai people will get marry that there will a engagement ceremony that the groom will be give Sin Son ( thai word) that mean the money give to the bride's parent by the groom's parent at engagement ceremony. the amount money depend on bride's parent request. I am think if over again over that before I tell you about it that I have decide to tell you because this is our wedding. To be frankly the family told request money ( SINSON) 599999 baht, gold and money 100000 baht for wedding ceremony."

This was what my bf send me after talking about us getting married in Thai ceremony (groom+groom)

U can imaging what was my answer, because both men and after ceremony there is no legal document handled to us for to use as getting for example visa to stay because of married Thai.

Now we are planning to get real ceremony in Finland, where two same sex person can do it legaly and maybe small ceremony in Buddhist Temple in here or in Thailand when I will return next time.

But back to the question I red in first post; how much or not you support your bf/gf.

My bf is working at the moment in Beauty Salon as stylist and we are planning to open one for us soon. He does need some sissors and stuff for his job (they have to have equipments of them own) and of course the rent + electricity+water+travel+every 3 month trip to Isaan to his family.

So he get money from his work and I send 10 000 BHT per month. In the beginning I send more but now after he finnished his private school of hair cut and start to earn own money from work I dropped my share. We have to remember that we have both cellphones and we are useing them everyday - you can calcurate how much we are using to it and of course that is part of the money I send.

Am I paying him or supporting - neither if you ask me - I think we are family and if you are part of family you take care of it, don't you ?

About the money he has ask for family in first months or asking some stuff that I could buy to him - I have explain where the money coming from and how hard it is for me too and he has drop supporting his family - actually they did not like it but my bf said its ok, he has try to help them so long time but cannot see any 'upgrades' as he pointed.

He is now coming to see my family in Finland this autumn and I will get myself to him the end of this year for one year to spend together and given us time to see are we really into eachother that I should move to Thailand and start to work in there. Also my first year will inc. learning Thai + learning understand Buddhism + doing some voluntary work to get into the society and get known more of that beautiful country and culture. After that one year I am coming back to Finland where I still have my job+home waiting and then it will be time to deside what we really want from future .....

Until that time .....

[ProThaiExpat]

And the post immediatelly preceeding this one is EXHIBIT A.

The Post referred to was deleted by the moderators.. Deemed very offensive.

Chris P.

Edited June 17, 2004 by ChrisP

[Deadcert]

KevinN,

Why do you have to proove to us here that you ARE A REAL MAN, by ###### a woman. Something you're not to sure about re your own sexuality? You say you are ##### "your Thai wife who's a woman. Well lucky for you, however, are you sure she's a real woman? I am SURE you will know how conviencing these ladyboys can be as its normally your type that go with them, you know, the real men types, like you!

Real men don't have to proove thier sexuality, so get a life, or go back to which ever hole you came from.

Remainder Deleted. Referred to offensive post. Mod.

Edited June 17, 2004 by ChrisP

[john b good]

Got your attention though didn't it.

And there is a saying " if the cap.... but what the he*l

["jungle2thezoo"]

JBG

I agree that you seem to have got their (whoevers) attention.

But for my tuppence worth I do think that you were a bit over the top, after all it is a rather sensitive topic don't you think?

[Deadcert]

Got your attention though didn't it.

And there is a saying " if the cap.... but what the he*l

The forum was imported so was brought to my attention.

Still no reason to be offensive. Still water of a ducks back ...

[REGGIE]

LIKE HIDDEN TAX.WHO PAYS FOR FOOD&SHELDER??????