Breaking news to a friend that they are being lied to?

[HerbalEd]

How close and old is your friendship? True men friends should be able to tell the worst ... indeed they're often the only ones who will ... and that are believed.

After thirty years in Thailand your friend should know the score, but sounds like he's a bit of a fool. Most likely his gf is lying about a lot more than what you've uncovered so the sooner he dumps her the better.

Personally I'd tell him ... but remember, presentation is everything. You risk losing him as a friend but he's not much of a friend if he's willing to abandon you so easily.

[HerbalEd]

Sorry if it is a bit off topic but 3 ''resorts'' near me are ''knocking'' shops. Everyone locally knows it too.

Puhlees, I am just a illiterate American - what's a 'knocking shop'

BTW I have been coming to Thailand since 1972, owned a bar in Pattaya 1973-1978 - saw many American friends taken for all their money they were making in Iran, even coming back to find nothing in the Bank, and the 'Pee Chai' running the bar (not mine) or resturant. Some were even told their Thai wives were taking them to the cleaners by their work buddies, they didn't believe it then, and didn't believe it when they got back to Pats. Knew one guy, I considered close - same story, as soon as he went back to work, she partied, ran around and spent money like crazy - I made the mistake of telling him when he came back - I met him in Bangkok, told him what his wife was doing. Of course he didn't believe me until he found out for himself. A year later, he was drunk and blamed me for ruining his life, if I had just minded my own business he would still be married - I blew it off, until later I was about to drink my Jack n Coke when another guy knocked it out of my hand said "sorry my man, let's get you another one" took me to the bar and told me "the drunk guy poured a 'jug of skag' in your drink" those 'jugs' were vials of pure Heroin - it would have killed me.

Stay out of it, unless he is your brother!!

Did you not just contradict your own advice? Unless the man who slapped your drink away was your brother (described as 'another guy') then you are advocating for your own death are you not? Ya know, since he should have just stayed out of it and let you drink the pure heroin.

I seriously doubt it. Given that heroin is extremely bitter, it's a lousy poison to put in food or drink. You would have immediately known something was wrong with the first sip.

[Jib Teenuc]

This might appear off-topic but I can assure you it's not.

Two stories:

1) My best friend in the world broke off his engaement. He poured his heart out to me about what a bitch she was (she WAS a bitch, by he way). I consoled him and concurred that I had never liked her and that she was an absolute bitch. Six months later, I was Best Man at his wedding to her.

2) I was sat minding my own business (with my lady) at the former beer bar complex - Soi 2 and Second Road in Pattaya (it's since been all demolished). There were a couple of farangs at the bar who appeared to hold some influence (bouncers, maybe?). One was built like a PitBull (tattoos, shaved head, shoulders like Johnny Vegas...the works). After awhile, Mr PitBull checked out of reality in that he had drank so much that he just keeled over off of his stool. His head made the most sickening sound as it connected with the concrete floor under the weight of his huge, muscle-bound, body. No-one paid the blindest bit of attention. I could see he might be in trouble, so I got my lass to call for the mamasan. "He needs a doctor" I said (pointing at his unconscious body". No-one (not even his pal) cared. I shut up for awhile. Soon I could see that he was having breathing difficulties though, being spread-eagled on his back. I didn't wanna attend to him on my own in case someone (his buddy, maybe) got the wrong impression so I attracted the attention of his pal (bouncer #2) and said "We should turn him over" ( I meant into the recovery position so his airways remained open). He glared at me and said "No. Leave him alone". So, after awhile, I was getting more concerned fo him as he was not waking up. I told Bouncer 2 again "We should roll him" (again, I meant into the recovery position). Bouncer 2 objected to me wanting to "turn over" or "roll" an unconscious drunk, especially one who was his mate. I explained what I meant in words not above 2 syllables, in that I was conscerned he might choke on his own tongue or vomit and he then agreed to help me roll Bouncer 1 onto his side. I then ordered (and paid for) a doctor to attend (an English guy who was nearly as pissed-up as the patient) who said Bouncer 1 appeared OK and just needed to sleep it off (probably the correct diagnosis, but I was still worried for him) before he quickly left. So I ordered (and paid for) an ambulance for Bouncer 1. Whilst we were waiting for the ambulance, I began to feel more comfortable (almost full of myself, you could say) and I paid a touting photographer to take a photo of Bouncer 1, fast asleep on the floor, and told the mamasan to pin it up behind the bar so he could see the state he was in, in the morning. Long story short (if it's not already too long) is that I and my lady popped into the same bar, the next afternoon for a beer (and so I could maybe meet the guy I'd looked after the previous evening). When we got there, the mamasan and my lass exchanged words and my girl said "We have to go!! The man you embarrased, last night, is local mafia. He and his friend are already driving around on scooters looking for you so that he (Bouncer 1) can kill you because you have caused him to lose face" (through having his photo taken, I assume).

<deleted>????

I guess that what I'm saying is, unless you really feel you have to:

Don't get involved.

Would I repeat what I did with regard to example number 1? - No.

Would I try to help save the life of someone who had drunkenly sustained a concussion again? - Most assuredly.

Edited November 12, 2013 by Jib Teenuc

[xen]

Does your friend visit the GF at her resort on a regular basis?

I'd be wondering why she is not keen on friends of his visiting and staying at the resort.

Also, how long have your friend and his GF been together for?

He generally goes when he has friends he wants to take there. Maybe 2-3 times a year. But now its been something like 6 months since he's been as shes told him its full several times in a row.

I think she doesn't want him to go and see what shes done with the money to be honest.

They've been together around 6 years I think..

OR she wants him to think its a viable busy resort so he'll keep pumping money into it, when in reality she has done nothing, there are no bookings, she doesnt want him there because its run down and she has spent all the money ? If he goes he will see and realize the game is up and she's lost her cash cow.

I think this is the likely scenario. I sometimes wonder how some of these resorts stay viable and in some areas there seems an over supply.

Personally i would drop a couple of subtle hints about organising a work bonding weekend staying there and arrive unannounced mid week to organise , but to save the embarrassment for him just the two of you go. He may need a shoulder to cry on.

[canman]

This seems more like a victory lap than a story of a concerned friend.

hardly a victory given that I've been watching him be milked from the sidelines for months. just one of those things I wasn't sure about.

If you are sure, then you have to tell him. If I was in his position I would certainly want to know about it.

[AYJAYDEE]

This seems more like a victory lap than a story of a concerned friend.

hardly a victory given that I've been watching him be milked from the sidelines for months. just one of those things I wasn't sure about.

If you are sure, then you have to tell him. If I was in his position I would certainly want to know about it.

and many will not thank him for doing so as many of us know from experience

Edited November 12, 2013 by AYJAYDEE

[jackr]

Call up and book every room... biatch!

Work out a way to trip her up without you being involved, he might blame you if you tell him.

[shaurene]

If you respect your friend go out and have a beer and slowly get to we're you want with him and ask him, if he heard or found out some thing funny seems to be going on, would he tell you, and say to him if one of his friends knew something about his situation would you expect your friend to tell you.

Tell him you respect him as a friend. If he says yes then tell him from the beginning what you did but make sure he knows you are doing it because you care about him. Do not listen to other people about staying out of it, be a true friend, if he thinks you are interfering he will tell you, then keep out of it.

Good luck mate. It happened to a friend of mine and he found out his so called friends never told him, now he has nothing to do with his so called friends.

[normac44]

I am still trying to get my head around the fact that this guy is 60 yrs. old ,has been in Thailand for 30 years, seems to have plenty of money to throw around but is still working. Have been in a similar situation with a friend there and I told him straight up as to what his GF was up to when he wasn't in Thailand. He has not spoken to me for about 4 years but I know she has the 4 million baht home and the business. He lives in a tiny shack in Pattaya.

[richard_smith237]

IMO this is quite simple: The decision to 'attempt' to tell someone that you like and respect that they are being taken advantage of is an easy decision. Of course you should. Its the decent thing to do. How you go about this is the questionable matter.

Op: Wait for the subject to crop up again over lunch, or gently guide the conversation that way..... Question the validity of the 'fully booked' excuse, offer to call up the resort as a paying guest... IF the guy in question refuses to let you do this, then you have your answer, you have tried, he doesn't want to know the truth.

If he lets you try this in front of him, then he will find out the answer there and then.

Either way - you placed the decision making in his hands...

Try this once then let it go...

[Honkie]

OP , just one question... Is your friend a ThaiVisa member ? If not , introduce him to it , if he is , then he would have known by now.

[kblaze]

why does the op want to stay at this little resort in the middle of nowhere, run by a woman he doesnt like, anyway?

maybe her husband doesnt like the idea of his nosey "friend" sniffing around his wife and business so just told him its full

wow you are so off. I don't want to stay at the place, I called to just check if it was indeed full. Also, they are not married.

[meatboy]

lived in thailand 30yrs.are you sure its not 30days,if its 30yrs have they slept together yet,this thing doesnt go on here,you got to be kidding.

[iamariva1957]

Stay out of it ... or rent the room for HIS friends under you name! Then invite me up there so I can see her face when they check in!

[brit1984]

why does the op want to stay at this little resort in the middle of nowhere, run by a woman he doesnt like, anyway?

maybe her husband doesnt like the idea of his nosey "friend" sniffing around his wife and business so just told him its full

wow you are so off. I don't want to stay at the place, I called to just check if it was indeed full. Also, they are not married.

sorry just re-read the op it was another "visiting friend" who wanted to stay at the resort

same explanation applies - i.e. maybe she (or he) just doesn't want that person around

[bushwacker]

Seems pretty black and white to me!

If you are his friend then tell him. Only tell him the facts with no personal opinions.

If he is only a chum, lunch buddy, drinking buddy i.e. just a person that you know then stay out of it.

With friendship comes responsibilities. One responsibility is to be honest and helpful. A simple comment like, "you can do, of course what you like, but when you told me the resort was booked, I phoned to see if I could get a room. And rooms were available. That is all I am saying."

Now if it were me, I would phone the resort and book a room. Get my GF to phone and book a second room. Get my good friend to book a third room, and if possible book a 4th room. Then I would go to the Dude, and say, you told me that you were having problems booking a room. So, I booked 4 rooms for you under these names. Do with it as you like. And you are welcome. Cheers .... and walk away, without further comment, and with a straight face. Let him decide how to handle it.

Not sure why you are so worried about him saving face. He is not Thai. And the longer this goes on the more embarrased he is going to be when the ballon pops .... Just saying!

[brit1984]

how about this for a solution?... ask your friend if he would like you to call to check for availability at the resort

if yes, do the call on speakerphone in front of him, and then leave it to him how to proceed

if not, try to avoid any further involvement in (or discussion of) your friend's romantic relationships

[2unique]

Why even bother with all that subterfuge? I mean seriously who has the time!

Just say to him, hey you seem pretty frustrated about this do you fancy a beer and a chinwag? Y/N

Keep It Simple Stupid - the more moving parts you introduce the more chance the message you are trying to get across will become confused. And ultimately all you have is the resort was said to be full and then was said to have a room available.

If he really wanted to force the issue in the last 6 months, he would have done. All it takes is a, I'm seriously losing face here, what's going on?

If he hasn't learnt in 60 years to cover himself with as much paper as possible then it really doesn't matter what you say today.

Now seeing as you appear to be determined to solicit advice from strangers on things that seem obvious, if the answer is yes to a beer let him choose the topics of discussion and let him introduce areas of "pain" then your job is to not be judgmental but to offer support, opinion and advice. Don't bring up the phonecall but offer it as a suggestion if the conversation goes that way.

Or... Stay out of it

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[rotary]

Hope things work out, tuff decision for u

[salapau]

Tell him straight out that he's being used and cheated. Don't say that you have called, but when you're next having lunch make the phone call with him there and let him work it out. So much deception from selfish Thais. He'll be upset but he'll save a fortune and have a chance of meeting a better partner.

[transam]

Tell him straight out that he's being used and cheated. Don't say that you have called, but when you're next having lunch make the phone call with him there and let him work it out. So much deception from selfish Thais. He'll be upset but he'll save a fortune and have a chance of meeting a better partner.

Difficult if one has put his eggs in one basket, which the guy might have.

[Berkshire]

Seems pretty black and white to me!

If you are his friend then tell him. Only tell him the facts with no personal opinions.

The problem is the OP doesn't really have all the facts, only what the guy has told him. Pretty hard to meddle unless he really, really knows this woman well.

[varun]

Make up your mind, is he a friend or a colleague?

Your topic heading says 'Friend', whereas you mention a 'colleague' in the in-line text.

Either way, ignorance is bliss, and how he chooses to live his life should be the least of your concerns, or anybody else's for that matter.

[Totster]

Anyways the gf doesnt really know me, so I just called the resort, her number, and asked about rooms for this weekend, making it sound like I wanted one. She said "Hab, Hab room" I said "ok ill call you back later.."

Why are you checking up anyway?? It's none of your business you sneaky git!

totster

Edited November 13, 2013 by Totster

[transam]

Anyways the gf doesnt really know me, so I just called the resort, her number, and asked about rooms for this weekend, making it sound like I wanted one. She said "Hab, Hab room" I said "ok ill call you back later.."

Why are you checking up anyway?? It's none of your business you sneaky git!

totster

Perhaps cos it might answer a few questions...........WHICH.............for the OP has been answered..............

[Benmart]

a friend of mine was being treated very badly by his woman.......all his western friend knew what was going on and nobody had the balls to tell him....when he found out about the situation he was badly shaken and annoyed that none of his western friends told him what was happening behind his back...not only did he kick he woman in to touch but he also kicked his western friends in to touch.............

Sometimes "annoyance" with others is actually annoyance with ones self in disguise. I live life on life's terms and accept responsibility for my actions. I don't blame anyone else for something I do or did. I would expect my friends to do likewise.

[Benmart]

Anyways the gf doesnt really know me, so I just called the resort, her number, and asked about rooms for this weekend, making it sound like I wanted one. She said "Hab, Hab room" I said "ok ill call you back later.."

Why are you checking up anyway?? It's none of your business you sneaky git!

totster

The wording of your post could use some work. Name calling is cheap and juvenile.

Be nice. People might be more inclined to read your thoughts.

[Totster]

Anyways the gf doesnt really know me, so I just called the resort, her number, and asked about rooms for this weekend, making it sound like I wanted one. She said "Hab, Hab room" I said "ok ill call you back later.."

Why are you checking up anyway?? It's none of your business you sneaky git!

totster

The wording of your post could use some work. Name calling is cheap and juvenile.

Be nice. People might be more inclined to read your thoughts.

Thanks for the tips, even if unsolicited.

By whose standards could my posts use some work.. ? Should I ask you to dictate my thoughts for me so I am not 'cheap and juvenile'.

Seems to me you are another one to keep your nose out !

totster

[boisian]

OP , just one question... Is your friend a ThaiVisa member ? If not , introduce him to it , if he is , then he would have known by now.

Agreed - just email him a link to this post.

[colomboserb]

This remember me off a story of an Swed that had a young thai girl ...After fixing both her parents house and her younger brothers house for pretty big amount of money, basicly he runs the whole family economicaly ...Then after around two years into the relationship she was asking about to get bigger tits....finally after sometime..., He said why not, and gave her money around 8000 usd . for trip and to make bigger boobs in Poland i think ....For two weeks he was talking to me on skype and was looking forward to play with these new "Huge tits" , Dubbel DD ...The morning she was supposed to come to he house he was sleeping cos of late night poker session online......Then he woke up with a note on his bed. That she thanked for these wonderfull two years and the gif of the boob operation she will never forget. But now the lovestory was over.

What to learn from this, Dont invest in anothers name or in anothers boddy. She can actually run away.

Edited November 14, 2013 by colomboserb