Divorce with a Wife who refuses to discuss......?

[HAL9000]

You can start by asking for a police escort to get your things out of the house. Then you can file for a divorce at the courthouse. If they ask for any documents, you can go to the Amphur or Municipality to request copies. Or you can skip the whole process and file back home. But if you file here, and she doesn't return your things, they can make her pay for what she disposed of.

[slipperylobster]

When it's over, you pretty much have only one option, and that is "Damage Control". Do not do what I did....I just walked away from everything. Granted, I have my full retirement check (worth a million dollars from 1995 until hopefully the year 2040 (if I take not buses or trains here). My retirement is good enough, but I sure miss all my personal effects, my house, car and lifestyle. Freedom is a big tradeoff, however.

Get a lawyer and fight tooth and nail for everything you can get...and your son too. You will have a lifetime of regrets otherwise. My son is being held for ransom in the Philippines. (monthly payments) Guilt and constant demands break down my willpower and I send more than I should. It would be cheaper to have him with me. I even had to leave the Philippines, to avoid ugly scenes with his violent mom.

Don't give up one baht until your things come back to you....and secure that lawyer today. Take the initiative....get evidence that would work in your behalf on anything that might be construed as immoral, illegal, or unfair....on the wife. My advice would be to maintain contact with her only through your lawyer.

Worth the expense.

[Zodaka]

Obviously readers don't know what processions you're talking about but I usually don't see any reason for people to get so overly attached to their things. Did you never throw away all your old toys from time to time when you were a kid?

If your things weren't even at the same place where you live they can't be that necessary for your life, while most material things can be replaced, and documents, certificates reprinted. You don't mind to rid your wife who is a person, but you care about keeping your material belongings. I guess that there could always be exceptions but anything of value to me I'd keep close to me or in a safety box.

[Dellie]

If you are married surely you must know the location of her family home and of her other relatives?

Should be easy to find her. She will turn up at one of those locations eventually.

[catweazle]

did you ever cheat on her?

None of your business I'd say, but wait..... are you, perhaps who I think you are? Hey Chivas, I think we found your wife!!!

Edited November 21, 2013 by catweazle

[Wat dee]

Neutralize the situation and "forgive" her. Play I give you the other chance cause love you too much. Be very convincing and you will see your kid. What you do then is up to YOU!!!

I would grap the kid and disappear...might <deleted> couple of her wiilling friends before leaving though...but I'm vindictive mf.

[catweazle]

As far as I can see here you have two options:

1) Fight, kick, scream, consult laywers, private investigators, and lose even more money on them, have sleepless nights, perform an emotional rollercoaster ride from hope to despair to "perhaps and maybe tomorrow", feel deepest sorrow, have highest hopes and finally suffer defeat.

2) Hold your head high, cut your losses, walk away and start a new life.

Third option would be to put a bullet in your head or jump off a cliff, but I hope you are clever enough to not do it for your son's sake who will - eventually - try to find you when he grows up. Then, for him it will be better to visit a living dad that was unable to spend a good portion of his life with, instead of a tombstone.

Believe me - been there, done all that, it's not just some brainless babble, it is life experience I share here with you, even though it might be ridiculed by some members here. But there, it's up to you to separate the wheat from the chaff...

Good luck and all the best to you!

Edited November 21, 2013 by catweazle

[Suradit69]

Did you pay for mums house,she probably thinks you are going to make a claim for it.

No but the actual house was Gifted to my Wife by her mother whilst we were married. I have zero interest in the house whatsoever but sure as hell wouldn't mind my possessions back !!

Son is priority obviously. I suspect she herself might suddenly realise that marriage is marriage and she might like to remarry. In the meantime I am collating all dates of contact so as to ensure she doesn't pull the "havent seen him in years" ploy.....

You say you can't forgive,I'm guessing she cheated.

They only do it once with me and thats enough.

Its over and thats it. Obviously I'll do whats right for our son and normally that means parents together, but thats not going to happen again.

"They only do it once with me and thats enough"

They? How often has this happened? Not sure if you intended to imply this, but it sounds like you're talking about several previous similar situations if you have some standard reaction in place when such a thing happens.

"Obviously I'll do whats right for our son and normally that means parents together ..."

And at least seeking a resolution to your problems if possible rather than just running away from them. Not saying you're to blame or that your pride hasn't been wounded (loss of face is a killer for some farang), but whatever you do will set an example for your son ... for better or for worse. Parents fighting, using lawyers to communicate, divorcing and possibly a stepfather in the future are bound to impact children even if they hide their feelings. And of course your wife's behavior if as described is not setting a good example either.

Edited November 21, 2013 by Suradit69

[TTom911]

As far as I can see here you have two options:

1) Fight, kick, scream, consult laywers, private investigators, and lose even more money on them, have sleepless nights, perform an emotional rollercoaster ride from hope to despair to "perhaps and maybe tomorrow", feel deepest sorrow, have highest hopes and finally suffer defeat.

2) Hold your head high, cut your losses, walk away and start a new life.

Third option would be to put a bullet in your head or jump off a cliff, but I hope you are clever enough to not do it for your son's sake who will - eventually - try to find you when he grows up. Then, for him it will be better to visit a living dad that was unable to spend a good portion of his life with, instead of a tombstone.

Believe me - been there, done all that, it's not just some brainless babble, it is life experience I share here with you, even though it might be ridiculed by some members here. But there, it's up to you to separate the wheat from the chaff...

Good luck and all the best to you!

If things are as they seem (from what you wrote) then catweazle's "option 2" may unfortunately well be the best advise (if there is anything like "best" at all in such case...). It would probably be the best for YOU personally and your own sanity in such case, as there is a HUGE chance that any "fighting" will only lead to some sort of escalation with an even worse outcome - here in Thailand even more so.

The drama of course is that a child is involved and that makes it really a tough call... Here unfortunately only you can decide if there is really an honest chance for an amicable resolution, as unlikely as it looks, which would be worth the risk of being dragged into a possibly very unpleasant tit-for-tat.

But if you "do something" it is paramount to keep a very COOL HEAD, as hard as that is, of course. It's important for your own sanity, dignity and your own protection, being a "farang in Thailand..." ! `You really need a cool head to properly realize what is going on around you in such situation. Talking to someone you trust, instead of becoming caught in one's own "circle of thoughts" might be helpful. Helpful to be able to step back every once in a while and do some "reality checking" and see if there is some progress along the way, or if the time has come at some point for "option 2"if you think you can't resort to option 2 just yet...

Good luck

[FiftyTwo]

Sue her for adultery, sue the guy she did it with for damages.

It's a great bargaining ploy, as the guy will be liable for a large compensation payment.

She also can't later claim you disappeared.

Don't stop until she plays ball.

[oxo1947]

Thanks for that...

We were getting low on lecturing....

Can you send that message to me in a ridiculous Poem Andree...................................

Edited November 21, 2013 by oxo1947

[Chivas]

Thanks for all responses and all duly noted. The overridding one from my point of view is I have never ever cheated within marriage on any of the 3 times. Never ever. Separated then certainly yes, but not one single person will contradict with any proof when married happily/normally !!

Other point where it was suggested go to the house (now owned by someone else) is of course sensible but no family relations lived there. Her mother had 2 children only and her mum lives in Frankfurt with German husband of 22 years and with the son. She gifted the house to her daughter couple years ago which is now sold.

Her dad lives in Bangkok and also is well off.

Am playing this by ear for now. Son is perfectly safe no question about that. Another poster mentioned that sooner or later she will need me for something so will come running. Quite frankly thats a certainty !!

Thanks for all other suggestions as well. Hopefully this can be sorted out amicably without too much mess !

Edited November 21, 2013 by Chivas

[Mario2008]

After 1 year of abandonment you can divorce for that reason. If you have proof of cheating, not just seeing someone, than you can divorce based on that ground. often a person will not want to go trough that shame, so it migt incline her to a divorce by mutual concent at the amphur where no reason is required.

[Gandtee]

Like most marital disputes there are three reasons for it. His. Hers, and the real one. Good luck on this one.

[Chivas]

After 1 year of abandonment you can divorce for that reason. If you have proof of cheating, not just seeing someone, than you can divorce based on that ground. often a person will not want to go trough that shame, so it migt incline her to a divorce by mutual concent at the amphur where no reason is required.

What about safeguards reference our son though ?

[Telecom66]

Chivas

Engage the services of the lawyer as a MEDIATOR and not as your legal representative.

Thai's are always amicable to talk to a third party who is not seen to be a threat. By engaging the lawyer as a mediator she will feel more comfortable about opening the door of communications. Even if she only talks to the mediator and never to you, you will get a lot further than you ever will talking yourself.

Take the soft approach and it will pay off for sure. This is the Thai way of resolving problems like this. Usually it is a distant family friend who is seen as not too close to either party, but a wise ear to listen and give sensible advice. NEVER use the hammer approach as that will ALWAYS backfire in your facw.

Regards,

Thomas

[brit1984]

Neutralize the situation and "forgive" her. Play I give you the other chance cause love you too much. Be very convincing and you will see your kid. What you do then is up to YOU!!!

I would grap the kid and disappear...might fuc_k couple of her wiilling friends before leaving though...but I'm vindictive mf.

i agree offering to "forgive" (regardless of how real the forgiveness is) would put the op in a much stronger position

romancing his wife's friends is a bad idea but i'm sure he can find new ways to redirect any love he has lost for her

[HAL9000]

It's not necessary to wait a year for abandonment. He qualifies on the grounds of adversarial relationship based on refusal to give his things, withholding child, etc.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[rgs2001uk]

Chivas,

I dont know you from Adam, good man, you stick to your principals.

Seen it too often where these girls shoot themselves in the foot.

Best of luck, play it by your rules.

[Water Buffalo]

I started to think now if I am going to marry any of my 3 Thai girlfriends. I read many times of separating thereafter. Anyway separation is good if the company pays you. But for wife...?

What??

[Sheryl]

Set about getting replacement copies of the missing documents from the various agencies (ampur, insurance co etc). It will be a hassle, and in some cases require you file a "lost" report with the police, but just do it.

Suggest you just report as lost and not get into the bit about your wife.

[slipperylobster]

"Obviously I'll do whats right for our son and normally that means parents together ..."

Correct...in a perfect world. Sometimes "doing right" is making sure you do not disappear from you son's life altogether. You can cram alot of quality time in a few days a month. Good memories for your son. It is not neccessary to play the martyr and pretend everything is normal between you and your wife. It will just get ugly...and that is exactly what your son does not need to see. In some ways, you get the advantage, because your son will be so happy to see you on those few days, and the times are always good. I have seen ugly, bad marriages where the entire family suffers from misery and depression, along with constant bickering...that really leaves a bad mark on the children...worse than separation.

[F4UCorsair]

Sorry to hear this Chivas, good luck. Any need to change your avatar ?

No need. That's the replacement!!!

Edited November 21, 2013 by F4UCorsair

[F4UCorsair]

I bought a very expensive princess cut diamond ring for $20,000 for my ex Thai wife, and she said "don't worry darling, if we split up I'll give you it back". When we split up I asked for the ring back and she refused. When I reminded her that she told me she would give it back if we split up, she said "I lied". Then I remembered my ex-Thai wife had also told me: "What's yours is mine and what's mine's my own". You don't have much hope getting your possessions back, however she is traceable.

No woman, NO woman is worth that on her finger, no matter how wealthy you are.

Haven't you heard of cubic zirconia??

When things turned to $hit in my marriage, I discreetly got hold of the diamond, worth only about $5K (appreicated value, and I'd paid only about a grand 28 years before), and had it changed to cubic zirconia. She didn't notice then, and doesn't now because she doesn't wear it. The do lose their sparkle over a year or two, easily polished up, but she'll never know.

If anybody needs a tip, you can't just order a replacement of the same carats and go in to have it replaced. It must be measured because the weights are vastly different for the same size, so you may need it twice, once for measuring to have the 'stone' ordered, and once for replacement.

Edited November 21, 2013 by F4UCorsair

[Straight8]

You say you can't forgive,I'm guessing she cheated.

They only do it once with me and thats enough.

Its over and thats it. Obviously I'll do whats right for our son and normally that means parents together, but thats not going to happen again.

did you ever cheat on her?

Seriously??

Yet another boot-licker in the house.

OP, ignore this fool.

[captspectre]

sorry. can't help much, except to say hire a private investigator to follow/find her. hopefully she goes to see your son. or follow her youself and maybe talk to her friends and try to get as much information as possible. i'm sure someone can track down a family member and eventually someone will talk just to get rid of you. just go to all the places you both used to visit, and keep asking questions. someone knows something. it will be a tough road, but hopefully you and your son can have a normal relationship when he is an adult and less pressure from mom. good luck.

thai's will never tell on other Thai's and lawyers? good luck. private investigator? he is also a Thai and has to live in the community. sounds like you are just out of luck unless you do some checking on your own!

[captspectre]

sorry. can't help much, except to say hire a private investigator to follow/find her. hopefully she goes to see your son. or follow her youself and maybe talk to her friends and try to get as much information as possible. i'm sure someone can track down a family member and eventually someone will talk just to get rid of you. just go to all the places you both used to visit, and keep asking questions. someone knows something. it will be a tough road, but hopefully you and your son can have a normal relationship when he is an adult and less pressure from mom. good luck.

thai's will never tell on other Thai's and lawyers? good luck. private investigator? he is also a Thai and has to live in the community. sounds like you are just out of luck unless you do some checking on your own! you might think about emptying ypour bank account if ypou can do so and dissapearing for a few weeks. nothing works like the bank is gone!

[NCFC]

It sounds like she is digging her heels in just because she can. So in my opinion hiring a lawyer or private investigator will only make matters worse because you are raising the stakes. Best thing you can do is reduce the aggravation levels. Ask her what she wants. Appeal to her better nature - tell her it would be an act of kindness if she gave you back your paperwork. There's no reason why she would want to keep you personal stuff that has no value to her so she seems to be doing it on a point of principal. So find out what that is. As the cheated party you have every right to feel aggrieved but taking the moral highground isn't going to get your possessions back.