Ex Thai girlfriend reporting me to Embassy

[slipperylobster]

Do not do what I did. Hardly ever got to see my son, although I paid monthly. At first, I was giving too much money (20,000). That is more than a teacher with a college education makes. 9000 seems to be a good honest figure. You are not responsible for the mom, or any other kid...only morally responsible for your own. I assume she would live in a home with or without your child, you are not responsible for her rent.

Medical Insurance per month.....1000 (I don't really know)

Food per month...........................4000 per month

Clothing.........................................1000 (dam_n good wardrobe after a year..but they grow fast)

Education (eventually)..................2000 (not a private school of course up to you)

College fund.................................1000 per month for 18 years would pay most college fees (keep that away from her)

I might have missed something.....from time to time gifts, dentists etc.

There seems to be gossip going around that foreign embassies force give free money to farang babies....not true.

She might figure out a way to turn you in on a fraud hotline for getting tax breaks and/or extra social security money which could get you audited. She could do this through a friend who is Thai, but has citizenship in your country. In the USA there is a fraud hotline. For example...if you claim (USA) the child is living with you when that is not the case....

That is probably not going to happen. They will not want to get involved here.

You are a right mug (or a very generous father).

3k a month from the court, if you were married to the mother.

Health care is free for children in Thailand (not even 30bht).

School is free in Thailand (Junior school even provide free dinners).

Love the, medical insurance and college fund bits, whats with the education 2,000 baht per month?

Books, papers, fees, transportation (50 baht a day), lunch money to carry around (50 baht a day).

Why would that surprise you?

[Mario2008]

While school is free, not all is free and often an extra charge is asked for things as a foreign teacher, school trips etc. And children need transport to and from school and some pocket money is also nice.

There are allowences for pens and uniforms, but it doesn't cover it all and children lose a lot of pens, etc. I used to walk past an elementary school often, the ammount of small children shoes on that road was great. Lost while mom drove the motorcycle with the children. (As was the ammount of spoons).

[Colabamumbai]

One easy way to know right off if the child is yours is (and this does not mean if they are not the same it is not your child). Have a look at the teeth and other features that your parents and grandparents have, only you will know, are any evident in the child.??

I have the exact set of bottom teeth as my mother, the same straight ones and the same crooked ones.

My daughter has the exact set of bottom teeth as myself and my mother. Three generations with the same set of teeth.

I have had threats before, if they are in sms messages save them. Mine came in handy and the police were quite interested in all the threats and downloaded them to a police officers phone and got right on the case.

Fortunately there were no children involved.

Edited November 27, 2013 by Colabamumbai

[transam]

One easy way to know right off if the child is yours is (and this does not mean if they are not the same it is not your child). Have a look at the teeth and other features that your parents and grandparents have, only you will know, are any evident in the child.??

I have the exact set of bottom teeth as my mother, the same straight ones and the same crooked ones.

My daughter has the exact set of bottom teeth as myself and my mother. Three generations with the same set of teeth.

I have had threats before, if they are in sms messages save them. Mine came in handy and the police were quite interested in all the threats and downloaded them to a police officers phone and got right on the case.

Fortunately there were no children involved.

My mum and dad had false teeth...........

[belg]

not married, so is your name on he birth certificate?

if not... do like mos thai man ...

[Ulic]

Get a DNA test, then if you are the father, send 6,000 baht a month to the grandmother or whoever is

looking after your child. Also try to be in your child's life as much as possible. Not just because you will

regret it later if you don't, but because it is also the right thing to do.

Give extra money for extra expenses, school, toys, birthdays etc. I know you don't want to be a cash cow

but you should shoulder your responsibilities in a proper manner.

Edited November 27, 2013 by Ulic

[transam]

Get a DNA test, then if you are the father, send 6,000 baht a month to the grandmother or whoever is

looking after your child. Also try to be in your child's life as much as possible. Not just because you will

regret it later if you don't, but because it is also the right thing to do.

Give extra money for extra expenses, school, toys, birthdays etc. I know you don't want to be a cash cow

but you should shoulder your responsibilities in a proper manner.

[rascalman]

Your Embassy can't and won't do anything apart from maybe tell her to get out of the building.

She is SOL!

[Mario2008]

1 rant removed. Keep it civil.

[gerry123]

a good paying job?. like she had before meeting you?? and the grandmother looked after the other children before so why not now

[givenall]

How long was she your girlfriend ,did you live here with her and are you certain the child is yours ? legaly she can do nothing ,.

Stop all payments till she comes to her senses. She will have to agree with your term or she gets nothing

[bifftastic]

Your Embassy can't and won't do anything apart from maybe tell her to get out of the building.

That's if they even let her in!

[bifftastic]

One easy way to know right off if the child is yours is (and this does not mean if they are not the same it is not your child). Have a look at the teeth and other features that your parents and grandparents have, only you will know, are any evident in the child.??

I have the exact set of bottom teeth as my mother, the same straight ones and the same crooked ones.

My daughter has the exact set of bottom teeth as myself and my mother. Three generations with the same set of teeth.

I have had threats before, if they are in sms messages save them. Mine came in handy and the police were quite interested in all the threats and downloaded them to a police officers phone and got right on the case.

Fortunately there were no children involved.

You stole your mother's teeth?

[benalibina]

I have threats about reporting to the embassy myself. Even offered to write the letter myself in my language. Kids now looked after by her sister. Wife is pregnant now. From ?? Staying in Phuket. Want my kids here. She is crazy. Lying cheating has no boundaries. I sorry for the kids that there is no way to talk normal with their mother. Its sickening me. If anybody is living in Phuket PM me. Need to have actual confirmation of pregnancy.

[Traveler19491]

I agree that, if this is indeed your child, you should do the honorable thing, and provide for him/her. However, keep in mind that the average Thai worker makes between 6,000 and 8,000 baht per month...IF they have a good job. It is your responsibility to provide for your child, and naturally you want your child to live in reasonably comfortable surroundings. But it is NOT your responsibility to keep his mother, or her family, in comfort. I would offer her 5,000 a month, and simply inform her that if she wants to persue the matter, hoping for a windfall, that you will be happy to lower the amount. The Thai authorities will not get involved, and your embassy could not care less, providing you are not in violation of any of your home country's laws.

[Westaurel]

LOL Her words sounds as the poor English of f... ladybars. Bastards girls who do everything to steal youe money ! Make you think you will have big problems if you don't access her requirements !

Pathetic !

Edited November 27, 2013 by Westaurel

[smileydude]

I hope you and your ex can talk out a solution of how much you should to continue to provide for your child as thats the important issue here, not how much she wants. The best interests of our children should always have priority when a separation is concerned. I hope you find an amicable solution once the resentment has been put aside.

[rgs2001uk]

I hope you and your ex can talk out a solution of how much you should to continue to provide for your child as thats the important issue here, not how much she wants. The best interests of our children should always have priority when a separation is concerned. I hope you find an amicable solution once the resentment has been put aside.

No offence, but you really dont have a clue.

I would wager this is being driven on by the girls mother who see her grandchild as nothing more than a windfall.

Why do these girls never give up the child and let the father take it back to farangland (I am not saying farangland is better), for the simple reason they dont want to give up the golden goose.

Read some of the stories on here, even better meet some of these guys in real life, its heartbreaking the way some of these kids are basically held to ransom, poor liitle mites, nothing more than bargaining chips.

[benalibina]

I hope you and your ex can talk out a solution of how much you should to continue to provide for your child as thats the important issue here, not how much she wants. The best interests of our children should always have priority when a separation is concerned. I hope you find an amicable solution once the resentment has been put aside.

No offence, but you really dont have a clue.

I would wager this is being driven on by the girls mother who see her grandchild as nothing more than a windfall.

Why do these girls never give up the child and let the father take it back to farangland (I am not saying farangland is better), for the simple reason they dont want to give up the golden goose.

Read some of the stories on here, even better meet some of these guys in real life, its heartbreaking the way some of these kids are basically held to ransom, poor liitle mites, nothing more than bargaining chips.

You hit the nail on the head.

They see it though as LOVE !!!!!

Unfortunately i know.

[asean]

I sympathize as i have been in exact situation. She will not get you blacklisted as she needs you here to help to help support the child.

Step 1. Tell her you will not give her another baht until she provides a DNA test. If she answers no then move on. If the child is really yours she will do all she can to prove it to get the maintenance.

Step 2. Tell her you will not give her another baht until she officialises your paternity at the amphur office.

Step 3. Tell her you will not give her another baht until she signs the necessary documents to secure his passport of your country of nationality.

Step 4. Then both of you then agree on when and where you see the child and how much a month and sign that agreement at the amphur office.

Step 5. Never give her a single baht cash. Do it all by internet banking transfer. Pay whatever bills you can direct to the payee like the school, or the doctor etc. Not to her. You will need records of those transfers at later date in the family court.

[crazydrummerpauly]

Sorry i guess, but is this meant to be taken seriously ?

[Shayne123]

lots of angry men here i see, poor child.

[bushwacker]

Hmmm .... The minimum wage has just recently been increased to B300 per day. Many workers still do not get the minimum. This amount regularly pays for the family .... not one child.

I have recently talked to some maids in hotels in Bkk, they work 6 days a week, 12 hours a day. If OT is needed, it is done with no payment made. They earn 9-10,000 B a month. For this they pay rent, support themselves in Bkk and send the rest of the money home to Mum in the backwater province who looks after the children.

Grandma's looking after the kids is a very common thing in Thailand unless you are dealing with the upper class.

Grandma and the kid usually live in the provinces where everything is much cheaper. I personally know many Thais that support a large family and they do not earn more than B12k. In fact B10K is considered a good wage. This puts the B20K into perspective.

Forget the college fund. You are not in a First world country. And when the time comes, if it does, then the pay as you go method is much better. Again many universities in the provinces are down right cheap. I know one family where Mum and Dad buy chicken, grill it, sell it on the street in Phicit. They have put 3 children thru university with the 4th one year away from completion. Why would you think that this kid, your kid needs to go to the best schools in Bkk or out of the country. Medical and Education although might cost a couple of Baht they are essentially free for kids.

Sounds to me like you are getting the sick buffalo story in modern terms. My suggestion would be to have a third party knowledgeable person do the discussion/negotiation as emotions run too high with these kinds of issues.

IMHO, supporting your kid is the right thing to do ... but .... no need to bend over!

[RobSmith]

I Give my ex 15k a Month - the child is 23 months, this money - is not used just for the child,

She supports her extended family with this, if I gave 10k a month - the child would be not better or worse off, if I gave 20k the child would be no better or worse off.

The reason for the extra is an investment in future contact and influence over the child's education at some point, but I am establishing what I want right now, regular updates and pictures,

she has been dutiful and making sure the child is available on my frequent visits to the country, I have no malice towards her and the family - I am well aware of their and my son's circumstances.

if you are just sending money - and that's all you want from this then send what you can( as soon as the payment are regular they will make collective plans with the money and just deciding to change it may cause negative issues you are not aware of, and in away it is unfair on them. I personally have told them from the beginning that my money cannot be regular due to the contracting work I do, I have demonstrated this to them , no payments for 3 months, yes I could of paid but I felt I needed to enforce the perception of no guarantee), you may think this is cruel and devious but I am thinking of my son's welfare, and did gift a motorbike and some extra cash a few times under the same guise. My life, my baht and my choice. They have stopped telling me money all gone after 2 weeks, so I believe the lesson struck home.

She will give money to a relative, she will give money to the temple rather than spending the money solely on your child, this you will have to accept as a cultural issue that you have no right to deny.

They will prioritize all money towards themselves as a group, ( and unlike most on the board I don't necessarily see this as them doing something bad, it's basic survival and prospering for all, with a little rural Buddhism thrown in), your child benefits as the group of relatives benefit.

If you want some direct influence over your child's future , then you buy the medical insurance, you pay the school fees directly, buy them the clothes and educational toys you know will not be provided by the family,and you insist on regular contact, this may have some resistance, but YOU are calling the shots, it's your baht. They will comply after some sulking.

I think many a dutiful Felang, starts with good intentions then lets things fade until they have enough excuses and arguments to make an exit. Take a hard look in the mirror and decide the path now, don't go making promises with a guilt trip that you will end up reneging on.

I think this is more cruel than walking away right now. ( it's a tough call but in the end not doing it is cowardice. yes you are the "bad man", get over it! )

If you want to try an offset some of your guilt go get a bank loan, give em a once in a life walkaway payment and don't look back. I think that's better than prolonging the issue for the child.

or the child just has a ghost for a father, and a mother with nothing good to say about said ghost. not a great start for a young life.

Anyway this is my opinion and opinions are like <deleted> we all have one 55555

Best of luck anyway

Shambley.

[atyclb]

"she is from a PROOF background" <deleted> is a proof background?

Guesstimation only. A woman who comes from a rural background where there are not many jobopportunities and who has decided to make money by putting her divine body at the disposal of others for a small fee.

Not to mention her "divine intellect" united with the "divine body"

[atyclb]

Should you know the child is actually yours (DNA) and want to raise her/him, it is not so hard to show the family court which parent can giver the child a better future. Fact is that the alleged mother needs money for the child is an attestation that she/family is/are unable financially to do so independently. Seems you already have a better financial status. Likely you have more education in addition, something that will also help you in court.

[benalibina]

"she is from a PROOF background" <deleted> is a proof background?

Guesstimation only. A woman who comes from a rural background where there are not many jobopportunities and who has decided to make money by putting her divine body at the disposal of others for a small fee.

Not to mention her "divine intellect" united with the "divine body"

I tried to keep it factual.

[slipperylobster]

If you are 100 percent sure it is your child then.....

Either: 1. You feel you need to give your child a chance, and do not want him playing with the water buffalos.

That will cost you....but you need to keep in touch with the child. I believe 9000 baht a good figure.

(a) You set up the education funding (through college) and obtain passports, etc.

( You set up medical insurance (no, it is not free at all, you will need something)

© You make monthly visits to the school and pickup the child for some kind of relationship.

2. You just want the problem to go away.........pay a lump sum and have her sign off on it.

Forget the whole deal.

3. You just want him to grow rice and ride buffalos... Frankly you know it is your child but don't give a damn

about how he grows up. Then just give a few thousand....up to you !

If there is any doubt at all....about whether the child is yours....pay a smaller lump sum.

In all cases, make a contract.

[96tehtarp]

Call her bluff.

Give her the telephone number for your embassy and a contact name there. Tell her you have already spoken to "Khun SoAndSo" at the embassy in Bangkok who is waiting for her call. then top up her mobile phone with 100 baht, then disappear.

She will come to her senses.

Any money you pay in the future should be in exchange for visitation and quality time together with the child alone and without the mother.

IMO the best and least costly option for you in the long run is a good boarding school somewhere in Thailand far far away from her mother. (Your Ex won't like this option one bit).

10k, 15k, or more is far too much, more so given her threatening attitude.

These women, most of them, only care about themselves and will manipulate the child for all and everything they can get for themselves.

Young married Thai couples where daddy gets drafted into the army and sent south for two years do quite nicely on 1.5-2k per month sent home from the father while he's in the army. The extended family picks up the slack.

You can discount anything and everything she tells you to be a lie. If she tells you today is Friday, you had better check and verify it. She could quite likely be billing three different guys for the paternity of the same child.

Plenty of good advice already given in this thread. The best advice so far is NO CASH payments, always remit electronically, all bills should be paid by you by direct debit. As has already been said you will want those records for family court in the coming days.

Re: DNA testing, put yourself in this possible scenario: You pay XXk baht monthly for the next XX years. Then the real father surfaces and takes your ex together with HIS child to some western country. This after you have emotionally bonded with the child. It could rip your heart out.

Good Luck OP.