lost with my thai GF

[charlesgenv5]

Hi,

Please don't answer if for just arguing I'm a stupid farang.

I met my thai GF 1 year and 3 months ago, we stayed together all that time. We just have a 6 years difference between us.

I'd like to tell I never really gave her money for her family or children, in 15 months, I may gave a total of 15.000 baths for her children.

In the 1st place she said she divorced with her samy 6 months but all she had to say about him was he was a very good man, handsome and take care very good of here and her 2 children. But he let her with the children for another girl.

Then, the more we knew each other the more she told me how he was cheating her and she now speak about him like a coward.

I visited her family 3 times, and the last time she told me her old samy paid a visit with his new GF to children, He did it only 2 or 3 times by the past.

She told me one day he came to her family house and took the TV to repair it, but after that he never gave back the TV set. My GF told me he lied to the children and that indeed he intended to sell the TV because he doesn't have a lot of money My GF was angry about he when she knew it.
She also angry everytime she hears about he take a visit to the children. She tells me she want he to never see the children anymore.

Yesterday I paid my 3rd visit to the family and realised the mother of her old samy paid for a new TV set plus a big satellite dish plus sat receiver to please the children. I deem the total is about 40.000 baths.

I don't know what to think. My GF is not the kind of sabai-sabai girl staying in her bed all the day. On the contrary we worked together selling food on different markets and she intends to works in a restaurant or whatever in order to send some money to her children, her mother and father take care of.

Though I stayed in Thailand for 2 years, I'm not aware of every customs and habits here. But the old boyfriend paying some visits to her children and his mother buying then a big TV set, I'm not sure what I should think about it.

Btw, she never lied to me about those facts, she already told me when she her old samy paid a visit to the children and she looked really angry.

I know in every country everything can be complicated between two persons, but as Thailand is quite mysterious on many points, I'd like to know what you think about it.

Thanks for the time you give me and your answers.

Edited December 5, 2013 by charlesgenv5

[Commander Tamson]

Personally I don't see any problems in your relationship.

It doesn't surprise me that the ex husband is a scumbag - lying cheating stealing. But his parents still love their grandchildren.

Keep the relationship honest by supporting her on these issues and she'll maybe trust you more & more.

Good luck

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[uptheos]

Be thankful you didn't buy the big TV, satellite dish and receiver.

Keep on encouraging this sort of attitude, but don't get stuck for the 'big one'

[VocalNeal]

Just Curious. What would you do or have done in the west if you decided to embark on a relationship with a divorcee with 2 children.

Life is just life, its mostly the same everywhere.

[charlesgenv5]

Thx for the answers, I always knew what about her and her children. I think in the west I may have been suspicious too, this is my kind. But in Asia many things are diffrents, relationships between the spouses, the family etc ... I don't think we can easily compare the west and the asia, this a complete diffrent way of life and thinking, though many things remain the same.

I just don't want to have her old samy on the back one day, she tells me he is a looser seeking about money, I love the children, but I don't want to get troubles with the old husband.

One of her child is still under the name of the father, I don't know what to think about that, though she would like to change it for her name, but I'm not sure she can and also I'm not sure what the old samy make look after in the future.

[Boo]

The ladies forum. FOR ladies in Thailand not ABOUT ladies in Thailand.

Moved to pub.

Cheers

[chappie1207]

I think it is great the grandparents still want to buy things for the kids, very commendable. And if the guy wants to see the children every so often then no problem at all. Be supportive to your girlfriend and show her you are the bigger and better man.

[BlackArtemis]

I know of a Thai situation similar like this, but without the grandparents.

Friend of mine was married and had a kid, divorced. Then started to date another guy.

The exhusband started to try to get back into their child's life, buying her things etc. But this died down over time and eventually he just stopped coming around.

She married the new guy, they have been happy for years and the ex is out of the picture.

It seemed like he had to let his presence be known, or tried to show how good he was, but he really wasn't so it didn't take too long for him to revert back.

[sniffdog]

Most likely she's still with him .... ask her for the divorce papers. If she can't produce them, you got your answer.

[charlesgenv5]

she s got divorce paper. What the point to stay with me 15 months, I dont give her money and we used to worked in thai market together for months ?

What should be the trick if she is still with him, why she would tell me every time he try to see her children ?

I know some situation in thailand can be tricky, I'd like to until where it can be mad ... does the boy wait for something from me ? I dont want to be in a crazy situation.

[Toscano]

I think you should be very wary before committing yourself too far . Many Thai women do separate from husbands but still a close relationship continues .

Some Thai women have 3 or 4 foreign boyfriends who all send money . When I first came to Thailand and married my wife two years later , I never saw her

ex at all .

My wife and her former husband , aided by me , mostly as designer , built a house for their son . At that point I got to know him and we became the best of friends . Their grandchildren couldn't wish for a better parent than their grandfather . He has gambled his money away and is now scarcely able to manage on what's left of his police pension , so we augment a little so that he can get by . I'm an older man , not as strong as I used to be , so he helps us

out with any heavy jobs to be done . Don't rush into marriage or spending much money , take time to see the way the wind blows , get to know all the

family .

Where does your wife live and what did she do before you came along ? I should be very wary of any woman who has been involved with the tourist industry ,

they say once a bargirl always a bar girl .

[David48]

I'm usually fairly good at this but ...

I read the story, but missed the question.

Can someone focus on that for me?

Thanks

[FWIW]

I'm usually fairly good at this but ...

I read the story, but missed the question.

Can someone focus on that for me?

Thanks

..and can enyone explain why OP used "samy" instead of "husband"?

[FiftyTwo]

..and can enyone explain why OP used "samy" instead of "husband"?

Married at Ampur Office (not Pua which would be village wedding)

[Dante99]

I'm usually fairly good at this but ...

I read the story, but missed the question.

Can someone focus on that for me?

Thanks

..and can enyone explain why OP used "samy" instead of "husband"?

Sami is a Thai word for husband.

[quiuvo]

Samy he uses to show TV that he has Thai experience. OP needs life experience. Appears he has no money. I'm curious why girlfriend stays with op. Not for money apparently. Maybe handsome young farang.

If OP,s story is true then nothing to worry about. It is life.

[mok199]

please make it stop...

[dao16]

I would just say tread very carefully with anything about the ex-husband. Support your GF, but don't go to crazy lengths. If money comes up and things like that, it smells foul. How close is he? Sometimes people like to let their kids be taken care of by others and then "pick them up" when they are older. Believe me...have seen it. Not saying your girlfriend is involved in that, although that could be a possibility.

It seems like the most important thing you can do is to create an environment at your place (not the family home...although that would be nice, too) in which the girlfriend and kids can be safe and comfortable. Thais have their ways of sorting out their stuff and I find it is mostly better to just let them do it and tell my wife I feel sorry she is upset by something, etc. However, if they come to take your TV or things, then it is time for action or to pack up shop and go somewhere else (in or out of country).

[sirchai]

lost with my thai GF

Please don't answer if for just arguing I'm a stupid farang.

I'd like to tell I never really gave her money for her family or children, in 15 months, I may gave a total of 15.000 baths for her children.

I don't know what to think. My GF is not the kind of sabai-sabai girl staying in her bed all the day. On the contrary we worked together selling food on different markets and she intends to works in a restaurant or whatever in order to send some money to her children, her mother and father take care of.

Though I stayed in Thailand for 2 years, I'm not aware of every customs and habits here. But the old boyfriend paying some visits to her children and his mother buying then a big TV set, I'm not sure what I should think about it.

Your post doesn't make sense to me. Well, honestly speaking it does, when reading between the lines. So you "helped" her with one thousand baht a month. Holy buffalo! Have you ever heard the words " Kee Nok"? So, you're working at markets selling food. Honestly, not too many here are doing that. And she sometimes works in restaurants to make money. Also for you?

There're certain reasons for a Thai to stay with a foreigner. You're jealous that the "samy" ( should be Samee) brought an for you expensive TV set?

Please think about what this girl's thinking about you. Beside all that heartbreaking stuff, be careful, you're not allowed to even help selling anything on a market. Good luck with finding yourself.-

[pinkpanther99]

she s got divorce paper. What the point to stay with me 15 months, I dont give her money and we used to worked in thai market together for months ?

What should be the trick if she is still with him, why she would tell me every time he try to see her children ?

I know some situation in thailand can be tricky, I'd like to until where it can be mad ... does the boy wait for something from me ? I dont want to be in a crazy situation.

I hope you had a work permit!

[DGIE]

Are you a single before you came to Thailand? So you suddenly have 2 children but anyway as you said you never gave money but you gave 15,000(?). Why did you not find a single woman so you should have less burden?That is if she is not

a gold digger.

I admire you selling things with your girlfriend in the market. I also pity you because it seems that you have no job here.

Unless you have that secret wealth which other people humbly do not like to mention.

I also admire your gf for her patience in having you in her life even though she gets not much from you.

Goodluck man...

[Pacificperson]

Step back and think of the situation from the kids' perspective. Would they prefer to be abandoned by their father and grandparents? It is to their advantage to have these people remain active in their lives. I am pretty sure that their mother would agree. So, you need to make the best of the situation. It does not sound like he is a threat to your relationship with your girlfriend.

[Benmart]

please make it stop...

Put your beverage down and depress the power button. I am told that this will make the screen black, hence, stopping it all.

[ben2203]

Tbh there his kids so he has a right to see them right? If she doesn't take your money, if she was still with that guy why would he let you in between them? usually if it was done for monetary reasons you would have to be giving her money right?

Thai people usually adore kids so the reason the mum bought the new one with satellite was probably so the kids didn't hate the father or such.

I think you're worrying about nothing

[CraigSchuler]

Some guys really make me laugh!

You have nothing to offer this lady in regards to support, you're broke! you really need to go home and make something of yourself in the future. I don't know how old you are but any Farang who has to sell noodles from a cart with his lady is NO prize catch!

So what, she has an ex husband. To be honest he sounds like a Thai version of you! what gives you the right to take over another man's children? at least he makes an effort (little as it may be) to spend time with the kids.

To be honest your little lady has some issues or she wouldn't be involved with you or the ex!

[pacovl46]

Well, to me it seems like his mother wanted to make up for him stealing their TV. Kudos to her. In regards to the scumbag wanting to see his kids, I wouldn't do anything about it for 2 reasons. First of all, he's still the father after all and the kids need their father, too. Secondly, if you interfere he might get really pissed and do something stupid, which is in no one's interest.

[FWIW]

I'm usually fairly good at this but ...

I read the story, but missed the question.

Can someone focus on that for me?

Thanks

..and can enyone explain why OP used "samy" instead of "husband"?

Sami is a Thai word for husband.

No shit sherlock?

And if the OP was Thai, I would probably let it slide, but as he is clearly not, why use it except, as was noted to show his "savvy" with Thai......

I shall now tell the mia I am off for a bia at the bar bia

What a load of b***ocks.

Edited December 5, 2013 by FWIW

[sniffdog]

she s got divorce paper. What the point to stay with me 15 months, I dont give her money and we used to worked in thai market together for months ?

What should be the trick if she is still with him, why she would tell me every time he try to see her children ?

I know some situation in thailand can be tricky, I'd like to until where it can be mad ... does the boy wait for something from me ? I dont want to be in a crazy situation.

One for the money, one for her emotional feelings.

If you're scared for any mad situation, how could you sell on the market without being afraid to get caught by immigration?

[charlesgenv5]

Thanks for the answers. Some of them are really stupid, such the one the guy told I am broke so I don't have any wright to have a GF. That's just amazing.

I think the problem with many farangs, they do think they have to bring something to thailand that they would never bring in their own country.

In your country, do you think I'am broke so I cannot have a GF ?

She always knew I'm small money, we took the decision together to work together in order to be able to stay together. What is so horrible ?

I've got an apartment in my country that I rent and it gives me some money every months, sure it's not a lot, but it helps.

She never saw her ex since nearly two years. I stayed with her days and nights for more than 15 months.

Everytime he paid a visit to the children, she told me immediately and she was upset.

But most people are right here, I'm young, good looking but don't really have so much experience with real life, at least in Thailand.

She wants to work in a restaurant or something same 7/11. She would give 4000 baths her children and the rest for us.

Also I'm working with my computer and do some money with it. She told me she would love to have the children to stay with us after the next holliday because her mother is tired to take care about them.

We already had her 3 years old little girl for 3 months while we were working in the market. I know it is risky and I dont intend to do it again.

I saw my GF waking up every day 7 oclock morning to make the food for the market, the meal for her little girl and for me.

I used to wake up 7 o clock every morning to make a big dough to make doonught to sell them in the market.

I can't say she is the kind of girls many people enjoy to depict all the time.

For the 15.000 baths I gave her, that was 4000 here and there when the school open, it happens two times a year in Thailand. She never asked me for monthly money and the small many she used to get was to pay things for us.

Now like I said, I'm quite a rookie. I'm not sure I would handle well an ex husband in my own country, and I really feel it can be more complicated here in Thailand.

Also I'd like to ad, because I was married for 8 years in my own country then I divorced, I always made it clear to my GF that I would not married again, not because she is thai, just because I think we can get married just one time, that's my point of view.

I'm just scared I couldn't handle a situation where the ex come back to the surface, I don't want to have any troubles.

My main two option is to break with her, or to live it day by day. But I'd like to know more because I don't want give my heart and my confidence to wake up one day and realise what Thailand can be.

[Prbkk]

It sounds like a pretty good life to me...