The dreaded visitors " Home Guests "

[Somtamnication]

My second bedroom is completely full of boxes and the air has been "disabled".

[kikoman]

Many of the answers are related to growing a pair, and insist it is the Falang's right to be a dictator over the Thai household, I do not do anything different in Thailand than I did back in the old country, what worked for me then works for me now!

I view visitors as a blessing, people with whom you can share your hospitality with, to have a good time and offer then the same liberties they offer you when you visit them. I appreciate my wife's family that have never caused me problems and are extremely helpful in any thing we do, I have certainly gain more from them, than I have given to them. Why is a wife's family to be viewed differently in Thailand, then how you interact with the wife family in the home country, to me there is no difference as I by marrying my wife I agreed to become a part of her family and she a part of mine.

Those that are control freaks, that dictate who can come to their house, who your wife can associates with or whomever must have the final say on any issue in their relationship, does not mean you have a pair, it only means you did a very poor job in marrying a women you do not trust.

My wife is my equal and we share everything we have together, including decision making as it is our house and our lives that we share. Her family is my family, her daughters are my daughters in a life we share together. I in Thailand do just as I did in the home country, and reserve a part of our house for my privacy, where I can work or relax without interruptions, worked good for me in the old country works for me here.

Sharing is the cornerstone of a successful marriage and my wife ideas/input to me is more important that anyone else, and it works great for us.

Cheers.

[onni4me]

Oh! Reminds me of my situation...

They came without telling anyone.

They ate everything from fridge and went for more and left the bill unpaid in the local village shop.

They watched TV all night and sung karaoke so I could not sleep.

They drank all my whiskey and sent wifey to get more.

They loaned my car and not seen it since.

They threw plastic bags allover the garden.

Stole my fruit from the trees.

Stole my money and wallet.

Took some of my stuff and some clothes.

And all I did is I sat down and watched and said nothing...

[Will27]

I live in our bedroom. I have my computer and a tv if I ever want to watch it(I dont) and I go downstairs to eat or go out. If the wife relatives show up I will mix with them as they are mostly nice people and they like my cooking, they rarely stay even for one night which is good. On the other hand her half sister comes here and bludges for days on end, she does not cook, wash or do any thing around the house, she eats everything she can find including my aussie food I put away for myself. We only see her when she is fighting with her thai husband(she is a bar girl & second wife) or she wants money tp give to her husband so he can drink and give the rest to his first wife.My solution is simple, like one poster above I pack my bags and ask my wife to drive me to a hotel, this gets an immediate response of she will leave today, in fact we rarely see her now and that is fine by me.

My wife's niece came to stay for a month, while she worked with my wife. She did nothing but watch tv in the house and never even washed the dishes, despite contributing nothing fiancially and eating my wife's food.

When she asked to stay another month, I agreed providing she washed the dishes and tidied the house/ outside. I don't know if my wife passed that on, but she still did nothing for the second month.

My nephew ate everything he liked in my fridge ( wife and I have seperate fridges )despite being told not to eat my food, so in the end I put a chain and padlock around it.

He also used any of my tools he wanted to fix his m'bike and left them lying around outside when he left ( along with all his rubbish ), so I had to lock them in the bedroom whenever he came to stay. I also refused to pick up his rubbish- if she wouldn't make him tidy after himself, she had to do it.

You have separate fridges?? Wow what a loving relationship.

Are you insinuating that we have a bad relationship because we use different fridges? Pretty weird opinion if you are!

We both have enough food to fill a fridge each, so just have seperate fridges.

2 small fridges are cheaper than the really big fridges on the market.

I get the 2 fridge thing. What I don't get is you having to chain and padlock

it in your own home.

There is no way in the world I'd put up with that.

Edited December 13, 2013 by Will27

[robblok]

Many of the answers are related to growing a pair, and insist it is the Falang's right to be a dictator over the Thai household, I do not do anything different in Thailand than I did back in the old country, what worked for me then works for me now!

I view visitors as a blessing, people with whom you can share your hospitality with, to have a good time and offer then the same liberties they offer you when you visit them. I appreciate my wife's family that have never caused me problems and are extremely helpful in any thing we do, I have certainly gain more from them, than I have given to them. Why is a wife's family to be viewed differently in Thailand, then how you interact with the wife family in the home country, to me there is no difference as I by marrying my wife I agreed to become a part of her family and she a part of mine.

Those that are control freaks, that dictate who can come to their house, who your wife can associates with or whomever must have the final say on any issue in their relationship, does not mean you have a pair, it only means you did a very poor job in marrying a women you do not trust.

My wife is my equal and we share everything we have together, including decision making as it is our house and our lives that we share. Her family is my family, her daughters are my daughters in a life we share together. I in Thailand do just as I did in the home country, and reserve a part of our house for my privacy, where I can work or relax without interruptions, worked good for me in the old country works for me here.

Sharing is the cornerstone of a successful marriage and my wife ideas/input to me is more important that anyone else, and it works great for us.

Cheers.

I would say grow a pair if you are not happy to be overrun by guests and your not standing up to them. If you are happy how it is then no need to grow a pair as you might have a pair but don't need to use them.

I am in control here just as I was back (not calling it home this is my home) in the Netherlands. It might be a bit different of course if your wife controls you because in fact she owns the house or she has other ways to control you. In the end you got yourself in a position like that and your the only one getting yourself out of it.

Not specifically aimed at you kikoman.

[elliottm]

We have a one room Bangkok apartment so they would be sleeping on the floor next to me (coughing, nephews crying, handwashing in middle of nighte etc) and then laying round the floor all day while wife was at work, of course I would never know when they were coming or leaving - the 3 floor shop-house we're moving into next month can't come soon enough...even if it means foregoing the convenience of a flushing toilet!!!

[canuckamuck]

Completely agree with Kikoman.

Manning up is not telling your wife that, now she is married to a westerner she can no longer entertain her family and friends in a normal Thai fashion.

I am married to my wife, I did not purchase her at Powerbuy. We have a partnership and friendship and we both try to make each others lives better. She doesn't mind if I go off to my room when I am done with the guests, and I don't mind that they come and enjoy her hospitality. I don't need a whole house to myself, but I get the appeal of it. My room is fine; this year I built one for her too, as an extension.

When my guests come this year, I am sure she will be off doing other things for the most part, but she won't have a problem if they eat her food, or watch the TV.

I enjoy my den, I spend a lot of time in there.

[funcat]

Many of the answers are related to growing a pair, and insist it is the Falang's right to be a dictator over the Thai household, I do not do anything different in Thailand than I did back in the old country, what worked for me then works for me now!

I view visitors as a blessing, people with whom you can share your hospitality with, to have a good time and offer then the same liberties they offer you when you visit them. I appreciate my wife's family that have never caused me problems and are extremely helpful in any thing we do, I have certainly gain more from them, than I have given to them. Why is a wife's family to be viewed differently in Thailand, then how you interact with the wife family in the home country, to me there is no difference as I by marrying my wife I agreed to become a part of her family and she a part of mine.

Those that are control freaks, that dictate who can come to their house, who your wife can associates with or whomever must have the final say on any issue in their relationship, does not mean you have a pair, it only means you did a very poor job in marrying a women you do not trust.

My wife is my equal and we share everything we have together, including decision making as it is our house and our lives that we share. Her family is my family, her daughters are my daughters in a life we share together. I in Thailand do just as I did in the home country, and reserve a part of our house for my privacy, where I can work or relax without interruptions, worked good for me in the old country works for me here.

Sharing is the cornerstone of a successful marriage and my wife ideas/input to me is more important that anyone else, and it works great for us.

Cheers.

Amen

[monkey4u]

Let rip a few rotten farts near them, it works for me ( Good Indian curried eggs are great )

They all pack up and go elsewhere

[Keesters]

Get naked.

Yep...your house...your rules

[villagefarang]

I cringe when seeing an old guy out with what I assume to be his wife, being reprimanded and put in his place by a stern-faced taskmaster, in public no less. I can only imagine it being worse at home.

If you don’t speak the language and depend on the wife for everything, she is most likely in possession of your balls already, so not much chance of growing a new pair.

I can’t imagine living like that but I don’t see much chance for changing well established patterns of behavior. Just glad it isn’t me.

[scorecard]

Easy solution bro, one bedroom becomes the man cave. No one enters without permission.

i would be insane without mine.

That is what I use my computer, my TV, My air are all in my bedroom which is off limits to all in the house except my wife! anyone that chooses to talk, knocks first only because I enjoy my privacy.

We differ greatly on visitors, as I always enjoy my wife's family visits, and ask people to visit as much as they can, I also enjoy my wife's friends visits as we have a great big house, for the new year my brother and his family will visit, along with his sister-in-law and her family and his FIL, we are planning a big New Years party.

I do draw the line on dogs in the house, or dogs period as I do not keep any, If someone were to bring one without permission, it would stay in a fenced area in my back yard, no other options.

Cheers

Re the TV etc., I have a friend who has a similar situation to the OP. Friend just walks into the TV room, instantly turns off the TV and motions for his chair to be vacated, then he just sits there. He says on several occasions he's also walked into the room with the TV, grabbed the remote, turned the sound off then walked out of the room with the remote and taken it to his computer den which is well known to be totally off limits to all. Visiting groups now rare and gone quickly.

Another friend is quite lucky that his Thai wife and kids actually prefer western food rather then Thai food. His wife is tolerant of family / friends just arriving but makes it very clear she is cooking all western food this week and she doesn't like strong smells in her house. Family and friends drop in but are gone quickly.

Another friend was near the end of his tether with large noisy family groups etc., arriving unannounced and taking over the house. Then there was an incident where his brother in law bought a young live crocodile (about 80 cm long) and had is running free in the room he was occupying. He didn't tell anybody. The lady of the house opened the room and instantly spotted the crocodile. She was very very pissed, especially since she had two young toddlers in the house. She instantly summonsed all the visiting group and told them 'leave now and don't come back'. They never did return.

[jacko45k]

Take the batteries out of the remotes and put a password on the computer and as soon as they arrive go out and come back next morning!

More seriously I am surprised, when I get visitors they are polite and mindful.

I have had to put my foot down a couple of times and that has meant the people/person in question has not returned.

One brought a large dog... I have a cat so that bothered me, she wouldn't leave it in the car.

Another's wouldn't keep their kids under control and they nearly killed my fish.

I told my wife...... tell your friend to go home now.

I sound like a bit of an ogre perhaps, but now my wife respects my wishes.....

Perhaps my trick is ME!

[Ghostnigel]

What i did was fall out with her family straight away, i didnt marry them, so no skin off my nose, only her brother comes to visit, and then he doesnt stay over. 'Er Indoors goes to visit them for a week here and there, all i have to do is say "sawadee krap" on the phone....result!?

[thaibeachlovers]

So Buddies, I guess it is much better if you try to use the trausers and don't let monkeys make you a clown in your own house.

What kind of solution these?

to lie about ghosts,

lock yourself in your home,

to keep 2 fridges

to make 2 houses, one for "them"

to keep public TV and comp cause they don't touch yours,

let some-one to take your TV or comp and let them to be rowdy in your house.

you have to know these Thai "wives" make this situation only with you, with farang, especially if you are an old goat. If they try to be obstinate with Thai men, the get a very big slap in first, then a very big kick to behind and can shut up.

You guys are so, so..., soft, soft, soft and unresisting and they make you a huge ship and why o you do this? only about p..sy which you can buy every week new one in TH, in this much much cheaper.

When I was kid I went many times with my grandfather to hunting bear. When I was scared my grandfather always told this: you my son came with me to be rabbit.

So I can say it: You guys came to here from many many miles to be a big big rabbit.

[mikemac]

OP - sorry Mate, but you're basically screwed. You allow them to turn up according to their timeline, do what they want, make you miserable, probably eat you out of house and home, stay as long as they want.

My inlaws have been told to ask my permission to come. I allow them (no more than 3 at a time) to come occasionally, sometimes I say no just because I can. I want dates and times of arrival and departure, and they WILL be adhered to. If I am in a room, I'm the boss of the room - they will talk quietly, I own the remote, I dictate what happens. If they want to eat durian they know to bugger off outside.

My beer is MY beer - if you want one, ask.

You will address me as Kuhn (name).

I tell the wife the daily spending limit to feed them, and no, they can walk or ride the pushbikes, they're not nicking off with my scooter. Piss me off and you will be told about it, and I know enough Thai to pickup on the conversation so talk about me when I'm not there.

Essentially, my home is my castle and my "guests" will respect my authority or naff off. I do all of this with reasonable decorum and respect, but my house is a little piece of NZ, and I make up the rules.

They don't ask to come and visit too often - I can never figure out why.

Well, I was going to ask you if I could come and visit you but now I have read your conditions of stay and regulations I have changed my mind !

[Metapod]

Take the batteries out of the remotes and put a password on the computer and as soon as they arrive go out and come back next morning!

I sound like a bit of an ogre perhaps, but now my wife respects my wishes.....

Perhaps my trick is ME!

I have to laugh at how pathetic people like you are. You are the reason why foreigners in Thailand get a bad reputation.

The stereotypical fat old farang who marries a bargirl and cannot speak a word of thai outside of "checkbin krap"

Then to make matters worse you can't even integrate into your own family? I couldn't even imagine treating family like you do at home. Can't even look after guests (your family no less).

You want to know why you are not accepted in Thailand and why your family treat your house like crap when they visit? Because you are an ignorant self-absorbed <deleted> that has no consideration to put any effort into Thailand, Thai Culture, or your Family.

The worst part is you are oblivious to this and sit up on your high horse and just think you are above them, and it is just their fault for being Thai.

I've never had guests or family act like this, but then again I don't live my life like you do, and I treat people the way I would like to be treated..

[mikemac]

I have to laugh at how pathetic people like you are. You are the reason why foreigners in Thailand get a bad reputation.

The stereotypical fat old farang who marries a bargirl and cannot speak a word of thai outside of "checkbin krap"

Then to make matters worse you can't even integrate into your own family? I couldn't even imagine treating family like you do at home. Can't even look after guests (your family no less).

You want to know why you are not accepted in Thailand and why your family treat your house like crap when they visit? Because you are an ignorant self-absorbed <deleted> that has no consideration to put any effort into Thailand, Thai Culture, or your Family.

The worst part is you are oblivious to this and sit up on your high horse and just think you are above them, and it is just their fault for being Thai.

I've never had guests or family act like this, but then again I don't live my life like you do, and I treat people the way I would like to be treated..

Gee, don't hold back mate. Let us know how you really feel.

[norrona]

Many of the answers are related to growing a pair, and insist it is the Falang's right to be a dictator over the Thai household, I do not do anything different in Thailand than I did back in the old country, what worked for me then works for me now!

I view visitors as a blessing, people with whom you can share your hospitality with, to have a good time and offer then the same liberties they offer you when you visit them. I appreciate my wife's family that have never caused me problems and are extremely helpful in any thing we do, I have certainly gain more from them, than I have given to them. Why is a wife's family to be viewed differently in Thailand, then how you interact with the wife family in the home country, to me there is no difference as I by marrying my wife I agreed to become a part of her family and she a part of mine.

Those that are control freaks, that dictate who can come to their house, who your wife can associates with or whomever must have the final say on any issue in their relationship, does not mean you have a pair, it only means you did a very poor job in marrying a women you do not trust.

My wife is my equal and we share everything we have together, including decision making as it is our house and our lives that we share. Her family is my family, her daughters are my daughters in a life we share together. I in Thailand do just as I did in the home country, and reserve a part of our house for my privacy, where I can work or relax without interruptions, worked good for me in the old country works for me here.

Sharing is the cornerstone of a successful marriage and my wife ideas/input to me is more important that anyone else, and it works great for us.

Cheers.

If that works for you then great.....by the way you say you share everything with the wife? Even the bills? the building of the home costs?

If so has she got a sister

[In Search of Space]

Luckily my wife's family don't talk to her - except when they are short of a few baht, oh, the calls have started again

[marko kok prong]

we have a hairdressing salon,next to our house i built for my step daughter[who lives with us ] and behind this i have my own room,with an outside patio,table chairs,etc,which looks out onto a paved courtyard and garden,my wife has 5 to 10 friends and family who lounge around in the front yard most days,never do they dare,come and use my area,they did once and i made it clear i was not happy[ i find blowing up ,yelling and swearing,very effective now and again,as it was putting a stop to her thrice weekly karaoke parties],this is what you need to do if you have room,there is no harm in letting them think you are a little unhinged,it works wonders for me,and i have all the privacy i need,if i want go and sit with them i do.You have to be master of your domain.

[salapau]

Easy solution bro, one bedroom becomes the man cave. No one enters without permission.

i would be insane without mine.

Agree - My man's room ( office ) is always locked when I'm not around and I clean it myself. Never happy when my things get moved about or go missing.

My wife now understands and she always discusses possible visits. Although she was orphaned at an early age and has only has a few family members, we still have a few of her friends over, but she lays down the law about my room, my beer stash and our possessions.

[norrona]

Take the batteries out of the remotes and put a password on the computer and as soon as they arrive go out and come back next morning!

I sound like a bit of an ogre perhaps, but now my wife respects my wishes.....

Perhaps my trick is ME!

I have to laugh at how pathetic people like you are. You are the reason why foreigners in Thailand get a bad reputation.

The stereotypical fat old farang who marries a bargirl and cannot speak a word of thai outside of "checkbin krap"

Then to make matters worse you can't even integrate into your own family? I couldn't even imagine treating family like you do at home. Can't even look after guests (your family no less).

You want to know why you are not accepted in Thailand and why your family treat your house like crap when they visit? Because you are an ignorant self-absorbed <deleted> that has no consideration to put any effort into Thailand, Thai Culture, or your Family.

The worst part is you are oblivious to this and sit up on your high horse and just think you are above them, and it is just their fault for being Thai.

I've never had guests or family act like this, but then again I don't live my life like you do, and I treat people the way I would like to be treated..

I got news for you my friend....you are tolerated and never will be accepted! deal with it and get off your high horse

[onni4me]

Take the batteries out of the remotes and put a password on the computer and as soon as they arrive go out and come back next morning!

I sound like a bit of an ogre perhaps, but now my wife respects my wishes.....

Perhaps my trick is ME!

I have to laugh at how pathetic people like you are. You are the reason why foreigners in Thailand get a bad reputation.

The stereotypical fat old farang who marries a bargirl and cannot speak a word of thai outside of "checkbin krap"

Ah! I just love Thaivisa.

The stream on holier-than-thou comments that go directly to Ad Hominem, attack aimed at the person.

I personally would not have any visitors if they are not welcome and I am aware that they are coming and I like to meet them. My home is my castle and I decide who enters the door. Like it or not.

I don't think that OPs wife or family really respect him at all. I never see Thais rushing into somebody else's house without asking for permission or having a reason to do so. Anyone who thinks this is the norm, is delusional.

I don't like my partners extended family for several reasons and they are not welcome. I made this clear years ago when had some issues with them. They liked to see me filling the fridge and saw it as their right to empty it and leave smelly garbage around. Told them couple of times and when it didn't enter their brain just kicked them out.

That doesn't mean that I don't take care the elderly mother or SILs little kiddo. I see no reason to allow Thai family take advantage of me.

[A1Str8]

I don't really understand the issue. We all know that this is usual Thai behavior. But I would not tolerate it and that's it.

Strangers in my house? Hell no! Dogs and individuals who are mentally challenged and are not capable of understanding what the word 'respect' means? Out with them too!

It's you, your house and they are guests. So if they have a problem, you can always tell them what we hear all the time while in Thailand: go home.

[norrona]

as has already been pointed out the overseas visitors/family can be just as bad....my brother came to stay with me one Christmas for 2 weeks....he eventually left in March, but I love him so I allowed it and up till the end enjoyed his company....

then a mate said he was all partied out and can he come stay with me to chill.... he didn't chill and when he brought 2 girls back to the house and one of them wasn't for me I told him to go check back into the hotel, especially when they had bags of food and thought they were going to consume that cack in my guest bedroom, I still remember the girls scowling at me when they were leaving...

as I have said before, if you are all soppy and go round saying mai pen rai and embrace the culture and all that <deleted> then you will get taken advantage of....some people like that so up to them

[jacko45k]

Take the batteries out of the remotes and put a password on the computer and as soon as they arrive go out and come back next morning!

I sound like a bit of an ogre perhaps, but now my wife respects my wishes.....

Perhaps my trick is ME!

I have to laugh at how pathetic people like you are. You are the reason why foreigners in Thailand get a bad reputation.

The stereotypical fat old farang who marries a bargirl and cannot speak a word of thai outside of "checkbin krap"

Then to make matters worse you can't even integrate into your own family? I couldn't even imagine treating family like you do at home. Can't even look after guests (your family no less).

You want to know why you are not accepted in Thailand and why your family treat your house like crap when they visit? Because you are an ignorant self-absorbed <deleted> that has no consideration to put any effort into Thailand, Thai Culture, or your Family.

The worst part is you are oblivious to this and sit up on your high horse and just think you are above them, and it is just their fault for being Thai.

I've never had guests or family act like this, but then again I don't live my life like you do, and I treat people the way I would like to be treated..

I see you edited my post to make it fit your unpleasant, nasty reply better!

Of course removing some context.

We were discussing Thai culture that exhibited a lack of respect for one's home!

You seem to know a great deal about me....a lot of it wrong though..... so go play Mr Knowit-all I feel their pain elsewhere!

Infant.

Edited December 13, 2013 by jacko45k

[funcat]

If we took a poll of having a Thai family/guests at your house v. not...what would it be?

[robblok]

If we took a poll of having a Thai family/guests at your house v. not...what would it be?

Does that not depend on how the guests behave ? How long they stay ect.

I know I would not need all those childish things to get guests away.. going naked .. farting and talking about ghosts. Is it that hard to tell them they are not wanted ? Man up if you don't want them around.

[desmondspencer]

I used to rent but recently bought one of our own.

I just put back up my sign from our rented place.

It literally reads in English & thai :

"No visitors after 10pm (sun-thur)

No visitors after 12am (friday-sat)

Reason :

Children need good sleeping habits"

No cause for concern cause when it benefits the children, no adult in their right mind would challenge that.

Coming to 6 years and everyone has been following it religiously

Ps: would also require he wifey to be onboard too!