How much information do you divulge to your gf / wife re your financial situation back home

[ghworker2010]

I’m falling in love with a lovely thai girl and obviously have not revealed the truth about my financial situation back home (yet) as I don’t want her to be hooked on me just for financial reasons.

My girlfriend is educated and from a middle to upper class family. I have tested her several times with regards to money and was pleased to learn that she is really independent and financially responsible. She has a stable job and is generous towards me- sometimes buying me presents and taking turns paying for dinner etc.

She has obviously questioned why I have not worked this year and how I have travelled so much without an income coming in. I told her that I have a monthly ‘pension’ paid on the 1^st of every month (from back home) and no more questions have been asked thus far.

If I end up marrying her, at what stage should I be telling her about my real financial situation? I don’t want to deceive her but I am tempted to test her more by saying that I don’t have the money in the bank to buy a condo for us and /or for her family. (her parents are well off and would not expect this anyway I think). I would like to also say to her that if we hook up and if she wants to buy a condo then we would have to get a loan together from the bank and pay it back over many years. (even though I have the means to avoid doing this).

We have all heard horror stories about farang being shafted. There are many examples but here are a few that scared me the most:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/644485-australian-farmer-files-b15m-fraud-charge-against-thai-fiance/

Or this was a classic story:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/396496-four-ways-to-lose-your-property-in-thailand/

<<this link does not work now unfortunately. Maybe the tv.com database has been cleaned up prior to the commencement of the new property forum! >>

I hate to be cynical but one has to be realistic about the divorce rates in this country. It would be terrible to be sitting on a bar stool in 25 years time with all my money gone. I presume at this stage of the relationship it would be prudent for me to initially ask her what does she expect if we were to get married; and then take it from there…

I appreciate your opinions on this matter. The most valuable comments will be from the members that are in a similar situation to me- or those who have been shafted in the past.

[noikrit]

I would play your cards close to your chest at first .. ...Especially if your partner starts to ask !!! .... After X amount of time if your reationship is fine and with no arguments about money ,then think about discussing your " Secret Booty" ......Personaly I like the Honesty I have with my wife so ...... No secrets ..... ( also no access ) CHOKDEE

[thaibeachlovers]

IMO NEVER divulge your financial info to a Thai woman.

If she really loves you for yourself, she will not ask, though she will probably want to know if you have enough to provide for her.

If my wife had insisted on knowing how much I have back home, she wouldn't be my wife, or my GF. How else do you know if she loves you for yourself or your money?

Same goes for buying her a house, car or giving money to her family/ paying Sin Sod etc.

If you wouldn't do it with a western woman, why would you do it with a Thai woman?

[Stradavarius37]

If you can't trust your future wife, then you should be contemplating marriage

[BookMan]

I don't divulge any information. If anything I play down any assets. That does not mean I have to lie, I am just selective or not forthcoming with information.

I'm at the age and mindset where I have been divorced once. I have worked hard to have what I have now, and if I lost that, well, I doubt I could make it back.

Thai or Western relationship, I wouldn't divulge the state of my assets at this stage of my life.

Edited December 26, 2013 by BookMan

[thaibeachlovers]

If you can't trust your future wife, then you should be contemplating marriage

I trusted my western ex and she left me broke. I'll never trust any woman when it comes to financials again, whatever race she is.

Anyway, what has trust got to do with marriage? Do you live in utopia? 50% of westerners that marry will get divorced, so where's the trust in that?

[arminbkk]

I am not one of those that think most if not all Thai women are only/mostly after money, I am far from that.

That being said, I do think that of those women that are like that, many are also very patient and aware

of the 'pretend you don't have money and see if she still loves you' strategy.

You told her you have a pension coming in, you didn't mention if you told her how long that pension will be coming in.

She could be assuming it is the rest of your life.

If you really want to have solid test results, you might have to keep this pretense up for a few years.

I don't think it is really that out of place for a woman to ask about a man's income.

Don't we all wonder sometimes how much a person makes, where the money comes from, how he/she can afford something?

I know I do. Although I usually wouldn't ask. It is considered rude where I come from, and from what I understand it is

also not really normal in Thailand.

As for me with my wife: I did tell her, although narrowing it down. But it wasn't much anyway, so I could even show online bank statements at some point (not that she asked for it).

[johnmarhall]

after 9 months with my girlfriend i still have not told her what money i have as that is my business all i tell her that i get money from internet sales which is not much income i do not have expensive things and she believes me soon i will tell her the truth had to play the no money game for a long time

[i claudius]

My wife never asked me ,she knew i was in partnership with a guy here in Thailand and had been told by his wife i was decent,seemed enough ,now she knows everything including my pin numbers and i know hers ,but then she has lived in the UK , for a few years with my daughter as well as our son ,sowe really are a familly.

[whiteman]

My partner of 10 years did not know how much money I had till we had been together over 3 years and she never really asked. That was one of the many reasoned I picked her out of many that I knew and were available to me 10 years ago.

Now she has the land that I paid for in her name and I have the 30 years lease on it signed by the government. Just in case she dies she and I had a bad scare last year when a iron gate fell on her when she closed it and she spent 7 days in hospital. So she now knows that I need to be protected if shes not here.

She also works hard to help me and the other week she gave me 100k and her life cover falls due in feb after 10 years savings by hee and I did not put a penny into it. She also told me she will give me that too 120k. So there are good ones out there just take your time no rush for a young man like you.

Good luck

Ps also we have two cars she bought the 2nd car off me for 700k cash and it is still in my name 5 months later she said no rush to change it and if we get strapped for money you can sell that car and keep the cash.

Edited December 26, 2013 by whiteman

[lovelomsak]

To be honest I feel a man should never tell anyone not even his banker his net worth or total assets. What a man has and how he uses it is his business and his business only. When married if he shoulders his financial responsibilties to wife and family,no one need know his worth. I feel the more others know the more they mettle in a persons affairs and confuse financial planning.

As far as buying a house or condo you are spot on. Get it financed in her name. This does 2 things . It builds a credit rating for her and brings reality into the relationship. By this I mean it show that things take time in the real world not often anywhere in the world do people get married and go out and buy a house for cash immediately. A house is a major expenditure in marriage and a bonding one. If financed it also helps keep the wife in perspective about money in the marriage. Just remember that in most western marriages it takes 20 or more years for a family to pay off a house. Keep this in mind when doing the process.

My wife has no idea what my worth is and doesnot care she has more money now than ever in her life and asks for nothing. She saves money each month so she can buy her own gold and electronic toys like laptops etc. She has enough and does ask what I have extra.

Edited December 26, 2013 by metisdead
Itallic font removed. Posting in all capitals or in all bold, and using large or unusual fonts and colors is bad netiquette.

[whiteman]

To be honest I feel a man should never tell anyone not even his banker his net worth or total assets. What a man has and how he uses it is his business and his business only. When married if he shoulders his financial responsibilties to wife and family,no one need know his worth. I feel the more others know the more they mettle in a persons affairs and confuse financial planning.

As far as buying a house or condo you are spot on. Get it financed in her name. This does 2 things . It builds a credit rating for her and brings reality into the relationship. By this I mean it show that things take time in the real world not often anywhere in the world do people get married and go out and buy a house for cash immediately. A house is a major expenditure in marriage and a bonding one. If financed it also helps keep the wife in perspective about money in the marriage. Just remember that in most western marriages it takes 20 or more years for a family to pay off a house. Keep this in mind when doing the process.

My wife has no idea what my worth is and doesnot care she has more money now than ever in her life and asks for nothing. She saves money each month so she can buy her own gold and electronic toys like laptops etc. She has enough and does ask what I have extra.

You forget or have not really applied for a oan from the bank in your partners name for lets say she earns 20k a month that would not give you much of a oan from the bank. Unless you wanted to live in a 1.5 million box house.

Just my point of view in real life

[vtjforyou]

They only know what is useful for them to know...

[umbanda]

It is part of Thai customs for people, even strangers, to ask about other people finances, job, ex relationships, etc, etc, It is also part of the Thai customs to lie about them. Now I am married and trust my wife with everything, but, when I was dating and not really interested in get into a serious relationship with a woman, I just was vague in my answers. Sometimes was the reason why some dates lasted 30 minutes.

The reality is that Thai people is very worry about other people opinions, about image, about approval from friends and family. What I found out is that, if you GF is a lot younger than you and from a modest family, it will be interested in know about your pension or your assets and what will happen if you die, etc, etc, and will ask you about. If you do not have what she hopes, and she sticks with you sharing the relationship with friends and family, and not caring about the comments and critics....it is a prove of love. For Thai people, more than any other culture, give money and gifts is a prove of love. From both sides. Thai rich women will not have any problem in do it for men. If you show off, be sure that you have enough to spend a lot of money...Better to keep a low profile and test the relationship in every situation to avoid bad surprises...Thai women get very upset if cannot fulfill hers, and other people's expectations created by lies...

.

[oxo1947]

"I would like to also say to her that if we hook up and if she wants to buy a condo then we would have to get a loan together from the bank and pay it back over many years. (even though I have the means to avoid doing this)".

You can say what you like to test her out---but---If you buy a Condo before you marry her----under Thai law it remains yours, whats the problem ??---however if you go for the bank loan, (& hide all your assets) I expect you to be left out of the banks equation, & it will be her loan =her Condo......you paying it off.......seems like a master plan......

Edited December 26, 2013 by oxo1947

[kingstonkid]

MY GF knows that I do not have to work that I have a pension. I can also afford to buy a house but have decided that it is better that she gets a loan from the bank or we get a Lease to own.

We have been together for 3 years so i feel relatively safe she rarely asks for money and get excited if I give her some so i am not too worried.

I would say that it is best to just take it easy she knows you have some money coming in so is not worried. her biggest worry is probably are you sticking around.

[circusman]

OP unless your blessed with movie star looks and are about 30 years old, well you know where I'm going with this I think.

[kikoman]

If she is a person, you would not or can not trust, why look for a relation with her in the first place. Marriage is about trust and accepting, there are ways you can protect yourself legally as a condition of a relationship!

If your going to look at what the future of your relationship might be by looking at others mistakes, you are not ready for the step, and obviously, she is not the right woman!

Cheers

[mca]

I've been married 14 years and my wife knows every single thing about my assets and finances. After all I've willed everything to her and my daughter. She's done the same with her will.

Basically if I didn't trust her I wouldn't have married her.

[CWMcMurray]

I would say after the marriage ...

After all, once married, you are the a team, correct?

Before that, even if dating, you are still two separate entities under the law...

[Bender]

when i talk with a girl married to a foreigner. I inform her that back home every farang do own land worth million bahts, that he are entitled from our birth to

million baht insurance life, that we all have castle and luxury but but but we keep it secret even to our wife in Thailand

[belg]

tested with money?

how? leave 100 b on the table ?

thai women do the long con scam

they dont want your change, they want the big bucks

[HardenedSoul]

OP unless your blessed with movie star looks and are about 30 years old, well you know where I'm going with this I think.

Some would dismiss this as nonsense but I think you're absolutely right.

I think the OP's asking because he thinks - perhaps erroneously - that he doesn't measure up in terms of what his woman would typically go for romantically.

I don't know any young guy who'd ask this kind of question with regards to an ostensibly middle-to-upper class Thai girl so I'm going to assume the OP's significantly older than his G/F.

I don’t want to deceive her but I am tempted to test her more by saying that I don’t have the money in the bank to buy a condo for us and /or for her family

The very fact he half expects this to be a condition of marriage tells me he's extremely insecure about the relationship.

Sure, she could be playing the long game but, going on the info the OP's provided thus far, I doubt it.

Still, others are right - why on earth would you divulge details of your worth to anyone?

[dao16]

Don't tell the wife anything, really. She has never asked about that. I do tell her things about when I might get an exceptional payment so we can replace our fridge or get a new motorbike or whatever, just to keep her in the loop. That said, she sees no bank ledgers or anything like that. She has her bank account and I have mine (of course, I pay for most things--her account is for her or others she wants to spend on).

We are both happier when I take care of the finances, so has never been an issue.

[mca]

To be perfectly blunt when I think about the foreigners I know who've been stitched up by their Thai partners I've never thought " Wow that came as a shock"

[Nemesis7]

My advice will be "NTKB". Need to Know Basis.

[Alwyn]

I'm readfing through the above responses and how Thai girls can never be trusted and how they will work the long scam (and happily some nicer comments regarding trust) But why are Thai women being singled out over this. They are no different from Western women. I would hazard a guess that 60 or 70% of the people writing here on TV are here because of a failed marriage ending in divorce. How many of those people lost the lot (including the kids) to the ex-wife? I did. House, cars etc - and she was the one cheating on me, yet I still lost everything. So chaps, stop with the "Thai ladies" bit.. The problem is universal.

But in answer to the OP's question my response would be, what's it got to do with her? Keep some by for a rainy day mate.

[CharlieH]

For me, my wife has no idea, she is happy I provide whatever is needed for us, she never asks what I have, she never takes things for granted, she always asks "can we get" , " is it ok if" etc, but never has she actually asked what I have. She considers that my business.

The only way she would know is in my will, after I am gone. Need to know, and she doesnt.

[FiftyTwo]

If you can't trust your future wife, then you should be contemplating marriage

Most of us who were married the first time have learnt all about misplaced trust.

You can't trust anyone with your money ever. Unless you are happy to lose it.

I don't trust my wife.

I shouldn't have trusted my last wife.

Trust is for suckers.

(trust me on this one)

Edited December 26, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[FiftyTwo]

I'm readfing through the above responses and how Thai girls can never be trusted and how they will work the long scam (and happily some nicer comments regarding trust) But why are Thai women being singled out over this. They are no different from Western women. I would hazard a guess that 60 or 70% of the people writing here on TV are here because of a failed marriage ending in divorce. How many of those people lost the lot (including the kids) to the ex-wife? I did. House, cars etc - and she was the one cheating on me, yet I still lost everything. So chaps, stop with the "Thai ladies" bit.. The problem is universal.

But in answer to the OP's question my response would be, what's it got to do with her? Keep some by for a rainy day mate.

Yep, me too.

Where's Transam these days?