World Cup Football

[tolsti]

Before I head off in search of pubs that WILL NOT be showng the football I leave you with this

Ladies....Rules for the World cup!!

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List Of Rules.

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the

newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World

Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations.

If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you

will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any

attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without

any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you

will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't

mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting

me. If you decide to stand nud_e in front of the TV, make sure you put

clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to

take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a

refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you

expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick

up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the

fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and

please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to

watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between

12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the

day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because of my team is

losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry,

they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me

angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know

more about football than me and your soc alled "words of encouragement"

will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to

me during half time but only when the commercials are on, and only if

the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying

"one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to

"spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have

seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related

parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a) I will not go,

I will not go, and

c) I will not go.

10.. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to

watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as

important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but

you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to

something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of

this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the

World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because

after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League,

Premier League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Regards Tolsti