Double Standard

[Somsrisonphimai]

This is not to bash Thai people, but I felt there has been a double standard when it comes to Thai women living or having children with the foreigners/farangs without marriage.

The parents seemed to look the other way when their daughter is having children with foreigner/farang without marriage, however, if the father were to be Thai, the parents would pressure the couple in to making some sort of commitment i.e. getting married. Why is that?

[wym]

Perhaps because they think/know a farang father is more likely to take responsibility for his spawn?

The legal marriage process isn't relevant in Thailand wrt child support anyway, and in many circles isn't relevant socially, once you have kids together you're de-facto considered married anyway.

And the kind of "pressure" a family can try to assert on a member of their own community is not going to work with a foreigner, in fact likely to backfire and cause him to run for the hills.

They trust that their daughter will be able to use her charms and wiles to persuade him to do the right thing.

[bobo42]

The double standard is not usually about foreign/Thai, but about rich/poor. Imagine the same situation, but instead substitute a financially well-off Thai for the boyfriend. What would the family do differently? What pressures could or would they bring to bear?

[Kangawallafox]

Your asking us farang about thai parents.

Sorry, I never had thai parents however I do know this, I was not allowed to bang my wife until we were married, not with her parents knowledge anyway so it was sneaking around for us as we were getting married anyway

Not all parents allow the daughters to bed farang, I guess it would depend on the parents and their lack of morals that probably rub off on the children, don't you know any girls whose parents don't allow it,lol.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[wym]

There you go again casting aspersions about morality. . .

I don't know any western parents that think they even have the right to tell their kids what to do in their private lives once they get past adolescence.

[RandomSand]

Let;s all post our opinions about a broad and possibly incorrect generalisation. We can then argue about it and insult each other too. Yay !

[vtjforyou]

Anyway they are ridiculous with their "marriage", most of the Thai are not married legally but just in front of their friends and family at their BAANORK party,,,

[fabphil]

Not any of the families that i have met relating to the girls i have been with seem to care that i was staying with their daughters even with a fairly big age difference, its just as long as there is some money going back to them seems to be the main issue..

[Berkshire]

Let;s all post our opinions about a broad and possibly incorrect generalisation. We can then argue about it and insult each other too. Yay !

WELL SAID. I was just thinking the same thing. The OP has no idea what he's talking about. He observes something happening once or twice in his tiny circle of Thai acquaintances and puts it out there as a "Thai thing." So the readership is commenting on something that doesn't even exist. For the record, I've seen the exact opposite of what the OP is talking about on more than a few occasions.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Berkshire

[wym]

Not any of the families that i have met relating to the girls i have been with seem to care that i was staying with their daughters even with a fairly big age difference, its just as long as there is some money going back to them seems to be the main issue.. alt=coffee1.gif pagespeed_url_hash=2220208811 width=32 height=24>

Anyway they are ridiculous with their "marriage", most of the Thai are not married legally but just in front of their friends and family at their BAANORK party,,,

The legal aspect is simply the least important, the religious ceremony is the official one culturally. And in fact moving in together or even just bonking in the first place - with a young girl who's still eligible in Thai circles - is "as good as" married, in a truly traditional setting you can be prosecuted to either marry officially or pay a civil penalty to the family.

The ones willing to let their daughter go with farang are either looking for the big bucks, or pawning off spoiled goods that no Thai man will touch with a ten foot pole. This may be the result of everyone knowing they're no longer a virgin, perhaps even having had a child (often hidden from the prospective sucker), or perhaps she's already been off on her own for a while and is relatively independent, past her use-by date 20 or 21.

Or worst case people in the village have learned she's been working the bars since she was 14, so even if you're the fifth sucker she's brought home for the sin sot negotiations everyone will play along knowing a big party with cases of whiskey and four slaughtered pigs is coming up, maybe even dancing girls. . .

Note even hi-so couples often don't bother getting legally married, the current PM is a great example, no one thinks the less of her or her marriage for it, simply not relevant socially, only financially under the law.

[chrischronic]

Your asking us farang about thai parents. Sorry, I never had thai parents however I do know this, I was not allowed to bang my wife until we were married, not with her parents knowledge anyway so it was sneaking around for us as we were getting married anyway Not all parents allow the daughters to bed farang, I guess it would depend on the parents and their lack of morals that probably rub off on the children, don't you know any girls whose parents don't allow it,lol. Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Same Me and I agree

Even Though me and my wife were 29 at the time we had to get married before she could stay with me or bang me... We were banging anyway...

Another thing is I have never given her family one baht or have they asked..

I think there is all kinds of different family's with different morals throughout Thailand.. To say all Thais are one way is wrong.

Edited January 16, 2014 by chrischronic

[cashpower]

unfortunately you will always have ignorant people passing judgment when they do not have a thorough and full understanding of the Thailandic people and their culture

[lucjoker]

double standards?

Off course!

Depending whether the lady was a bar lady or a factory worker or a teacher.........

Depending the lady's father was a drunk,a police man,a dokter.........

Depending the mother is 12 y...15y.....20....15year older than the daughter........

Depending the farang is a rich or a poor idiot....bright guy.....nobel......mafia.......

depending..............depending...........

And you want to know who is looking down on you ?

To know this you have to look "up"!

[rotary]

Your asking us farang about thai parents. Sorry, I never had thai parents however I do know this, I was not allowed to bang my wife until we were married, not with her parents knowledge anyway so it was sneaking around for us as we were getting married anyway Not all parents allow the daughters to bed farang, I guess it would depend on the parents and their lack of morals that probably rub off on the children, don't you know any girls whose parents don't allow it,lol. Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

I like the adjective "Bang".

[Somsrisonphimai]

Not any of the families that i have met relating to the girls i have been with seem to care that i was staying with their daughters even with a fairly big age difference, its just as long as there is some money going back to them seems to be the main issue.. alt=coffee1.gif pagespeed_url_hash=2220208811 width=32 height=24>

I get it. Money is power, just throw everything away as long as there is money involve.

[PaulHamon]

Because farang don't bend to the pressure of family (theirs or others), or at least not the the same extent as Thais do.

That's my feelings anyway...

My wife's parents wanted us/me to do all these things, but they never happened.

~ I don't wai people I don't know, respect is earned not given.

~ I didn't marry her before we went overseas together for 18 months.

~ I didn't buy my wife from their family, or however others see it.

I'm sure a Thai male would have done all of these things to make sure the family accepted him.

Paul

[recycler]

You are confusing the complex social ranking system with the wrong thing. Having a luuk krung is more likely something that will increase the status of a Thai woman than lowering it as luuk krung are considered beautiful and the farang often as a good catch or carer, more likely to provoke some jealousy.

What you are looking at is the very complex system of social ranking in Thailand. Withing 5 minutes after meeting each other Thais have established who is the higher and who is the lower ranking person. This has to do with many factors, age, family, province and city of birth, education, income, gold around your neck, and many other factors. Some people are more enforcing it than others, in my experience if the social difference is smaller and jealousy starts playing a role they are more likely to make the other feel inferior than when the difference is bigger and jealousy is not in the game.

[sfbandung]

Let;s all post our opinions about a broad and possibly incorrect generalisation. We can then argue about it and insult each other too. Yay !

That's pretty well how these topics develop here!

Re the OT. Missus reckons it's about having had kids before. When I first went to the village i asked her how her parents would be with us sleeping together. She said she has already had a child (Yep, to a Thai guy when she was young who is no longer around). If she hadn't and was "fresh" (so to speak) it would have been different.

[Somsrisonphimai]

double standards?

Off course!

Depending whether the lady was a bar lady or a factory worker or a teacher.........

Depending the lady's father was a drunk,a police man,a dokter.........

Depending the mother is 12 y...15y.....20....15year older than the daughter........

Depending the farang is a rich or a poor idiot....bright guy.....nobel......mafia.......

depending..............depending...........

And you want to know who is looking down on you ?

To know this you have to look "up"!

No sir, on one is looking down on anyone. The thing is Thai men are being treated differently when it comes to this subject. My brother girlfriend's family always asking him when he and his girlfriend are going to get married. But, when my cousin, who is pregnant with farang, her parents did not ask her boyfriend when is he going to marry their daughter.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Somsrisonphimai

[Somsrisonphimai]

Let;s all post our opinions about a broad and possibly incorrect generalisation. We can then argue about it and insult each other too. Yay !

WELL SAID. I was just thinking the same thing. The OP has no idea what he's talking about. He observes something happening once or twice in his tiny circle of Thai acquaintances and puts it out there as a "Thai thing." So the readership is commenting on something that doesn't even exist. For the record, I've seen the exact opposite of what the OP is talking about on more than a few occasions.

Not true...I know what I am talking about. Please go ask Thai men and Thai women about this topic.

[Berkshire]

Let;s all post our opinions about a broad and possibly incorrect generalisation. We can then argue about it and insult each other too. Yay !

WELL SAID. I was just thinking the same thing. The OP has no idea what he's talking about. He observes something happening once or twice in his tiny circle of Thai acquaintances and puts it out there as a "Thai thing." So the readership is commenting on something that doesn't even exist. For the record, I've seen the exact opposite of what the OP is talking about on more than a few occasions.

Not true...I know what I am talking about. Please go ask Thai men and Thai women about this topic.

What the Thais will say (from good families, that is) is they'd prefer their daughters to be married first before starting a family, or even living with some guy. Now if the daughter has already been married, and/or already has children, and/or older, and/or from a dysfunctional family, then it's different. Has nothing to do with being Thai or farang. There are exceptions, of course.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Berkshire

[wym]

Not any of the families that i have met relating to the girls i have been with seem to care that i was staying with their daughters even with a fairly big age difference, its just as long as there is some money going back to them seems to be the main issue.. alt=coffee1.gif pagespeed_url_hash=2220208811 width=32 height=24>

I get it. Money is power, just throw everything away as long as there is money involve.

What exactly to you think is being "thrown away" here?

The families of 99% of thes girls are overjoyed to find a farang to take responsibility for their daughter, because they're "damaged goods" in the marriage market, and if any Thai prospects are on the horizon (the parents imagine) they won't provide as much financial security.

Which is indeed very very important, not as important as social status, but it's money that brings the status isn't it.

If she's truly an unspoiled girl fresh off the farm - IMO less than 1% of mia farang these days - then of course the price will be much higher - in fact I've often seen situations where the parents don't want to let a (or perhaps that particular) farang have her so they specify a completely outrageous sin sot amount rather than directly spurning his overtures.

If he mind-blowingly agrees to the silly money, then they're boxed in, but the millions help them overcome their reservations, and the fact they got so much for their daughter buys them a lot of face.

The money isn't "overriding" their morality, it's that the desire for financial security DRIVES the cultural factors.

[tezzainoz]

Can only give my own experience, met my wife in Bkk while working i Thailand 1 year later we had a village cermony

from our marriage we have a 6 year old daughter, my genes are stronger than her so her skin is snow white and her hair brown not black

Ever since she was two and we walk into Bic C every one want to touch her skin, wife tell me this is to bring them good luck

we returned to Australia for 2 years and got the message her dad was vey sick and wanted to see his grand daughter before he died

So plans where made and we returned to Issan where her family lived

The first week was good, but by the 2nd week his health had returned like a miracle, why

Every day he would pick up my daughter and carry her around the village with a big smile.

People passing by the house would drop in to see the white skinned farlang baby

so as others have said if the baby looks like a farlang parents will be so happy

for a father to have a farlang grand daughter means big face, and a drink at every house he visits

He is now all well and active again and 120 photos of my daughter all over the house

Her mother really has no excitement

Thai Wife tells me she wanted a grand son

Wifes mother asks wife when we visit

You like Bang Bang, here are some herbs to eat before you do

Off you go make husband happy

ha ha

Only in Thailand

[Somsrisonphimai]

You are confusing the complex social ranking system with the wrong thing. Having a luuk krung is more likely something that will increase the status of a Thai woman than lowering it as luuk krung are considered beautiful and the farang often as a good catch or carer, more likely to provoke some jealousy.

What you are looking at is the very complex system of social ranking in Thailand. Withing 5 minutes after meeting each other Thais have established who is the higher and who is the lower ranking person. This has to do with many factors, age, family, province and city of birth, education, income, gold around your neck, and many other factors. Some people are more enforcing it than others, in my experience if the social difference is smaller and jealousy starts playing a role they are more likely to make the other feel inferior than when the difference is bigger and jealousy is not in the game.

Not any of the families that i have met relating to the girls i have been with seem to care that i was staying with their daughters even with a fairly big age difference, its just as long as there is some money going back to them seems to be the main issue.. alt=coffee1.gif pagespeed_url_hash=2220208811 width=32 height=24> alt=coffee1.gif pagespeed_url_hash=2220208811 width=32 height=24>

Anyway they are ridiculous with their "marriage", most of the Thai are not married legally but just in front of their friends and family at their BAANORK party,,,

The legal aspect is simply the least important, the religious ceremony is the official one culturally. And in fact moving in together or even just bonking in the first place - with a young girl who's still eligible in Thai circles - is "as good as" married, in a truly traditional setting you can be prosecuted to either marry officially or pay a civil penalty to the family.

The ones willing to let their daughter go with farang are either looking for the big bucks, or pawning off spoiled goods that no Thai man will touch with a ten foot pole. This may be the result of everyone knowing they're no longer a virgin, perhaps even having had a child (often hidden from the prospective sucker), or perhaps she's already been off on her own for a while and is relatively independent, past her use-by date 20 or 21.

Or worst case people in the village have learned she's been working the bars since she was 14, so even if you're the fifth sucker she's brought home for the sin sot negotiations everyone will play along knowing a big party with cases of whiskey and four slaughtered pigs is coming up, maybe even dancing girls. . .

Note even hi-so couples often don't bother getting legally married, the current PM is a great example, no one thinks the less of her or her marriage for it, simply not relevant socially, only financially under the law.

So you agree then that is a double standard?

[rfukata]

Because farang don't bend to the pressure of family (theirs or others), or at least not the the same extent as Thais do.

That's my feelings anyway...

My wife's parents wanted us/me to do all these things, but they never happened.

~ I don't wai people I don't know, respect is earned not given.

~ I didn't marry her before we went overseas together for 18 months.

~ I didn't buy my wife from their family, or however others see it.

I'm sure a Thai male would have done all of these things to make sure the family accepted him.

Paul

I agree, I did more or less the same as mentioned.

[frank0424]

Let;s all post our opinions about a broad and possibly incorrect generalisation. We can then argue about it and insult each other too. Yay !

Yay! we should be asking other Thai women not Farang men

[Tatsujin]

unfortunately you will always have ignorant people passing judgment when they do not have a thorough and full understanding of the Thailandic people and their culture

How correct you are, and unfortunately you will also always have ignorant people passing judgment when they do not have a thorough and full understanding of western(ic) people and their culture . . .

[Somsrisonphimai]

Not any of the families that i have met relating to the girls i have been with seem to care that i was staying with their daughters even with a fairly big age difference, its just as long as there is some money going back to them seems to be the main issue.. alt=coffee1.gif pagespeed_url_hash=2220208811 width=32 height=24>

I get it. Money is power, just throw everything away as long as there is money involve.

What exactly to you think is being "thrown away" here?

The families of 99% of thes girls are overjoyed to find a farang to take responsibility for their daughter, because they're "damaged goods" in the marriage market, and if any Thai prospects are on the horizon (the parents imagine) they won't provide as much financial security.

Which is indeed very very important, not as important as social status, but it's money that brings the status isn't it.

If she's truly an unspoiled girl fresh off the farm - IMO less than 1% of mia farang these days - then of course the price will be much higher - in fact I've often seen situations where the parents don't want to let a (or perhaps that particular) farang have her so they specify a completely outrageous sin sot amount rather than directly spurning his overtures.

If he mind-blowingly agrees to the silly money, then they're boxed in, but the millions help them overcome their reservations, and the fact they got so much for their daughter buys them a lot of face.

The money isn't "overriding" their morality, it's that the desire for financial security DRIVES the cultural factors.

Well, is not what the post implied? It's all about the money when it comes to it, just forget your values and beliefs! Yeah, I dont disagree that Thai parents are happy to see their daughter being with farang man. My point is that farang man get treated differently than Thai man on this. I guess I should have asked does your Thai girlfriend's parents pressure you to marry their daughter if you are the father of their grandchild.

[wym]

unfortunately you will always have ignorant people passing judgment when they do not have a thorough and full understanding of the Thailandic people and their culture

I can't believe ANYONE is taking this guy seriously. Really!

Thailandic, sheesh 8-)

[Sam Gold]

Let;s all post our opinions about a broad and possibly incorrect generalisation. We can then argue about it and insult each other too. Yay !

WELL SAID. I was just thinking the same thing. The OP has no idea what he's talking about. He observes something happening once or twice in his tiny circle of Thai acquaintances and puts it out there as a "Thai thing." So the readership is commenting on something that doesn't even exist. For the record, I've seen the exact opposite of what the OP is talking about on more than a few occasions.

OP is a Thai woman - she probably knows more about Thai sociology than we do.