How Many People Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb In A Thai Business?

[thailandireland_com]

Two, to immediately refute any allegations that they may be responsible for the malfunction. Two more to blamestorm who might be held accountable for it.

The blamestorming inevitably generates a misdiagnosis of the problem, requiring employees from the local power company to check out the power lines feeding the building. Two workers hold the wooden ladder propped up against the power lines; two scale the post, and one calls the central office to terminate power during the checking process. Unfortunately the employee at home base is too inebriated and sidetracked by the latest slapstick sitcom, and forgets. Two more people are then required to peel the fried Thanions from the power lines.

A light bulb then ironically goes off in the head of the blamestormers, realizing the simplicity of the problem. With obviously no spare bulbs kept in reserve, two more people are then commissioned to fill in the paperwork to request the funding for a replacement.

While waiting for the light bulb funds to arrive another person is hired to sit all night in the dark to see if it is possible operate without the bulb.

With a realization the bulb is desperately needed and aware funding – like everything else in Thailand – will be late, all available family members from to Phuket to Pi are contacted to find funds.

The Pattaya bar-girl-niece ventures to the local internet café to blanket email a few of her falang husbands living abroad, seeking Euros, dollars and pounds. A few extra baht is to be added, rounding off the requested amount to 10,000 baht – well English classes and a hairdressing course, don’t come cheap.

Unfortunately school is out for yet another Thai holiday and kids have been camped in the internet café for weeks indulging in the latest computerized version of: chasing a guy in a turbin through a maze with an AK47.

Unable to email, but not disheartened, the niece calls her Esarn uncle who has just started his first taxi job in Bangkok. He circles the circumference of Bangkok a few times before arriving at Panthip Plaza seeking the best deal possible. With the search for a bargain more to the front of his thoughts – due to the gas cost incurred in getting there – he ends up buying three bulbs, since they were on sale: one for 30 baht three for 90.

Unfortunately he has no idea of how to get to the establishment to deliver the bulbs. His frustration is enhanced when he runs out of gas in the middle of Sukhumvit Road. With no money left to pay off the police officer who has arrived on the scene, he barters his way out of the ticket to the cost of three light bulbs.

With funding still not approved by corporate, the wife of the taxi driver is hailed in Esarn to literally domino proceedings within the local village. Two days pass and no word is forthcoming from the wife on whether she could gamble her way to a light bulb windfall. The assumption is made she lost everything including her cell phone.

One of the initial blamestormers, decides to take a step back and sleep on it. Awakens in the morning enlightened by a dream which has shown her a path to the light.

While dropping off sprite, candles etc… at the local pagoda, making merit and thanking Buddha for the inspiration, she stumbles across a new light bulb which has also been left at the shrine. She decides to pilfer the bulb on the condition that it will be replaced by three such similar bulbs, when funding is eventually approved by corporate.

With new light bulb in hand, 8 monks and a ball of string are hired to christen good fortune upon the little filamented globe. The problem of how many will be required to disengage the existing bulb and install the new one, still has to be confronted. The saffroned intelligentsia are asked: “how many Thai people will it take to screw, in the light bulb?”. The elder of the eight, ponders for hours before simplistically and rationally proposing: “always two, regardless of nationality. Of course, all is dependant on whether you can get them into the light bulb in the first place.”

While contemplating the Houdini manoeuvre that may be required to accomplish

such a task, one of the relatives trips over a soi dog sleeping inside the door of the establishment and falls against the switch. The room illuminates.

The screwed (in) moral of my falang quip at Thais: Thailand is like a light bulb: why change it unless you have to. There’s not many places in the world you can find such daily challenges and entertainment, that’s why we stay – even if it appears we’re often living in the dark.

"Cities of Angels:from LA to Bangkok the Irish Way." by Charlie Herald. Available in Asia Books and Bookazine locations

[Jai Dee]

Although there aren't any specifics in ThaiVisa's rules about this kind of posting, I don't think it's appropriate for us farangs to negatively criticize our gracious hosts... even if it's phrased in an attempt at humour.

One of our Rules refers to "useless criticism"... which this clearly is.

/Closed.