Sin Sot question

[FireMedic]

If your Thai lady is requesting Sin Sot for marriage and her mother lives in Sweden and is married with no plans on coming back anytime soon, should Sin Sot be paid? Whether it is for show or not doesn't make a difference. 1 baht or 1 million baht it doesn't matter the amount.

[wym]

Why would the amount not matter, and why would the location of the mother matter?

Only relevant factor is - do you want to marry her? And - are you willing to pay? If not, then is the family willing to cave, or she willing to go against her family?

Pretty simple flow chart really?

It seems that you're coming at it from a "what is the 'right thing' to do?", as if it's a "moral" issue.

IT's not, just different cultural patterns, should be approached from a completely practical POV.

IMO

Edited February 16, 2014 by wym

[EyesWideOpen]

Ahh the eternal sin sot dilemma..... May as well stick with the Thai social customs

if you are buying into this nonsense. If she has been married before, if she has kids,

and if she is not a virgin, then no sin sot. :-)

[Totster]

Based on the information in your post, I would suggest not less than 5 million baht should be paid (along with 20 baht of gold for the mother).

Good luck, you are a lucky man

totster

[sam sen]

i know plenty of thai guys who didnt pay sin sot and of one german guy who paid 2.4 million and is still, after five years, the butt of the families jokes because he was such a sucker and they were so smart. it's a mugs game.

[FireMedic]

It's just weird I guess for me. Her mom is married to a Swed and lives in Sweden. She really has no other family here other than her Aunt that is just a few years older than she is.... So I'm confused why I should give money to family that isn't here. Now I will say, she has not said a number and isn't ragging on me too hard, just brings it up every so often and I get to thinking about it.

[Totster]

It's just weird I guess for me. Her mom is married to a Swed and lives in Sweden. She really has no other family here other than her Aunt that is just a few years older than she is.... So I'm confused why I should give money to family that isn't here. Now I will say, she has not said a number and isn't ragging on me too hard, just brings it up every so often and I get to thinking about it.

Tell her to get stuffed and she won't get any sin sod, you'll soon see how serious about it she is

totster

[David48]

Normally I have an answer or two to the SinSot question ... but in your case OP ... sadly not.

New territory for me.

[pigeonjake]

just tell her youll keep the money in your account for the future of you two and possibly your children,

i dont think shell be to botherd about that,

jake,

ps if she,s not ok with that run

[Kitsune]

Normally I have an answer or two to the SinSot question ... but in your case OP ... sadly not.

New territory for me.

Yet you still need to post !

[Skint]

Thanks for moving it from general to marriage....no one will answer it now.

Needs to move to farang pub tbh

[David48]

Normally I have an answer or two to the SinSot question ... but in your case OP ... sadly not.

New territory for me.

Yet you still need to post !

Sometimes it's just nice to have a response, to know that someone is out there and has taken the time to reply ... even if that person could not assist you.

Hey Kitsune, imagine for a moment that you are a woman ... what level of SinSot would you believe that you are worth.

Just the Cash and Gold side of it ... no need to account for the actual wedding?

.

[AdamRich]

There is an age-old adage that says a fool and his money shall soon part. Is it your goal to be the fool?

1. No way I'm getting married.

2. If I did lose my mind and decide to get married then it definitely would not be to someone that I would have to purchase from their parents.

[kingstonkid]

I think the nail has been hit. A lot of time the sin sot is just to make sure that the wife is looked after if the husband does a runner. Too many thai guys take off after the kids arrive and farang men well they can always just get on a plane.

Talk to her about why she wants it.

Set up an account for her that she can see the money.

My gf mother wanted a lot of money and I found out that the gold and everything was going to go to the gf after we married so that she had property and safety.

[Mario2008]

Sin sod ammount is to be negotiated bewteen you and the girls family.

It is paid to the girls parrents.

Nowadays it is often only for show and returned after the wedding.

If the mother is not there, another relative will act on behalf of the girls family in the ceremony.

[Red Snake]

Did you talk to your future wife about it?

[PaulHamon]

Why would you pay any? Would you pay one back in your home country?

I didn't pay any... I'm not in the business of purchasing a women from their family.

I explained to my to-be wife the reason I don't agree with it, the reason I'm not going to pay it.

Two REASONS:

~ if it's just for 'show' and looking big amongst the parents friends.. i mean really, that's a good enough reason anywhere.

~ if it's actually because they want you to purchase your wife from them... i mean seriously, are you into purchasing slaves.

Just my thoughts.

[prvtdetdave]

Your a farang! No sin sot.

[ozyjon]

Just tell her "you have no money" she what she does,,also tell her i will pay later (when i get my inheritance from my dying aunt) she what she says,

sin-sot is just another way for them to get money, it is not a Thai custom,, LOOK IT UP it has been borrowed from Indian dowry custom but instead of family giving to man the man give to mother,, good economics for the mother,, it's a joke, ask a trusted Thai friend about it,, they will laugh out loud for a long time, yes it is a custom,, for you to shell out money and if you have, then you were scammed, sin sot is not a Thai tradition, it was borrowed then re-invented, wake up stupid foreigner.

[FireMedic]

Yes, we have talked about it a few times. I think 2 ways.. If her mom and thai father were together and lived on the farm and wanted to do the whole village thing, I kind of get it. I'd be ok to do the whole show thing, do the hokey pokey and what not... But like I said, her mom and her farang step dad live in Sweden. I think it would be weird as shit to be handing over anything to a Thai mom and a farang step dad sitting there in the house. Her argument is basically "you have to". She hears what I am saying, she even hints that she knows I make sense, but it's almost like she doesn't even know herself. It's like trying to convince people the earth is really round. They have been raised in such a way that they can't question something even if they know it doesn't make sense.

Also, like I said, there still hasn't been an amount discussed nor a timeline given, just a quarterly argument. I would feel extremely awkward Skyping with her mom and step dad in Sweden even talking about it.

[Mario2008]

What did her parents do when they got married?

Did he also pay sinsod (or just show it and got it back)?

[ljd1308]

I recently got married and was asked for Sin Sod from my Thai parents inlaw. They told me it was a Thai custom and if I marry a Thai I have to respect that.

We ended up negotiating and they were happy to accept 250k baht.

I then asked if they respected my culture, to which they replied of course they do. I said that was good as it is part of my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding and as soon as they pay the 500k for the wedding then I will pay the 250 sin sod.

After that it never came up again....maybe worth a try for anyone in that position?

[FireMedic]

That's an excellent question. Neither of them them had jobs and that's why they left Thailand and went to Sweden. Now they have a quite successful business, but it was while ago so I have no idea. I will ask today.

I'd love to pull the whole trade of cultures aspect and see how that goes. I'll get the blank stare at first and then the constant blinking in confusion. Like a glitch in the Matrix.

[AdamRich]

I think the nail has been hit. A lot of time the sin sot is just to make sure that the wife is looked after if the husband does a runner. Too many thai guys take off after the kids arrive and farang men well they can always just get on a plane.

Talk to her about why she wants it.

Set up an account for her that she can see the money.

My gf mother wanted a lot of money and I found out that the gold and everything was going to go to the gf after we married so that she had property and safety.

And if the wife turns out to be the one who is the runner?

[Dimpys Dad]

Your a farang! No sin sot.

I found another website with this exact subject (not sure if I can post that website on TV) and it was very enlightening with a number of viewpoints. One person wrote a very long and involved post which was informative. His main point was, and I quote here...

"Let me say this straight out: If you are a farang, you don’t have to pay sin soht. Let me say this again: If you are a farang, you don’t have to pay sin soht. Do you know why you don’t have to pay? You are not Thai."

I tend to agree. Other posts have mentioned that it also depends on whether the wife has been married before, has children, etc. But if someone feels compelled to accommodate this tradition, they should certainly discuss it with the wife and make sure whatever amount is settled on is reasonable and not just pumping money out of a farang.

[suthep songserm]

Why would the amount not matter, and why would the location of the mother matter?

Only relevant factor is - do you want to marry her? And - are you willing to pay? If not, then is the family willing to cave, or she willing to go against her family?

Pretty simple flow chart really?

It seems that you're coming at it from a "what is the 'right thing' to do?", as if it's a "moral" issue.

IT's not, just different cultural patterns, should be approached from a completely practical POV.

IMO

real love need no sin sot. btw, with this status don't need to pay sinsot. AND if she is not a virgin, NO need to pay. Don't wanna give more details but try not to be duped. The wings of the 'butterfly' always blinds a farang. good luck

[Donnie Brasco]

So , like this is all just for show then really, right ;-?

I recommend the HP1515cp

Most provincial "scamilies" who are actually still into this kind of jive- @$$ show-and-tell will never know the difference.

You can always add a white-skin touch to the festivities by burning it in a can outside the wedding venu. :-))

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."

[Kerryd]

It seems I've been doing it wrong all these years. I keep telling the girls they have to pay sin sot for me ! After all, I am a "sexy man", they want to "love me long time" and they all say I am "jai dee mak mak".

Only makes sense that if I'm such a catch, they should pay the dowry. Shouldn't be a problem for them, just 2 kwai (healthy), 5 rai (not swampy) and 10 baht (goldy). Price varies depending on the prospective bride's........attributes and social standing. If she's a farm girl, less gold, more rai/kwai. If she's "hi-so", more gold, less rai/kwai.

I find it somewhat amazing that none of them (so far) have been willing to pay the sin sot. Maybe I am under-pricing myself !

[nickcar]

I am always surprised by the answers to the sinsot question. I suppose it is because customs vary a lot in different parts of the country. The parts of the country i know a sinsot is always required. Virgin, children etc is irrelevant. The amount of sinsot might vary. I know a thai guy who left his wife twice and is back with her and has paid sinsot to her family 3 times. Around 30,000 a time. Many people think of this as ripping of the farang, but i see it as part of the culture. If the amount is enough to cause a problem then you have to get it reduced. Otherwise just pay it and make your wife and extended family happy.

[iamariva1957]

I recently got married and was asked for Sin Sod from my Thai parents inlaw. They told me it was a Thai custom and if I marry a Thai I have to respect that.

We ended up negotiating and they were happy to accept 250k baht.

I then asked if they respected my culture, to which they replied of course they do. I said that was good as it is part of my culture the father of the bride pays for the wedding and as soon as they pay the 500k for the wedding then I will pay the 250 sin sod.

After that it never came up again....maybe worth a try for anyone in that position?

Perfect answer to the post!!!!