Sin Sot question

[EyesWideOpen]

Well just for the record....I'm 36, 6'3 and 200lbs. I retired once when I was 30, got bored and now more than gainfully employed and moving to BKK from Phuket. She is transferring to the Business Admin school in Nonthaburi in a couple months. She has never been married and no kids. The biggest thing that freaks me out is handing over money, show or not, to a mom and farang dad. I'll make a deal on a house or something. Again, I think it's more about a village status thing. Her mom has a Swed husband in Sweden, her Aunt has an American (not married), and she has me. So I think she has to show the village that the family has it better or something. There is always more to it than what we are told. I just have to figure it out.

Way too many farangs in the family, run...

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I was just thinking the exact same thought. Perhaps the family business ??

[rayongchelsea]

Well just for the record....I'm 36, 6'3 and 200lbs. I retired once when I was 30, got bored and now more than gainfully employed and moving to BKK from Phuket. She is transferring to the Business Admin school in Nonthaburi in a couple months. She has never been married and no kids. The biggest thing that freaks me out is handing over money, show or not, to a mom and farang dad. I'll make a deal on a house or something. Again, I think it's more about a village status thing. Her mom has a Swed husband in Sweden, her Aunt has an American (not married), and she has me. So I think she has to show the village that the family has it better or something. There is always more to it than what we are told. I just have to figure it out.

Way too many farangs in the family, run...

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I was just thinking the exact same thought. Perhaps the family business ??

Without doubt....

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[wym]

You are in Thailand - stop worrying about "principles" and approach the whole thing from a purely practical POV.

Everything is up for negotiation - when the time comes you really should have an "uncle" who knows what he's about stand in for your "family elders".

It really should come back to you (plural) anyway.

But if not, compare to the price of a used car. . .

Or let your "principles" get in the way of your choice of mate, maybe a good thing plenty of fish in the sea.

Up to you!

But the fact the mother's in Sweden shouldn't matter.

And the amount should matter - if you're not getting it back.

[rgs2001uk]

Well just for the record....I'm 36, 6'3 and 200lbs. I retired once when I was 30, got bored and now more than gainfully employed and moving to BKK from Phuket. She is transferring to the Business Admin school in Nonthaburi in a couple months. She has never been married and no kids. The biggest thing that freaks me out is handing over money, show or not, to a mom and farang dad. I'll make a deal on a house or something. Again, I think it's more about a village status thing. Her mom has a Swed husband in Sweden, her Aunt has an American (not married), and she has me. So I think she has to show the village that the family has it better or something. There is always more to it than what we are told. I just have to figure it out.

Way too many farangs in the family, run...

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I was just thinking the exact same thought. Perhaps the family business ??

Without doubt....

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Sounds more like a cottage industry, none of them are more than two generations removed from the paddy fields but now have ideas above their station in life.

Will end up as nothing more than a pissing contest, how much did the Swede pay for the mother?

Get your intended to explain the difference in Thai between must and should.

[rgs2001uk]

You are in Thailand - stop worrying about "principles" and approach the whole thing from a purely practical POV.

Everything is up for negotiation - when the time comes you really should have an "uncle" who knows what he's about stand in for your "family elders".

It really should come back to you (plural) anyway.

But if not, compare to the price of a used car. . .

Or let your "principles" get in the way of your choice of mate, maybe a good thing plenty of fish in the sea.

Up to you!

But the fact the mother's in Sweden shouldn't matter.

And the amount should matter - if you're not getting it back.

Utter crap.

Nothing to do with principles or a financial POV, approach it from a Thai POV.

[Skint]

If it's all for show what's the problem? So much negativity soon as sin sod or dowry is mentioned, most farangs (elderly, out of shape etc) want the pretty young Thai bird but are ignorant of the culture that comes with it.

In my case 4 or 500k will be refunded after the wedding except for maybe 50k (who cares) in recognition the parents will need assistance some time in the future.

Of course it's all about FACE the gf, the parents as well as your own. Everyone happy

LOL it's up to you. And, I know several people that were married without it. Even my gals sister ran away with a thai man who paid nothing....had two kids, grown up, then died. Her next husband (Canadian) paid nothing....at the wedding. All his payments came later, and added up to more than a million. Nothing to do with any sin sot.

It is an older tradition.... many Thai gals are shacking up, or are Mia Noi's ...or have Giks...etc....

My gal has a nurse friend (mid 40's) with 2 grown up children and is on Date In Asia asking 2 million baht for a farang husband. Mind you, this is not going to be returned at the wedding, as that is going to pay off her new car and finish her house payments. That is what I am talking about. My gal is in disbelief...and laughs at it. The whole town does. You have two different animals out there.....

Please do not tell everyone it is "required" as it is not. If you want, go ahead, but if you don't, take your gal to a nice island get away, and do your own wedding plans. Not everyone wants to move in with the inlaws....

All culture aside.... it is being done daily, without sin sot.. Better just offer a down payment for a house or car you can use.

I guess that's why the nurse is 40 and no farang, just think of the fun that could be had for years at nana or cowboy with 2 million baht

[Donnie Brasco]

If it's all for show what's the problem? So much negativity soon as sin sod or dowry is mentioned, most farangs (elderly, out of shape etc) want the pretty young Thai bird but are ignorant of the culture that comes with it.

In my case 4 or 500k will be refunded after the wedding except for maybe 50k (who cares) in recognition the parents will need assistance some time in the future.

Of course it's all about FACE the gf, the parents as well as your own. Everyone happy

LOL it's up to you. And, I know several people that were married without it. Even my gals sister ran away with a thai man who paid nothing....had two kids, grown up, then died. Her next husband (Canadian) paid nothing....at the wedding. All his payments came later, and added up to more than a million. Nothing to do with any sin sot.

It is an older tradition.... many Thai gals are shacking up, or are Mia Noi's ...or have Giks...etc....

My gal has a nurse friend (mid 40's) with 2 grown up children and is on Date In Asia asking 2 million baht for a farang husband. Mind you, this is not going to be returned at the wedding, as that is going to pay off her new car and finish her house payments. That is what I am talking about. My gal is in disbelief...and laughs at it. The whole town does. You have two different animals out there.....

Please do not tell everyone it is "required" as it is not. If you want, go ahead, but if you don't, take your gal to a nice island get away, and do your own wedding plans. Not everyone wants to move in with the inlaws....

All culture aside.... it is being done daily, without sin sot.. Better just offer a down payment for a house or car you can use.

I guess that's why the nurse is 40 and no farang, just think of the fun that could be had for years at nana or cowboy with 2 million baht

Two million is a lot of shopping trips with GTG gals who (of course) wouldn't dream of taking money for sex.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."

[Lockheed]

I think the nail has been hit. A lot of time the sin sot is just to make sure that the wife is looked after if the husband does a runner. Too many thai guys take off after the kids arrive and farang men well they can always just get on a plane.

Talk to her about why she wants it.

Set up an account for her that she can see the money.

My gf mother wanted a lot of money and I found out that the gold and everything was going to go to the gf after we married so that she had property and safety.

Good point here but time needs to be on your side,

If want to get married as soon as possible then looks like you're going to pay.

Talk to her.

[Briggsy]

This is fabulous.

You're only 36. You must have some living relatives over 50, say a father or an uncle.

He can negotiate directly with the Swedish bloke who is bound to speak English.

Remember in Thai culture, the man's decision is final. You can completely cut out the women and come to a rational and reasonable agreement.

This is fantastic. Problem solved. Job done.

[Kerryd]

As they say in Thailand, it's all "Up To You" !

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/705235-video-german-guy-weds-his-thai-boyfriend-with-thb1-million-dowry/

I would also suppose that the amount of the sin sot, should there be any at all, would be not only dependent on the bride's attributes, but on the groom's finances as well. If you can afford a 1 million baht dowry and are willing to pay it, great.

If the amount being "negotiated" is going to put you into the poor house, well, think about it. Your bride to be (and through her, her family) should by that time already have a good idea of what your financial situation is. If she (her family) are asking for literally every penny you have knowing full well it's going to leave you with nothing then that should be sending major alarm bells through your brain.

If you are not willing to pay the price being asked, for what ever reason, then obviously you need to discuss that with the fiancee and her family. If they want to play the "traditional" card, keep in mind that "traditionally" sin sot is only paid for virgin wives and the amount varies depending on many things like social status (hers and yours), education (hers normally), beauty (hers) and wealth (yours).

Women who have been previously married, have kids or work in certain "industries" do not (normally) merit sin sot.

As pointed out previously, you can also play the traditional card (dowries aren't done in your country, bride's father pays for the wedding, groom's father pays for the honeymoon, etc). Tit for Tat.

I just asked my Thai friend if he paid sin sot for his wife (back what, 17 years ago I think it was). He paid 1 baht gold and 10,000 baht cash. I asked if it would be normal to pay sin sot if the lady had been married before or had children. He says sin sot (สินสอดทองหมั้น) means "money for respect". By that I take it, if you respect her and her family, then her background shouldn't be a consideration (other than perhaps when negotiating just how much sin sot needs to be paid).

Like marriage itself, at the end of the day it comes down to a matter between you and your prospective bride to be. Does she need/want/demand that you pay the sin sot, or does she love and respect you enough to forgo it ?

Do you love and respect her enough to pay the price asked, or is it the deal breaker that ends the relationship ?

Love may be blind (hahahaha) but unless you are young/rich enough to start over again, I suggest you keep your eyes open and your wits about you. I'm getting a kink in my neck from having to look up every time I walk past a high-rise condo building in Pattaya.

[rayongchelsea]

As they say in Thailand, it's all "Up To You" !

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/705235-video-german-guy-weds-his-thai-boyfriend-with-thb1-million-dowry/

I would also suppose that the amount of the sin sot, should there be any at all, would be not only dependent on the bride's attributes, but on the groom's finances as well. If you can afford a 1 million baht dowry and are willing to pay it, great.

If the amount being "negotiated" is going to put you into the poor house, well, think about it. Your bride to be (and through her, her family) should by that time already have a good idea of what your financial situation is. If she (her family) are asking for literally every penny you have knowing full well it's going to leave you with nothing then that should be sending major alarm bells through your brain.

If you are not willing to pay the price being asked, for what ever reason, then obviously you need to discuss that with the fiancee and her family. If they want to play the "traditional" card, keep in mind that "traditionally" sin sot is only paid for virgin wives and the amount varies depending on many things like social status (hers and yours), education (hers normally), beauty (hers) and wealth (yours).

Women who have been previously married, have kids or work in certain "industries" do not (normally) merit sin sot.

As pointed out previously, you can also play the traditional card (dowries aren't done in your country, bride's father pays for the wedding, groom's father pays for the honeymoon, etc). Tit for Tat.

I just asked my Thai friend if he paid sin sot for his wife (back what, 17 years ago I think it was). He paid 1 baht gold and 10,000 baht cash. I asked if it would be normal to pay sin sot if the lady had been married before or had children. He says sin sot (สินสอดทองหมั้น) means "money for respect". By that I take it, if you respect her and her family, then her background shouldn't be a consideration (other than perhaps when negotiating just how much sin sot needs to be paid).

Like marriage itself, at the end of the day it comes down to a matter between you and your prospective bride to be. Does she need/want/demand that you pay the sin sot, or does she love and respect you enough to forgo it ?

Do you love and respect her enough to pay the price asked, or is it the deal breaker that ends the relationship ?

Love may be blind (hahahaha) but unless you are young/rich enough to start over again, I suggest you keep your eyes open and your wits about you. I'm getting a kink in my neck from having to look up every time I walk past a high-rise condo building in Pattaya.

Eloquent post..

Respect is a 2 way process..

They should respect that you are taking on another persons child, someone who has already been married unsuccessfully..her background is of huge importance as it reflects on the parents...they should respect you for taking on the responsibility and not ask or demand a significant sin dot..

The general case here is that the girls talk about sin sot directly with their prospective spouses..so that respect crap goes out of the window straight away..

Most farangs given who they marry should not pay sin sot at all..

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[nong2]

The argument that sin sod is part of a Thai tradition and therefore the man should pay the woman sin sod is false. Would be a valid argument if/when the marriage involves two Thai persons.

Sin sod is unknown in western countries and is no part of its tradition/culture. Therefore the farang man should not pay sin sod. Let's turn it around: if/when a Thai man marries a western woman do you seriously think he would pay sin sod? His argument for not giving sin sod would probably be: she is not Thai and because sin sod is not part of her tradition/culture, I don't have to pay sin sod.

But being practical in order not to let the woman and her family lose face, a symbolic sin sod seems to be the smartest thing to do. Of course under the stringent condition that the money/gold immediately must be returned after the ceremony. To be sure about this I wouldn't let the the money/gold out of sight for one moment .

[TheAceFace]

If they are money orientated and asking for money whether it be sin sod or not, you need to ask yourself would they still be with you if you had F@#k all? If the answer is no then move on........She should know better especially with her immediate relatives shacked up with foreigners. We all don't throw money away....which really in this day and age what sin sod is, many never see any of it back.

Some people never learn and this topic has been done to death.

Would you drink yellow snow?

[GOLDBUGGY]

Normally I have an answer or two to the SinSot question ... but in your case OP ... sadly not.

New territory for me.

New Territory for me to! Also not sure what to think about this one.

Logically, if her mother is Thai, which I am guessing she is, who paid for her upbringing and education, and not someone else, and since this is a Thai Tradition, then logically if you keep up with her tradition, you pay. But I would be more concerned she is pressing you so hard on this subject and yet hasn't even given you a Sin Sod Price.

I hope you have known her well for quite some time and this is not some Cruise Ship Romance. No matter what you decide, I will add that if ever there was a case of not asking for a Sin Sod, or returning the Sin Sod back to the Married Couple, I would think this should be one of them.

[GOLDBUGGY]

There is an age-old adage that says a fool and his money shall soon part. Is it your goal to be the fool?

1. No way I'm getting married.

2. If I did lose my mind and decide to get married then it definitely would not be to someone that I would have to purchase from their parents.

Your Right!

When or if you ever do decide to get married, which I suspect you will one day, marry a Western Woman. You don't need to pay a Sin Sod then. Just live with her for 10 years or so, or until you find out she has been sleeping with Your Best Friend, while you were away working and paid for everything yourself. That is while she was sitting at home and..and..and well, you now know what she was doing with all of her spare time.

At which point you both go to court and you discover that half of everything you own belongs to her. The house or flat you worked so hard on to make it nicer now belongs to her and the kids. So she can bring in her freeloading boyfriend to live their, and for your kids to call him Daddy. But in name only, as you are still supporting them, and will be until their kids call you Grandpa. That is if they ever want to see you again after the divorce.

But if you continue to work hard and take all the overtime you can get, and now have 2 coins you can scratch together, you might be able to do the next logical thing. Come here and start a new life, like many of us did do and were their long before you were. But just so you know, the laws are changing rapidly. So you don't need to be married anymore to be taken to the cleaners. Just living with a woman together in a serious relationship is enough these days. Or any partner, if you are Gay.

All I know for sure is that I have been on both sides of this fence and if you want to know the truth, here it is. I would way much sooner pay money up front and at the start of a relationship, then what it will cost me at the end of it. It is far cheaper this way. Of this I am sure!

[Mario2008]

Flame removed.